Shri: I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts…
Serenity: Well people, welcome back!
Shri: I brought the gang back into the story because I'm celebrating the thirtieth chapter written in this story. Yay! (Claps)
Seto: Forgive me if I lack enthusiasm.
Joey: WOOT! Are we going to party?
Shri: Not quite, my brainless friend! Instead, as a celebration, we're going to celebrate by giving a chance for our lovely readers to laugh out loud at other people's stories! Yep, I'm going to open up the old 'Favorites' part of my URL, and we're going to show you some other fanfictions that make me say 'God, why didn't I think of that?'
Serenity: I don't think we celebrated at all for ten or twenty.
Seto: Again, who cares?
Joey: Can we play Pinata anyway?
Shri: Oh yeah! I still have people who didn't vote in our popularity contest! And remember, it's your THREE FAVORITE CHARACTERS! I got a lot of votes with only one. So far, Seto has a slight lead…
Seto: (starts flinching) What?
Serenity: Whoda thunk?
Seto: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Grips head in pain on verge of tears)
Shri: Anyway, here's a look at some really fun stories that will keep you laughing!
Screwed and Screwed 2: Idiot Versus Idiot (rated T)
By Darks00
Boy, this was a fun one to read. Finally, a Seto and Joey fic with no male romance!
Anyway, as a basic summary, Joey and Seto, unfortunately, by a cruel twist of fate, have to put up with each other, one way by school counseling, and also in a student body election. Both of their lack of common sense in so thrilling, it's funny! Ah, I love it when my boys are tortured!
Serenity's Comments: I can't help but not laugh at this! It's so clever! I love torture too! And finally, Joey and Seto are on the same level in the authoress's eyes. Both are equally shown as funny and stupid! Even Shri has a hard time with that!
Joey's Comments: Hey! I'm not…uh…STUPID!
Seto's Comments: Uh…okay…
Ryo's Comments: I thought this was funny too! Boy, do I feel bad for that guidance councilor. And I always love it when Seto and Joey are pointed out as very much alike, but they hate each other anyway. Maybe…one day…they'll be friends? No, probably not.
Ah, The Great Outdoors! (Rated K+)
By Silverwitch07
Here's something new and different. Really! I know that there are a lot of camping fics out their, but this one is super special. YAMI IS AN IDIOT! Ha! A great new pioneer in fanfic ideas!
Overall, this story is incredibly funny, and a great way to see how all the personalities on Yu-gi-Oh collide. This is a minor Tea and Yami bashing fic, but other than that, it's all good, clean fun!
Serenity's Comments: I'm portrayed as half crazy, half chipper, but other than that, I really like everything! And it includes lovely cross-dressing! I enjoy every moment of it!
Joey's Comments: That was funny! I like the dead people spirity things, and Big Yugi's and Idiot! HA HAHA HAHAHAHAHA!
Seto's Comments: Another fic with me being tortured. The only part I really liked was when Yami fell in love with a fish. It's so wrong, yet…oddly amusing.
Ryo's Comments: I liked when Seto was the priest at the funeral. Very amusing! Oh, and the pixie-stick induced sugar highness. And the flashback!
Baby Blues (rated T)
By Rowan and Sakura
This one's a hilarious one shot. I really loved it, that's for sure! Basically, it's yet another one of Seto being tortured to no end, this time when one of his secretaries has a baby. And, of course, Mokuba bugs him into going shopping for a present. So who does he take along to help him? Serenity and Tea, of course! Incredibly funny, very well written, and sweet, with a great surprise at the end!
Serenity's Comments: Very cute, very sweet, very funny, and extremely well written. I completely enjoyed it! There's no disappointing part in it at all!
Joey's Comments: Hee hee. The Tooth Fairy's so dumb!
Seto's Comments: I suppose it's not bad…but why are peoples suggesting that I can fit into those tiny punch bugs, much less be seen in one? I CAN'T, and I WONT!
Ryo's Comments: KAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIII! So funny, and cute!
Boobah Land (rated T)
By serenity-yugigoh-fan05
It's overall a quick read, but just the idea of Boobah's kidnapping Yu-Gi-Oh characters is hilarious. Very funny, read and find out!
Serenity's Comments: Fuzzy-Uzzy-Umpkins. I really wish he got made into a main character. Other than that, very funny, especially when I get blackmail photo's from Joey! Oh, and Seto in a tutu, you have to see it!
Joey: I TOLD YOU THE BOOBAHS WERE GOING TO DESTROY US ALL!
Seto's Comments: ME IN A TUTU? SICK AND WRONG! SICK AND WRONG!
