Watch the Pendulum Swing

I stayed at her place for six days and then that seventh morning, one week later when Monday returned, I left. She didn't say anything about it and neither did I, but she knows not to ever expect me back. I know she wanted to do something more physical, but I wouldn't allow it. I let her cuddle me like I was her toy, a stuffed bear. Unresponsive no matter how tight she held me. I could be there for her but I couldn't do anything more. She offered me a ride to school but I declined and decided to walk. I wanted to be a little late so I wouldn't have to deal with any questions in the hallways.

The alcoholic drinks I took from my dads dresser drawer have yet to be opened and hit together as I walk to school, tightening my grip on the new school bag she bought me. A nice gesture. My back still stings but the cuts from the glass have more or less healed.

I feel a little better, though, not completely. Just a bit more clear headed like I've had my revelation.

I get to school late, just as I planned, and make my way to my first class through the hallways which hold a few lingering students. I make a brief stop to empty my bag of the vials of liquor, glancing around to make sure I'm not being watched. When I enter the classroom I'm stared at like all tardy students are, but no one gives me an unusual look except Mr. Johnson, who says nothing to me but merely gestures for me to take my seat as he finishes taking the morning role call.

For the first time in a few years I really pay attention to what is being taught. I answer a few questions even though I'm not always right. Regardless, Mr. J looks pleased to see that I'm trying and when the bell rings to release us from that period he praises me on my answers and I smile back with a nod but don't say anything. He has a look in his eye. I think, he might know something happened at my parents last week, but chances are he doesn't know what exactly. Going through the halls I see the teachers give me sympathetic looks, the students look at me as they always do, indifferently. They know nothing.

Heading to second period butterflies start to form in my stomach. This is the class I have with Stan. Stan, who I haven't seen or spoken to in a week. I wonder how he's doing... I'm one of the firsts to enter the classroom and I take my seat quietly. Ms. Robinson gives me a look through her narrow beady eyes. She doesn't look sympathetic, but I'm more comforted by that. I don't know what I would have done if the teacher that hates me most suddenly felt pity for me. It's the first time I feel relieved to have her bitchiness in full effect.

Finally she gives me a grunt of acknowledgment before saying, "I hope you were studying this past week. As you know mid terms are on Friday."

...what? Shit.

I start to bang my head against the cold fake wood. Mid terms? When were they going to mention that? Something told me they already had and I just hadn't been paying attention.

A few minutes pass as the other students in the class file in and eventually Stan walks in.

"Kenny?" My head snaps up at Stans surprised voice. When he sees me his eyes widen and he pushes by a few disgruntled students to get to me. This makes me smile and he takes his seat behind me.

He opens his mouth to say something, but then he closes it and says nothing for awhile, he's thinking before he says anything. When he does finally talk his voice is soft, almost as if he's afraid of scaring me off. "Why did you take off like that? I thought you were going to talk to me about something at my house last week?"

"I know... and I still am." I had to change the subject. "Have you been alright? I mean, are you and Kyle talking?"

The bell stops him before he gets another word in, and one look from Ms. Robinson catches him from saying anything more after the chimes of the bells cease. I give him a reassuring smile and he gives me a soft one back before resting in his chair.

The lesson begins and like last period I pay close attention and realize I know and understand what she's talking about. I guess if I had bothered to pay attention in class I wouldn't be failing, and I come to the conclusion that while a bitch, Ms. Robinson explains things pretty well and I find it funny that her eyes bug out when I ask for clarification on a certain problem, but she complies and explains more thoroughly.

Second period ends and I pack up my things slowly, making sure everyone leaves before me. The only student left in the classroom, even Robinson has left to do whatever, is Stan. He's standing casually by one of the windows, leaning against the banister. He's not even looking at me.

"What happened to your back?" Is the first thing he says or asks me and I'm confused. He seems to sense it but he still isn't looking my way. How does he know about my back? Its obvious I suppose, he does sit directly behind me and I've been really careful to make sure I don't lean on it.

I tell him.. Not all of it, but the part about laying against the bottles. He nods, he believes me and he finally looks over at me and hefts himself upright. The lunch bell sounds and he makes his way to the door.

He doesn't turn all the way around but he does stop to glance halfway at me, "you really are okay right?"

