Samus vs. Yuri: Hell Hath No Fury Like a Samus Scorned

By Daredevil3181

"Oooh! That's the spot…right there!" the blonde woman groaned.

"Wow, you're really tight," a male voice observed.

"Yeah, well, my last training session was brutal," the woman explained. "Six whole hours of running around, rolling up into a little ball, and then mastering the fine art of blowing various aliens to pieces. I think I deserve a little break."

"I suppose everyone's entitled to one at some point," the man laughed. "Unfortunately, my hands are starting to cramp up."

"Awwww…so soon?" said the woman, as she blinked her eyes in a mock seductive manner. "You do have such magic fingers, though."

"Samus!" yelled the man, his voice full of fake anger. "You shouldn't act like that around us unsuspecting guys. You might not be able to handle the results."

"Is that so, Mr. Freeman?"

"Yeah, pretty much," laughed Gordon, no longer able to keep a straight face at the absurdity of the situation. "So, have you checked out the disc and examined your Chozo suit weapons?"

"I glanced at the disc enough to know what I'll be going up against," Samus said. "He has shape shifting powers and appears to take on the forms of various demons. I couldn't match up anything exactly to it the training simulator, so I just programmed in various aliens. I destroyed them all without too much of a problem. Besides, he's only a C-minus…no match for an 'A' girl like me."

"How's the suit holding up?" smiled Gordon, knowing full well what the answer would be.

"Never been better," Samus humored him. "I check it every morning and night no matter how much or how little I've used it."

"Join me for a quick trip down to the hotel bar?" Gordon asked, hoping the woman would accept the offer.

"Sorry, tough guy," Samus replied. "I'm exhausted and I believe a good night's sleep is in order. But ask that Rikku girl. I think that airhead should be just your type."

"Hardy har har har," Gordon said, dryly. "Alright, your 'Highness'. Get out of here before I kick your sorry butt to the curb."

"I'd like to see you try," chided Samus. "Anyways, thanks for the massage, Gordon. I owe you one. Maybe I'll take you up on that drink offer after my match is over." With that, the bounty hunter grabbed her white t-shirt and left the room. She had taken it off for Gordon's massage, as he promised he could work his technique better if there wasn't any cloth separating his hands from her skin. He half-jokingly asked her to take off her black sports bra as well, but to that she replied with a sharp kick to the scientist's shins.

As Gordon watched the attractive woman slink out the door, he had just a little smile on his face. He remained in this idiotic pose for a good minute or so before he realized that he had forgotten to breathe. Taking a glorious gulp of fresh air, the tech man simply shook his head, trying to bring himself back to reality. 'Snap out of it, Gordon. It'd never happen. Besides, she just thinks of you as a friend.'

Resigning himself to this fact, Gordon fell back on to his bed and turned on the television. 'I wonder if there's anything cool on The Learning Channel?'

-----

"System is ready for observation, Mr. Hyuga. Please commence whenever ready," the electronic voice instructed the Harmonixer.

'Here goes nothing,' the occupant thought to himself. He placed his hands together and envisioned the fusion he wanted to become next.

Suddenly he grew taller and was coated in a tough suit of armor.

"3.67 seconds."

He then switched from his fire form into its polar opposite.

"5.86 seconds."

Not satisfied, Yuri brought himself back to his normal form.

"2.69 seconds."

Thinking to himself for a little bit, he clasped his hands together and recalled his previous form.

"3.42 seconds."

Yuri then returned to his human self once more. 'I was right,' he thought. 'I shift faster when going from a human to a fusion and then I do from a fusion to a fusion. I'll have to remember that when I go out there tomorrow.'

"OK, computer, that's enough. Terminate the program."

"Program has been disengaged. Have a good evening, Mr. Hyuga." The door to his training cell then opened into the main hub. Yuri grabbed a towel hanging on the wall before he walked out. In addition to the quarter-inch of sweat that was now coating his body, he was also wearing a now damp black wife-beater and a pair of tight black pants.

"It seems someone was here late," a sweet voice commented as Yuri walked toward the exit.

"I could say the same about you," Yuri said, his mouth in a smirk. "My match is tomorrow. What's your excuse?"

"Couldn't sleep," the young woman replied. Yuri looked less than convinced at her words. "OK, that and I need to be prepared with everything I have if I want to defeat Ganondorf."

"That piece of crap?" laughed Yuri. "He just talks the talk, but I bet when it comes down to it, he's about as tough as that little foul-mouthed squirrel."