Ryo's Comments: The Boobahs are so funny! And the ice cream bits!
Da Brats, The Cheese, Da Cows (rated T)
This one, while completed, is incredibly funny too! Nothing like a bunch of screaming lunatics going for a vacation in Michigan to lighten up your spirits! With such chapter titles like 'Car Trip of Hell' and 'Welcome to Greenbay, may we run you over?', it's no wonder that this fic is so crazily funny!
Serenity's Comments: I can't help but enjoy Yami's irrational fear of birds. Suprisingly, me and Seto aren't in this one at all. However, with all the craziness that happened, I'm almost thankful. And the plane trips are absolute genius. They heavily influenced the bus trip with the Roma's. Totally hilarious!
Joey's Comments: WINDOWS ARE EVIL!
Seto's Comments: You know, seeing Mai go full blown homicidal is actually okay in my book. Weird, just weird.
Ryo's Comments: I can't help but enjoy the fights with the cows. They're hilarious!
Survivor (rated T)
LariaKaiba
Ah, LariaKaiba's masterpiece! I am writing a Survivor Work at home, with the Dream Tweens in it! I'm not sure I'm ever planning to publish it, but who knows?
Anyway, enough ranting, THIS ROCKS! Arguably the best Survivor Fan Fic ever written on this site. I laughed at everything, the island challenges, the song contest, survival of the idiots, the betrayal, it rocked! Read it! It's terribly hilarious.
Serenity's Comments: Hee hee hee, I can't help but love getting a good look at Joey's empty mindedness. And Seto's struggle to try to create technology on an island of sadness and woe.
Joey's Comments: JEFF IS INSANE!
Seto's Comments: She really does love the fics that torture me, doesn't she? Anyway, very good. I'm glad the Mutt got kicked off before I did.
Ryo's Comments: My Yami will freak you out in this one.
Nobody Cares Like a Carebear!(Rated K+)
By Evielly Autumns
EA's writing is amazing, especially for a newbie author! And EA loves to torture Seto as much as I do!
Basically, if you'd like to see Seto get his but kicked by Care Bears repeatedly, destroy care bear plushies with a three-foot long shish kabob knife, and have everyone else just watch in horror, convinced he's gone completely insane, you'll love this fic!
Serenity's Comments: The perfect combo of fluff and gut-splitting humor. I love it!
Joey's Comments: Ha ha! The Tooth Fairy is an idiot!
Seto's Comments: I rest my case.
Ryo's Comments: KAWAII! So cute, so funny, I love it!
Soul Hunter Family Life(rated K+)
Slifer02
One of the best looks at the Doom Organization I have ever seen! Incredibly funny, extremely well written, and Dartz mistakes coffee machines for the Great Leviathan! A must read for anyone who wants to see the Doom Organization get tortured by Dartz's incredibly evil management skills, Raphaels somewhat disturbing cooking skills, and our two dear friends, the Girly Man and the Stupid Auzie just being…themselves.
Serenity's Comments: Shri actually sent in a suggestion that the Doom Hunters have to battle the horrors of the Postal System. I really like how that chapter came out. And the one where they all switched people who's souls they wanted to steal…very funny!
Joey's Comments: Dartz is so stupid!
Seto's Comments: This deserves merit for the sheer way it was written alone. It was very well done, not just some old goofy fanfic like the garbage Shri chugs out.
Ryo's Comments: Dartz thinking a coffee brewer was the Great Leviathan is both funny and incredibly sad. I LOVE IT!
TRIFOD: The Insanity Strikes Back(Rated T)
By Bilbo-Sama
Our good friend Bilbo-Sama has created the a piece that is random, scary, and hilarious all at the same time! Truly, this is a work of genius. RYO GOT TURNED INTO A GIRL! And Yugi…got pregnant? But by far the funniest is the fact that TEA'S A MAGICAL GIRL! And Joey got sucked into Oz! Hilarious! Just hilarious!
Serenity's Comments: I can't help but enjoy the fact that I beat the tobacco juice out of Marik…
Joey's Comments: Yugi's pregnant?
Seto's Comments: I really enjoyed this. I'm glad I'm not the only one to be tortured in this fanfic of Scary Doom. Very creative and funny overall.
Ryo's Comments: Appart from me being a girl, this is really funny! I like it a lot!
Yu-Gi-Oh and the Holy Grail
By ShadowFire2
Now this is defiantly a fic to be praised! It's funny, incredibly creative, and super appealing to Monty Python freaks like us! Nothing like Drunk Pegasus, a Black Night Seto, Ryo as Sir Gallahad the Pure, Tea as the 'Friendship Witch', and things just too creative for words! Incredibly funny, and a breath of fresh air from all the dull, thoughtless fanfic ideas!
