Ness vs. Carl Johnson: Boy vs. Man

By Alpha Anomaly

Carl Johnson laid out lazily on his bed, flipping through the channels on his television, waiting for either some beautiful woman to come looking for him or the porn station to reveal itself. Whichever came first.

CJ had paid close attention to Mario's destruction of Joanna Dark earlier in the day and decided that he didn't want to face the same fate. After all, if a plumber could waste a top-notch espionage agent, then a boy and his bat could waste a gangster.

'No way can that little guy take this on. Guns will always beat out fuckin' baseball bats and yo-yos.' Johnson figured he had better just give up waiting and go to sleep, when a knock came at his door.

"Hey, Carl, I got somethin' for you!" a gruff voice sounded from the other side of the door.

"Damn, I couldn't get a lady, had to be some stupid ass guy." Carl got up off his bed, agitated at the presence of a man instead of a voluptuous woman. Grudgingly, he answered the door to find Master Chief standing there.

"What the hell do you want, man?"

The Chief simply stared at him, confused by his irritable attitude towards the information he was about to receive. "You said you wanted this, so here you go," he said slowly, trying to gauge Carl's reaction as he said the words.

Luckily for Master Chief, CJ's attitude seemed to lighten with the information he had received. "Thanks, man, this should be cool. I definitely owe you one. Peace."

He quickly shut the door and fell back on his bed, trying to figure out how this disc worked. CJ looked around his small hotel room to find the laptop they had given everyone for recreation.

"Yeah, as if anyone wants recreation on a computer, lazy bitches," he said aloud.

The Grove St. gangster opened the top of the laptop and booted it up. He was almost surprised that he even knew how one worked. No one used computers in the ghettos of Los Santos.

"Alright, let's see what you can do, baby."

He popped open the tray, inserted the disc, and waited for something to happen. Soon enough, a program automatically booted up, and came up with the somewhat ominous title, "All the Information You Need to Survive."

"Ha, whatever, fool. My guns are all I need to survive."

CJ scanned through the list of names, intrigued by a few of them, particularly his own. He doubled clicked the icon reading, Mushroom Division 5th Seed: Carl Johnson.

A large picture of him came up next to his name, with a rating underneath it. "C? He gave me a C? Who wrote this dumbshit program, anyway? This damn fool has no clue who he talkin' about! Whatever."

He read through his short biography and was surprised to find even a list of preferred weapons that matched up perfectly with the small arsenal he had prepared for the match.

"This guy a stalker or some shit?" CJ asked himself. "I wonder…"

One would think that Carl would want all the information he could get on his opponent, but he scrolled right past the icon reading, "Mushroom Division 4th Seed: Ness" and instead rolled down to the icon that said, "Flood Division 6th Seed: Tommy Vercetti."

"Hmm, that otha' gangsta should get me some good info," he thought again. Surprisingly, he found that Vercetti came from his own dimension, down from Vice City, that he lived a bit before him, and that he should have been a nice aging old man in Carl's years over in San Andreas.

"Rated a C, eh?" Carl didn't really care, but his pride was hurt a bit that this gangster was considered a better one than CJ. It really didn't matter, though.

"Man, this is some heavy shit here. Glad I'll never mess with these fools."

----

The next morning, Ness was preparing himself for his battle with the gangster. He had his Psychic-Kinetic energy moves that should prove quite useful against the seemingly human man.

If those failed him, he could always rely on his trusty bat and yo-yo. Or even a good kick to the face. There were always plenty of resources at his disposal.

Ness suddenly realized that there were just twenty short minutes before the introductions began, so he gathered his belongings and headed out the door, making his way over to the stadium.

As the young boy from Onett strolled up the grassy path towards the looming arena, fans of all sizes crowded around and cheered him on, with a few in favor of Carl even booing him. Ness didn't mind too much. Everyone had a right to their own opinions, he supposed.

Ness finally made it up to the huge doors of the arena. The man accepting tickets took a look at him, smiled, and said, "Right on ahead, sir." The boy continued along and meandered along until he found his dressing room.

Upon entering, Ness checked the clock and found that he still had five minutes before introductions began. He quickly checked his backpack to find his bat and yo-yo lying faithfully in their pouches.

He then sat down and meditated for a few moments, trying to anticipate what Carl Johnson would throw at him.

'Well,' he thought to himself, 'I'm positive he'll be using mostly advanced weaponry; guns and rockets and the like. Hopefully there will be a few that my shields can withstand. My PK attacks should do well in most situations. If he gets close with knives, I can use my bat and yo-yo. Lots of possibilities. We'll see.'

With that concluding thought, Ness stood up and exited through the door, which led straight into the blinding light of day and his opponent.