"I wish that were so," Yuna sighed. "But I have a feeling he's a lot stronger than he's let on."

"Maybe so," said Yuri. "But at least you don't have to face the top seed in the division. I've been working my butt off for the past day."

"Have a master strategy then?" wondered Yuna.

"Not really," Yuri answered, his eyes going toward the floor. "I'm not one for devising brilliant plans anyways…not like that guy Alucard. I prefer to think on my feet. I was just making sure that I could transform fast enough to counter anything Samus throws at me."

"Hopefully it's paid off," Yuna said, not taking much stock in her words.

"We'll see," Yuri laughed. "By the way, where are the two blondes and the brunette you hang out with?"

"You ass," Yuna chuckled. "The three of them called it a night ages ago. They wanted me to go with them, but I told them I still hadn't trained as much as I could have." The summoner then hesitated. "Do you…do you think you could escort me back to the hotel?"

"Yeah, sure, no problem," Yuri said. "I'll keep you safe from all the 'bad people' out there."

"Present company excluded, right?"

"Of course," said Yuri. "Let's get the hell out of here before the sun comes up, alright?" The two then exited the training facility and raced back to the hotel.

------

"Are you ready to ruuuuummmbblllee!" asked the announcer, firing up the crowd. "The Mushroom Division is now over, but that doesn't mean the fun has to stop! Today is the first day of the Zebes Division and I wouldn't be surprised if it was crazier than the last one!"

Samus blocked out the idiotic voice for as long as she could. As soon as she heard her introduction, she trudged out of the locker room and locked eyes with the Champions from underneath her helmet. Yuri sidled up right next to her, decked out in his fancy black jacket with the puffy sleeves at the end.

'He looks like an idiot,' Samus thought.

"Yeah, let's see what we can do today," Yuri said, with a confident swagger. "How about a graveyard area? Yeah, that would be good. Set that one up, you guys."

The operator was a bit taken back with the rudeness of the man's tone, but he did as he was told. In seconds, a graveyard with tombstones and a few holes appeared where the smooth floor of the arena floor once stood.

"Think you can handle it?" teased Yuri, staring straight at Samus. "Don't worry. If you get scared, you can also get out of that suit and hang on to me. I'll protect you."

"You just worry about your own protection," spat Samus, making no move to hide the disgust in her voice. "I choose to start on the side with the majority of the headstones."

"Nothing like an early death," Yuri laughed. "This must be an omen." Before Samus could give the Harmonixer a piece of her mind, he was already running off to the opposite side of the eerie terrain.

Samus merely stared at him with ice in her veins. 'As soon as this fight starts he is so dead.' Just then, the announcer signaled the match had begun.

'I am so dead,' thought Yuri, as he saw the bounty hunter racing at him, arm cannon level with his head. 'But at least she can't accuse me of not being funny.'

Samus wasted no time in firing a few shots at her opponent. Yuri quickly rolled to the side. Like it or not, this match was well underway. Now it was time for him to do his thing.

Just like the previous night, Yuri clasped his hands together and let his human form fade into one of his beloved fusions. It happened so fast that Samus was caught unawares as the huge beast materialized where her apparently mortal opponent once stood. This beast had spikes on its back and was a rocky brown color, sporting giant hands encircled with some type of silver gauntlets.

"Gaudion!" the creature screamed, as it brought its fists up and then down again into the loose soil. The shockwave slammed into Samus and sent her spinning. She quickly stabilized herself in the air and switched her arm cannon into missile mode. Taking aim, she fired a barrage at the hulking beast.

"GRRR!" Gaudion cried out, as it swatted at the projectiles coming at him. They exploded all around his body, but they hadn't caused much damage aside from a few bits of his rocky exterior being chipped off. Thinking this woman could no longer pose any threat, he lumbered closer to her, only to come face-to-face with a sleek silver missile.

'Gotcha!' Samus thought, as her super missile connected with the creature, causing a massive explosion. She had goaded it into a false sense of security with her normal missiles, which she knew would have little effect. She pleasantly watched as the monster vanished, replaced by the human Yuri once again.

"Damn, woman!" he called out. "A little easy with the explosives please? Geez!" Wasting no time to see her reaction to the comment, he brought his hands together to call out his next fusion. This time he took the form of a four-winged demon, just hovering in the air.

