We, my friends, are living in the Golden Age of Idiocy.
Okay, pre-note. Thank you so much to the people who reviewed me with ideas for shorts, but they were so few, I decided if I just took all the ideas I got and made them into one shots, it would be easier. Now that it's summer, I've have much more time on my hands, so I'll get on them as soon as I can. I'll keep up with this story to, so don't worry.
And remember, due to the fact that the FF dot net system admen just love to make my life miserable, chapter 24 was super late. So make sure you read it before proceeding onto this work of insanity.
Alright! Enough with the boredom! Hello! It's great to see my lovely readers again! By the way, speaking of the lovely readers, it's review time!
Funky Egyptian
WOO-HOO! Pie! Dancing ducks! It's all good.
Boy, I'm glad that last heat wave that blew by is over. It was belting nineties every day, WITH humidity, and there was a thunderstorm every night, so you couldn't turn on fans OR open the windows! I was hoping I would melt, then maybe I could cool down.
Anyway, I'm ranting. THANK YOU! My little brother really thought up the list, I just commented. I really did think Alister was a girl…
Thank you so much for being so nice, the congradulations, and listening to my rant! HWAY!
LoneFlyinTigers
Computers have personalities. It's a fact.
Well, Seto's fought pretty much everything else in this story, so it only makes sense that he'd save a vast colony of nerds from an evil laptop…I think…
Well, Wheeler Joseph does kind of fit the 'least mentioned about Scooby Doo bad guy' motif, but I thought having a random character appearing out of nowhere being the culprit was much more fun.
Well…at times I wonder about getting arrested for being an idiot, because don't a lot of bad things come from stupidity? I mean really, it makes sense.
Thank you fro the congrats!
Thank you so much for the review! Enjoy this one too, it's pretty funny.
Kiwigirl89
Yay! Your back!
Let's face it, for being a show originally for boys, there are a lot of feminine men. That's okay though. I like guys that look like girls. It always makes for a thrill when one of my friends is drawing one of their favorite characters and they say 'he make me laugh because he looks very feminine', and you scream back 'HE?'
I didn't know I used your real name. Huh. Weird.
Don't worry. This story's starting to borderline stretch on length, but they'll be in Oz by chapter twenty-eight! On the downside, chapter twenty-seven is…the big bad drama (ish) chapter!
Who's it going to be? Hint, the Wizard is a Minor character.
TANK YOU FOR REVIEWING! I hope you enjoy this chapter too!
Gothangelmyu
OF COURSE! (slaps head) How could we be stupid enough to forget Duke? Major brain dead moment! He probably is a girl…but then, he like Serenity. WHAT IF HE'S…AHH! BAD THOUGHTS!
Okay, anyway, sorry for spazing. You're completely right.
Anyway, THE SETO DEATH GLARE! Largely inspired by the one my Dad possesses! The kindergarten teacher came about because I never forget those kids in school who are dumber than a sack of driveway pavement, and how bad they must have been when they were little. And really, wouldn't it have been less shocking if Serenity, Seto, or Ryo found that someone was behind it instead of Joey? But yeah, it was mostly random…
The Queen of the Occult is one of my better ideas. I just love situations when things are getting misinterpreted. One of the higher forms of humor.
YOUR SO NICE! And thank you!
Mokuba's Official Glomper
HI AGAIN! I love Alister's trench coat. It looks cool.
The midriff may be a bit of a push, but I so love the gloves too.
Seto…pink…(Thinks) no, cant put them together. It must have been quite a site to behold.
I'm not sure how much my parents would like the dubbed version of Yu-Gi-Oh. Maybe they would…my Dad loves cartoons. But then they tend to do things that scars innocent mortal minds. Have you seen your father break out in dance to the 'Evergirl's' theme song? IT'S NOT PLEASANT!
Guess who's coming in this chapter…I WON'T TELL! IT'S A SURPRISE! Okay, thank you as usual for your review! WEEE!
Run Kaiba, run…
Tristan'soneandonlyfangirl
I'm glad someone liked the sugar high snake bit. Joey finally bails himself out a bad situation. This is a monumental moment of some sort.
You know, I think everyone thought Alister was a girl when they first saw him. I was actually kind of hoping for it. The Doom Bikers would be a lot cooler if they had some kick-butt female killers (other than Mai).