Serenity's Comments: Why are villiagers always complete idiots? A very funny spin off of a classic and random Movie! I LOVE IT!
Joey's Comments: AAAAAH! Peasants! RUN!
Seto's Comments: As much as I hate to admit it, this is very clever. I also hate to admit I like it…but I just did.
Ryo's Comments: I really like the peasant bits! And the trial! And when they tried to siege the castle. It was hilarious!
Well, that was a few of them, but I'm running short of patience, and I still have to answer all the reviews. Onto the reviews!
Tristan'soneandonlyfangirl
Hello! I'm glad you like Mobster so much! I'll tell my Mom, the person I based Mobster off of, and I think she'll be happy. She's arguably worse than Mobster (well, maybe not…).
You should always brew your own coffee. It would be scary if this ever happened to you.
What you have stumbled upon is the horror of L33T SP34K, something I got off a webcomic called 'Megatokyo'. Basically, it's when you replace numbers instead of letters. Es are replaced by 3s, j00 means you, As are replaced with 4s, and you can go really crazy and just do any kind of symbol on your keyboard that looks like a letter. (So basically, J00 SH4LL N3V3R PR3V4L3 means 'You shall never prevail!' See? It's also okay to misspell stuff in L33T SP34K)
I'll try my best to include 'The Dream Tweens' more into my fics. It may be a bit hard, because a lot of explaining is in order, but their so much fun, so I'll try my best.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! ENJOY THE CHAPTER!
Gothangelmyu
I can't help it. I love cute things…
Ah…nothing like sugar! I love sugar. I never tried coffee before, but I've seen what it does to people, so I'm staying off it for a while…
I can actually see Serenity freaking out and destroying someone who dared to harm a cute thing. Hee hee hee.
Thank you for being so nice to me in the reviews! I hope this chapter is just as funny! Thank you again gothangelmyu!
Bilbo-Sama
I see. Sometimes I need to get sugar highed up just to write my stories…
So there's such a thing as male versions of Mary Sues? What would they be? Michael Sues? And you really like to torture your game characters, don't you? I thought I was being mean when I give them really stupid names…
I'll read your story as soon as I can Bilbo-Sama! Thanks for taking the time to review even though it's only been a half hour since you got out of bed!
Bunny Aino
Thank you for liking my story! And for the vote! But you still have to vote for your other two favorites!
But that's not important. THANK YOU!
Mokuba's Official Glomper
I don't know why, but the idea of a fic that has to do with Seto's obsession with Alister's belly button sounds incredibly weird and (shudder) oddly appealing.
I don't think Seto's gay. If anything else, he asexual O.O. Ooohh, SCARY THOUGHT! Oh, and he is fun to poke, isn't he?
Good news, the heart thingy worked! IT'S SO COOL!
Thank you as always for the reviews that keep me laughing! You random insanity rivals mine (bows until head hits the floor) YOU ROCK MOG!
LoneFlyinTigers
Tristan and Yami-Bakura aren't going to re-appear into the fic, but Yugi is, as well as more of Tea, and if you're lucky (shudders) the fangirls.
Nothing as disturbing as Ryo caffeine high!
Ah yes, due to your request, I have decided to make another SC4R33 D00M class fic. This one is called…THE DRIVERS ED CLASS FIC OF SC4R33 D00M! Coming soon!
Thank you as always! Please enjoy this chapter!
Pointe Master
Coffee is evil, no matter what they say…
Hello again! I currently don't write any original stories, but I have a ton of ideas, and I want to write comedy novels when I grow up, so who knows? Maybe my scary randomness will one day be published…
Thank you as always Pointe Master! You're very kind in your reviews! Enjoy this random chapter!
ShadowFire2
Thanks for the vote, but you can still vote for two other people as your second and third favorite (just thought you ought to know). BUT THANK YOU TONS!
I never drank coffee before, but since I hate anything bitter, I would probably hate it to no flippin end. THANK YOU SO MUCH SHADOWFIRE2! Hope you like this chappie.
Imperfect Paradise
Let's just say like all good Shrilanka-San fanfics, when the final battle comes, it will be random, stupid, and hilarious!
No chapter is complete without Joey's constant reminder to us that he has no brain. And Ryo…he can be scary at times too…
We draw closer to the end, but I hope you enjoy this chapter tonzies! THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEW!
Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler
You know, it seems that everyone wants Double S. I'm really sorry, but characters in this story aren't for sale. Except Tristan. You can just take him.
I sometimes enjoy the thought of Mobster and Johney doing public service. It's a very funny, very scary thing.
The bear cub thing was partially thought up by my dad, so I think it makes sense that his character (Johney) triggered the whole bear thing. I think I know a lot of people who would be that stupid to be honest…
I think your referring to Alfred Hitchcock's 'The Birds', which while I never saw it, if it's anything like 'Psycho', I'd love it. Though be careful, birds may look adorable and innocent, BUT THEY WANT TO BE THE DOMINANT SPECIES, AND THEY'LL DESTROY US ALL TO DO IT!
Thank you as usual for the nice review! Enjoy this chappie!
Fuzzy Bunny
Yay! You're back! HOORAY FOR HARRY! I think that book filled a lot of holes, but other than that, it lacked the usual scandal and stuff. But it still rocked!
Thanks for liking the chapter an the review!
Dark Princess Saz, Yami, a bunch of Furuba Characters, and the good employees of Kitsune Corp
Hooray! I love a good, long review! I'm sorry Yami, but you really shouldn't send the space bar to the Hikari or Shadow Realm. I read Harry too! Yami's not the Half Blood Prince though…
I don't know. I think blue Topaz induces insanity, not prevents it…CAN I GET SOME?
There's nothing as fun as abusing the Pizza Delivery Service.
THANK YOU AGAIN! May this chapter make you go insane!
L-Chan the Insignificant
I read Harry Potter #6 in two days, the shortest I've ever read a Harry Potter Book! Of course, on Saturday night, it was either sit and read, or a party with weirdoes and underage drinking. Guess which one won?
ASV, while not entirely cutsie, still has a massive amount of charm behind him. And a hammer. Lets not forget the Morality Hammer.
Your right. When it comes to defending cute things, you have to bash the weenie managers.
Thank you for voting! And for the nice review! Enjoy this chapter too!
Lefthandedfreak
While Ryo's coffee highness is incredibly funny, it is not to be imitated at home. Repeat, it is not to be imitated at home!
So now I know your secret…I shall tell it…TO THE WORLD! Well, actually, no, but you get my drift.
Cool! You can shorten Josh the Figment Man's name to JFM! It sounds cool! Thank you so much as usual for the insanely fun review!
CatGirl is Special
Serenity is scary when she's mad, isn't she? But what can I say, everyone needs to defend cute things once and awhile.
And Ryo. He's scary too.
THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEW! And now…
ONTO THE CRAZINESS!
CHAPTER THIRTY
If I Only Had a Cuddly Defense Lawyer
"So what does Double S actually stand for anyway?" Serenity asked, sipping her water. "It's a cool nickname, but does he actually have a double-name?"
"Actually, it stands for Spirit of the Snow, son of Bloodletter Twayblade and Gutslasher Windsong, the most mighty and homicidal warriors to ever roam the land, slaughtering anyone, good or bad, who got in their way, with the ability to slaughter five thousand men with a single swipe of their mighty blade, they start the day by actually going out, ousting someone, and then having breakfast and coffee," said ASV to Joey and Serenity's shocked faces. "He's kinda the black sheep in the family!"
"Oh…good…" said Serenity.
Suddenly, the terrible sound of shrieks and commotion chorused outside.
"Excuse me!" said ASV, running for the door, throwing it open, and skidding into the sidewalk to see Mobster, Johney, Ryo, and Seto being hauled off in a police car, Ryo pressing his face against the glass and making rude hand gestures out of the back of the car to frighten motorists behind him (remember, he's still going through a conniption due to his caffeine consumption).
"OH NO! ALITERATION! AND THOSE GUYS ARE UNDER ARREST!" said ASV. "Oh man, this is terrible. I'm going to have to swap hours with Mononoke again. And-"
Just then, he felt a tug at the back of his sweater vest, and turned to see Double S sink down into the pavement, face glued to the ground in panic and respect.
ASV just stared at him for a moment.
"Double S, I'm a patient kind of person, and I also tolerate people's thoughts, feelings, emotions, and personalities but…some would consider this sad…" said ASV calmly.
"You can't leave!" said Double S. "I don't know how to talk to anybody! I'll probably say something stupid, and everyone will think I'm a loser! Everybody's going to hate me! EVERYONE! EVERY FLIPPIN ONE!"
"Oh come on," said ASV. "Look in the mirror! You're the kind of person that could melt the heart of a serial killer!"
"Still…" said Double S.
