Life is like ten books with every page torn out of them and scattered all over the floor. Finding a beginning and an ending is virtually impossible.

Happy Birthday Ryo! As you have requested, Not-Ryo is on a public street dressed in a cocktail dress while doing a chicken dance and singing 'I Feel Like a Woman'.

There's absolutely nothing else I can say to you guys that would be able to explain everything you've done for me. Thank you…

Reviews!

ShadowFire2

Muahahaha! Is Joey slowly getting, dare I say it…SMARTER? NO! It defies all human logic! But then again…so has everything else Joey's done.

Well, all the loose ends of this story are tied up in this chapter, so your question shall be answered! And the moral of this story…um…I leave that to the critics.

LoneFlyinTigers

(Sniff) Yes, it was very touching, wasn't it?

I'm glad to see you enjoy everyone working together. A sequel is a little strong…but I was thinking about doing another story starring Serenity, Joey, Seto, and Ryo together again. Their such a great team, and their all incredibly funny together. But that will be after I'm done with my next fic, There's Something About Marik.

I'm glad I am a true random author. THANK YOU LFT! WOOT!

Mokuba's Official Glomper

You lost two cat? Aaaaaw…I'm sorry…

MER HER! YOU HAVE A BIO NOW! (Glomps) WELCOME TO THE INSANITY CIRCLE OF FF DOT NET! I'm insane…ENJOY THE CHAPPIE! THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS!

Funky Egyptian

Yeah, Joey calling Seto by his actual name was a twist, wasn't it?

I was actually very glad to bring Butt Man and the Fangirls back. I hope you enjoy the final chapter, and thank you for the review.

Lefthandedfreak and Josh the Figment Man

TRENCHY!

Lefthand's playing Joey? That's kinda funny! I think I'd be an okay Seto…if I didn't hug kitties as much…

Did Josh have fun with Ryo…uh, I guess not. Josh really doesn't like Ryo at all, huh?

Always write humor it right after school. For some reason, after you drag yourself home from school, after suffering all day with teacher of evil and people you don't like, it's easy to write funny stuff! It's odd…oh, and make sure you get in a really giggly mood. It's best if you watch Monty Python reruns.

And don't listen to Josh. Fate is cruel…it made me a nerd…

Anyway, thank you for everything you two! Hope to see you review my next fic! Ciao!

Bilbo-sama

The drivers ed one? I LUVED IT! It was so funny! I hope that I have access to tools of arsenal so I can set my Driver's Ed car on fire!

I'm glad to dorky lovesick boobs getting their arses kicked. It gives me a happy feeling…ah…

DUB NAMES ARE EVIL! Thank you for all the reviews! Especially this one!

Amarie Miriel

Sorry to scare you, but you know how I love to give false hope to my characters to make them cry! I am such and evil person…

People really seem to like the fact that Joey talked to an eggplant with subtitles. And I love to somehow stick Seto and Ryo in a situation together. Their personalities bounce off each other so perfectly!

I actually found that a lot of my readers named their clothes.

Yay! Thank you for all the reviews! ENJOY THE CHAPPIE!

Gothangelmyu

I thought the chapter was long too! And after I was done with it…my wrists felt really tired.

Like I said before, I think Ms. Fuzzy-Kins kind of 'chooses' who she wants to talk to. Except Serenity, she can understand everything Ms. Fuzzy-Kins says. She was getting kind of desperate when she talked to Joey. As to what she 'is' exactly, I think it's one of those things that everyone sees her in a different way, and for Seto, it's an annoying toy, for Joey, it's an asparagus, and for Ryo, it's a plushie. I guess…

Anyway, thanks for all the reviews! The story is kind of long, isn't it? ENJOY THE LAST CHAPPIE!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

I wish I could speak idiot…

Pegasus is nothing but weird, and he's always been nothing but weird. And I can't give the fangirls much more credit…

I'm glad your still writing, as well as reading. Thank you Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler. YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO'S REVIEWED EVERY CHAPTER! Sniff, thank you…thank you so much…(blows nose)

Fuzzy-Bunny

Joey is a bit of a loony, isn't he? But then again, aren't all the characters in this story screaming loonies?

Sometimes I act like Seto too. In fact, I think we all have acted like Seto at least one point in our lives. Just like we've all acted like Joey…I know I have.

The fan girls were products of my love of the original 'Justice League' and many other super-human animes and cartoons. While Sailor Moon probably had some indirect influence, they were based on a genre, not a specific show.

As for Joey growing a brain…this chapter you find out! Enjoy!

Princess Mika of the Shadows, Kyo, Yami, Bob, Marik, Ryo, and Bakura

HA HA HA! It's good to see that other people care about Ryo's birthday! WOOT!

Hee hee…the Yami's are kind of insane, aren't they? And yes, computers do have their own personality. We must appease them, or they will shut down! Or something like that….

THANK YOU AS USUAL GUYS! ENJOY THE FINAL CHAPPIE! AND ENJOY YOUR CREAMPUFF CAKE RYO!

Losayne Maiden

Cool name. Anyway, thanks for the two nice reviews! HAIL SERENITY INDEED! Hope you like the rest of this story, including this chapter.

And for one last time…ONTO THE CRAZINESS!

CHAPTER TWENT SIX

If I Only Had a Phone Call

What resulted from the tournament was a blurry jumble of celebration parties, being floated on crowds of people, and receiving congrats until people were blue in the face.

But the best, and the worst, was when Serenity was settling the terms with Pegasus.

"I…promise…never…to…be…bad…again…Signed, Pegasus," said Pegasus, filling out the final contract of him promising never ever ever to be bad again.

"Good," said Serenity, signing her part. "I'm glad you're a man of honor. Now, I want some item of personal possession…"

"Take this," said Pegasus, walking to the other end of the room where he was signing the contract, pulling out a wooden, ornately carved box, and pulling from it a small piece of paper with a stick-figure kind of dog. "This was the first thing I ever painted! It's called 'Canine en repose'. Do you like it?"

"Uh…" said Serenity, taking it.

"Hand over Mokuba before I got you like a fish," said Seto in a reasonable tone.

"SETO!" said Serenity.

"I'm sorry, I don't have him," said Pegasus. "He escaped and ran away weeks ago."

Seto just glared at him for a moment. With that, he walked out of the room and shut the door behind them. From outside, the others heard what sounded like a shriek of both pure rage and grief. Then Seto opened the door and walked back into the room, not saying a word.

Everyone was quiet.

"So…we'll…just…be going now…" said Serenity, heading toward the door, but before she even finished the sentence, Seto already turned around and walked out in a rather quick pace, nearly shoving Joey aside to get to the door.

"Is da Tooth Fairy gonna be okay?" asked Joey.

"Yeah…" said Serenity. "He's just a little upset…"

---ooo---

Serenity remembered that day, now sitting very quietly in the reception room of the headquarters of the Wizard of Cuz, knowing what the receptionist could do. Other than Joey ranting about the Pickle People of Pluto, and it being a little quiet on Seto's end, Everyone was in a pretty good mood. So good a mood, Serenity couldn't help but remember all the great memories they all made together…

THE BEST OF 'THE WIZARD OF CUZ'!

Serenity

"Oh great!" said Serenity. "An evil fruit loop is out to kill me, I'm miles from home, and I'm stuck with these platforms! What am I going to do?"

"Don't worry Serenity," Mai said calmingly, helping her stand up straight on her new platforms. "I know a way you can get home in no time flat. Far across many lands, over wild territories is the great and powerful Wizard of Cuz! He can help you get home, because he has powers beyond your imagination."

"Is he nice?" said Serenity.

"Oh he's very nice!" said Mai. "And all you need to do to find him is follow the yellow brick road!"

She pointed to a spiral that was made of bricks on the ground. One part of the spiral was made out of red bricks, one was made out of yellow. Bricks I mean.

"Cool!" Serenity said. "So…where does the other path go?"

"Target!" Mai said

"I see," said Serenity. "Can't you just give me a coach made from some kind of gourd and turn rodents or rats or whatever to take me to this wizard loser?"

"I could," said Mai, "and I could also become at the last minute a dark and evil witch of blood lust and pure chaos and use my sharp boots to run you through and make your body resemble a bowl of chunky tomato soup. Plus, you can't rip off three things in one sitting. That's just tacky."

"That makes complete sense!" said Serenity.

"Serenity, don't ever let those platforms out of your sight. They contain powers beyond mortal understanding. The fate of this entire plan of existence is in your hands, and a lot of lives are depending upon your actions…but no pressure."

"Thanks?" Serenity asked.

---ooo---

"MS. WHEELER, HOW DARE YOU MAKE SUCH AN ACCUSATION?" Bob screamed.

"It makes perfect sense," Serenity said. "Ryo has absolutely no motive against me at all!"

"NIETHER DO I!" Bob yelled.

"Not quite, but I'll get to that," Serenity said. "The first evidence we have against you is that when the psycho attacked me, I saw a flash of gold and silver. When I happened to locate the ax that was supposedly used by Ryo to attack me, it turns out that that ax was just iron, no gold involved. However, this ax has a gold monogram with your name on it!"

"SO WHAT?" Bob asked. "YOU COULD HAVE JUST BEEN IMAGINING THINGS!"

"Which brings me to my second piece of evidence," said Serenity, pulling out the page of Ryo's day planner that said Ryo wanted to kill her. "According to this page, 'kill Serenity' was written in what appears to be red sharpie."

"SO WHAT?" Bob asked.

"Ryo's allergic to red sharpie!" Serenity said. "I read it in his diary!"

"You read his diary?" Joey asked.

"I was bored, and Seto had The DaVinchi Code," Serenity said.

"I DID NOT!" Seto screamed.

"Finally, the most conclusive evidence of all, you have an 'I Am Totally Evil And I Work For Pegasus The Not Nice Witch Of The West' wall hanging."

She pointed to the wall behind his desk, and indeed, there was an 'I Am Totally Evil and I Work for Pegasus the Not Nice Witch of the West' wall hanger.

"Wow, you think we would have noticed that," Seto said.

---ooo---

"WOO HOO!" said one cowboy, seeing them all walk in. "Ol' Sam's finely gone and gots us a show girl! Almost a shame it's a cheep one."

"IT'S A CHEEP ONE?" Serenity screamed, grabbing the cowboy by his throat with a sickening crack. "I'LL GIVE YOU A CHEEP ONE EASTWOOD!"

"Ooh! So much for not provoking a fight!" Ryo said, flinching from the other end of the room as he saw the whole scene play out before him. "How did she manage to jam his entire head down a gin and tonic glass?"

---ooo---

You ready to surrender?" said Snake.

"Not yet!" Serenity said. "For I know the incredibly dark verse of wisdom that makes any mortal man faint instantly!"

With that, Serenity did a dramatic leap through the air, and she landed right next to Snake. With that, she quickly whispered something in his ear.

He then screamed. He careened backwards, eyes rolling to the back of his head, and eventually passed out, falling backwards right into the sand. The dramatic background music ended, and 'Paranoid' started playing.

---ooo---

"Ryo," Serenity said, "I respect your whole 'pacifism' attitude, but really, you shouldn't take anything like that."

"What do you mean?" Ryo asked.

"Okay, repeat after me," Serenity said. "'This is being told to me by a man who runs around in a trench coat and was listening to who on a what colored boom box?'"

"Uh, is that with or without improvisation?" Ryo asked.

"Besides," Serenity added, holding up Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, who was also wearing a sailor suit, "SAILOR SUITS ARE SO CUTE!"

---ooo---

Serenity coughed out sea water as she dragged her sodden body up the sandy beach, clinging to Ms. Fuzzy-Kins in her arm, like a mermaid with a head cold. She had been through a lot, but that, that was just unfair.

"Okay Ryo," Serenity said. "We've swam ten miles to shore, received several threats from several angry pirates, and I had to beat up the only living species of fresh water sharks known to man. What have learned today?"