I always imagined how cool it would be if Alister had a girlfriend who went off to kill Seto for what Alister thought he did to his (Alister's) brother. I just wish I could frame that scene in which Seto would just wake up, and he'd be staring down the barrel of a shotgun in the hands of an enraged girl
Oh jeez, I'm ranting. I actually more than halfway done with A Second Helping of the Heart of the Idiots, the sequel to The Heart of the Idiots. Also, a third is in the planning stages.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ANOTHER NICE REVIEW! Kudos to you!
Bibo-Sama
NOT THE SCARY DRIVER'S TEST OF DOOM! (Inserts road rage background music) Woot! Good luck on the road.
Next year I learn how to drive. Next year. It will happen.
HWAY FOR THE SPANISH INQUISITION! You thought that was funny, wait for the other subtle Monty Python references. Can you get hyper from being bored? Probably. THANK YOU AS ALWAYS!
Dark Princess Saz
Good luck stealing Jesse McCarthny's soul! Maybe Kitsune Corp can make…good quality…um, INSANITY! Yeah! I'd buy some!
NOT THE SPANISH INQUISITION! They're everywhere! Just like my spelling errors!
Paris Hilton is really scary. I once heard on the radio that she once threw down a menu at a restaurant, saying she didn't understand why she had to read it. She doesn't read menus. She's too lazy to read menus. She doesn't need to read menus. God, it must be great to be rich.
Tohru Honda…she's everywhere, so be good or she'll get you. That sounds like something that I'd say to a little kid I'd babysit to get them to go to sleep and such.
THANK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!
L-Chan the Insignificant
That was such a nice review! Thank you so much for being so nice!
I wuv ASV. I think almost everyone does. In my fanfics that I write at home and don't post online, the character ASV is based on, as well as Mobster, are all best friends. Kind of creepy, but also very fun. I plan to bring the other member of the trio in latter chapters.
How can you disobey anything that cute? I mean really, my conscience is a huge Amazon-like warrior queen with a huge sword.
THANK YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN FOR THE WONDERFUL REVIEW! You made me so happy! To me, you're far from insignificant.
ShadowFire2
Thank you for the review!
Oh yeah, Joey's obsessively subtle crush on Mai sound like a perfectly funny fic! That'll be my next one shot. And without further adue…
ONTO THE CRAZINESS!
AND NOW, WE ARE PLEASED TO PRESENT, THE FOREWARD
Serenity: Hello everyone. I am Serenity Wheeler, and I shall be hosting the forward of this chapter of the much admired online comedy, more or less, The Wizard of Cuz. Oh yes, and Joey's here too.
Joey: ASPARAGUS! (salutes)
Serenity: Um, okay. As you know, the RLPS of this story broke down, but thanks to the work of our team of technicians, who incidentally are all fuzzy bunnies, we have managed to get the system back online, as well as access a prewritten chapter, due to the fact that the authoress of this story is now suffering various wounds inflicted by homicidal characters from Shoju Manga.
Joey: Hatori was cute…
Serenity: Hatori's a guy Joey.
Joey: Uh…Hatori's not the orange head?
Serenity: That's Kisa stupid.
Joey: Oh…
Serenity: Anyway, the system is back online, and everything is back on schedule. We are terrifically sorry for any inconveniences on viewing so much random chaos in one sitting.
Joey: Do any of you have Ha-Kisa's number?
Serenity: So basically, we all made it out of the store alive, and within miles of Cuz, we settle down at camp for the night. However, we soon found out that we aren't going to get to Cuz this chapter, and now-
Ryo: Hey! (walks in) You're doing the forward without me!
Serenity: Ryo, calm down-
Ryo: YOU PEOPLE NEVER INVITE ME TO AN-NEE-THING! WAAAAAAH!
(Ryo starts sobbing uncontrollably, and Joey suddenly starts crying to)
Serenity: (yelling over the rest) Oh jeez! Just start the chapter already!
---ooo---
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE
If I Only Had a Huge Helping of Chum
"Tooth Fairy..."
POKE POKE POKE.
"Toooooooooooooth Fairy…"
SMACK POKE SMACK.
"WAKE UP TOOTH FAIRY!"