I nod and he nods in response and together we walk to the lunch room. Kyle is sitting at the usual table alone, I can see Cartman is still in the lunch line getting his usual fully loaded lunch tray. Stan sees Kyle but instead of heading over to him he looks around at his other options and starts to head to the football table but there is no way in hell that I'm sitting there again.

Crossing directly in front of him I head toward Kyle and set my tray across from him. He looks up at me, surprised to see me.

"Kenny, dude! Where have you been all week? Ike said you came to the house last Monday but you didn't wake me. You should have woken me."

"You looked exhausted Kyle," I tell him and take notice as Stan approaches and slowly places his tray beside me. Sitting down and trying not to look at a bewildered Kyle, who it seems doesn't know where I had been the past week. Which is best.

"I, uh..." he looks at Stan who's looking at his food as he eats in silence. "I was just taking a nap. It was a... tiring day." He says as if I don't remember but I do. It had been an emotionally tiring day for me as well.

Kyle continues to stare at Stan who in turn keeps his eyes on his food as if it's the most interesting thing in the world. Though he casts up his eyes to look at me once. I can barely read them but there is confusion and slight anger in them. I continue to talk casually to Kyle about a few meaningless subjects. It's a rather long lunch period but when its over Stan sprints up and mutters that we should talk later before heading off.

Kyle remains where he is and gives me a look, "what are you doing?" He asks me.

"Nothing. I cant sit with my other best friend at lunch?" I ask him as I gather my trash and toss it in the nearest garbage bin.

When I get the chance to look back at him he's looking at me thoughtfully. "Stan didn't look happy to be here."

"He's just uncomfortable," I say. "Instead of studying over at your place why don't we study outside? Its supposed to be a pretty good day today. Starks Pond sound okay to you? The back side?"

I don't give him a chance to say anything as I walk away and head to my own third period. Walking out of the cafeteria Stan grabs me and pulls me to the side, out of the way of the outgoing traffic from the lunch room.

He's looking at me pretty flustered before he utters a word, "how low. You know how I feel."

"I know, but don't you even miss Kyle?" The question catches him off guard and he releases my arm not replying. "We can talk after school, at Starks at the back side okay? I have to get to class." With that I walk away preparing to be just as diligent in paying attention in this class as I have for my past two.

School ends and I head to Starks Pond, a different route then the usual way. The wind picks up a bit and I brush my hair behind my ear. Readjusting the bag strap, listening to the rattle as my bottles hit each other. I'm a little nervous. When I get to the back side of Starks Pond I see that neither Stan nor Kyle are here yet.

Taking notice of the passing clouds I step close to the edge of the pond and glance at my reflection. I don't look very good. I'm probably cleaner than I have been in a long time but my face looks tense and looking at my own reflection is only causing butterflies to start swarming in my stomach again. I back away from the pond and turn away to meet with Stan who's walking up toward me.

"Hey," I call out, he replies but the wind swallows his response.

Before I can ask him to repeat himself he's two inches away from me and enveloping me in a tight hug.

"You're an asshole you know that?" He mutters to me as he pulls himself away.

"For what I did today at lunch?" I question, trying to control the cold flush of my face from the biting winds.

"Yeah there's that, but I was referring to this past week. You go off for a week and conveniently something happens at your parents the same night you take off. What happened, and why couldn't you tell me last week when you called me? And what did you mean when you said that you'd fix everything? What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying I'll fix it," I murmur when my eyes fall on the figure behind him. Stan sees that my attention has waned and looks behind him. His whole body tenses when Kyle walks toward us slowly. His hands holding tightly to the inside of his jean pockets as he looks at me and Stan and back again.

"Hey dude," I say to him and he whispers it back as his eyes decide to stay on Stan who has already turned away and is looking back at me.

He looks furious and a little agitated as his eyes question me. Kyle continues to stand off to the side and finally after a moment of silence Stan starts to walk past me, attempting to take off without a word to me, but I grab his wrist and stop him before he can get too far from my grasp.

"I want you to stay, Stan. You will stay wont you?"

He turns around to look at me, then he glances at my hand which is still firmly wrapped around his wrist. When he nods I nod back and release him and walk back over to where Kyle is still standing, staring.

"We're not here to study are we?" He asks me and I smile a 'no'.

"Study?" Stan asks, looking at me.

I nod, "Kyle is helping me out with school since I'm failing all my classes." There's one more thing he now knows about me.

"What! Why didn't you tell me that? I could have helped you."