"Okay," Ryo said, wringing out his hair. "I learned to control my emotional outbursts, that open regret leads to nothing but pain, and to never back stroke in open sea, because their may be a shark with his mouth wide open who wants to swallow you up in one bite."

---ooo---

"Excuse me," Serenity said, grabbing Seto by the sleeve and dragging him into the hallway, out of the other's sight. There was silence for a moment, then Seto's horrified scream, followed by him running into the room away from Serenity as fast as he could.

"TAKEITTAKEITTAKEITTAKEIT!" he screamed, holding out his opened up wallet.

---ooo---

"You really have some issues, don't you Seto?" she asked.

"Is that the point? NO!" Seto said. "What is the point is that you're either working for the mice people, or you're disguised as Serenity! Either way, you're going to suffer the horror which can only be described as…A PLASTIC BUTTER KNIFE! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"

Serenity managed to get one foot loose out of the net, slamming her platformed heel right into his face, making him drop the butter knife.

"Mkay" his muffled voice said. "Yrr Srinity."

---ooo---

"Well, we'll find out what's doing this quick, and then we'll be on our way!" Serenity said.

"Why?" Seto said. "I'm certainly not sticking around!"

"But Joey owes it to Wheeler to help him, and we want to set a good example," Serenity said.

"I don't," Seto snapped back.

"Of course, I can always set a bad example, and tie you up to a swivel chair, and force you watch the Titanic un-cut Four Hour long feature with all the DVD extras, including a bunch of trailers, and several bad commercials ripping off scenes from the movie," Serenity said.

"You…are…sick…" he managed to spit out.

---ooo---

"I won't let you do this!" said Serenity, backing up as the brutes closed in. "I won't let you kill me and let Ryo take you're place on death row!"

"I really don't think you have any choice!" said Ryu. "You're unarmed!"

"Oh yeah?" said Serenity, and before they could say another thing, with one swipe, she swung the rack of portable gallows to the floor, knocking them in every direction, knocking out one of the muggers.

"Why you little-" started one of them, charging toward her, until she gave him a gut jab with her knee, knocking him to the floor with a thud, in a state of complete pain.

"And now for my signature!" said Serenity, jumping in the air, slamming Ryu down with her platform, like she did last time, right on his face.

---ooo---

"What the heck is wrong with you?" said the manager, toning down his voice a little bit, knowing that's all he needed to freak out Double S, who already had huge tears blooming in his eyes. "I swear, if I catch you acting like scared little baby rabbit, then I'm kicking you out of-"

"Shut you're face you annoying, diminutive disappointment," said Serenity, in a completely evil voice. Serenity, due to a biological glitch in her genome, feel the need to protect any and all small, cute things from danger, even if it's only from a nauseating boss. "I see you enjoy making a small, shy kid cry don't you? Well…what if I was hired by you? Would you want to try to make me cry? Or would you be too scared that I could easily squash your sorry hide like a bug, even if I wasn't wearing platforms? Would you try to make me mad? Are you too scared to hire someone who ISN'T smaller than you?"

"Sh-shouldn't we try to stop her before this gets out of hand?" Ryo asked, cowering behind Johney, who was just a smidge taller than Seto, making him really, really tall.

"No, I've always wanted to see Serenity go completely insane and knock the crap off of someone," said Seto. "Of course, I was hoping it would be Joey, but this works. This defiantly works."

"Can Serenity beat me up next?" Joey asked Seto excitedly.

---ooo---

"I chose 'Bunny Bashers: Fuzz Attack'!" said Serenity, pointing to a game that looked a little like 'Whack-A-Mole'.

"What?" asked General Fluffa-Pie in anger.

Playing the game was simple. Just pick up the mallet and try to swat as many bunnies that pop up out of the holes as you can in one minute. If you swat the blue bunny, not only do you get a point bonus, a politician breaks its back.

"Alright!" said Serenity, as the little white bunnies started popping up. "DIE!"

BANG!

"DIE!"

BANG!

"DIE!"

BANG!

"DIE!"

BANG!

"BACK BREAKER!"

BANG!

"DIE!"

BANG!

And so it continued, as Serenity mercilessly bashed the plastic bunnies to oblivion, and gave several members of the House of Representatives, two members of the White House Cabinet, and several various members of Parliament massive back wounds. (A/N YAY!)

"Okay…78,284 points…beat it bunnies!" said Serenity.

Ms. Fuzzy-Kins

"Darn," Pegasus muttered. "Listen well then! Somehow, I'll get my hands on those platforms, me and my flying fuzzy bunny hoard too! I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too!"

"She's a plushy cat!" said Serenity. "And her name is Miss Fuzzy-Kins!"

---ooo---

"HEY YOU!" said a voice behind him. Out of slight curiosity, Seto turned around to see the dead man who yelled. No one was there.

Not really caring, he turned around.

"Hello?" the rude voice said again. "Are you deaf, blind, stupid, or all of the above? I'm talking to you pall!"

Seto turned around again. He still couldn't see anyone behind him. He looked right, he looked left, he looked forward again. Now he was finally convinced that all of the terror the lunatic who wrote this book threw him over the edge.

"DOWN HERE YOU IDIOT!" yelled the voice. Seto looked down, only to see the cuddly, cute Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"Oh, I'm nuts," Seto said to himself. "I'm hallucinating that Serenity's stupid doll is talking to me."

"I'm a plush toy, thank you!" said the plush kitty. "Look here smart arse! There are two perfectly good people out there who are about to get wasted, and you can just strut around like an idiot saying 'Oh look at me! I'm Seto Kaiba, I've got no heart! I apparently have no gut either!'"

"What the-" Seto started.

"Do you need me to say it slowly?" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins said. " Yooouuuuu neeeeeeeeed tooooo goooo baaaack aaaaaaand heeeeeeelllp theeeeeeeeeem."

"Look you," Seto said, pointing a very threatening finger at the cuddly plush toy. "You are an inanimate object! You can't think, talk, or yell at me! Now shut up and obey the laws of physics!"

"Make me skinny boy!" said the plushie. "Besides, I am, part time, your conscious!"

"My conscious?" Seto asked.

"Yes, that thing!" said the plush toy. "Believe me, we really had to get the heavy artillery when it came to you!"

"How thrilling," Seto said, turning his back and walking away. However, he saw the plush toy suddenly float in mid air right in front of him.

"There you go defying the laws of physics again!" Seto said angrily.

"So I'm telekinetic, what's your problem?" said the plush toy. "Look pall, I have three reasons that you should go back and help the other two. There's a business reason, personal reason, and a really good reason!"

"I-do-not-care!" Seto syllabled out.

"Okay," said the floating plush toy. "The first reason is because Pegasus won't want smack out of you unless Serenity's alive-"

"Well I'll just risk it," Seto said angrily.

"The second," the plush toy said, drawing out her long, sharp, kitty claws, "Is that I'll knock eighty years of your life expectancy if you don't!"

For a point, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins hooked one set of claws into the front of his shirt, and using the strength of ten plush toys, yanked him to eye level.

"Oh yeah," Seto said sarcastically. "I really sweat you and your stuffing!"

"Really?" the plushie said. "Then let me as you this. If it was your heart back there, would you just walk away?"

Seto was shocked. He gave the plush toy a look so dangerous that it could burn a hole through an oil tanker.

"How do you know about that?" he asked darkly.

"I'm a telekinetic plush toy smart one," replied the plush toy. "What's the matter? The truth hurts huh?"

"Alright, alright, alright!" Seto said. "I'll save the loser two! I won't like it, I will loathe them for doing it, but I will! There! Are you happy?"

"It's a start," said the plushie. "Okay, now, we need the ultimate tool to succeed against an evil psycho."

"A fool-proof plan?" Seto asked.

"No! Don't be stupid!" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins said. "We need…DRAMATIC BACKROUND MUSIC!"

With that, the plush toy pulled out a huge boom box, and from in, the theme song to "Mission Impossible" blared.

---ooo---

"Yeah!" Serenity said. "Even Ms. Fuzzy-Kins is in the spirit!"

Ms. Fuzzy-Kins had her uniform on, complete with camo pants, camo shirt, little lace up army boots, and a hat. She looked SOOOOOOOOOO cute!

---ooo---

Ms. Fuzzy-Kins problem at boot camp was very simple. She was a plush toy.

"FUZZY-KINS, YOU WIMPY, WORTHLESS CREATURE!" screamed Bob, who was glaring right into Ms. Fuzzy-Kins's little button eyes. "WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE? I CANNOT TOLERATE USELESS SLACKERS THAT ARE MENT TO BREATH MY AIR AND OCCUPY MY TURF!"

Ms. Fuzzy-Kins stared right back at Bob, not saying a single word.

"ANSWER ME NOW YOU IDIOTIC EXCUSE FOR A….THING!" yelled Bob. Ms. Fuzzy-Kins did absolutely nothing.

"ARE YOU DEFYING ME?" said Bob. "AM I GOING TO HAVE TO GET UGLY?"

Due partially to gravity, partially to karma, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins's head slipped down just a little bit, making it look like she was nodding coolly.

"ALRIGHT THEN, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!" said Bob. "FIFTY PUSH UPS! NOW!"

Gravity/karma kicked in again, and Ms. Fuzzy-Kins fell right down on her plush stomach, not doing a single thing more.

"OH, I SEE!" said Bob. "YOU THINK YOU'RE TOUGH HUH? YOU THINK YOU'RE ALL THAT HUH? WELL YOU CAN JUST SIT THERE ALL DAY, BECAUSE NO ONE IS COMING TO GET YOU! D'YOU HEARS ME? NO OOOOOOOONNNNNNEEEEEEE!"

Ms. Fuzzy-Kins continued to sit there.

---ooo---

"I am telling you, this is urgent!" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins yelled into her cell phone. "My client is currently missing, and worst of all, he's missing with a person he has conducted bodily harm to on numerous occasions…what do you think I need? I need you to get me a replacement to find them! I can't just hunt them down, I'm obligated to help Serenity in anyway I can…THIS IS A #$ EMERGENCY! I need a temp NOW…what do you mean your out? Yes, I know it's with all the elections and everything, but…OH COME ON! Mine is a level eight case, and who knows what the other one is!...Look, at this point I'm desperate! I'll take a ziplock bag with wings if you have one…okay, your right, I'm being crazy but…he's a good kid really, I'm sure he can scrape a level seven…I DON'T WANT HIM TO DIE, DON'T YOU GET IT?...I AM ROCK BOTTOM DESPERATE!"

---ooo---

TO: CMWGAA HQ

FROM: A-874-564-1248-Sf.D (Agent Sweater Vest)

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing in regard to comment on a certain agent that has been drawn to my attention due to his involvement in my own case in light of recent events. I would like to also use this letter as one of recommendation to this certain agent.

Due to a sudden shortage of consciences for reasons neither confirmed nor denied at this point, I was forced to 'borrow' him to 'baby sit' my own client due to an unfortunate splitting up of myself and client Seto Kaiba (8C-13-76326, file #2762), whom has been written as a level eight case. While I found it somewhat hard to believe that said agent, 'Agent Sweater Vest' or 'ASV' as he's typically referred to by his peers, he somehow did a good job of not only keeping Seto from what sounds like the right thing, but from killing a bystander named 'Joey Wheeler', which my client has a severe distaste toward, to put it in the most general sense.

As a Level Eleven case worker, having to resort to measures that sometimes stretch my own talents myself getting said client to do the right thing, much less no kill said bystander, this seems like an accomplishment that deserves ribbons of honor and promotion to the board, much less passing the academy. I highly recommend him to continue his work, and hope he does such. We could use a few more people like him who at least keep trying, unlike some agents who say 'be good' and go home for coffee.

Keeping this in mind, I must insist that you use the philosophy of 'positive reinforcement' on him instead of drastic discipline. Also, I insist that you keep him in. I refer to him myself as a 'late-bloomer' so to speak. As long as he's passionate, I suppose that's all we need.