"But I really have to go and try to save the other four!" said ASV.
"I'm too pathetic…" said Double S.
"No you aren't!" said ASV. "Hey! Why don't you just try to hang out with Serenity for awhile? She's nice, and she thinks you're adorable. That's a good combination."
"How do you know?" asked Double S.
"She whooped the manager's butt on your behalf," said ASV.
"I don't know…" said Double S.
"I've got an advanced copy of Harry Potter Seven, which I'll give to you if you be good and stay with Serenity!" said ASV, waving a Harry Potter book that was eleven inches thick.
"You found my weakness…" said Double S.
"Great, I'll see you in a bit!" said ASV, running off in pursuit of the police truck.
---ooo---
What a sad and lonely stay our heroes had in their dark and dreary prison cell, as Ryo chewed on the bars like a wild animal due to the fact that he was still under the influence of massive amounts of caffeine, Seto scowled in a corner, and Mobster and Johney were trying to find a way to escape.
"Okay, let's review," said Mobster, overlooking her and Johney's plans drawn out in the dirt lying on the floor. "We're first going to try to persuade the guard to come here with the keys in his hands. When he does, we knock him out with an ultrasonic blast from your terrible singing, and after unlocking ourselves, in order to create a large enough distraction to escape, we'll jam massive amounts of fruit up every faucet in the bathrooms, so when massive floods are created, we escape!"
"Cherries," said Johney.
"What?" Mobster asked.
"Cherries. That's the fruit that we're going to use. Cherries," said Johney.
"And are they going to be red or black?" Seto said disdainfully from his dark little corner of the prison.
"Black, duh," said Johney. "Only stupid, pixie-boys use red cherries."
"He must be some kind of a thicko," whispered Mobster.
"J00 F00LZ! J00 C4N47 C0N741N M3! MU4 H4 H4!" screamed Ryo, continuing to chew on the jail bars.
"I agree with you British Person!" said Mobster. "We have to get out of here and get back to the non-British people to pass on our important information that could save them from a horrible fate!"
"And you neglected to tell us this when we were all together be-cause?" Seto snarled.
"We were too busy arguing. Duh," said Johney.
"AND THIS INFORMATION WOULD BE?" Seto yelled.
"That our rival family, the Roses, have sent out their most deadly assassin to oust you, the blond monkey thing, and the British person, and kidnap Serenity, handing her over to Pegasus of you due to them recently siding with him, with the intention of slaughtering everyone and anyone in the way of their plan," said Mobster.
"Not to mention in terribly nasty ways," said Johney.
"One phone call, you freakazoids," said a guard, tossing a small cell phone into the cell, causing it to slide across the floor, skidding to a halt about three feet from Johney.
"M34T!" screamed Ryo, divebombing onto it.
"I'll handle this," said Seto, snatching up the cell phone before Ryo could hit it, causing him to smack face first into the cement floor.
"Hey!" said Johney. "Who died and made you King of the World?"
"This just in, the King of the World just died!" said a television report that the guard was watching.
"Fair," said Johney.
---ooo---
"What the heck is taking everyone so long?" said Serenity. "Oh man, I smell plot twist."
"I smell my feet!" said Joey.
"Um…um…" said Double S, inwardly panicking as he walked up to Serenity and Joey's table, "…ASV…left…and I was….wondering…if…it's okay…if…"
"Wanna hang out with us until he gets back?" Serenity asked.
"YES!" screamed Double S in relief. "I mean, um, wont I get in trouble?"
At that moment, the manager walked by, but Serenity shot twenty ice tipped daggers right from her eyes at him, and with a small squeak, he ran off.
"I think he'll let you off this one," said Serenity.
"Miss Serenity Wheeler?" asked a waitress. "Phone call for you at the front desk."
"I handle this," said Serenity, getting up. "Joey…don't be yourself."
"AYE CAP'N! WOOT, MEAT!" he said, as he began to chew his own foot, as Double S looked on in a combination of repulsiveness and horror, and Ms. Fuzzy-Kins just sat there.
---ooo---
"Hello Seto," said Serenity on the phone at the front desk.
"How did you know it was me?" asked Seto.
"Easy. All the waiters at the desk look traumatized," said Serenity, as all the waiters and waitresses shuddered in horror at the phone. "Anyway, due to the fact that you've been missing for nearly a half and hour and the fact that I heard a massive amount of crashing sounds I heard at the coffee machines about a half and hour ago, I'm going to assume that you landed yourself and Ryo into trouble using your devastating combo of supreme lack of basic human kindness and the fact that you're prone to bad karma."