-----

Carl Johnson had already arrived at the field and was waiting for his small challenger to arrive. The people around the metropolis had informed him that he shouldn't underestimate the boy, because of some of his strange powers, but CJ wasn't too worried. He had decked himself out in all of his best equipment, including stuff the poor kid had probably never even seen before.

As Ness stepped out of the shining light, he locked eyes with Johnson, and the two stood there, boy against man. Psychic against gangster. Without too long of a wait, a booming voice came out over the loudspeaker.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you to day two of the Interdimensional Tournament! If any one of you thought yesterday's action was exciting, today will absolutely blow you away! In one corner, we have the young psychic boy from the land of Onett…Ness!" The announcer paused for the roar of applause, as the bpy was generally well-liked among the masses of the tournament.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand in the other corner, stands the gangster from the proud state of San Andreas. Say hello to Carl Johnson!"

The applause for Carl rang loud, but not quite as loud as for Ness. Apparently, innocent boys had the crowd support over gangsters.

"Now, Carl Johnson, being the lower seed in the division, will pick the battle terrain for today's match. Carl, decide on what you want and then inform our technical supervisors when you're ready."

CJ took only a minute to decide where he wanted to fight. He strode over to the booth where the Champions sat and spoke to Cloud.

"Yo, I wanna fight in Grove Street," CJ spoke curtly and concise. Cloud considered this for a moment, snapped to the directors of technology, and they took a few minutes to look up the exact layout of CJ's request.

After a brief conversation between Cloud and the director, the former champion turned to CJ and replied, "Alright, Carl, we can do Grove Street."

CJ simply nodded his understanding and strolled back to his place in the arena, waiting for his home street to appear. Soon enough, the stone of the arena floor was replaced by a long road ending in a large cul-de-sac. Unfortunately for Carl, the virtual replication did not include the Grove Street Families' gang members, but it did include several vantage points for gunfire and good cover behind cars and fences, giving Carl the upper hand for the most part.

"And with that, ladies and gentlemen, we are set to begin!"

A short ring indicated that it was time to start, and Ness and Carl both took off at once. Ness guessed at which direction Carl would sprint and fired a short PK Flash to try and catch him off guard. Unfortunately, he guessed wrong, as Carl immediately dashed to the left and ducked behind the nearest car he could find.

Ness began to charge up a PK Fire, but was too slow in doing so and had to dive out of the way as CJ began firing off his dual-sub machine guns at the boy. Ness continued in a dead sprint, followed by a trail of bullets. He desperately searched around for a solution to his problem.

His eyes darted around the Grove Street cul-de-sac and locked onto the fence leading into the backyard of one of the houses. Ness sprinted to about three feet away from the fence before leaping into the air. He used a quick burst of psychic energy to propel himself over the top, as a string of bullets sailed over his head.

Carl swore, and quickly reloaded his sub-machine guns before holstering them and pulling out two of the six or so Molotov cocktails he had prepared. He figured that Ness was charging some sort of attack behind that fence, and sure enough, one came. Ness had fired off a PK Thunder, some sort of lightning bolt attack that CJ didn't particularly want to feel the effects of.

Carl simply darted in a zigzag motion around the lightning attack, lit a Molotov, and tossed it over the fence, where he hoped Ness still lay. He guessed correctly, and the explosion came with a screech of pain from the unwary psychic. However, Ness got his revenge about two seconds later as the PK Thunder attack hit Carl square in the back, sprawling him out across the harsh asphalt. He had cut open his lip, but that wasn't the worst of his injuries. Dazed, Carl heard banging in the distance, reminiscent to the banging in his own head. Slowly, CJ drug himself up off the ground, trying to get his bearings once more.

Ness, slowly recovering from the shock of his burn wounds, climbed up and had a bright idea. He knew that CJ would take some time to recover from the PK Thunder, and as such, that gave him time to strike. He quickly gathered energy for a full PK Flash, and then held the charge as he grabbed his trusty baseball bat out of his backpack. Quickly, Ness batted one plank of the wooden fence out of its place, so that he would be able to hit it with the bat and it would swing up, much like the door to a Lamborghini sports car. Ness waited for the groans of CJ to cease, then sharply swung the bat down, crushing the wooden plank and driving it up, surprising CJ enough for Ness to strike.

The psychic wasted no time in spinning around through the opening and releasing the immense psychic-kinetic power he held. The small green dart flew true and went right for Carl's chest. Time seemed to slow for the gangster as he saw the dart coming, yet he was so taken aback that he couldn't do anything, as he helplessly watched the dart make its impact. He looked down, and that moment seemed to last for an eternity, as if it he energy was exploding in some sort of twisted slow motion time warp.