And if any of you think of reincarnating him, I will be forced to bring to the attention of the public of our sudden lack of temps, and also bring in further investigation of why such is happening. Also, I will be forced to post a few members of the BOR's high school yearbook pictures on the internet, as well as in a few small newspaper chains.

Regards,

Genevieve S. Fuzzy-Kins

A-263-792-1637-Sf.B

---ooo---

"Well God, isn't there anything that you're scared off?" Seto said.

"You scare me," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"I mean something that gives you nightmares every night that you see one, makes your skin crawl, and activates the fight-or-flight response in your nervous system?" Seto asked.

"Um…nope, still you," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

---ooo---

Okay, this is getting way to Monty Python for my taste," said Serenity. "Plus, if you haven't noticed, YOU'RE TIED UP TOO!"

"Maybe so," Seto said. "But all of this amusing antics, the real hero of the day had time to re-gear."

Just as Ryo said 'huh?', there was a huge, reloading 'click', Ms. Fuzzy-Kins appeared with the biggest Super Soaker known to man.

---ooo---

"Well this is just peachy," he said to himself.

"I agree. They really should have some sort of ancient weapon they save for the hero. I mean really, haven't these people heard of tradition?"

"MS. FUZZY-KINS!" he screamed, turning around to see her sitting on a rack of CDs. "What the heck are you doing here?"

"Well, I was reading Manga with Ryo and Serenity at Borders for a while, but then I got bored, so I decided to come here to see if you got yourself into trouble," she said. "And what do you know? I was right."

---ooo---

"Are you done being stubborn?" asked Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"NO!" Seto screamed, his face in the dirt, even more beaten up than before.

"Too bad. You're not learning any valuable lesson fast enough, and I'm sick of you not caring that about the fact that you're being mauled by a laptop," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "Use the web cam."

"Use the what?" Seto asked.

"The web cam!" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "Come on, put it all together."

----ooo---

"Psst, stupid, down here," whispered a voice, and there stood Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, talking to Joey.

"Cool! A magic talkin' cucumber!" said Joey happily.

"I'm not a cucumber you dolt," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "Listen, we have to find a way to get out of her and get back to Serenity before things get out of hand. I have a hunch that the next few chapters of this story are going to be on the intense side."

"Do I get three wishes?" Joey asked happily.

"…no…" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "I'm reminded why I have a moral policy against talking to lower mammals."

"Pie Pie Pie Pie…" Joey sang.

"Talking five minutes with you, and somehow, the idea of being Seto's conscience loses its sting…" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "Alright Joey, do you think you can sneak out the door?"

"You wouldn't have any pie, would you?" asked Joey.

"I really need a new job…" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

Joey

Who said that?" he said in frenzied yet stupid panic. "Are you a ghost? Are you invisible? Are you underground? ARE INVISIBLE GHOST UNDERGROUND TALKING TO ME? AHHHH! NO! I DON"T WANT TO DIE! I HEAR DEAD-"

"Hey!" Serenity yelled. "I'm down here!"

The blonde weirdo finally looked down.

"Oh, uh, hi," he said. "Have you seen any invisible, underground ghosts? One's talkin' to me!"

"That was me!" Serenity said. "I'm Serenity. Who are you and what are you doing up there?"

"Uhh…I don't know!" the idiot said.

"You don't know what your name or you don't know what your doing up there?" Serenity asked.

"I dunno anythin'!" said the idiot. "Ya see, I'm Joey, and I've got no brain."

"So you do know who you are!" Serenity said.

"I do?" Joey asked.

"Yes!" Serenity replied.

"Oh, uh, okay," Joey said.

---ooo---

"Did you get it Susie?" Joey asked the bird, and she twittered happily. Everyone held there breathe. They were at the threshold of freedom. The bird had done it! Slowly, ever so slowly-

-the bird pulled out a hamburger.

"YEAH!" Joey yelled, devouring it in one bite.

"Joey…" Serenity said, suppressing pure rage.

"YOU ASKED THE BIRD FOR A FLIPPING, STUPID HAMBURGER?" Seto screamed.

"I was hungry!" Joey said.

---ooo---

"Alright Joey," She said. "Here is your task. These are the Mystic Chests of Empersec. One of these contains a knife, which you can use to instantly snap the ropes that bind you and live a free and happy life. However, the other chest contains a horrible, poisonous adder, which will instantly bite you, ending your life with a lengthy and painful death. Do you understand Joey?"

"No!" Joey said happily.

"Good," said the tree woman. "This riddle has puzzled the wisest trees in our forest, so you must truly posses the wisdom of a thousand millennia to solve it. Which of these chests shall you choose? Will it be this lovely one with a bunny carved on it, or will you choose the gold and silver chest that contains the deadly adder?"

"Oooohhh….shiny…" said Joey, reaching for the gold chest.

---ooo---

"However, I can destroy something and leave a chilling warning foreshadowing the terrible events that are to come!" Pegasus said. With that, he conjured a huge fireball out of absolutely nothing, and then he blasted a hole mere inches from our heroes feet.

"YAY! GIANT DONUTS!" Joey yelled in happiness, jumping into the smoldering crater. However, his pants promptly caught on fire.

"AHHHH!" Joey screamed, rolling around the ground in pain. "THE GIANT DONUTS HAVE REJECTED ME!"

"Wow, that was random," said Pegasus. "FAREWELL!"

---ooo---

"For you information, my name is Ryo Bakura."

"That's a funny name!" Joey said.

"Fine," Ryo said. "You may call me…your assailant."

"Okay Your Assailant!" Joey said. "I'm Joey Wheeler, and I gots no brain!"

"That will make it so much easier to torture you," said Ryo, holding up a huge cheese wheel. "Cheese?"

"YES IT IS!" screamed Joey, soaring through the air and grabbing the cheese from Ryo AKA Your Assailant's hands. He then immediately began gorging on it as if he hadn't had a decent meal in four years, instead of four hours.

---ooo---

"YOU REALLY HAVE NO BRAINS AT ALL, DO YOU ANIMAL BOY?" Bob.

"Radiohead?" Joey asked.

"GOOD BOY!" Bob said. "THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO SEE IN A LAD, THE BULB COMPLETELY BURNT TO A CRISP, BUT STILL IN THE SOCKET."

"What does that mean?" Joey asked.

"YOU'RE AN IDIOT SON," said Bob.

"Oh, good," Joey said. "I thought you were insulting me!"

---ooo---

"What was that?" Bob asked.

"That is the mating call of…THE NORWEGIAN BUTT DUCK!"

"The what?" Seto asked.

"The Norwegian Butt Duck!" Joey said. "They are legendary for having a very silky coat of feathers!"

There was absolute silence for a second.

"THAT WAS JUST PLAIN PATHETIC!" Bob cried. "DIE!"

However, just as Bob was about to magically blow Joey up, out of the sky came a huge, brown duck with alligator like jaws. It flew from the sky, and lunged at Bob, bitting him right on the butt. Bob let out a shriek of horror, and ran around screaming in pain.

"Oh yeah!" Joey said. "They're also legendary for being extremely aggressive to people's butts. It's their natural prey!"

---ooo---

"I HATE YOU BOTH!" Seto said. "I hate to say that this is the stupidest thing I've seen on the entire ship, and unless something more ludicrous shows up before I finish saying this sentence, so help me-"

"HEY EVERYBODY!" Joey said, busting open the door to the cabin, walking out wearing a grass skirt, flower chain, and coconut bra. "WHO'S UP FOR HULA?"

---ooo---

"Once upon a time, there were three little cows!" Joey said. "There was a lazy cow, a paranoid cow, and a pink cow. One day, the three little cows all went to the land of incredibly smart people to find some magic beans! However, when they got to the path that led to the village of incredibly smart people, it was right next to the village of simpering idiots! So, the three little cows needed to ask the ugly old man who sat in the fork of the road for dirrectionies. But was he from the village of incredibly smart people or the village of simpering idiots? So the cows thought up a question they could ask the old man…BUT THEN THEY REALIZED THAT COWS CAN'T TALK! So they all walked over a cliff into a pit of boiling lava and turned into hamburgers, and I ate them! THE END!"

Moral of this story:…Uh…

---ooo---

"Have you actually seen this…Evil Thing dismember any of your family?" ASV asked.

"Nope," Joey said. "But one night, my Dad saw this terrible entity when going to of to the bathroom, and when he opened the door, the stench of a thousand horses' behinds filled the room, and the horrible monster was standing right in front of him!"

"Did your father escape?" ASV asked.

"Uh huh," Joey said, "but the scary thing was that was the same night I got up to go to the bathroom!"

"Uh…" ASV started.

"But that's not the scariest part!" Joey said. "You see, the day that I left the house on my quest for a brain, the horrible creature left too! So that means that he still wanders this life with cold blood and the urge to hunt me down and dismember me!"

There was silence.

---ooo---

So Joey tried to think of a super cool name to call himself. He tried to think of a ton of cool names, like Blasto Boy, Superly Awesome Man, Super Man Man…

"I'VE GOT IT!" Joey said. "I shall be…BUTT MAN!"

---ooo---

"Oh no!" Joey said. "You people are just…MEAN! That's it! Time to get dangerous!"

With that, using his power to fly as fast as the speed of light, he zoomed off to China, where it was evening at the time, and a little girl was skipping with a jump rope outside of her house.

"Little girl!" Joey said, landing right in front of her. "I need your jumpy ropey thing."

The little girl, not understanding English, started beating Joey up with kick butt karate moves.

"THANK YOU!" Joey said with the jump rope, revealing that four of his teeth got punched out when he smiled.

So with that, he flew back home to the mice people, and still flying at supper speed, spun around them with the jump rope in his hands, quickly tying all three of them up.

"COOL!" he said, looking at the mice that were struggling to get free from the jump rope. "I caught the mice people! But how come I can't help but think that I forgot something…"

---ooo---

"So you didn't play together a lot?" Ryo asked.

"Not really," Wheeler said, almost disdainfully.

"So, what…I mean…how…" Ryo stumbled, trying to find the most polite way to ask how well they knew each other, trying his best not to look like an idiot, but failing that battle.

"OH! I REMEMBER YOU!" Joey screamed. "I used to kick you around, beat you up and steal your lunch money!"

"JOEY!" Serenity cried.

"Oh, you should have seen it Serenity!" Joey said. "It was SO funny! He'd always scream like a girl, and then you shoved pencils up his-"

"This is both amusing and horrifying," Seto said blankly.

"Uh, Joey?" Ryo said to try to stop the conversation, because Wheeler was looking more and more bugged by the second.

"-and back then, he always wore these stupid sweaters with little unicorns on them, and he always wore these stupid shorts and knee socks, so we called him Shorty, Girly, McStupidy Fatikin-" Joey continued to rant.

"That's enough trips down memory lane, don't you thing?" said Wheeler in a dead tone, sounding and looking truly livid.

---ooo---

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" he screamed, running around in circles, being utterly confused, as well as stupid. However, he managed to regain what little sanity coursed through his veins, and tried once again to slam into the door in the front entryway, only to again feel the effects of the slam-proof material.

"I'LL NEVER GET OUT!" he screamed, pounding one of the double-doors with all his might. However, the person right next to him followed the directions of the sign over the door, which said 'pull', and walked out.

"YES!" Joey cried, running out through the space in the door with a mad dash, while the sugar-high Lesser Cuddle Snake managed to smash right through the slam-proof door.

"Hooray! I saved the store!" Joey said happily, as the snake began destroying everything in its wake, as an innocent populous in the mall scattered and screamed at the top of their lungs.

---ooo---

"And what's he doing in the spot where the beautiful maiden's supposed to be?" asked the announcer.

"Joey, how did you get in there?" Serenity asked.

"Literary Impossibility!" said Joey.

"So…the other one's the tiger?" Serenity asked.