Libertis unfurled its wings into their full span. Samus immediately backpedaled, and it was a good thing too, as blades of air sliced into the ground she had been standing over just moments before. The thing shrieked as it swooped down on the bounty hunter.

Samus quickly tucked herself into a ball and rolled just underneath the creature's assault. Libertis took to the sky and then circled back around again, once more reaching out to rend the woman apart. Samus was ready for it this time, as she ducked into her ball once more. She added one other addition, though, as she released three blinking bombs. With no time to stop, the fusion barreled right into them, setting off a mini chain of explosions.

The Metroid hunter smiled to herself, but not for too long. The creature wasn't hurt, just dazed. It shook its head and then again blasted air blades at Samus. She raced out of the way, only to slam into a merciless cyclone.

'Should have seen that coming!' Samus berated herself. She looked over to the winged beast only to discover that it was changing yet again. It touched down on the ground once more. Its body was covered in armor and it wielded a giant sword. Yuri had decided to unleash Fides next.

The new fusion laughed a guttural sound as it advanced on the helpless woman. It raised its sword over its head, as fire raced up along its blade. Her opponent was determined to end this in one fell swoop.

'Get yourself together!' Samus yelled at herself. 'You need to get out of here!' She tried and tried, but no matter what she did, she couldn't stop herself from spinning. 'Wait, that's it! If I can't halt the spinning, I can use it to my advantage!'

Samus tucked herself into a ball once more. Spinning around with the power of the cyclone, she worked herself closer and closer to its outer edges. When she had gathered enough momentum, she let loose with her own attack just as Fides crashed down with its sword. He hit nothing but air, though, as Samus had worked herself under his arms and right into his armor. With devastating power, she unleashed her screw attack, causing the fusion to stagger backwards in pain.

"You seem to like fire!" Samus yelled, pulling out of her spin. "How about a little ice!" She switched to her ice beam and fired the numbing cold into a few areas of exposed flesh. Rather than freezing like her normal enemies, this one merely clutched its sides in pain before falling down.

"OK, OK! No more!" Yuri shouted, as he sunk to his knees in defeat, human once more.

"Really?" asked Samus.

"Hell no!" Yuri laughed, slashing at the woman with a huge knife that materialized along with his next fusion. Samus barely moved to the side in time, as the blade sliced into the edge of her shoulder joint, causing sparks as it passed.

Yuri had now transformed into a winged creature that was of the purest black. Its wings were spread open, trying to intimidate the woman. "Somnium will take care of you!" it growled.

"I don't think so," Samus spat, as she let her arm cannon erupt into a ring of fire. Somnium was caught off guard by the attack, but it reacted quickly. Bringing its blade down on to Samus' weapon, it was able to redirect her flames harmlessly overheard.

The creature was now so close to her that she could feel its cold breath on her visor. It merely smiled wickedly at her with an almost nondescript mouth. They held that pose for a good five seconds before it inched itself ever closer to her and whispered, "Darkness…"

Samus was suddenly encased in an impenetrable globe of blackness. She had no idea which way was up or down any more, let alone left or right. Assuming a defensive posture, she readied herself for anything.

Suddenly, she felt a hulking form slam into her from behind. Samus hit the ground hard, but got right back up again. As soon as she regained her footing the creature again assaulted her, this time from the front. Samus' head rattled in her suit, as it slammed into a stone tomb.

'Guess he can see in the dark,' Samus reasoned to herself. 'But then again, so can I!' She immediately switched her visor over from the normal spectrum to infrared. Now she could clearly see the winged demon flying overheard. She feigned a defensive posture once again, this time preparing a counterattack of her own.

The demon took the bait as it dove right at her, knife leading the way. Samus waited until the last moment before grabbing onto its outstretched arm. Using its own momentum against it, she swung the creature around and sent it flying right into a nearby coffin. The wood splintered into a myriad of pieces, as Somnium faded from view.

The darkness dissipated as Yuri stood up once again. His clothes were torn to shreds and he had his hands at his sides. He stared at the ground and then began a violent coughing fit. Spitting out blood, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, staring right through Samus' visor.

"I was hoping I wouldn't have to use this one," Yuri growled. "A pretty girl like yourself, I didn't want to mess up your face. But you leave me with no choice!" He clapped his hands together as his hair stood straight up with some hidden power. His skin turned silver and etched itself with elaborate markings up and down his arms and legs. Wings grew out of his back, resembling a raven of some sort.