"YOU STUPID MUTT!" screamed Seto angrily, standing bolt upright with a bed head. "Can't you see intelligent people are trying to sleep?"
"But Tooth Fairy, it's time for you to watch!" Joey said.
"No it's not, tiny, tiny brain," snarled Seto, poking Joey's hallow skull. "Serenity takes first watch, then comes you. After you, it's Ryo's turn to take watch, then he will wake me up, and then it will be my turn to take watch."
"But I tried to wake up Ryo, Tooth Fairy!' said Joey. "But he got really mean…"
FOURTY SEVEN SECONDS AGO
"RYO!" Joey said, poking Ryo's back. "RYO RYO REE-YO! IT'S YOUR TURN TO-"
"SLAAAAAAAAAAAY!" screamed Ryo in his sleep, picking up a huge plastic battle axe he found in the prop room, and bashed Joey on the head with it.
---ooo---
"You can't even wake Ryo up," said Seto. "You're patheticness Joey, seems to grow and blossom every day, and every day, I seem to bear witness to the bloom of the next flower in your victory garden of supreme idiocy!"
Joey needed about thirty seconds to process all the big words.
"RYO! THE TOOTH FAIRY SAYS HE WON'T TAKE WATCH FOR YOU!" Joey called.
"BLOODY SLAUGHTER!" screamed Ryo in his sleep, this time with a real axe.
"OKAY! OKAY!" Seto said, not wanting to be cut into tiny little meat strips.
"Kay, night Mommy," Ryo muttered, falling back down to sleep again.
Seto just stared for a moment.
"NIGHT MOMMY!" screamed Joey, who also fell to the floor, and fell asleep.
Seto, not a stranger to being alone amidst the three weirdest people in the world, just sat back, this being the second time he was stuck taking watch and being viewed by the audience at the same time. Oh the misery he must feel, always being the center of all the horror that takes place in this story. How that was all going…to get worse.
"You're stupidness," said a very prim voice behind him, as Seto glanced behind him to see the worst thing he could possibly see.
It was a flying, fuzzy bunny.
---ooo---
Meanwhile, in a remote, government controlled headquarter in Washington DC, the organization STUPID, Supplementary Tactical Unraveling and Persecution of Insane Delinquents, cleverly disguised as a common Home and Garden store, all is not well. The day started easy enough, with the head of the department, a man that shall be known as Mr. Jim, was busy monitoring all major points of interest around the world.
"OWCH! MY LEG!" screamed some random guy on TV.
"WAHAHAHAHAHAHEEHOHAHA!" screamed Mr. Jim, sitting behind a big, fancy looking desk personalized with Happy Meal Toys, Mini-Beanie Babies, and several random trinkets given to him by his girlfriend named Billy Joe, accompanied by his trusted associate (lackey), Mr. X. "This is some funny stuff, ain't it?"
"Yes sir," said Mr. X, possessing no mind of his own.
"I HATE IT!" screamed Mr. Jim.
"Me too sir," said Mr. X.
"Mr. Jim," said a lady's voice over the intercom, "a special agent just came in. He said that he has important information which needs to be brought to your attention."
"WHAT? MORE OF THEM FILTHY ENVIRONMENTALISTS?" screamed Mr. Jim. "Don't they ever take a hint? I don't have time for their wishy-washy, bleeding heart, 'we could cause the extinction of ten different species by installing advanced seek-and-destroy military probes on wildlife reservations' bull! I tell ya, if we got cats, and we got dogs, and we got cows, who the heck cares! I mean, how many people are going to cry when they hear 'oh wah, a fancy duck has died' and 'oh wah, some species of squirrel has died' garbage?"
"Sir, this is much more important news, regarding one of the most wanted of your cases!" said the lady.
"WHAT?" screamed Mr. Jim. "Oh, well, that's different, tell him to come in."
"Right away sir," said the woman's voice, as Mr. Jim switched off the TV. The second he did, the huge door to his office opened, and into the room walked in Pikachu in a blazer and a pair of sunglasses, carrying a huge manila folder about his size that was labeled 'top secret'.
"OH MY GOD! WE HIRED A YELLOW RAT?" screamed Mr. Jim, Pikachu not flinching (he was used to it by now).