"I'm perfectly capable of helping him myself," Kyle interjects, almost a little annoyed.

"Of course you are, but I'm closer to him."

"Closer to him!" Kyle exclaims incredulously. "You've only just got closer to him these past few weeks. And only because you've been so hell bent on avoiding me and cutting me off! Jesus fucking Christ Stan, don't you think that hurts me? At all? For you to avoid me then spend all this countless time with Kenny as if he's my replacement?"

That is what I am, I am a replacement. In the midst of their first confrontation in weeks I sit against a tree that was standing beside us. Neither seem to notice as they continue.

"I don't mean to hurt you Kyle. I'm just, you're just..."

Kyle looks crestfallen and when I pop open a beer they both look down at me. I take a long sip and toss one at Stan who catches it and slumps down against the tree beside me. I hold another one up to Kyle but he shakes his head and slides down on the other side of me against the trunk.

"I told Kyle, accidently, why you're avoiding him, so he does know." I suddenly say to Stan even though I'm facing the direction of the pond. I can feel Stan look at me, appalled.

There is more silence as they both look at me expectantly. Which makes sense, as I'm the one that brought them both here for reasons I hadn't informed them of. Unfortunately, I'm doing all this on impulse.

"We're playing a game."

"A game?" They both repeat and ask in unison as they look at me, trying to avoid the others eye.

A game? That was random of me. But I cant fathom the idea of how to start off what I want to get completed, this is the first thing that came to mind and it should open the can of worm further.

"The rules are simple. We go around in a circle and make a statement. If the statement is true, take a drink, if its not, don't."

"So we're just going to get pointlessly drunk?" Kyle asks.

I study Kyle for a moment before turning back to the frozen pond. "No. We'll each learn things thanks to the help of intoxication. Things we wouldn't otherwise be able to tell each other. We'll start with simple statements to get comfortable."

Kyle nods... slowly. "Games have winners and losers. How do we know whose won?"

"When you get too uncomfortable to make a statement for fear of someone drinking to it, you lose."

Pushing a few bottles in each of their general directions I take a moment to think, before going first. We start with really simple harmless statements. Statements we all already know the answers to. When I feel a very slight hint of tipsiness I feel I can stop stating such ridiculous things. "I've tried lots drugs." I open another beer and take a sip and watch as Stan takes one as well.

There's no comment and I look to Stan to go next. He takes a few moments before saying anything, "I've stolen." All three of us take a sip and I watch as Kyle cringes at the taste of a bottle of something clear, he goes next.

"I think Wendy's only going out with Cartman because she'll take anyone rather than being alone." Both Kyle and Stan take a sip and when I don't, they look at me with raised eyebrows.

"Wendy is dating Cartman?" I ask only mildly surprised.

Stan nods, "happened when you were gone last week.."

"Oh," I say and they nod, and I think that now that the basics have been broken, that its time to get to why I really wanted to play this game. Of why I thought of it in the first place.

I hesitate, wondering if I really want to make this statement..."I find at least one of my male friends attractive." I take a slow drink.

They both gawk at me and exchange looks. I can see their eyes burning with the question.

"Is it me, or is it him?"

Stan looks nervous, Kyle looks uncomfortable. Kyle takes a drink... hesitantly, and finally after staring at him for awhile Stan takes one as well, which surprises both Kyle and I. I can tell Kyle wants to ask who, I know I do. Stan had looked at me curiously when I took my drink. This is the first time I think he's realized that I'm not as straight as he originally thought.

Stan goes next and with this one he looks directly at me, "my father has done inappropriate things to me."

I can only assume that's for making him do this game, I'm the only one to take a drink and Kyle's eyes widen as he looks at me.

"Kenny-", I stop him before he can ask anything.

"Later," I tell him, "its your turn."

Kyle bites his lip since he knows we've entered real serious territory here. "I want to know which friend it is that Stan's attracted to." Both Kyle and I take a sip as we look at Stan. He looks at us before looking up at the blue sky. He slides off the side of the tree trunk and onto the snow, dropping the beer in his hand.

I watch as it spills and is instantly absorbed in the snow.

" I don't want to play this anymore," he says warily.


AN: I liked this chapter. Thanks to my dear, dear HDM for the new summary. I thought about it for days and I finally had to use it -grumbles and hands her a batch of chocolate cookies-

Thanks for all the past reviews everyone! Please do it again!

Faery Goddyss :)