"The big kitty?" asked Joey. "Nah, he looked sad, so I let him loose!"

---ooo---

"WAIT!" Joey screamed in horror, pointing to the flowers that lined the road leading up to the city. "DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT THOSE PLANTS ARE? THEY'RE RHODODENDRONS!"

"Joey has miraculously said a word with a grand total of four syllables," said Seto. "This is truly an intellectual leap."

"Don't estimate the meaness of the rhododendrons!" said Joey. "I once stuffed a bunch of rhododendrons in my mouth, and I lost both my arms to a terrible disease!"

"Um…" Ryo said, looking at his arms.

"DON'T BE FOOLED!" said Joey. "These are merely false ones made of meat!"

Seto

"Get the hell off me you loser!" screamed whatever Joey landed on, shoving him to the other wall with one sharp kick, which sent Joey landing head to the ground, back to the other end of the wall.

"Cool!" he cried. "It's the tooth fairy!"

"You're going to need one if you ever touch me again mutt," said the other prisoner. He was tall, brown haired, and was pretty darn skinny. He slunk to the other end of the cell as far away from the other end of the prison, as far away from the other two as he could possibly go. He put his back to the wall, eyes fixed on the others, not saying a word.

"Uh…" Serenity asked. "Who are you?"

"None of your business, girl," he muttered darkly. "However, since were all about to die, and if you and your dog really need to know, I'm Seto Kaiba, and I have no heart."

"Awesome!" Joey said. "I'm Joey, and I gots no brain!"

"I bet," Seto growled.

---ooo---

"Atomic bomb," Seto said, keeping his fist but keeping his thumb up in the air. "It incinerates rock, paper, and sissors. I win!"

"You twit!" Serenity said. "There's no such thing as atomic bomb in rock-paper-scissors! No one said there is!"

"No one said there isn't either!" Seto said.

"You big fat mean person!" Joey said, rearing up to his full height. "I demand a re-do!"

"I'll fight you for one," Seto growled.

"Fine with me!" Joey said, winding up his fist behind him, firing all the strength he could at Seto. Of course, it missed, and it came swerving back at him at phenomenal speed to centrifugal motion.

So to make a long story short, Joey knocked himself out.

"That's pathetic on so many levels," Seto said, Joey lying unconscious on the ground. "Oh well, I win. I call first watch."

---ooo---

"AAHHHHH!" she screamed. "SETO! HEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPP!"

As Serenity was dragged off, Seto mentally regrouped. He made his decision. Then, boldly and heroically, he-

"Oh well," he said, turning around and walking away.

---ooo---

"Ha!" Seto said, pulling it out. "You missed, and you gave me a dangerous weapon! How do you fell now?"

However, Seto got kicked in the stomach, throwing him back into the same tree, causing him to drop the ax, and for Not-Ryo to regain control of it.

"Well," he said, watching Seto flinch in pain as he twirled the Ax of Insanity around, "now that I have my ax back and caught you off guard, quite well. Now it appears that you are unarmed."

"Not quite," Seto said, and from his back, left hand pocket, he pulled out a huge oar, with a fancy, hand-fitting handle.

---ooo---

"Alright," Not-Ryo said, laying his ax-head painfully close to Seto's throat. "Any last words before I hack off your head and turn it into a decorative lawn ornament?"

"Can I have about, say, ninety years to think it over?" Seto asked.

---ooo---

"None of your business," Seto snapped. With that, the lady pulled out a paddle and smacked Seto in the side of the head.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR!" Seto yelled angrily.

"Back talk," said the woman said, promptly wicking Seto with her paddle again.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" Seto yelled again.

"Yelling at me and questioning my authority," said the woman, slamming Seto with her paddle again. "Name?"

"James Oglethorp," said Seto said sarcastically. With that, he was wailed on so hard that he fell to floor in agony.

"Just in case you were wondering, that was for being a smart aleck," said the freakish man lady as Seto managed to crawl back to a standing position. "Now what's your name son?"

"Seto…Kaiba…" Seto managed to chock out. He was clobbered by the paddle again.

"Dare I ask…what that was for…" Seto said, using the desk to pull himself back up.

"I dunno," said the woman. "I just don't like you. Age?"

"Too young to die," Seto said. He got pounded again.

"I'll just assume you're over eighteen," said the lady.

"I'm not," Seto said. He got wailed again.

---ooo---

"YOU WILL NOT BREAK ME BOB!" screamed Seto at the top of his lungs. "YOU WON'T! YOU WON'T! YOU WON'T! MUAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHH!"

Ryo and Serenity both stared at Seto in shock.

"Um, sorry," Seto said. "Pent up emotions."

---ooo---

Seto had tears in his eyes from the lyrics as he listened to the pink boom box with cute little flowers on it. He was cuddling Ms. Fuzzy-Kins in one arm, and had The DaVinchi Code propped up in his lap in the other.

"You know what?" he said the Ms. Fuzzy Kins. "This one…it's always been my favorite…"

"AAAAAAAAHHHH!" screamed Serenity, throwing open the flap to the tent and screaming at the top of her lungs, dripping wet and wearing nothing but her towel and platforms.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Seto screamed, for obvious reasons.

"Oh Seto, it was absolutely horrible!" Serenity cried.

"I'm not cuddling Ms. Fuzzy-Kins!" Seto said, throwing Ms. Fuzzy-Kins to the other side of the room.

"I was just getting out of the shower, I had put on a towel, and this psycho came out of nowhere and grabbed my ANKLES!" Serenity cried.

"I'm not reading The DaVinchi Code!" Seto said, putting the book under his sleeping bag.

"It was like he wanted to tear off my own feet!" Serenity said. "He was a complete freak, and I kicked him in the ribs to get him off me, and he flew through six straight walls and landed who-knows-where, but it was traumatizing just the same!"

"I'M NOT LISTENING TO KELLY CLARKSON ON A PINK BOOM BOX WITH PRETTY FLOWERS!" Seto said, tearing up the boom box and hurling it out the exit.

---ooo---

"She said she was mailing Seto's progress report," Serenity said.

"Joy," Seto said. "How am I doing?"

"Well, she said your grade would be a lot better if you stopped beating Joey up so much," Serenity said.

"What do you mean?" Seto said, but at that moment, he turned around and punched Joey in the ribs. Joey was laughing happily as he fell to the ground with a crash.

"Uh…what was that?" Ryo asked.

"His breathing. It annoys me," Seto said.

---ooo---

"Joey! No!" Ryo screamed. "IT COULD BE A LETTER BOMB!"

"Oh please," Seto said.

"No, he's right," Serenity said. "Compared to everything else we've been through, a letter bomb actually seems possible."

"Or it could be just a stupid package," Seto said. "Now stop acting like a bunch of idiots and just open it."

"SETO, DON'T DO IT!" Ryo cried. "IT'S TOO RISKY!"

"Who cares?" Seto said. "I'm way too stubborn to listen to common sense!"

---ooo---

"I didn't say that!" Seto snarled, after hearing Ryo's story.

"Well, it was something like that!" Serenity said.

---ooo---

"Ryo?" Seto asked politely. "May I try on your sweater…please?"

"Whatever," Ryo said darkly. "Finally, I feel like an individual person, not some stupid, crybaby, daisy picking freak!"

"I feel cuddly!" Seto said with the sweater on.

---ooo---

"I don't know any horrible tales," Ryo said.

"I know one," Seto said.

"Argh, tell us, fair lassie," said Dumpling.

"Call me 'lassie' again and I'll tear out your kidneys, drain the fluid, streach out the skin, and make myself a bongo drum," Seto said. "Okay, this is the story of Little Red Ridding Hood-"

Everyone groaned, except Gabbo.

"-the Seto Kaiba Version…" Seto said evily.

TWENTY MINUTES LATER

"Whoa!" Serenity said in a combination of shock and fear, Ryo cowering behind her with tears in his eyes. "I've never heard it told THAT way before!"

"Serenity, will the villagers ever find Little Red Ridding Hood's remains?" Joey asked.

"And if only the story teller wasn't such a horror story himself," Maria said.

"If I'm a horror story, than that would make you something produced by Hitchcock when he felt in an especially bad mood and his coffee was wearing out," Seto snapped back. Maria stared at him in shock for actually understanding her.

"I see now you're at a loss for words," Seto taunted. "I guess you can't take it when someone has the guts to actually shoot back your insults!"

Maria still said nothing.

"What's the matter?" Seto asked. "Cat got your-"

WHAM!

Maria nailed him with a well timed punch in the face.

---ooo---

"Seto's pretty tall, skinny, brown hair, blue eyes, probably yelling at something and wearing a trench coat, as will he be probably beating up someone." Serenity said.

"Okay…" Spirit said. "You have some weird friends."

---ooo---

"Ez scyuse me meester," said a random guy with a blowpipe.

"What?" Seto asked, not in the mood for anything but beating up a certain flying temporary conscious with strap on wings and a Morality Hammer. Unfortunately, his mood was not to be improved when the blow piper dude blew into his pipe, and with a little 'foomp', a tiny little dart with a cute little feathery tip buried itself in his neck.

"OKAY! THAT'S IT!" Seto roared, rolling up his sleeve. "I've been trapped on this island, with the person I hate more than anything else, I am currently traveling with a hallucination, I…whoa, I'm feeling really dizzy…."

"What's going on?" ASV cried in distress.

"Ah yez," said the evil blow piper person. "He is currently going through the stages of the veint inducing poison on zee the dart. He'z just gone through unbridled furry, and now eez going through dizziness."

"That's the real-OWW!" said Seto, dizzily running into a palm tree.

"Then you feint?" ASV asked.

"Ho no," said the evil drone. "Zen comes zee feeling of complete hopelessness."

"WAAAAAAAAH!" Seto screamed, sinking to the ground and bursting into tears. "I…I'm such a bad person! MY LIFE IS NOTHING BUT AN EMPTY VOID!"

"And then you feint?" ASV asked.

"No," said the blow piper. "Zen comes the feeling of extreme giddiness!"

"WEEEEEE!" screamed Seto, bouncing up and down in the sand. "Isn't life just fun? I want to dance! I want to sing! I WANT TO HUG EVERYONE!"

"Please tell me feinting comes next!" ASV begged.

"No, next you spin around in a circle three times and say the name of a random fruit," said the blow piper.

"APRICOT!" Seto said, as he spun in a circle three times, then abruptly fainted.

---ooo---

"YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK OF YER STINKIN' PLOY?" screamed Seto's voice from the top of the roof. "I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I THINK OF YER STINKIN' PLOY!"

"Oh my God!" screamed a couple of random pedestrians, running away as various large appliances were being hurled at them off the roof.

"Seto, for the last time, those weren't mice people!" Ryo cried up to the rooftop. "Please stop screaming on the roof and throwing large, heavy objects at random pedestrians! AND FOR MERCY SAKES, PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON!"

---ooo---

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Seto screamed, running into the room, getting on his knees and groveling. "Serenity, you can't leave! THE MICE PEOPLE WILL GET ME! WAAAAAHAHAAAAAAH!"

"Very pathetic Seto," Serenity said. "Okay Kami, I should be back soon-"

"PLEASESERENITYIBEGYOU!" Seto screamed.

"Promise to stop crying?" Serenityasked.

Seto nodded pathetically.

"Promise to put your shirt back on?" Serenity asked.

Seto hesitated in answering, but nodded pathetically in the end.

"Fine, okay," Serenity said. "But no freaking out. Got it?"

"No problem!" said Seto. "Now, let me just go find my homemade grenade launcher."

"It's going to be one of those days," Serenity sighed.

---ooo---

"AH! MICE PEOPLE!" Seto screamed, suddenly regaining consciousness.

"Go back to being passed out Seto," Serenity said.

"'Kay," said Seto, fainting again.

---ooo---

"HEY-OW! LET GO OF ME! LET GO OF ME YOU NERDS!" screamed Seto angrily as he was dragged away to the deepest, darkest corner of Best Buy by the rouge nerds.

