Mario vs. Joanna Dark: It Begins

By Daredevil3181

It was the night before the match and tourists and locals alike were growing anxious. Tomorrow would be the start of the tournament and the first victor would be declared. On that note, the first loser would be sent home to his or her dimension. While most of the contestants were looking at this as pure entertainment, just like the rest of the populace, two in particular were inspecting their equipment before the fight.

"So, what's-a that you got there, Mario?" Luigi asked, as Mario strapped an odd contraption to his back.

"This is-a me friend, FLUDD," the red plumber answered.

"How's-a that gonna help?" the green one wondered, scratching his head.

"That woman has-a red hair!" Mario replied. "This-a thing shoots out-a water and stuff. It'll help to put-a that hothead out."

"What's-a that button do?" the younger Mario brother asked, as his hand inched closer to a red button on one of the bag's straps.

"Don't-a touch!" yelled Mario, slapping Luigi's hand away. "That's-a FLUDD's conversion switch!"

"Conversion?"

"Yeah, Gordon installed it-a special for me," Mario beamed. "It-a cost me some coins, but I'm-a pleased with it."

"But what does it-a convert to?"

"A normal backpack," Mario laughed.

"I still don't-a get it," Luigi said, finally giving up his futile quest to try and understand his older brother.

"Don't-a worry little brother," Mario reassured Luigi. "You'll a-see it in action!"

"Okie dokie, Mario," said Luigi. "But now it's-a time for our-a pre-fight ritual!"

"You don't-a mean…?"

"Oh, yes I do!" Luigi chuckled. "It's-a our spaghetti dinner. You can't-a be hungry when you-a fight tomorrow!"

"Mama mia!" Mario yelped in joy. The two brothers sat down and began devouring their beloved food. Not a word was spoken between them as the pasta was literally shoved down their gullets. You just can't mess with tradition.

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"D-minus!" Joanna shouted. "That ass Gordon rated me a D-minus!"

The spy slammed her fists on the desk, shaking the laptop around a bit. Infuriated, she ran her hands through her crimson locks. Her arms trembled in rage as she couldn't believe the nerve that nerd had in classifying her so low.

'Calm yourself, Joanna,' she thought to herself. 'No sense in getting riled up over things just yet. Besides, I do have the advantage of preparation.'

"Now, let's see what this Mario guy is rated…" She clicked around the menus until the mustachioed plumber's bio came up.

'A-rank…just great,' Joanna sighed. 'But then again, I should expect no less from the top seed in my division.'

Joanna began reading her opponent's description very carefully. Among the various power-ups he used, she saw one in particular that caught her attention. After re-reading the words a few times, she laughed to herself.

"Something so mundane could actually invigorate him?" Joanna asked aloud. "Who knew? But there has to be a way to exploit this. I've taken advantage of situations before. I just need to think…"

The espionage expert closed her eyes, forcing her mind to work to find a solution that she could use. On the job she was forced to think on her feet and now that experience was paying off. Finally, a solitary idea popped into her head. It was simple but it would do the job.

'Even better,' she smiled, 'is the fact that I get to pick the combat terrain tomorrow.'

She walked over to her nightstand and picked up the room's phone. She dialed a few numbers and anxiously listened for the sound of a voice. On the third ring, someone picked up.

"Hello, room service," Joanna began, "this is Ms. Dark in room 1009…Yeah, I guess I am a little jumpy before tomorrow's match…Hmmmm? No, no parties here tonight…I don't need 'that' type of attention, but thanks for offering. Think you could do a different favor for me though? I'm really hungry and was wondering if the kitchen was still open…It is? Excellent. I'll take a number 4 then…No, no wine, but thanks for offering…OK, 30 minutes? Sounds great. See you then."

She hung up the phone and then walked over to her gear. Her black suit was brand new and had compartments all over for ammunition and other surprises. The weapons she would bring into the stadium had all been tested at the training center and she was most pleased with their performance. Confident that all was well, Joanna ejected the disc out of her laptop and closed the computer down. She folded it in half and then slid it into a black backpack of sorts. Inside the bag were 4 other similar looking computers.

Suddenly, a knock on her door snapped her out of her trance. It was the room service man and he was just on time. With a sly grin on her face, the spy opened her door and signed for her order.

The food smelled delicious but it wasn't for Joanna. Hurrying back to her bag, she pulled out a little vial of some liquid. After watching it absorb into the meal, she then put it in her refrigerator. She'd make sure to heat it up before the match but for now it would have to sit. As for the spy, it was time for her to get her beauty rest. Laughing to herself for her well-conceived plan, she grabbed her eye mask, shut off the light, and was soon fast asleep.

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and whatever the hell you other creatures are," a loud voice boomed over the stadium's sound system, "the time you have all been waiting for is now here. The fourth annual Interdimensional Tournament now begins!"

A raucous cheer sprang up from the crowd at this proclamation. For some people it was the first tournament they had seen, while others were veterans. Just looking at their faces it was impossible to tell who was who as they all shared the same frenzied expression.