Time abruptly began running full speed ahead and the next thing CJ knew, he was being blasted through the air by Ness' powerful attack. He was blown back and landed hard against a pillar adorning the front porch of a house. Carl fell down to his knees, trying to regain both his breath and his composure.

'Damn, he caught me by surprise,' CJ thought to himself, gasping for every short, sweet breath he could get. 'Time to pull out the big guns, I suppose.'

CJ got up and scanned the area for the small boy. When he didn't find him anywhere on the street, he became more suspicious and ducked behind a nearby pile of trash before resuming his search. He knew one thing; he did NOT want to get hit with another attack like the last one.

CJ quickly checked his body and was surprised to find himself bleeding profusely from his left arm. 'Musta bashed it on somethin'. Oh well, it'll be fine for now.'

Carl resumed his search around the area for Ness. He pulled out his pistol, and his knife along with it. He crept out from behind his trash bag barrier and started to look around; on rooftops, a quick scan around the street, but not a trace of the psychic was found. He started down the steps that led back to the street area, but failed to check in the lowered space beside the stairs. Ness jumped out and swung his yo-yo around Carl's legs.

"What the fuck?" CJ yelled as he found himself being tripped and swung to the ground by Ness's surprise attack. He hit the ground hard on his shoulder and rebounded back into the air a few feet. Ness took the opening and crushed his bat into CJ's other shoulder, sending him back to the ground. Carl collided with the bat with such force that he slammed his head and injured shoulder right back where they had just bounced, nearly knocking him out from all the pain.

Carl lay dazed as Ness stood over him with his baseball bat in hand. He realized that if he didn't do something very quickly he could be knocked out and then this match would be over.

"Burn," Ness said calmly as he prepared a PK Fire, aiming straight at Carl's chest. Ness noticed movement over by the Champion's table and realized that Cloud Strife was getting up to come shake his hand. He looked over and confirmed it. Cloud was standing at the edge of the arena barrier, straightening his outfit, ready to congratulate the psychic from Onett. The match had been completely one-sided so far.

It wasn't over yet, though. Ness finished charging the PK Fire and turned to unleash its fury into Carl Johnson, but he never got that far. A gun blast went off before he could say the words and he felt a sharp pain tear through his arm. The hand that was supposed to unleash the PK Fire instead clutched his right shoulder, trying to suppress the pain.

Somehow, Ness knew that this arm was going to be useless for the rest of the match, as CJ had shot him right through his shoulder joint. Before Ness even had time to consider this, another gunshot rang out, sending Ness to one knee. Carl had shot out his right kneecap. 'Ugh,' Ness thought while writhing in agony, 'he's completely ruined one side of me…my good side. I can't run or use the bat like this.'

Carl Johnson crawled up and momentarily stared down at Ness writhing on the ground, Foolishly, he holstered his pistol. He knew that he had the upper hand at this point, and fully intended to utilize it.

'Ness thought he could roast me? Well, I'll show him what real roasting is like!'

CJ pulled out a nozzle from the pack attached to his back and pointed it at Ness's prone form on the ground. He reached around to the switch and flipped it, letting loose a jet of searing flame. Ness arched his back and writhed even more. He couldn't move out of the way because his gunshot wounds wouldn't allow him to maneuver very well. He had only one option.

CJ furiously burned Ness, trying to keep the flames going until Ness didn't move anymore, but suddenly, he heard the screaming figure yell out something coherent. "PK….MAGNET!" CJ didn't know what the hell he could be doing this time, but he got an idea pretty quick.

Ness had formed a solid barrier around himself as he finally felt the agony of the burns begin to soothe. He felt his charred skin slowly returning to normal as the gangster continued to feed flames into this strange shield.

Eventually, CJ noticed the rapid change in Ness's physical ailments. His attack had only been healing his opponent. He quickly aimed the nozzle away from Ness, as he could use the flamethrower in other ways.

First, Carl pointed the nozzle at the front porch and the dry grassy yard, encircling Ness in flames. Next, he showered the wooden supports and pillars holding up the deck in front of the two in searing flames.

Soon enough, the wood was burned away and the supports and pillars began to crumble. Carl turned around with a quick taunt to Ness, looking something like a non-verbalized "See you later" gesture. He quickly sprinted across the cul-de-sac and into his own house. CJ climbed the stairs three at a time, praying that Ness would still where he had left him when he got into position.

Sure enough, when he jumped out his bedroom window and crawled up onto the roof for the best vantage point, Ness was still trapped around the flaming pillars, which were growing slowly closer to him still. Ness was looking around desperately for a way out.

"Good, I gotcha now, punk," Carl smirked to himself as he readied his trusty rocket launcher. He propped the heavy weapon up onto his shoulder and took aim at the boy below.