"But aren't you a nerd?" a nerd asked.

"NO!" Seto screamed.

"You look like a nerd," said another.

"Yeah, and your ripping out memory cards," said another nerd.

"And you're hanging out at Best Buy," another replied.

"I AM NOT A NERD!" Seto screamed.

---ooo---

"Oh," Seto said in realization, managing to pick himself back up and walk toward the laptop fight scene. The keyboard typed by itself, sending a message across the screen that said 'have you had enough?'

"No, you stupid laptop," said Seto, and with one quick movement, flipped on the web cam.

'What was that for you stupid h-'

But the evil laptop couldn't finish it sentence. Its server completely melted down…thanks to the infamous Seto Kaiba death glare.

---ooo---

"Wow…" said Serenity.

"Shiny…" said Joey.

"It's beautiful…" said Ryo.

"It's tacky, now can we please keep walking instead of basking in idiocy?" asked Seto.

---ooo---

"TAKE ME NOW LORD!" screamed Seto, getting down on his knees.

---ooo---

"Good news," said a guard, coming into the room. "The state found you a defense lawyer for your trial."

"How good is he?" asked Mobster.

"We don't know exactly," said the guard. "He's an utter unknown, but he insisted on coming to defend your case."

"And his name is?" asked Johney.

"HI EVERYONE!" said ASV happily, wearing a blazer over his blue sweater vest, with the strap-on wings on the outside.

"NOW'S THE TIME YOU KNOW!" yelled Seto, screaming up to the heavens.

---ooo---

"Well, uh…" said Double G. "Come on! They may have done some bad stuff, like hack into computers, and bribe, and threaten, and bleed money from taxpayer's dollars, and speed down the road with no regard to-"

Seto picked up a pen and rapidly scribbled on a blank sheet of paper, and held it up, revealing it to say 'WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?'

"Uh, but really, look at the sad state of our economy!" said Double G. "Think of poor Mr. Roma, who has to work so hard to feed poor Mobster, (A/N Insert sad violin music here) and they have to pay rent? Don't you realize how hard that is? Doesn't the end justify the means? Don't you think if you were a single parent who needed extra money would resort to theft and burglary and bribery and odd hand gestures when referring to the mayor and-"

Seto had written on the back of the same paper 'WRAP IT UP NOW!'

---ooo---

"Speed for the last time you cannot cross the bridge there is no way you will get out alive!" said Trixie from the Helicopter.

"I can't I must somehow win the race if I win the race I may find out the true identity of Racer X and-HOLY CRUD!"

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH.

"DUDE! I WAS WALKING THERE!" screamed Seto as the car zoomed by. "STUPID CAN'T-USE-THE-SPEED-LIMIT-OR-PUNCTUATION-MARKS-GIRLY-BOY!"

Ryo

My Ancient Evil Curse

(Sing to the tune of 1985)

I've really had enough

My live is just too tough

The first thing on my list:

My Dad's an archeologist

My Mum's a denizen

Of (please not heck) heaven

My sis jumped on the back

Of the Grim Reaper's Cadillac

I wished I wasn't alone

I wished I had a friend

My Dad brought home a pretty ring

Then my problems really began

A spirit thingy

Is now the enemy

Looked at my oddball life

Nothing, has been, alright

Petting my Furbie,

Running from my Yami

Listening to my Genesis CD

I wish I was on Jeopardy

My best friends in High School

All tell me that I'm uncool

Because I have to reverse

My ancient Evil Curse

To find a way I bet

They'll be ideas at in love? NO ICK!
Who the heck is Marik?

I ask my friends, but

They don't help out a lot

Cause my Yami takes hold

And things get really old!

He'll go and litter,

Harass daytime TV,

Won't put the seat down

And key-scratch peoples SUV.

He destroyed Pittsburgh

He changed my name to Jane

And when I get control:

Torches

Pitchforks

I get all the blame.

Petting my furbie

Running from my Yami

Listening to my Genesis CD

I wish I was on Jeopardy

My best friends, in High School

They tell me that I'm uncool

Because I have to reverse

My Ancient Evil

I'm frightened

Oh, stop please

When did my inner psycho get

More fans than me?

I just want to desist

All this bedlam

All I have to do is make him

Stop

STOP

STOP!

So I can.

Go pet my furbie,

Stop running from my Yami

Listen to my Genesis CD

And someday be on Jeopardy

My best friends, in High School

Won't tell me that I'm uncool

Cause I'll finally reverse

My Ancient Evil Curse.

Go pet my furbie,

Stop running from my Yami

Listen to my Genesis CD

And someday be on Jeopardy

My best friends, in High School

Won't tell me that I'm uncool

Cause I'll finally reverse

My Ancient Evil Curse.

---ooo---

"Alright, name?" she said, as Ryo very sincerely put the paddle she lodged into his skull back on her desk.

"R-R-Ryo Bak-k-kura," he managed to say even though he was shuddering like he had never been more cold in his life. "W-what's yours?"

"Katie," the woman said.

"That's a pretty name," Ryo said. He got slammed by her paddle.

"What was that for?" he asked with tears in his eyes.

"Harassment," said the woman.

"Harassment?" Ryo echoed. "All I said was that was a pretty name!"

Ryo got wailed by the paddle again.

"Now then, age?" the woman asked.

"Will you paddle me if I say that I'm under eighteen?" Ryo asked. For that he was paddled again.

"Don't ever suggest to say things that aren't true," said the lady. "Now then, I will rightfully assume your age is over eighteen?"

"I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE PADDLED!" Ryo sobbed in terror. For that, he was smacked with the paddle.

"Yes, you're over eighteen," said the woman. "Here's your uniform. You're bunking wi-"

Ryo began sobbing uncontrollably and running out of the room, slamming open the door and not bothering to close it. Serenity walked up to the desk.

---ooo---

"ALRIGHT YOU WORTHLESS BEASTS OF BURDEN!" said the sergeant. "AS LONG AS YOU ARE IN MY CAMP, YOU MUST NEVER, EVER, EVER QUESTION MY ATHORITY! IN METAPHORICAL TERMS, I AM GOD! I AM THE ONE WHO HOLDS YOUR PATHETIC LIVES! BUT YOU MAY CALL ME….Bob."

"That's a nice name," Ryo said.

"WHO'S THE DEAD FOOL WHO SAID THAT?" Bob asked. Everyone took a step backward, leaving Ryo out in the open.

"What is it with people whenever I try to do something nice?" Ryo asked himself.

"ALRIGHT NEW SQUID," Bob said. "HERE IN THIS BOOT CAMP, WE HAVE A RULE! NICE GUYS FINISH LAST! ALWAYS! SO LET ME GIVE YOU SOME FREE ADVICE! NEVER BE NICE!"

"Thank you!" Ryo said.

"DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I JUST SAY YOU PUNNY, GIRLY, FILTHY, ROTTEN, STUPID, SMELLY, WORTHLESS, ANNOYING BAG OF MAGGOT'S FILTH?" asked Bob.

"You're bruising my already dangerously low self-esteem!" Ryo sobbed.

"BY THE WAY, GIRLY BOY," said Bob. "WE HAVE A DRESS CODE AROUND HERE, AND I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOUR HAIR! SAY HELLO TO MR. BUZZY!"

"Hello Mr. Buzzy!" Ryo said with a smile. "Who's Mr. Buzzy? Is he a friend of yours? Oh, I'd love to meet him!"

With that, Bob pulled out a huge, hand-held buzz shaver. With that, he pressed a big, red button on its side, and it began to vibrate and make a very loud, very threatening buzzing sound.

"HOLD ABSOLUTLY STILL!" he said, "IF YOU DO, YOU MAY COME OUT OF THIS CREW CUT ALIVE!"

"WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Ryo screamed, running away from Bob and the rest of the line. So began the very long and very painful training of our heroes.

---ooo--

"HA! THOSE FIRST THREE ANTICS WERE JUST WARM UPS!" Ryo cried triumphantly. "AT LAST! NOW, I CAN TRULY COMMIT THE HANOUS AND CRIMINAL ACTS I HAVE BEEN PLANNING!"

Seto and Joey looked on in shock, almost horror, on how completely evil Ryo sounded.

"You don't think that's…your assailant, do you?" Joey asked.

"Joey, you don't think period," Seto said. "But…it's possible."

"AND NOW, USING THE POWER OF THE INFORMATION SUPER HIGHWAY, I WILL TRAP INNOCENT SOULS FOREVER IN THE NEVERENDING SPIRAL OF FALSE HOPE THAT THEY CAN BEAT ME!" Ryo said, logging onto the web. "AH YES! THE GAME OF DRAGONS! THE GAME OF DEATH! THE GAME THAT WRENCHES THE HUMAN SOUL STRAIGHT FROM THEIR HUSKED CARCASSES!"

Both Seto and Joey held their breath in shock.

"THE GAME…OF...INTERNET CANDY LAND!"

---ooo---

"You baked a muffin army?" Serenity screamed.

"Yes!" Ryo said. "I used them to fight the evil monsters that lurked in the hallway and waited until the middle of the night when you went up to go to the bathroom to eat you alive!"

"Why did you make them now?" Seto asked. "How did you know?"

"Seto, why does the sun rise in the east and sink in the west?" Ryo asked. "Why do birdies always fly south when it gets cold, and north when it gets hot? Why does the rose have colors so lovely, and a scent so fair?"

"Earth rotating on its axis, instinct, and to attract insects to pollinate them so they don't die sad, miserable flower deaths without giving anything to the world," Seto said.

"Wow! That answers all the questions to my science paper!" Ryo said, writing all of them down on a paper in his hand. "And now my cavalry of carbohydrates, ATTACK!"

---ooo---

"How can they do that?" Ryo asked.

"Do what?" Seto asked.

"How come whenever a bartender flings drinks down a counter, they always stop in front of the exact person they're ordered for?" Ryo asked, beginning to drink out of the straw.

"Years of experience, mystical bartender magic, and tiny magnets," Seto said.

"Wow! I didn't know that!" Ryo said. "Thanks Seto!"

With that, Ryo continued to drink happily through the straw of his strawberry milkshake. For about a minute, Seto just watched him.

"You really are gullible, you know that Ryo?" he said at last.

"Wow! I didn't know that!" Ryo said. "Thanks Seto!"

---ooo---

"Oh, no thank you," Ryo said. "I have a very strict policy against drinking any kind of beverage that…smokes-"

"Drink," Snake ordered, taking out a gun and jamming the barrel right in the back of Ryo's throat.

"Bottom's up than!" Ryo said, taking a straw out of his milk shake and sticking it into the exploding beverage. Very gingerly and slowly, he took a very small sip.

"Huh," he said. "You know, once you get past the bitterly alcoholic taste, it's actually not that b-"

BOOM!

With that, Ryo suddenly shot like a rocket up through the roof, causing several wooden boards to fall down to the floor all over the counter.

---ooo---

"Wow…" Ryo murmered dreamily. "I must have died and gone to heaven."

Then, he saw who caught him.

"OH MY BLOODY LORD! SETO'S HERE!" he cried. "Then…then that means…"

Three second realization silence. Then Ryo burst into tears. And Seto dropped him.

---ooo---

"Tea's ready!" said Johney, carrying a tray with seven full cups of tea.

"Whatever," said Seto reaching for a cup.

"MY TEA!" screamed Ryo, jumping over the table, kicking Seto in the face, and landing right in front of Johney, snatching a cup right off the tray that Seto was reaching for.

"Pain…" Seto gasped from under the table.

---ooo---

"WHY DID I HAVE TO BE SUCH A COWARD?" Ryo screamed. "WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?"

With that, in sheer Ryo anger, Ryo pounded his fist on the guard rail around the ship, and smacked it clear in half. In fact, a huge crack ran right down the ship, chopping it in two halves, and causing it to sink.