"And here are the organizers of our tournament! Without them this contest could only be the stuff of dreams! I'd like to hear a big round of applause for Cloud, Link, and Sephiroth!"

Thunderous applause sounded as the three stood up from their judges' chairs at the bottom of the stadium. Sephiroth seemed to be lapping up the attention as he flashed that fake smile of his while precisely waving to the throng. Cloud looked around and laughed but he was still uncomfortable receiving all that attention. Link just stared at the people and nodded. This clearly was not his thing and the other two judges knew it.

"And now, let's start things off with a bang! Coming from the south end of the stadium is the top seed of this division. Weighing in at a solid 200 pounds, the mustachioed machioso, the plumber who can unclog any drain, and the savior of the Mushroom Kingdom: Mario Mario!"

Mario smiled as he ran out and went to stand in front of the three judges. He blew kisses to all his fans in the audience. He even did an impromptu backflip, which got the crowd even more into it.

"And emerging from the north end, we have his competitor. Weighing in at… well, a lady never tells her weight…an expert spy and an all-around great gal, say hello to Joanna Dark!"

The cheers were there, but there were obviously less than the fanfare that greeted Mario.

'Good, more fuel for the fire,' Joanna thought. She nodded and waved a bit to the crowd but for the most part her eyes remained fixed on her competition. Finally, she came to a stop in front of the big three.

"As per the rules, the lower seed may select the terrain if she so desires," instructed Sephiroth. "Do you have a request, Lady Dark?"

"Yes," Joanna replied. "I choose Grassy Maze as my combatant configuration."

"Snap to it," Cloud said to the stadium's operator, as he snapped his fingers in a little flourish.

The man nodded and suddenly the open grassy area of the stadium began to change in front of everyone's eyes. Powerful technology went to work as granite walls sprung up all over the floor, forming some type of elaborate labyrinth. The people in the stands could see into the maze without a problem but the walls were easily double the height of Joanna, who was a good six inches taller than little plumber.

"Pick your side," Link told Mario, no emotion in his voice.

"I'm-a gonna go to the…South Side!" Mario laughed. He then hopped away toward the end he came from.

"Guess I know where I start from," Joanna said, barely speaking above a whisper. She trudged over to her starting area and then nodded to the judges when she was ready. Sephiroth then motioned to the stadium's operator.

"Looks like everything is in place," boomed the announcer. "So without further ado, let's get this tournament started! Combatants get ready…1, 2, 3…go!"

At that last word Joanna took off like a bullet and quickly maneuvered around the granite slabs. She ran back and forth a few times, utilizing her finely honed reflexes. After a little bit of sprinting, she reached into her bag and pulled out a warm, aluminum foil-wrapped item. She deftly set it free, broke off a piece and then threw it in a corner. Zigzagging around the maze, she continued this until there was nothing left to throw. Balling up the foil, she chucked it at the ground. Now all she had to do was wait.

Mario had sprinted off himself and occasionally did a quick succession of jumps to peek over the walls and see if he could spot his opponent. Either she was still too far away or he was looking in the wrong places, but he still couldn't get a bead on her. Suddenly, his nose was assaulted by the most delicious aroma. Taking a whiff of the scrumptious smell, he followed it back to its source.

"There's-a portobello here for-a me!" Mario exclaimed as he got a glance of the mushroom. He quickly picked it up and without a second thought began chomping away. Although there was a match going on, the hefty plumber always made time for food.

"Gotcha," whispered Joanna, as she saw her adversary through the scope of her Farsight gun. He was blissfully chomping down on the poisoned mushrooms. Not wasting any time, she fired off a shot at the little man.

"What's-a that!" Mario yelled as a bullet came out of nowhere and grazed the top of his hat. Joanna had fired at him, yet he couldn't see the spy. Jumping to the top of the maze, he peered around but still couldn't find the surprise attack's origin. One thing he was certain of, though. The next shot wouldn't miss.

Joanna didn't waste any movement, either. She had intentionally missed her first shot. The Farsight bullet was strong, but even it wouldn't be that strong when it had to travel across almost the entire length of the stadium and through just about every wall of the maze. She had flushed Mario out into the open, though.

Picking a secure spot, the spy reached into her backup and lovingly rubbed the surface of her computers. With a flick of a switch, gun barrels, handles, and triggers popped up. The laptops' gun modes had been activated.

Mario was bounding across the tops of the stones in a frantic attempt to find the spy and end this quickly. He gripped the straps of FLUDD tenaciously. Suddenly, his stomach started to rumble.

'What's-a that?' Mario wondered. It didn't happen again, though, so he decided not to pay it any mind and just continued on his way.

'My stronghold is finally set up,' Joanna thought to herself. 'The laptops will take care of him if he gets too close. Now it's time to drop him like a fly.'

The woman pulled out another weapon. This one looked like a generic rocket launcher but it was a lot better than its old-fashioned predecessors. Pulling out her camera scope, Joanna launched a rocket into the sky.

"There-a you are!" Mario shouted, as he saw the ballistic fly into the air. He laughed at the stupidity of his opponent giving away her opposition. Suddenly the smile slid off his face as he saw the rocket quickly change directions and fly right at him.