'Technically, he's more closely related to the pika, a small rodent that is native to China and many parts of the Rocky Mountains sir," said Mr. X in a hallow, dead kind of voice.
"HE'S A BLOODY RAT!" screamed Mr. Jim. "Jeez! In MY day, we didn't just hire up some mangy old rat we found lying off the street. OH NO! You know what we hired X?"
"Potatoes sir?" said Mr. X, used to this speech before.
"Yes, potatoes!" said Mr. Jim, picking up a photograph on his desk where a son or daughter should be, looking fondly at the image of him with his arm slung around a guy with a potato for a head. "Ah! Those were the days! When you were working with a potato, you NEVER lost a man! NEVER! Oh, right there's Rob. God, what a man with a potato for a head! He was the best! He could take a hit! He could track down the man you wanted. He knew where the cappuccino machine was. And boy, don't get me started on how awesome the rutabagas were-"
"Sir, he says he has important information on the whereabouts of the most dangerous, most psychotic, and most hot albino criminal in the Western world sir," said Mr. X.
"NO WAY!" screamed Mr. Jim.
"It is rather shocking sir," said Mr. X.
"How do you know he said that?" Mr. Jim said. "The filthy rat didn't say a single word!"
"I just know these things when it comes to small, cuddly animals sir," said Mr. X. "I'm a bit of a 'Bambi' buff."
"Whatever, who's this shmoe again?" asked Mr. Jim.
"Ryu Barabus sir," said Mr. X.
Insert dramatic 'BUM BUM BUM' here.
"RYU BARABUS?" screamed Mr. Jim. "OH MY GOD! We have now time to lose! We have to surround everyone, everywhere, with everything we got. Do you hear me? EVERYTHING! Bombs, nuclear missiles, heat sensor death rays, egg beaters, WASHER/DRYERS-"
"Pi Pikachu!" said Pikachu.
"He says that he's pinpointed the location of Ryu Barabus sir," said Mr. X. "He requests both money and resources to hunt down the delinquent.
"Yeah, sure, but we should scramble the Washer/Dryers anyway!" said Mr. Jim.
"Right away sir," said Mr. X.
"Oh yeah, and give the little rat thing his pick of special agents," said Mr. Jim. "Oh, and dress up in that pretty ballerina costume and do that amusing little dance that always makes me happy."
"Okay sir," said Mr. X, who for some reason as well as methods unknown to the authoress, was suddenly dressed in a tutu.
---ooo---
"ALRIGHT! TALK!"
Serenity groggily pushed herself, bidding her body, aching with tiredness, to get up, and bidding her sleep-itchy eyes to open to find Joey questioning…a rock.
"Joey…did your brain cell just die?" Serenity asked.
"Serenity! The Tooth Fairy's gone!" Joey cried.
"Gone?" Serenity asked.
"Uh huh!" Joey said. "I woke up this morning, and he was gone! Gone! GOOOOOOOONE!"
"Yes Joey, no need for repetition," Serenity said. "Next question. Why are you threatening a rock?"
"HE KNOWS SOMETHING!" Joey screamed. "ALRIGHT! TELL ME WHERE THE TOOTH FAIRY IS! TELL ME!"
The rock did nothing.
"THEN PERHAPS BEING HIT WITH A BUNCH OF DAISIES WILL CHANGE YOU'RE TUNE!" screamed Joey, pulling out a bunch of daisies, smacking the rock with them repeatedly hitting it with them.
"WHERE IS HE?" Foomp. "WHERE?" Foomp "WHERE?" Foomp. "WHERE?"
"Joey, I thought you didn't like Seto," Serenity said.
"Well I don't like rocks neither!" Joey said.
"Joey, where's Ryo?" Serenity asked.
"Aw, he's out looking for Seto," Joey said, beating up the rock with the bouquet of daisies.
---ooo---
And Ryo was indeed looking far and wide for Seto, with, of course, the aide of all his animal friends. Yes he has animal friends you silly.
"Seto!" Ryo called, looking under a tiny rock. "Oh Seeeeeeto, where are you?"
"Hi Ryo!" said a little bluebird that landed on a bigger rock. "Me and all the birds of the woods looked far and wide, past the rolling green hills, over the swirly, twirly windy lands, and even in the local residential facilities, but we couldn't find him!"