"Ryo's caffeine high and we're stuck in a jail cell with an anglophilic lunatic and a man who plots with fruit!" screamed Seto angrily from the other end of the phone.
"Five points for me," said Serenity. "Wait, you're where?"
"In jail. It's a long story," said Seto simply from the other end of the phone.
"Well jeez, you better start talking!" screamed Serenity.
"Hey! Tell her about the mob people! And the rats!" said Mobster's voice at the other end of the phone.
"I'M WORKING ON IT!" Seto's voice screamed. "Listen, Serenity, according to Johney and Mobster, you and Joey are going to be hunted down by the most deadly assassin from some gang of boobs called the Rose Family. AND THEY WON'T STOP BUGGING ME ABOUT IT!"
"WHAT?" screamed Serenity.
"Again, long story," said Seto's voice said back.
"And the rats?" Serenity asked.
"You don't want to know…" said Seto.
"One got loose in your cell and you started screaming like an idiot?" asked Serenity.
"NO! Yes…" said Seto pathetically.
"WOOT, BUNNIES!" screamed Joey, as a humongous commotion suddenly aroused itself from Serenity's table, Double S screamed like a three year old, there was a tremendous crash of a table being knocked over, and from that brewed another din of overall commotion at a crime scene, with ladies screaming and men running about, and children screaming 'COOL!' and that kind of stuff.
"I'm going to have to cut you off. I have a feeling Joey's blissful ignorance/equally bad karma just kicked in," said Serenity, hanging up and running for the table.
---ooo---
"FOR THE LOVE OF-SHE HUNG UP!" said Seto angrily.
"You amuse me Seto…" said Johney. "I can't believe you forgot to tell her that our trial is in ten minutes and that we need people to testify for the defense, as well as a lawyer-"
"Shut up," said Seto, snapping the cell phone shut.
"He reminds me of you!" said Mobster cheerfully. The second she did, Johney looked completely offended, covering his mouth with a hand, then he slapped her in the back of the head, like she just swore.
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" asked Mobster.
"You know how I feel about obscenities!" said Johney.
"TAKE ME NOW LORD!" screamed Seto, getting down on his knees.
"J00 D13 F00!" screamed Ryo.
"When's his coffee going to wear out?" asked Mobster.
"Three…two…one…" said Johney, counting off the seconds on a clock that was on the opposite end of the room, on the non-prison side.
"Ur…where am I? Oooooow, my head hurts…" said Ryo, putting a hand on his head, looking like he got hit by a bus…repeatedly.
"Okay, one raindrop in my sea of troubles has evaporated, now how are we going to get out of this one?"
"Good news," said a guard, coming into the room. "The state found you a defense lawyer for your trial."
"How good is he?" asked Mobster.
"We don't know exactly," said the guard. "He's an utter unknown, but he insisted on coming to defend your case."
"And his name is?" asked Johney.
"HI EVERYONE!" said ASV happily, wearing a blazer over his blue sweater vest, with the strap-on wings on the outside.
"NOW'S THE TIME YOU KNOW!" yelled Seto, screaming up to the heavens.
"Oh, do I wish…" said Johney.
---ooo---
"Hey,-OW-push over I-OW-some of us were actually at this-YOUCH! Watch the hair!-at this table people-YEEK! Okay, who's hand was that?"
Serenity had to fight her way through the crowd of startled onlookers around her table, having to claw and bite her way through the screaming gawkers, especially the fat ones. When she got to the table, she was shocked to see-
"DOUBLE S!" she cried, seeing him with his arms tied and his mouth gagged with duct tape, which she ripped off around his mouth, causing him to cry out with pain. "What happened? Where's Joey?"
"I don't know!" said ASV. "I was just sitting here a second ago, and everything was fine, except Joey was chewing on his foot, is that normal?"
"It's one of the more normal things Joey does," said Serenity.
"But then these flying, white, fuzzy bunnies just swooped in, and before I can say, 'oh my gosh, there are flying, white, fuzzy bunnies tying me up with duct tape and shoving Joey and Ms. Fuzzy-Kins into a bag and flying out through the window', the flying, white, fuzzy bunnies tied me up with duct tape and shoved Joey and your plush toy into a bag and flew out the window…it…was…SCARY! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!"
"POOR KID!" Serenity cried, gently untying his hands. "They have to be Pegasus's flying bunnies. But why would they be after Joey?"