"I'm going to have to ask you not to do that again," Serenity said.

"Sorry," Ryo said.

---ooo---

"Oh, I got it!" said Joey. "You gots white skin…and white hair…you're kinda skiney…you look just like a ghost…WE'LL CALL YOU SHEET BOY!"

"Can't I just be called Ryo?" Ryo asked.

"Nope," Joey said.

"Well, why not?" Ryo asked.

"Cuz," Joey said.

"Okay…" Ryo said. "Well, as much as I find the term 'sheet man' very creative, it's not really fear instilling. I mean, it doesn't really seem…heroic. How about GHOST BOY!"

"Naw, that's stupid!" Joey said. "Let's call you Ghost Boy!"

"OKAY!" Ryo said cheerfully.

---ooo---

"Uh, we just thought that…" Ryo said, trying to think up a good excuse. "Well, we thought it…was someone's funeral, so we got all dressed up, and…Joey worked out…a lot…and then, well, no one appears to be dead, so-"

Suddenly, a very beaten-up Seto slammed opened the door, flinching and shivering in pain, both eyes blacked out.

"I stand corrected," Ryo said.

---ooo---

"Don't worry," Ryo said heroically, pulling out a plastic spork with a bunch of silver glitter on it. "I posses the power of…THE SILVER SPORK OF POLITE INTERVENTION!"

"Huh?" the mice people asked.

"Excuse me," said Ryo sweetly, walking up to the head mouse person, "but I think that it would be in everyone's best interest if you stopped being mean and stealing stuff. Maybe we can talk this over with a nice cup of hot chocolate…maybe a banana muffin drizzled with white choco-"

BAM!

The mouse person punched him, send Ryo flying off the roof, screaming as he fell down.

---ooo---

"WHY DO YOU PEOPLE ALWAYS SEE THE GLASS AS HALF EMPTY?" Ryo screamed.

---ooo---

"'Queen of the Occult'?" Serenity said. "Oh, yeah right. In the risk of sounding like Seto, I'm saying 'like a book on the three for two rack can possibly surface just because we read a page of it'."

"Then in the risk of sounding like Joey, I'm going to say 'BUT IT COULD DESTROY US TOOTH FAIRY! PENGUIN!'" Ryo replied.

---ooo---

"Oh geez!" Serenity cried. "Joey's heading toward a federal jail, and Seto's heading to some remote torture chamber! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?"

"What can anyone do…BUT SING?" Ryo cried.

"Huh?" Serenity asked.

"HEY NOW, HEY NOW, DON'T DREAM IT'S OVER, HEY NOW, HEY NOW, WHEN THE WORLD COMES IH-HI-IN-" Ryo sang into a microphone that appeared out of nowhere, with the rest of Crowded House playing behind him.

---ooo---

"RYO! THE TOOTH FAIRY SAYS HE WON'T TAKE WATCH FOR YOU!" Joey called.

"BLOODY SLAUGHTER!" screamed Ryo in his sleep, this time with a real axe.

"OKAY! OKAY!" Seto said, not wanting to be cut into tiny little meat strips.

"Kay, night Mommy," Ryo muttered, falling back down to sleep again.

---ooo---

"Ryo," said a voice from bellow the surface of the pond, as a huge, green tentacle sprouted up, "all of the mutated marine animals in all local bodies of water, including myself, have searched everywhere in the water, and we couldn't find any trace of Seto Kaiba. Sorry man."

"Oh no, it's alright," said Ryo, pulling out a huge bucket of fish guts. "Have some good quality chum!"

"Yay!" said all the mutated animals, as a feeding frenzy brewed from where Ryo dumped in the chum. "Thank you Ryo!"

"Don't mention it!" Ryo cried. "That means when we find Seto, there'll be a good chance that he hasn't mutated!"

---ooo---

"Alright Ryu Barabus!" said the guard, as Ryo was standing in front of a gallows, hands tied behind his back. "Any last words before we tie a nylon chord around your neck and hang you until you are dead?"

"Well…what can I say really?" said Ryo. "What can I say to express my great feeling of sadness by the fact that our society's justice system is based on both revenge and hypocrisy, that the only way we feel just punishment for killing a man is by killing another, and-"

"Time's up," said the guard, shoving Ryo up the stairs, as a crowd of cheering onlookers watched as Ryo was put up to the gallows, and a noose lashed around his neck.

"Um, I'm sorry, but I'm allergic to nylon," said Ryo to the executioner with a black mask over his head. "Do you think you can get me just a normal rope?"

The executioner gave him a look.

"Okay, but if I have a reaction, I hope the medical team knows what to do!" said Ryo.

---ooo---

"Well, I don't know how coffee tastes, so I assume if I have just a smidge of it in a cup of cream, then I'll be able to see if I like it or not!" said Ryo, pouring a smidge of coffee into the half cup of cream, turning it successfully from milky white to tan.

"Wonderful," said Seto sarcastically (what's new?) and sipping his cup of coffee. "Oh God, this stuff is the blandest thing I've ever tasted!"

"AAAAAAAH!" screamed Ryo, falling backwards after sipping his.

"What the heck is this anyway?" Seto asked. "Hot water with brown dirt in it?"

"MY HEART RATES SURGING!" screamed Ryo in pain.

"Honestly, this stuff is so bad, I should sue," said Seto.

"I CAN'T FEEL MY EYELIDS!" screamed Ryo, trying to regain control of his nervous system so he could push himself to a standing position.

"My god, I am going straight to that vertically challenged twit they call the manager, and give him a good piece of my mind!" said Seto, chucking his cup in the garbage can, as Ryo, shuddering uncontrollably, walked dizzily in his direction. "Oh God Ryo, I think that even you would consider that-"

"CAFFEINE HIGH!" screamed Ryo, clocking Seto with a paddle that magically appeared out of nowhere, then screamed like a lunatic and ran outside into the street.

---ooo---

"But how? Who do I call up to help pull off the whole insanity thing into perspective?" asked ASV.

"Who indeed…" said Ryo thoughtfully.

Everyone Else

"Serenity," her mom said, "life is like a great, big, inside-out sweater."

"That's it," Serenity said. "Stay here Mom. I need to look up the Aromatheripst's number."

"Bear with me, okay?" her Mom said. "Now, when we flip this sweater inside out, we get a disgusting mess of string, lint, body filth, dirt, sweat, mothballs, moths, worms, and strange, alien objects that I don't want to describe! You get what I'm saying?"

Serenity nodded, hoping that if she would, her mother would be quiet and not try to attach metaphors to various garments.

"Let's have a look!" her Mom sad, promptly shoving her hand into the sweater, grabbing the neck, and tugged it until it was inside out. Indeed, there as string, lint, body filth, dirt, sweat, mo-

"Alright! We get it!" Serenity yelled at me and my very lovely description of the inside-out sweater.

"Who are you talking to dear?" her mother asked.

"No one," she said quickly.

"Alright then!" her Mom said. "Well, life' just like it! Life is completely confusing, weird, unsanitary, and overall disgusting. And no matter how much we try, there is absolutely nothing we can do about it!"

"Oh, thanks Mom," Serenity said. "I feel soooo much better."

"Well," he mom said, reaching back into the sweater and flipping it to being right side in again, "when we look at the other end of the sweater, everything makes sense, and there aren't any lose strings or lint or filth anywhere! The point is that life is really confusing, one would even go as far as saying completely messed up. To understand it, we just have to look at the other side of the sweater."

"Wow Mom," Serenity said. "That was almost completely and utterly confusing, but it sure was deep. Thanks."

---ooo---

"What was that?" Serenity cried.

"Oh, it's okay," said Mai. "Those are the Munchkins. They're just acting stupid. You see, only bad witches are ugly. I am Mai Valentine, The Good Witch of the North, North-east, and I still want to know if you're good or not."

"I try," said Serenity.

"Is that the witch?" Mai said, pointing to the kitten plushie.

"That's a stuffed animal," Serenity said severely

---ooo---

"Sorry Peggy," said Mai. "Serenity gets the platforms, you get nada."

"No big deal," said Pegasus. "I'll just blast her to bits here and now and take the darn things!"

"You powers don't work her, remember?" said Mai. "All the cable signals screw it up."

"CURSE YOU TIME WARNER DIGITAL CABLE!" screamed Pegasus. "Fine! I'll just command my army of flying, fuzzy bunnies to take care of her good and quick!"

"They're at a baptism!" said Mai. "Jeez! Even I know that!"

---ooo---

"Now Joey, I haven't had the fun of torturing people for the last three-to-five thousand years," said Not-Ryo with a grimly eager voice. "Do you have any friends/acquaintances/family members/people or items of personal value/travel companions I can DESTROY?"

"Just Serenity and the tooth fairy," said Joey, beginning to chow down on the tree cheese.

Not-Ryo looked puzzled for a moment. As Joey continued to feed, he pulled out a pocket Dora the Explorer date book. He flipped through a couple pages that were scrawled over in ancient text. He came upon a particular page and read it through.

"Well that's weird," he said. "I thought I killed the tooth fairy off in 2084 BCE. Must be a mess up…oh well, this Serenity sounds like a piece of cake."

"Cake?" Joey asked hopefully. "Why?"

With that, Not-Ryo pulled out a pocked dictionary from his jeans. He also pulled out a pair of very distinguished reading glasses. He slid them on, and after flipping through a few pages, he stopped at one, cleared his throat, and began to read.

"Serenity, noun," he said. "Calmness of mind; even of temper; coolness; undisturbed state; composure."

"Huh?" Joey asked.

"I'll be right back Joey," Not-Ryo said, throwing the book and reading glasses aside. "I'm about to mercilessly kidnap your friend. I'll only be a few."

"Bye Your Assailant!" Joey said continuing to eat his cheese.

---ooo---

"THOSE AREN'T BUTT SCRATCHERS YOU FOOLISH FOOL!" said Bob. "THOSE ARE MY PERSONAL COLLECTION OF WEAPONS OF WAR! I CALL THIS ONE…THE POINTY THING! AND THAT ONE'S THE SHARPY SWINGING THING! AND THIS IS THE POINTY SHARPY SWINGY THINGY! AND THAT ONE…I JUST CALL…Serefina. JOEY YOU IDIOT, PUT THAT DOWN!"

"AWESOME!" Joey said, with a huge ax in his hands that he pulled off the display. "I'm a lumberjack! TIMBER!"

With that, Joey swung the ax wildly around and, by accident, let it swing out of his control and hack Bob's desk in half, sending a bunch of papers, along with his custom Beanie Baby collection, spraying all over the place.

"Son, go home…" said Bob.

---ooo---

"What's wrong with you?" Paula screamed. "Can't you ever just be nice to people? One complement? One reason for people to believe you're not a robot pre-made to crush people's spirits?"

"I'm a lot better off than you!" Simon said. "At least I don't act like a cutsie bubble head. I bet if a person came in and threatened to kidnap you, you would just smile and complement him on his aggressive entertainment."

"I HATE YOU SIMON!" she screamed.

"I HATE YOU MORE!" Simon screamed back.

There was three seconds of silence.

"I LOVE YOU!" Paula screamed.

"NOT AS MUCH AS I, YOU!" screamed Simon, passionately embrace Paula.

---ooo---

"Halright," said Snake. "I choose mah six shot revolver, which is…uh…what's one less than six?"

"Five," Serenity said.

"Five more shot's than I need!" said Snake.

"Fine!" Serenity said. "So, uh, when do we start this fight?"

"I dunno…whenever…just say the word…" said Snake.

"Okay…could someone count to three?" Serenity asked.

"I…can't count…" Snake said.

"Fine. Let's just go," Serenity said.

---ooo---

So with that, Seto tore off the wrapper to the package, turned it upside down, and dumped the contents into his hand. He looked at it, and it turned out to be a very small package of-

"Spam?" he asked.