"WE'RE SO SORRY!" cried a crow, as she began sobbing.
"That's okay Bobby Blubird and Cathy Crow!" Ryo said. "Thank you so much for helping me! Here, have some high quality grade A bird seed!"
With that, he reached into his pocket, and pulled out a twenty pound bag of bird seed and dumped it out for the birds.
"YAY! THANK YOU RYO!" said all the birds, as they devoured their seedy treats.
"Ryo," said a mole, who dug up a small hole from right next to his foot. "The moles, and our good friends the worms, the ants, and the badgers have all looked around…he's not under the dirt."
"Oh drat!" said Ryo, snapping his fingers in frustration. "I was almost sure he'd be there!"
"We're terribly sorry!" said the mole. "Is there anything else we can do?"
"No, but thank you all so much!" Ryo said, pulling out a twenty pound bag of dirt from his other pocket. "Have some quality top soil!"
"Yay!" cried the mole. "Thank you Ryo!"
As the mole dug back into the ground, Ryo sighed and sat on a rock in by a pond, trying to mentally regroup.
"Alright," he thought to himself. "He's not in the sky, he's not under the dirt, so where could he possibly be?"
"Ryo," said a voice from bellow the surface of the pond, as a huge, green tentacle sprouted up, "all of the mutated marine animals in all local bodies of water, including myself, have searched everywhere in the water, and we couldn't find any trace of Seto Kaiba. Sorry man."
"Oh no, it's alright," said Ryo, pulling out a huge bucket of fish guts. "Have some good quality chum!"
"Yay!" said all the mutated animals, as a feeding frenzy brewed from where Ryo dumped in the chum. "Thank you Ryo!"
"Don't mention it!" Ryo cried. "That means when we find Seto, there'll be a good chance that he hasn't mutated!"
While Ryo happily fed the mutated creatures fish guts and blood, Ryu Barabus, the man so homicidal, he once murdered someone when receiving a complement, 'that's a very nice hand grenade you have', was walking casually into the scene. This man is ruthless, possessing the ability to empty two rounds of machine gun bullets in twelve seconds using nothing but his toes, to conceal murder weapon perfectly by grabbing someone and using it to beat someone else to death with, to tear apart innocent plush toys using nothing but his mind, HE'S INSANE I TELL YOU! INSANE! INSANE! IN-SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!
Okay, glad I got that out of my system.
So anyway, Ryu walked up to Ryo, with great pleasure coursing through his bloodshot brown eyes. He had found the most ideal scapegoat on the planet. Ryo looked just like him, and he was most certainly a whimp. Knowing this, the plot of this story is pretty much writing itself.
"Why, hello there soon-to-be-convicted-of-a-crime-he-didn't-do-person," said Ryu evilly, sounding a little lick Ryo, but without the accent.
"HELLO HOMICIDAL PERSON!" Ryo said cheerfully, waving frantically. "Will you be my new friend?"
"Why, certainly," said Ryu, hearing police sirens getting closer and closer. "Here, have a recently used, incredibly dangerous weapon."
Ryu held out a huge machine gun.
"I'm sorry," Ryo said. "I'm not big on really dangerous weapons."
"This isn't a weapon," said Ryu. "It's a, um, Pez Dispenser."
"No way!" cried Ryo, taking it happily. "That's soooooo sweet!'
"Goodbye you fool!" said Ryu triumphantly, running away as the police cars rolled into view.
"Bye new best friend!" Ryo called. "Do you want to hang out some time? I think I'm going to be free this Sunday-"
"FREEZE!" screamed three cops, pulling out guns, all pointed in Ryo's direction. "DROP YOU'RE WEAPON AND PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!"
"I SURRENDER!" Ryo screamed automatically, tears in his eyes, dropping his gun.
"Ryu Barabus, you are charged with a million bazillion counts of murder, as well as being a stark raving mad lunatic," said the officer. "You have a right to remain silent-"
"But…but I never killed anything in my entire life!" Ryo cried. "I'm innocent! I DON'T WANT TO BE A BAD PERSON!"
"Don't play coy ya filthy murderer!" said one police woman, grabbing his hands behind his back and handcuffing him. "You're going to spend the last day off you're life in the clink!"