AT THE HEDQUARTERS OF THE FBBI (Fuzzy Bunny Bureau of Investigation)
" 'Dear Ashley'," said General Fluffa-Pie, reading from the paper. " 'I don't know what to do about my life. Everyone calls me incredibly boring and never listens to a word I say. No matter what I say to them, no one takes me seriously, and say I have a drowning voice and no personality. Is there anything I can do? Bored and Boring.' 'Dear Bored and Boring, Kill yourself.' Ah, Dear Ashley, you do it again!"
"WE GOT HER! WE GOT HER!" screamed a bunch of bunnies, flying into the room, carrying a huge sack. "We got Serenity Wheeler!"
"Oh goody!" said General Fluffa-Pie, dropping his paper and eagerly looked at the sack. "I can't believe we pulled it off! I expected her to put up more of a fight…"
"Here she is!" said one cadet Flying Fuzzy Bunny, opening up the sack, and dropping out…Joey and Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.
"WHAT?" said the General. "That's not Serenity! It's the monkey, pig-dog thing!"
"Awesome! Thank you for the sack ride magic dust mops!" said Joey.
"HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLE MISTAKE THAT-" the General said angrily, pointing an angry paw at Joey, "-FOR SERENITY WHEELER? HE'S BLOND, AND SHE'S A BRUNETTE RED HEAD HYBRID!"
"In certain lights, it's very hard to tell the difference," said another cadet.
"He's a guy!" screamed General Fluffa-Pie.
"Again, sometimes it's hard to tell," said another cadet.
"SHE'S WEARING A GIRL'S SCHOOL UNIFORM WITH A PAIR OF RED PLATFORMS!" screamed the General.
"So?" said the bunnies.
As our rabbit friends continue their bickering, Joey was trying to understand just what they were talking about. And now, in glorious 'Red Dogovision', we will present to you…JOEY'S THOUGHTS!
Woot! Sack rides are fun! I like sacks, sacks, sacks…uh, I wonder what the Magic Dust Mops are talking about? Toilet brushes? Wait! NO! Toilet Brushes are dust mops's natural enemies! Uh…I wonder where Serenity is? Hm…something's not right…why are those dust mobs-OH! A fly! I like flies! FLIES ARE FUN! They can read minds too! HELLO FLY! CAN YOU HEAR ME? APRICOTS! WOOT! BUNNIES! I LIKE ONIONS!
"Psst, stupid, down here," whispered a voice, and there stood Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, talking to Joey.
"Cool! A magic talkin' cucumber!" said Joey happily.
"I'm not a cucumber you dolt," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "Listen, we have to find a way to get out of her and get back to Serenity before things get out of hand. I have a hunch that the next few chapters of this story are going to be on the intense side."
"Do I get three wishes?" Joey asked happily.
"…no…" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "I'm reminded why I have a moral policy against talking to lower mammals."
"Pie Pie Pie Pie…" Joey sang.
"Talking five minutes with you, and somehow, the idea of being Seto's conscience loses it's sting…" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "Alright Joey, do you think you can sneak out the door?"
"You wouldn't have any pie, would you?" asked Joey.
"I really need a new job…" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.
---ooo---
"Order, order in the court!" said a judge, as the jury and witness in the back were all saying 'blah blah blah blah'
"I SAID STOP IT WITH USING SOUND AFFECTS ATRIBUTED TO MIXED CONVERSATION OF A GROUP OF PEOPLE!" demanded the judge, as everyone promptly shut up. "Court is in session with the case of The Entire Known Universe vs Roma. All rise."
Everyone got out of their chair.
"AH! SIMON DIDN'T SAY!" said the Judge. "Okay, Simon says rise!"
Everyone stood up.
"Simon says sit!" said the Judge.
Everyone sat.
"Simon says get up again!" said the Judge.
Everyone got up again.
"All sit!" said the Judge.
No one moved.
"GOOD! I'm glad I didn't catch ya!" said the Judge. "Simon says moo!"
"Moo?" everyone said awkwardly.
"Simon says spin around in a circle!" said the judge.
Everyone started spinning around in circles, awkwardly bumping into each other.
"Simon says say your favorite flavor of pie while spinning in the opposite direction!" said the Judge.
"Apple!"
"Blackberry!"
"Meringue!"
"Cherry!"
"Redcurrant!"
"Mixed Berry!"
"Key Lime!"
"American!"
"STOP IT ALREADY!" screamed Johney, who kept bumping into Mobster.
"Just trying to lighten the mood!" said the Judge. "Okay, all of you sit down, you're all starting to bore me. Oh yes, go send the note to the reporters outside that this court finds the Roma's guilty, you know, to save them a little time."
"A nice, unbiased court," said Seto darkly.