"SPAM!" screamed six voices around him, and then, out of nowhere, Terry Jones, Graham Chaplain, John Cleese, Terry Gillam, Eric Idle, and Michel Palin all jumped out of an abandoned alley, quickly surrounding our heroes.

"This ambush was brought to you by SPAM!" screamed Terry.

"Spam spam spam spam, spam spam spam spam…" the others sang.

---ooo---

"Well, lay it on me," Tea said, pulling out a cigarette box from her desk drawer. "Want a stick?"

"No thank you," Ryo said. "I don't smoke."

"Neither do I," Tea said, snapping open the case. "These are peppermint sticks."

"Oh, well, in that case," Ryo said, taking one, as did Serenity.

"Want one Seto?" Ryo asked.

"No way," Seto said. "Sugar poisons the mind as well as the body."

"CANDY!" Joey yelled, grabbing the entire cigarette box with his mouth, including part of Tea's hand. Using the automatic sorting devices in his mouth, he sucked out all the candy, spitting out Tea's hand. With that, he licked the rest of her arm with one huge lick like a dog, and went all the way up her side, up to her head, completely messing up her hair and covering her in drool.

"I rest my case," Seto said, as Joey belched out the cigarette case.

---ooo---

"Look, we had a deal, remember? That thousand dollars you found?" She said. Then she realized just who she was facing.

"You aren't the police are you?" she asked, sweat dropping.

"We aren't as long as you aren't a mob leader!" Ryo said uneasily.

"HOLY CRUD! A BRITISH PERSON!" she screamed in delight, hearing his accent. She then leaped right in the air and did a twirling kick into Joey, who had the misfortune of standing in front of Ryo. This caused Joey to soar backwards across the thruway, getting himself buried in the wall of an opposite building.

"Mmmm, British person!" the freaky twelve year old said, grabbing Ryo in a bone crushing bear hug.

"Can't…feel…lungs…ribs…cracking…" Ryo said in a great deal of pain.

"I don't know who you are," Seto said, "but if you karate kicked Joey into a brick wall and strangle Ryo, you are defiantly on my good side."

"AAAAAHHHH! MOB LEADER!" screamed the weirdo tween, letting go of Ryo long enough to jump in mid-air and do another karate kick which sent Seto flying into the same building that Joey got floored into.

---ooo---

"WHO DARE DISTURBS JOHNEY ROMA?" a frighteningly evil voice said from behind the door to the dinning room, and with a huge lunge, the door fell down to reveal the head of the mob.

He was quite tall, and he wore a huge, wide brimmed hat and a blazer. He had a very fake Italian/New Yorker accent, and his hazel eyes blazed behind his sunglasses. He was also wearing bunny slippers and an apron that said 'Kiss the Cook', as well as a chief's hat.

"YOU KNOW I HATE TO BE DISTURBED WHEN I'M BAKING SCONES AND BREWING A FRESS POT OF TEA!" said Johney Roma. "And don't tell me you're holding another British person hostage."

---ooo---

"Ha! You're too late Fan Girl!" said Ted. "We're going to kill everyone on this bus, and there's nothing one little girl like you can do to stop us!"

"Never underestimate the power of little girls!" said Fan Girl "Why, just five seconds ago, you were cowering in the fear of a twelve year old in a violin. BUT NO MATTER! It will now be my duty to kick the crud out of your basher butts!"

"And how to you plan to do that?" Marcus said challengingly.

"ASSEMBLE MY YU-GI-OH FAN ARMY!" screamed Fan Girl heroically.

"TEA FAN!" said another super hero girl, breaking another window, with pink instead of purple, and a huge heart around 'Tea Gardner/ Anzu Masaki'.

"JOEY FAN!" screamed another girl after another window crash, her outfit in green, and huge heart around 'Joey Wheeler/ Katsuya Jonouchi'.

There was a small pause, as if waiting for something to happen.

"Have any of you seen Manda?" Tea Fan asked the others.

"YEEE! YOU'RE SO CUTE!" screamed a girl in blue, hugging Seto.

"MANDA!" Fan Girl screamed. "GET OVER HERE!"

"But can't I just-" Seto Fan started.

"NO!" the other three screamed.

Seto Fan muttered darkly to herself, walking to the other three.

---ooo---

"The Dark Lord Chuckles, as you have seen from our previous presentation, is originally not from this time period!" said Kayla. "He originally comes from the dark ages, and is fighting a long war against a group of Barbarians who continue to kick his butt due to sheer, blind luck! However, using his mystical amulet, he traveled to the future where vast amounts of technological know how would be at his fingertips!"

Suddenly for effect, the mystical amulet of Hotswinborg appeared on the screen, followed by a little picture of Chuckles in a lab coat.

"Once he figures out how to switch peoples personalities, he plans to kidnap all of histories greatest fighters, and switch their personalities with pre-made personalities!"

"PRE-MADE PERSONALITIES?" Ryo cried in shock.

"Yes, pre-made personalities!" Kayla said with a big smile. "He will use his pre-made personality, of PMP, and implant them into the fighters, turning them into brainwashed pawns, which he shall use to conquer the ancient world, and forever rule as supreme dictator, crushing the barbarians under his fierce might!"

"But what are you going to do with us?" Ryo asked.

"Very good question Ryo!" Kayla said, flashing him a big smile.

"Wait, how did-" Ryo began.

"The Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy plans to torture you, and when he gets bored with you, stuff you're bodies and turn them into trophies!" Kayla said. "He knows a wonderful taxidermist from somewhere called the Bates Motel!"

"I hope you know I plan to have a glazed ham for supper tonight," Serenity said dangerously.

"Shut up in front!" Kayla said happily.

---ooo---

"ARGH!" Captain Dumpling said, snatching the twenty out of Seto's hand. "The breeze is in the sails! The tide is at its highest! I've got fat pockets! MY CREW! WE NOW SET SAIL!"

"Uh, crew?" Serenity asked.

With that, Dumpling blew a long whistle through two fingers, and a small band of completely pathetic pirates assembled around the four, each one looking more of a misfit than the other.

"Allow me to introduce mah ghastly pirate crew!" said dumpling. "First, John the Irritable!"

"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT PUNK?" screamed the incredibly burly, completely bald pirate with a striped bandana around his head and one two many body piercings and tattoos for this psycho authoresses taste, punching Seto in the face for no good reason.

"Looks like you're going to be fast friends," Serenity said, with a hint of panic in her voice.

"This be Maria the Spaniard!" said Dumpling, indicating a short woman with tanned skin, thick, dark hair, and huge brown eyes.

"Hola senor," she said, shaking Ryo's hand. "Como esta?"

"Em, I don't speak Spanish…" Ryo said, "How do you say it? No hablo Espanol?"

"Ah, that is a good thing sir, because you are the most pathetic excuse for a man I have ever seen, and I want to insult you without having the inconvience of killing you when you try a pathetic attempt at putting up a fight," said Maria.

"I don't know what she said, but she sounds nice," Ryo said cheerfully.

"That's Richard the Drama Queen!" said Dumpling, pointing to a pirate who was very trimmed up and looking like a wandering actor more than a bloodthirsty pirate.

"Oh, I can't imagine why you wanted to join us upon the great cloak of blue!" he said, dramatically putting the back of his hand to his forehead. "It's so cold, when it rains it pour, and culture and intelligence aren't worth a drop of pain and consideration!"

"Oh, shut up Richard," a blond haired female pirate said, sitting on a rum barrel, absentmindedly tossing an incredibly dangerous looking dagger around.

"That be Nancy the Wise Cracker," said Dumpling.

"An' I'm also Nancy the Much More Good Lookin' Than You Scurvy Lot," she mussed.

"Joy, more friends for Seto," Serenity said.

"And last, and quite possibly least, Gabbo, the Doesn't Talk At All!" Dumpling said.

A quiet little creature in a long black cloak sat all by himself in the side of the back of another ale casket, not saying a word, small traces of incredibly large blue eyes the only thing showing beneath the hood that covered his face.

"Well hey there little mate!" Ryo said sweetly. "Is it true you can't talk?"

Gabbo said nothing.

"Thought so…" Ryo said.

---ooo---

"Did you say rock bottom desperate?" said Gabbo, who was standing dramatically in the doorway.

"Huh?" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins asked.

"Well, by all luck, I happened to be a conscious and I am happy to help you for absolutely nothing!" said Gabbo.

"And you are?" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins asked.

"BEHOLD!" screamed Gabbo dramatically, tearing off his cloak, revealing himself to look just like Seto, only about twelve wearing a blue sweater vest, yellow dress shirt, and dark gray pants (and strap on wings). "I am, AGENT SWEATER VEST!"

"Oh criminey," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "I thought I got rid of you when I left the academy. So what have you been doing since you graduated?"

"Em…well, I haven't actually…graduated yet," Agent Sweater Vest said.

"You've been in school for the past two hundred years?" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins said.

"196! 196!" he said defensively. "Everyone thinks they can just round up!"

---ooo---

"My, you really need to just walk on by pirate ships," said Spirit. "Anyway, you want me to ferry you to the Island of Extreme Personal Discomfort to find your friends?"

"Yeah," Serenity said. "That's it."

"Sorry, can't help you," said Spirit, drinking a glass of V8.

"WHAT?" Serenity asked.

"But our two friends are stuck on an abandoned island maybe!" said Ryo. "If we don't find them, they'll kill each other!"

"Sorry," she said again. "After my battle for my life trying to make it to that island, I've been deaf in one ear!"

"Oh," Serenity said. "I'm terribly sorry-"

"-and I have this awful ankle cramp!" she cried.

"Um, well-" Ryo said.

"AND MY VACUME CLEANER WON'T STOP CLOGGING!" screamed Spirit.

"OKAY!" Serenity cried. "But this is important.

"They're two young, innocent (ish) men in their prime, with their whole lives ahead of them!" Ryo cried. "One of them is a dumb blonde on a desperate quest for a brain, and the other is a emotionally disturbed person who's searching for his heart-"

"Oh man," said Spirit. "That's really breakin' my heart kid. 'On a search for his heart'? That's… so poetic…hang on. Did you say there was a blonde there?"

"Um, yes," Serenity said.

"A one hundred percent blonde? Not a dishwater or anything like that? No die?" Spirit asked.

"Uh…I guess…" said Ryo. "But I'm not sure about the die part."

"THIS I GOTTA SEE!" she said. "I'm starting to think they don't exist outside of Hollywood! You got a ferry guys!"

---ooo---

"I am Mizz Fantasia!" said the peppy woman. "And ziz is my monkey assistant, Baboo!"

"I hate my life," Baboo said.

"Huh, maybe this is a dream," Seto said hopefully.

"SMILES EVERYONE, SMILES!" said the woman enthusiastically/hysterically. "You have arrived on my own fantasy island! And because of that, you are all eligible for one wish!"

"AWESOMEIWISHFORAPINKPONY!" Joey screamed at the top of his lungs.

"No no my stupid friend!" said Mizz Fantasia. "To receive my wish, you must do what Baboo sayz!"

"You have to cross the stupid island," Baboo said.

"Very good Baboo!" said Mizz Fantasia. "But what elze must zey do?"

"Blow the stupid whistle when you get there," muttered Baboo.

"Very good Baboo!" said Mizz Fantasia, patting him on the head. "If you survive, ahem, make it to zee the other end of the island, you shall one free wish!"

"This is awesome!" ASV said. "We can wish for a way off the island, and you guys can get back home!"

"Very good my hallucinatory friend!" said Mizz Fantasia.

"FOR THE LAST FLIPPING TIME, I AM NOT A HALLUCINATION!"ASV screamed.

---ooo---

Oh! I see! That's just what I expected to hear from you!" said the angry evil person, dropping the fake accent. "Oh everyone knows Seto Kaiba and everyone knows Joey Wheeler! But no one knows or cares about me!"

"I don't get it," Joey said.