"LAST DAY OF MY LIFE? JAIL?" Ryo screamed. "But-"
"SHUT IT!" said a cop, throwing him in the back of a police car, which the minute the door shut, whirred him off to the nearest federal prison.
---ooo---
"Joey, it's been nearly an hour, and Ryo's not back yet," said Serenity, as Joey was now playing cards with that rock. "And weren't you just brutally torturing that rock?"
"Huh?" Joey asked, dealing the rock five cards.
"Didn't you find anything out about Se-um, the Tooth Fairy?" Serenity asked.
"You mean the ruthless, sarcastic, cruel one who is neither good nor bad and goes out of his way to do grievous harm to me just for the purpose of making me unhappy for the sake of comedy?" Joey asked.
"Well…yes…" Serenity said.
"Nope, not a thing," Joey said.
"Joey, it bothers me as much as you to say this, but-" Serenity started.
Suddenly, still in a semi-psychotic daze, Ryu walked to Serenity and Joey, not saying a word.
"Oh, there you are Ryo," Serenity said.
"HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME? ARE YOU WITH THE POLICE? YOU DIE NOW!" Ryu screamed, about to pull out a jack knife when-
"Ryo! What's the matter with you?" Serenity screamed. "Of course I know you're name, we've been traveling together for how long?"
"Huh…um, er…" Ryu said, his criminal mind kicking into gear. "Uh, yeah! Exactly! I'm…Ryo…not Ryu…a psycho…who's one goal is to kill everyone in the entire world! MUA HA HA HA HA!"
"Uh…" Serenity said.
"PENUTS!" Joey screamed.
"Alright," Serenity said. "Well…Seto probably got bored and headed off to Cuz on his own. Maybe if we keep going down the Yellow Brick Road, we'll find him eventually."
"Ah yes, the Yellow Brick Road, many places to…nothing," he said quickly, as Serenity was giving him a strange look.
"You're not Ryo," she said.
"What are you talking about?" Ryu said, playing innocent, something he was very good at. "Of course I'm Ryo! I'm just finally showing off who I am!"
"You don't scream 'you die now' just when people say your name!" Serenity said. "You never done anything that…brave…"
"And where's my cookie?" Joey asked.
"Oh, uh, I most have had a bit of an…odd moment there…" said Ryu.
"People have been having a lot of those lately," Serenity said.
"I THINK HE'S RYO!" Joey screamed.
"You thought that tree was Ryo two seconds ago," said Serenity, pointing to a tree.
"So?" Joey asked.
"Well, if I scared you, I'm sorry!" said Ryu. "Let's head off and find, um, Seto, yeah that's it!"
"Well…" Serenity said, still a bit suspicious. But then again, everyone has had their weird moments in this story. I mean even she talks to a plush toy, "alright, let's go."
"HUR-RAW!" Joey screamed.
"Hurroo," said Ryu, almost evilly.
---ooo---
"Oh boy! First I got a new set of clothes, then I got to play with finger paints, and now I get my picture taken too?" Ryo said cheerfully, wearing a striped prisoners uniform, holding up a sign that had a bunch of random numbers on it. "This is so nice! Prison's much more fun then I expected it to be!"
"This is a line up photo you British Baka," said the photographer. "And jeez, they were taking your fingerprint identification! I can't believe we don't have a set of them from you!"
"Cheese!" Ryo said cheerfully, smiling.
"I hate when they play cute," said the photographer.
"Oh, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings," Ryo said politely.
"JUST LET ME TAKE THE MALFORKIN' PICTURE!" screamed the photographer.
"Okay!" Ryo said, smiling again.
---ooo---
"This will be your room of which you will sleep your last night," said the jailor, opening up the barred door, revealing a small bunk bed, looking very hard and lumpy.
"I get a room for the night too?" Ryo cried with joy. "No way! This is so nice! I expected jailors to be cruel and mean. And I even get the top bunk! Oh, I'll have to give you a nice tip for this!"
"What the…what are you, some kind of twit?" asked the jailor, as Ryo pulled out his wallet and went searching for the forty cents he had in chapter twenty, which was a very lovely chapter by the way.
"Here you go!" Ryo said sweetly, holding out the quarter, dime, and five pennies. They were very shinny pennies by the way.