"Prepare to face the wrath of Dark Seraphim!" he yelled out. He lunged at her with his clawed hand, but Samus was too smart for that basic attack. She again rolled into a ball and planted some bombs in her wake. The fusion realized the trick immediately and flew out of the path of the explosions.

"Can't use the same trick twice!" he laughed. But it seemed she had used a different trick of sorts, for when he looked up, his opponent was nowhere to be found.

"What!" the demon screamed. "Where did you go? Show yourself, you wench!" Still not hearing a sound, Dark Seraphim built up energy within its arms and then unleashed it upon the surrounding area. Grave after coffin after mound of dirt exploded underneath the sheer ferocity of the devastating attack. Once the massive assault was over, the humanoid creature waited for the dust to clear. The field was reduced to rubble, but there was still no sign of his opponent.

'Glad I decided to use my speed boosters and hide in one of these holes,' Samus congratulated herself. 'I wouldn't have wanted to be around to feel the brunt of that rage. Now if I can just get big, dumb, and ugly to come a little closer…'

Dark Seraphim scanned the battlefield in a very controlled manner. She had to be here. There was no way his opponent could have just disappeared. Suddenly, he saw the familiar arm cannon of the woman emerge from beneath the soil. He laughed at her foolish mistake.

"You revealed your position too quickly!" laughed Dark Seraphim. He flapped his wings and took off to finish this battle once and for all. "Now it's my turn!"

"Yeah, it is your turn," Samus, said meekly. "To get blown up…"

"What…?" balked the figure as it flew right over Samus' previous hiding place. Inside was a bomb, but this one was different from before. It was easily ten times the size of the previous ones.

"Goodnight," Samus told the creature, as the bomb exploded. The fusion took the full brunt of the attack in its chest. It immediately reverted back to Yuri.

'Now's my chance,' Samus told herself, as she leaped into the air and launched a jump kick at the Harmonixer.

"Aaahhh!" he screamed out, as he felt his ribs crack from her armored foot. He flew a good thirty feet and crashed head first into the arena's wall. A voice in the back of his head yelled at him to get up, but he didn't even why he should any more, as the confusion was evident in his eyes. Samus, knowing the fight was over, took off her helmet.

"Alice…is that…is that you?" Yuri croaked, trying to fight off the encroaching blackness.

"Sorry, kid," Samus replied. "I'm not this 'Alice' you're asking for. I'm just Samus Aran."

"Samus…" Yuri drooled, as his eyes began closing. "Nice…kick…" He then floated off into the dark waters of unconsciousness.

"Looks like the match is over!" the announcer yelled. "Samus Aran is our winner!" Samus merely flashed the crowd a small smile as she noticed Cloud standing up and enthusiastically clapping for her performance.

"Better get the kid out of here," Samus instructed the medical team. "He'll probably be fine, but I'd be willing to bet he has a concussion." The paramedics nodded as they carted him off on a stretcher to treat his wounds before sending the youth home.

-----

"Damn!" Sephiroth yelled to no one in particular, slamming his fist down on his desk. He was losing his trademark cool, something very uncharacteristic of him.

"So, it seems your plans have failed," the hooded figure laughed.

"None of your business," Sephiroth said, regaining his composure. "It's just a few minor setbacks is all."

"Don't feel bad," the cloaked person said, as if talking to a child. "Believe it or not, both of these fighters were aligned with good intentions. Whoever won, Cloud would be sure to gain a soul."

"I know," Sephiroth sighed. "It's just that I hate this. I'm sitting around here, doing nothing, as my eternal enemy grows stronger."

"I understand," the person said, "so that just means you have to try harder."

"How so?" wondered the silver-haired man. "Every time I try to aid those aligned with evil, they still end up being defeated."

"A new strategy is in order then," hissed the figure. "Why settle just for those who have already embraced evil? Why not recruit a few more to your ranks?"

Sephiroth stopped to consider this new proposal. Manipulation was one thing that he excelled at. "Yes, yes…why didn't I think of that before?"

"Because, despite your claims to the contrary, you are just as stupid as that Cloud."

Sephiroth scowled at this last statement. "Get out!" he screamed, pointing to his hotel door. "I no longer need your advice."

"But who says I have to give it?" asked the hooded form cryptically, as it blended into the shadows from whence it came.

Sephiroth just sat down and began shuffling through his documents. He had some manipulating to do. And it was not a moment too soon.