"Aaaahhh!" Mario screamed, as he barely dodged to the side in time. He could feel the heat of the passing projectile as it flew by his exposed skin. Not to mention his stomach had started to rumble again.

Clutching his belly, Mario jumped ever closer to Joanna. "Missed me!"

"Not exactly," Joanna said in retort. "Look behind you."

Mario turned around just in time to see the rocket had completely reversed directions and was now coming straight for him. He tried to move out of the way, but suddenly his legs felt like jelly as his stomach groaned again. Try as he might, there was no dodging this one.

"Oh-a crap," Mario sighed as he braced himself for the impact.

There was a loud explosion as the rocket blew the plumber back on to the ground. Assessing the damage, Mario was delighted to find that he was still in one piece, despite being short a few bits of his shirt, hat, and overalls. He tried to get up but found he was still too weak. Suddenly, he turned his head at the sound of some mechanical contraption moving. The laptop turrets were aimed right at him.

"This is-a not good," Mario said to himself. The guns were rearing back to fire. Try as he might, the little man still couldn't move his legs. Not to mention that his arms were now starting to fail him. "FLUDD old-a buddy, don't-a fail me now."

In response to its master's wish, the water spewing backpack quickly fired a powerful stream of water at the wall in front of the plumber. The sudden recoil sent Mario hurtling backward, out of range of the bullets.

'That was-a close,' Mario told himself.

Slowly forcing himself to stand on his wobbly legs, Mario moved a switch on FLUDD and converted it into hover mode. Just because he couldn't make himself jump didn't mean that he still couldn't get some height. Soaring above the granite rocks once more, Mario made a beeline for Joanna.

"Think again, my fat friend," Joanna laughed as she fired another Slayer rocket at Mario.

"I-a don't think so," Mario stated, as he touched down on top of a slab. He switched FLUDD into firing mode and waited for the rocket to get closer. When it was about to hit him again, he unleashed his water reserves.

The next 15 seconds were purely a battle of projectiles. Rocket thrusters versus water stream. Neither one was willing to give up any ground.

It was then that Mario had had enough and he upped his contraption's water pressure. FLUDD gave it all it had as the rocket slowly started to move backwards. At first its momentum was slow but it gradually began to pick up speed. With one last shove by FLUDD, the rocket careened out of the air and exploded right over Joanna's head.

"Damn!" she screamed. It wasn't a direct impact, but it still rattled her teeth.

"Now it's-a time to end this," Mario weakly huffed. He tried to bring FLUDD closer to the spy but he suddenly realized it was out of a very crucial component: water.

'Time for-a Gordon to come in handy,' thought Mario. His hand went over the red button that he had begged his younger brother not to touch. With a weak tap, he converted the bag's FLUDD capabilities into his personal storage compartment.

Pulling out a mushroom, the plumber knew he could trust these. Munching down on it, he could immediately feel his strength returning as the fungus began to battle the toxins out of his body. Satisfied that he could move a little better, Mario switched his normal hat for one with wings on it. He then touched a special flower and allowed it to absorb into his body.

"Let's-a go!" he shouted, as he began jumping.

Once.

Joanna readied another Slayer missile.

Twice.

The spy steadied her gun and got a lock on Mario.

Three times.

Joanna fired but this one missed its mark as Mario was suddenly airborne.

"Time to-a put an end to this!" Mario yelled, flying straight up.

"I don't think so," Joanna countered. She reached into her bag and pulled out her last laptop. Engaging its turret gun mode, she attached it to one of her rockets and fired it at the swift moving form.

Mario evaded the Slayer rocket as best he could, making sure to neutralize the bullets of the laptop gun with his own fireballs. Try as he might, he still couldn't get the annoying projectile off his tail. He couldn't sustain this flight forever and both he and Joanna knew it.

"Right where I want you," Joanna hissed, as she quickly dropped the Slayer's cannon and picked up her Farsight.

Mario was right on top of Joanna. He looked down, only to be greeted by the barrel of her gun. He knew he was a goner if he didn't act fast.

He yanked off his red winged cap and quickly donned a green one. Metal quickly encased his body as the sun's light reflected off his new form. He then began to drop. Staring straight down at the spy, Mario put his arms at his sides, quickening his descent.

Joanna fired the Farsight but it was too late. The bullet bounced harmlessly off the metallic Mario's invincible exterior. The last thing she remembered was the distinct smell of spaghetti as her opponent's body slammed into her. And then the world went black.

A little dazed himself, Mario got up and then glanced down at the fallen woman. She was down and wouldn't be getting up for a while. Smiling to the crowd, Mario began hopping up and down.

"I'm-a the winner!" the plumber shouted. The announcer quickly confirmed this and commented on how tense the match had been. Sephiroth smiled with that hollow look of his while Link glanced off into the distance somewhere. The most curious action, however, was Cloud's, as the swordsman ran down to the field and personally hoisted Mario off the field.

'Something's fishy…' Link thought as he quietly excused himself from his seating area, feigning a headache, and silently left the arena. 'And I will get to the bottom of it.'