Watch the Pendulum Swing

Kyle looks at me and I look at Kyle. The drinks fall from both our hands as well as we too, slide off the support of the tree and slump in the snow.

"What does your dad do to you Kenny?" Kyle breaks the silence that had been looming between the three of us. It's the ugliest question I've ever been asked, but that's only the first part of his question. "Is it what I'm thinking?"

"How would I know what you're thinking?"

He sighs, its such a quiet sigh. One that says he doesn't want to go on. He doesn't want to go this route. But Kyle, is Kyle, he's a good- great friend, so he does.

"Does he... hit you around?"

Oh. He wants to ease his way into what he really knows. I know, he knows hitting is only the half of it. I try to nod, but my heads against the ground. He turns his head to the side to look at me, but I keep my eyes on the sky above me. I want to tell him, but I don't want to say yes, that yes my father hits me because then it makes it real. Really real.

When his eyes return skyward I know he got his answer, I'm happy I don't have to say anything.

"He does more than hit you though, doesn't he?"

Silence.

"He does worse things to you, doesn't he?"

More silence.

"He touches you... but, has he... has he made you-"

My hand, which was laying at my side searches for Kyle's. He's distraught, more than shocked and a tear, a very small one falls from the corner of his eye. I squeeze his hand and he squeezes mine back before he interlaces them.

Can guys who are just friends do this? Does their sexuality come under interrogation and evaluation if they interlock their hands? Even if there's just cause?

Kyle isn't able to finish his question, but that's okay. I don't want him too. I don't want to hear him ask if my father has ra-...

I don't want to hear myself think it, and the way I'm squeezing his hand, taking the life out of it, he already knows. I can feel that he wants to ask more, but he cant and he wont.

How could I let my father do that to me?

He doesn't anymore.

Why haven't you told anyone?

I don't know. I don't know.

"Kenny..." Stan talks. "Stay at my house okay? From now on, stay there."

"Okay," my voice sounds so small. I don't remember ever feeling this small. But being squished between my two best friends, feeling their warmth and their care I feel like a kid again.

A shadow falls over our sun rays and a voice clears its throat.

"Hi Stan, Kyle, Kenny."

"Ugh, hey fags."

A mutter from a girls voice, "Cartman!"

The three of us sit up, and face Wendy and Cartman, who are hand in hand, but just cupped and not interlaced.

"This," Cartman holds up his and Wendy's locked hands. "Is what guys are supposed to cling too." He glares at Kyle and I, our hands are still interlocked with one another, but we release them. The moments lost.

"Lets go Wendy, don't want to get the fag bug that going around."

"Cartman!" She protests his name calling. She turns back to the three of us, with an almost apologetic look. Something I don't understand. "Bye Kyle, Kenny..." Her eyes wander over to Stans, and I follow them. Stan isn't looking at her, his eyes are on where Kyle and my hands were, when they were together.

I'm not sure, but I think I hear a faint, very faint light sigh of yearning from her. "Bye Stan," she says before she's pulled off by Cartman, who's still grumbling.

"I should go too."

My head snaps over at Stan. I know desperation is all over my face because his twists into some pain I cant read.

"Go pack Kenny, then come over. I need to talk with my mom..."

"Alright..."

"I can help you pack," Kyle offers and I look over at him to give him an appreciative smile, my head whips back over in Stans direction when I hear the crunch of snow as he walks away.

This isn't how things were supposed to go. He looks more dejected than when he first came here. Maybe its that he doesn't want me at his house, but that he feels obligated to invite me.

"Stan!"

I mute my thoughts to look at Kyle who has stood up, his hands firmly tight at his sides. His faces looks... I don't know. I cant read his either. I look over to see if Stan has stopped, he has, but he's still facing away from the both of us.

"Those rumors... the one Cartman told Wendy about, the reason she broke up with you... They're... they're not true."

I look at Kyle like he's nuts. He's lying, and he isnt doing a good job of it, but Stan cant see that, he can only hear the power in his voice.

"I don't feel anything more for you... than friendship."

He looks like he's about to cry.

"I know." Stan's voice comes out firm.

How can he know, if it isnt true?

"I realized only recently," with that he continues to walk away. I let him, and turn back to Kyle. I stand and shake my head at him.

"Why did you say that to him?" I ask when I think Stans far enough away that he wont here us talking.

"Because, I want my best friend back."

"But Kyle-" I'm interrupted with a sniffle from him. I watch him swallow emotions. He refuses to cry, whether or not its because he doesn't want me to see, I cant figure out.

"So uh," he composes himself. "You're attracted to at least one of your male friends?"

We laugh. Stan wouldn't understand, but Kyle does, and he knows that's an empty statement for me. I'm pretty much attracted to all my male friends with a few obvious exceptions.

"Hey, I had to get you to open up some how."

"Yeah... so I guess Stan isn't as straight as we both thought."

"Guess not...

More silence and finally, "I don't mind Kenny."

"Don't mind what?"

"Don't mind if you turn into more."

I think I know what he means, but I want to be sure.

"What do you mean?" I ask him.

"Because... because Stan is attracted to one of his male friends, and... well, its not me."

"So you think its me?"

Kyle looks at me hard, "who else could it be? Cartman?"

"Obviously not, but, Clyde or-"

He shakes his head firmly, "don't be an idiot. Of course its you... so its okay with me, if you two end up being more."

I say nothing, but we stare at each other for awhile. Stan never said it was me. Kyle, no matter what he said, could be wrong, but if he's right...

I drop an arm around Kyle's shoulders and pull in for a slight hug. He's a good guy, Kyle is.


AN: I wanted to add so much more but I'm in a bit of a hurry. I wanted to get a new chapter up before I left for university, where I'll be without computer for two weeks or so because I ordered my new notebook too late. Ugh. Anyway, please read and review!

Faery Goddyss :)