"Anyway, does either of the councils have anything to say before the trial begins?" asked the Judge.
"DEFENCE TEAM ROCKS!" said Mobster.
"Yup!" said Ryo, smiling.
"We are so dead, it's not funny," said Johney.
"I agree," said Seto.
"Fine!" said the Judge. "Bring in exhibit A!"
"And now for something completely different," said the announcer person, being wheeled in a desk on a cart labeled 'Exhibit A'.
---ooo---
(insert 'Speed Racer' theme song here)
"Speed you cannot go tothat bridge it's out you'll die!" said Trixie in her helicopter thingit.
"I have to try to jump the gorge I have to win the race of else if I don't win the race it will be very bad!" said Speed.
"But you can't make it there is no way not even your car has a gadget that can stop it!" said Trixie.
"I just found out that it has a gadget that just may be able to HOLY SNOT!" Speed screamed.
Thankfully, Serenity managed to snatch Double S out of the way of the Mach Five going full speed down the road before it could run him over.
"DUDE! ROAD RAGE! AND JEEZ, TRY TO GET DUBBED A LITTLE BETTER!" she yelled after the car, as Double S clung to her in her arms, his eyes completely bugged out. "I hate when Shri crosses Animes!"
"Well, it can't get much worse, can it?" asked Double S.
"Um…excuse me…" said a voice behind them, to see a woman about in her twenties wearing a pink midriff and blue, boot cut jeans, jodhpur boots, huge, hoop earrings, a bunch of makeup, with platinum blonde, almost white hair, "I don't want to seem rude or anything, but may I please, um, kidnap you and hold you against your will until I hand you over to Pegasus?"
Serenity and Double S turned around, and both of them promptly sweat dropped.
"Um…no?" said Serenity, starting to back of, Double S clinging to her with every fiber of his being.
"Please?" she asked.
"Um, no, we really shouldn't…" said Serenity, turning around and hurriedly walking away with Double S.
"I just want to kidnap you, honest," said the woman, walking at an equally quick pace to try to keep up with Serenity.
"No, I really have a strict moral code against allowing myself to be kidnapped," said Serenity, trying to sound polite, but in direct contrast, breaking into a run.
"I insist!" said the weird woman, whipping out a handgun.
"EEEP!" said Double S.
"You're from the Rose Family aren't you?" Serenity asked.
"How did you guess?" she asked, almost flattered.
"Uh…I had a bit of a hot tip that they sent their deadliest assassin to come here and take me against my will to Pegasus…" said Serenity.
"Oh stop it! I'm blushing!" said strange woman. "Oh by the way, my name's Jean, Jean Rose. It's very nice to meet you!"
"Can we go now?" asked Ghost Boy.
"I'm really sorry, but I have to hand you in," said Jean. "I really hate to be messing with previous engagements but…you know, it's just so hard to get a good job these days, and I live all by myself, and I can just drown on and on about nothing and no one even cares to hear what I say, and it's very terrible really. Being an assassin isn't what it used to be. We have to get all violent with everything, what with detestation by violent television, the guns just get bigger and bigger and…and…"
That's when she finally realized the two had ran off.
"How rude!" she said, pulling out two machine guns, finally getting a bit mad.
---ooo---
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Double S at the top of his lungs as Serenity and he ran away from the professionally assassin.
"It's okay Double S, we got away!" said Serenity. "Figures, Seto and Ryo are in Jail, Joey got kidnapped by flying, fuzzy bunnies, and now were running for our lives from a well mannered hit man! Perfect, just perfect!"
"Well, things can't get much worse, can they?" asked Double S.
"Your right…" said Serenity.
That's when he bumped into a flying, fuzzy bunny.
---ooo---
No people, I don't own Speed Racer!
I'm sorry the chapter was so short, but I got bored, and I didn't want to give too much away for the next chapter, which in all honesty is bound to be long no matter what way you look at it!
Okay, lets not beat around the bush, shall we? Lets have a look at the next chapter!
---ooo---
"I call Walter T. Monkeychuncks to the stand!" said ASV.
"You're going to call the prosecution attorney to testify for the defence?" Seto asked.
"Don't worry, I have a plan!" said ASV.
"Does that plan involve knocking him out and while all pandemonium breaks loose, grab us and run out of the court and become a fugitive of the law?" Seto asked.
"No, that's plan B!" said ASV.
"Is plan A equally violent?" asked Ryo.
"No, but it involves a lot of manipulating the truth and twisting it for our own use and purposes," said ASV.
"Spoken like a true lawyer!" said Johney.
---ooo---
And remember…IT'S SUMMER!