"JUST GET IN THE CELL!" screamed the guard, and Ryo happily skipped in. As the door closed behind him, there was an over muscular man, who also wore a jail captor's uniform, had a shaved head, and a bunch of scars criss-crossing his face.
"OH NO!" Ryo cried. "You look terrible! You didn't get into a fight, did you?"
The guy just glared at him.
"You're the most homicidal maniac in recorded history?" he asked, in a gruff, surly, almost raspy sort of voice.
"Nee-ope!" said Ryo. "I'm Ryo Bakura, and my friends tell me I'm naïve! Will you be my new best friend?"
"So wait," said the guy, "if your not the most homicidal man, who can turn bits of lemon peels into a long range bazooka gun, then what the heck are you doing her?"
"I got accused of a crime I didn't commit!" said Ryo. "But that's okay! I'm sure the modern day law system will see that I am innocent and let me off!"
"Your friends were right," said the guy. "Since your going to die tomorrow, I'll tell you my name. It's Nail."
"Nail?" Ryo asked. "Like those things you hammer into walls?"
"Yeah stupid," said Nail. "Phew, they were right, you are a loony."
"Hey! That's also what my friends call me!" Ryo said. "Well, wherever they are…I hope they find me soon! I hope someone finds me soon…"
Sad violin music played in the background in some cell.
"HEY! NO MUSIC AFTER EIGHT!" screamed the guard.
"Sorry," said the leader of the string quartet in the cell next to Ryo.
---ooo---
However, hope had not died yet for our albino British friend. For at the moment, agent Pikachu was out on the scene of the identity switch, with his most capable officer at his side, agent Momiji Sohma.
"Pika pika," said Pikachu, holding up the gun that was given to Ryo.
"Yup, I agree," said Momiji. "That, without a doubt, is not a cupcake."
"Pika…" said Pikachu.
"It is a bit suspicious," said Momiji, picking it up. "We better dust it for finger prints."
Pikachu pulled out a huge powder puff, and doused the whole area around them in a mad frenzy, covering the entire scene with a pink-white cloud, with some nice little sparkles thrown in that really brings out a girls, ahem, I mean finger prints.
"Pika!" said Pikachu, pointing to a particular patch of finger prints left by the cloud blast.
"Ohmygod! You're right!" said Momiji, flipping through the 'top secret' file. "Some of these finger prints are Barabus' alright, but some of these don't belong to him at all!"
"Pi Pika," said Pikachu, typing rapidly into his laptop. "Pik pika pi ka pikachu, pi ka pi pi ka pikachu pi pik ka pika."
"If we enter the fingerprints into our mainframe, we'll figure out the other person, and then maybe our global tracking system can track him down before it's to late?" Momiji cried. "Oh why does man need to kill other men? Why must we clean up the blood of our own kind? I would never support this practice…I only do it for my true love…my Tohru…"
He sobbed and pulled out a picture of Tohru, who was holding a gun and dressed just like Mai, but she had more belts laden with weapons.
"Pika," said Pikachu.
"Yes, I know it's stupid that I made it my job to hunt down homicidal maniacs when my crush actually is one, so butt out," said Momiji. "Track your filthy maniacs and bystanders."
---ooo---
Well that was fun! But totally weird…
More testimony to my growing obsession with Fruits Baskets. It's sad really. You won't see Seto for awhile, so don't even ask. DRAMA CHAPTER BREWING!
Another premiere! Here we go!
---ooo---
"I KNEW IT!" Serenity screamed. "The real Ryo's wallet isn't black, it's powder! YOU'RE NOT RYO! YOU'RE A HOMICIDAL MANIAC!"
"Well I hoped that you wouldn't figure that out until after the end of this chapter where Ryo gets executed in my place and and-oh $& I gave away the rest of the plan. Oh well. TIME FOR THE BAZOOKA!"
"AH! Joey, run, he's going to kill us!" Serenity screamed.
"Wow, that's a big gun," said Joey, as Serenity grabbed him by his sleeve.
"GET BACK HERE MEAT!" screamed Ryu, pulling out his bazooka and chasing them as they bolted down the road as fast as they could.
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And that concludes today's episode of 'The Wizard of Cuz'. Thank you, and good night.