Ness, still closed off by the flames, finally saw his exit, but he detected Carl's attack first. Escaping would have to wait. He knew what CJ was planning, and he would have no time to follow the procedure to get out of his cage of flames in time.

Ness held his good arm tight to his chest and concentrated his power as quickly as he could. He let loose a PK Fire just as Carl let loose a rocket. They collided about halfway between the two, letting off a huge explosion, although it was far enough away to spare harm to either contestant.

"Phew. Got that out of the way," Ness vocalized as he began his strategy to get out from the flames. First, he jumped as high as his tiny legs would carry him. He then concentrated his psychic energy into propelling himself as high as he could go. Finally, he unleashed a PK Thunder.

As the boy fell, he psychically aimed his projectile into his backside. Once he felt the energy behind in position, he opened his eyes to see a rocket flying straight for him. Hurriedly, the psychic concentrated his powers and aimed the ball of lightning just underneath himself. It connected not a second too soon, propelling him ten additional feet into the air, as the rocket blew up harmlessly on the ground beneath him.

Ness cushioned his fall with his mind and rushed into the house that Carl had taken over as his rocket launching nest. He bounded up the stairs before Carl could surprise him with another deadly blast.

'I'm going to end this hand to hand, as it should be,' Ness thought to himself as he raced up the stairway. When he reached the top, CJ ambushed him with a knife, and quickly pinned Ness against the wall of the upstairs bedroom. Ness held on to Carl's powerful forearm for dear life trying to keep from being impaled by the gangster's knife. This was made even more difficult by the fact Ness had only one good arm.

The two heard the announcer ring out, "Well, we can't see them inside that house, but I'm sure there's some heavy action going on in there!"

CJ sneered at Ness and jeered, "That's right little boy, there is some heavy shit goin' on in here, and it's no place for boys." With that, he pressed the knife further, until it merely an inch from Ness' face.

Ness replied to CJ in four syllables, but that was all that was needed to get his point across. "PK Thunder!" the boy yelled out as a jolt exited through his hands and straight into Carl's arm. The gangster was instantly thrown back into the wall, stunned.

Ness knew he had to finish this quickly and took out his yo-yo with his good hand. He limped over to where Carl stood against the wall and started to swing the yo-yo. The boy moved it in an "around the world" motion, sending it straight up into Carl's waiting chin.

Carl screamed out in pain as he felt his jaw break. He clutched his throbbing mouth with his hand and thought about where his guns could be, then realized with a horror that he had left them all on the roof. CJ stumbled around, dashed into the bedroom, and went through the window where he had been perched before. He knew that Ness was limping behind him, so he would have to be quick.

CJ looked over to where his rocket launcher lay, but he realized that he had no more rockets. Instead, he dove for his dormant pistol, waiting obediently for its master. Carl reached it, picked it up, and aimed for the window, but there was no one there. Suddenly, he noticed movement down below him, and looked at his feet to see Ness standing there, holding his baseball bat with his left hand, the yo-yo wrapped around it.

"Sometimes it's good to be small," Ness smirked as he swung the bat hard, his right shoulder screaming in pain as he gathered as much power as he could from the weakened arm. He connected hard with Carl's waiting ribs. Ness knew he had struck true, as he heard a sickening crunch and Carl's face go white with agony. The gangster from San Andreas crumpled over and fell off the roof, landing with another equally disturbing crunch. Ness knew it was over right then, but some were unsure.

The officials stood waiting at the other side of the Grove Street replica, and Ness tried to get their attention to wave them in, so they could get Carl out and heal his injuries. After CJ failed to move for another five minutes, they sent in the medical crew, who promptly propped the prone form up on a stretcher and carried him off.

"Your winner is Ness!" the announcer screeched into his microphone as the crowd erupted in support. When the Grove Street environment faded, Ness noticed Cloud Strife stepping up onto the platform and rushing over to congratulate him.

"Great fight, Ness. Very impressive," the soldier smiled as he grabbed Ness' hand and threw it up into the air triumphantly.

Cloud took a look over at the judges' table, happy to see that Sephiroth had a disgusted look on his usually placid face, while Link stared at him with his cold eyes, filled with contempt or maybe even anger. Cloud couldn't really tell, but he knew that any negative expression was odd for someone who had no involvement in the vast majority of the procedures.

'Maybe he knows more than I give him credit for. I'll have to find out exactly how much later on,' Cloud thought, as he lowered the young psychic's hand and walked off into his personal room.

As he sat on the bench, he considered what was going on. He looked down at his hands and could feel the power rush through him once again, much stronger than it was yesterday. "Now, if I can just keep this up," Cloud said, as he smiled and swung his feet up for a brief nap.