"I AM TRISTAN TAYLOR!" screamed Tristan at the top of his lungs. "TRISTAN TAYLOR! God, what's wrong with this world? Any heartless jerk or blond street punk who can duel just shows up, and BAM! He has a gazillion fan girls, a trillion fan sites, AND HIS OWN TINS SOLD AT WALMART AND TARGET THAT MIRROR HIS DECK! AND WHAT DO I GET? NOTHING! NOTHING! NOOOOOOTHIIIIIIIIING!"

"My heart bleeds for you," Seto said.

"SHUT UP!" said Tristan, throwing the dodge ball aimed at Seto's face, successfully hitting its target.

---ooo---

"PRETTY COLORED RAINBOWS, ATTACK!" screamed the magical girl, pointing her stick at the mice people. The stick then shot out a bunch of huge, shining rainbows that surrounded the evil mice people, whipping them, strangling them, and overall beating them up to a pulp.

"YAAAAAAAAAARG!" all the mice screamed in pain.

"Do you surrender?" Lady Light asked sweetly.

"YES, YE-AAAAAAAAAA, YES ALREADY!" screamed the mousy leader.

"GOOD!" said Lady Light, and the rainbows got sucked back into her magical wand. "Now go and be good evil mice people. 'Kay?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" all the mice people screamed as they ran away as fast at their paws could take them.

---ooo---

"Okay, so I suppose we're going to need to look at the map," said Seto, looking at the huge map in the middle of the hall that showed where all the store were. "Okay…golf product stores, no…hedge and shrubbery providers, no…a here we go information! Located…'Right next to you, you simpering twit'."

"Hello old boy," said the most horrifically frightening our heroes have seen yet. There was standing a person who looked exactly like Joey, except he had a monocle, white gloves, a white shirt and overcoat, and a very nice looking top hat and cane, sipping a small cup of tea. Ryo was absolutely confused, looking at both this mysterious person and Joey over and over again, having not a heck of a clue what was going on.

"It's quite a pleasure to meet you all," said the weird person. "My name is Wheeler Joseph, and I am the soul provider of information in this facility!"

---ooo---

"OH MY GOD! WE HIRED A YELLOW RAT?" screamed Mr. Jim, Pikachu not flinching (he was used to it by now).

"Technically, he's more closely related to the pika, a small rodent that is native to China and many parts of the Rocky Mountains sir," said Mr. X in a hallow, dead kind of voice.

"HE'S A BLOODY RAT!" screamed Mr. Jim. "Jeez! In MY day, we didn't just hire up some mangy old rat we found lying off the street. OH NO! You know what we hired X?"

"Potatoes sir?" said Mr. X, used to this speech before.

"Yes, potatoes!" said Mr. Jim, picking up a photograph on his desk where a son or daughter should be, looking fondly at the image of him with his arm slung around a guy with a potato for a head. "Ah! Those were the days! When you were working with a potato, you NEVER lost a man! NEVER! Oh, right there's Rob. God, what a man with a potato for a head! He was the best! He could take a hit! He could track down the man you wanted. He knew where the cappuccino machine was. And boy, don't get me started on how awesome the rutabagas were-"

"Sir, he says he has important information on the whereabouts of the most dangerous, most psychotic, and most hot albino criminal in the Western world sir," said Mr. X.

"NO WAY!" screamed Mr. Jim.

"It is rather shocking sir," said Mr. X.

"How do you know he said that?" Mr. Jim said. "The filthy rat didn't say a single word!"

"I just know these things when it comes to small, cuddly animals sir," said Mr. X. "I'm a bit of a 'Bambi' buff."

"Whatever, who's this shmoe again?" asked Mr. Jim.

"Ryu Barabus sir," said Mr. X.

Insert dramatic 'BUM BUM BUM' here.

"RYU BARABUS?" screamed Mr. Jim. "OH MY GOD! We have now time to lose! We have to surround everyone, everywhere, with everything we got. Do you hear me? EVERYTHING! Bombs, nuclear missiles, heat sensor death rays, egg beaters, WASHER/DRYERS-"

"Pi Pikachu!" said Pikachu.

"He says that he's pinpointed the location of Ryu Barabus sir," said Mr. X. "He requests both money and resources to hunt down the delinquent.

"Yeah, sure, but we should scramble the Washer/Dryers anyway!" said Mr. Jim.

"Right away sir," said Mr. X.

"Oh yeah, and give the little rat thing his pick of special agents," said Mr. Jim. "Oh, and dress up in that pretty ballerina costume and do that amusing little dance that always makes me happy."

"Okay sir," said Mr. X, who for some reason as well as methods unknown to the authoress, was suddenly dressed in a tutu.

---ooo---

"Before we get into any details, allow me to introduce myself!" said the doctor almost heroically, flexing his biceps so much that his sleeves completely tore off. "I am…DOCTOR ROB!"

"But your name tag says Doctor Klaus Freudler," said Serenity, pointing to his name tag.

"LIES!" screamed the doctor, covering up his name tag.

"Okay, I'm going on a wild guess by assuming that you were the only person in the entire hospital who was stupid and/or new enough to be tricked into taking care of Seto," said Serenity.

"In a word, yes," said Doctor Rob. "On that subject matter, I have what some would call…bad news."

"Oh no," Serenity said. "By some random twist of fate, he thinks he's Tom Jones now, doesn't he?"

"In a word, no, despite what we were hoping," said Doctor Rob. "However, we can kick him out, ahem, I mean release him as early as tomorrow."

"Knowing nothing in this story has been easy so far, I'm going to wait for the other shoe to drop," said Serenity.

"There's one thing…" the doctor said uneasily, "your friend Sally-"

"Seto," Serenity said.

"-Jennifer seems to be a bit…on the stubborn side," said Doctor Rob.

"The shoe landed right on my face, the spike heel gorging my eyes, the flat end breaking my nose," said Serenity.

"Anyway, as all of us doctors know, medication is half of our work, half of the patients will to take it, and half of it is if the biggest, fattest powderpuff pixie smiles, and fortune will finally lift the horrible plague upon our houses!"

"…yeah…" Serenity said.

"So, basically, there's no hope! YAY!" said the doctor. "Oh boy! Am I glad I transferred to Cornell University from Joey Joes school for good-for-nothing mindless lunatics! I'M AN IDIOT! WHEEEEEEEEEE!"

As the Doctor started bouncing off, Serenity made a solemn vow never to get sick again, and if she did, she would visit a local witch doctor instead of a med school graduate.

Boy, has Cornell been going downhill lately.

---ooo---

"Hi there!" said a female form of Seto, complete with Mai's figure and huge, girly blue eyes.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Shel screamed in horror.

"My names Seta!" Seta said happily.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"Do you want to be my best friend?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"Do you like puppies?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

---ooo---

"Here's…um, your waters…" said Double S, putting six glasses of water on the table in about four seconds flat out of extreme panic. "Uh…Serenity…I…I want to…"

"God, what are you going to do, confess your love to her?" asked Seto. Two seconds latter, he was pegged by a full glass of water that Serenity slammed against the back of his head (miraculously, the glass didn't break).

"THANKYOUSOMUCHFORSTICKINGUPTOMEIDON'TKNOWHOWI'LLEVERTHANKYOUGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Double S, running away from the table as fast as he could. (Rough Translation: I wish to thank you, good lady, for protecting my honor in the face of my most reprehensible boss. Words cannot express my feeling of gratitude. I feel terribly embarrassed at the moment, and I feel like running away screaming. Good day, kind Serenity.)

---ooo---

"Order, order in the court!" said a judge, as the jury and witness in the back were all saying 'blah blah blah blah'

"I SAID STOP IT WITH USING SOUND AFFECTS ATRIBUTED TO MIXED CONVERSATION OF A GROUP OF PEOPLE!" demanded the judge, as everyone promptly shut up. "Court is in session with the case of The Entire Known Universe vs Roma. All rise."

Everyone got out of their chair.

"AH! SIMON DIDN'T SAY!" said the Judge. "Okay, Simon says rise!"

Everyone stood up.

"Simon says sit!" said the Judge.

Everyone sat.

"Simon says get up again!" said the Judge.

Everyone got up again.

"All sit!" said the Judge.

No one moved.

"GOOD! I'm glad I didn't catch ya!" said the Judge. "Simon says moo!"

"Moo?" everyone said awkwardly.

"Simon says spin around in a circle!" said the judge.

Everyone started spinning around in circles, awkwardly bumping into each other.

"Simon says say your favorite flavor of pie while spinning in the opposite direction!" said the Judge.

"Apple!"

"Blackberry!"

"Meringue!"

"Cherry!"

"Redcurrant!"

"Mixed Berry!"

"Key Lime!"

"American!"

"STOP IT ALREADY!" screamed Johney, who kept bumping into Mobster.

---ooo---

"La de da de da, we're just hopping into the castle, la de dah de do…" said Joey happily, hopping by in his bunny suit to the castle past the uncaring bunnies who were watching the movie. "I'M AN FOOT! I mean, a bunny, a cuddly, BUTSIE, bunny!"

"Tee tum bum, nothing to worry about at all…dee do da, we're just going inside for…no reason, tee tum ba," said Ryo, also hopping by. "No reason to wonder why we're nearly six feet tall each…no reason at all…"

"Yeah, and I'm just a bunny…disguised as Seto Kaiba…with bunny ears…" said Seto with bunny ears (they met halfway on the suit thing), walking by with Ms. Fuzzy-Kins in a bunny suit. "If anyone mentions this, they shall die. Diiiiiiiiiii-eyyyeee…"

There was silence.

"Did you hear something?" asked one bunny.

"No," said another.

---ooo---

"Well, hello all!" said Pegasus, walking through a gap that the bunnies separated to let him through. "I'm glad my little bluff worked and you could all come to the fantastic games to be held!"

"What, that was a bluff?" asked Serenity. "You liar!"

"Oh I can't kill you, this story's PG," said Pegasus. "I figured if I just exposed you to enough Tom Jones music, those babies would pop right off!"

"Sicko…" said Seto.

"But I am a man of sport," said Pegasus. "So I wish to play a game with you. If I win, than you have to hand over those platforms, and control of all of Cuz, directly to me…"

"Fine," said Serenity. "But if I win, you have to give back Seto's brother, let us all go, promise not to be bad again, and an item of personal possession!"

"You strive a hard bargain…I accept!" said Pegasus. "Now it's time to start the three day tournament…of the dark game…of…DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION!"

---ooo---

Serenity sighed to herself in happiness, as the other three trembled in terror as they stared down the barrel of a pencil cannon, as the insane receptionist continued to dull jabber on the phone. Serenity felt so happy that she was finally going home and that her friends were finally getting what they came all the way here for. She figured that if the wizard was as terribly powerful as he was, maybe he'd know where even Seto's little brother was. And he'd have to be a miracle worker to ever fit Joey with a brain.

"Mm hmm, uh huh…yeah…alright," said the receptionist, as a small miracle took place, as she put down her phone. "The Wizard of Cuz shall see you now…"

"WOOT!" screamed Joey.

"Huraw!" said Ryo.

"Yay…" said Seto unenthusiastically.

---ooo---

"You know, the hallway is a lot less scary the second time around!" said Ryo cheerfully as they all walked down the really tall, really scary hallway.

"I'm glad you aren't sobbing to get away this time…" said Seto.

"No you're not," said Serenity.

"Good point," said Seto.

"I wanna be a spaceman when I grow up…OR A TRANSMIGRATIONALIST!" said Joey.

However, before they could say anything more, they found themselves, once again, at the entrance to the inner sanctum of the most powerful floating head in Cuz. So before we could bask in the glory at how awesome the doors looked, Serenity grabbed the door handle to one of them, and opened it up.

"I see you have returned!" boomed the floating head, as a couple shots of flame bubbled up from the sides of it. "Congratulations on beating Pegasus by the way…don't show me his disgusting pre-school drawing, I already know you kicked his butt. It was on the BBC."

"So can we have our brain, heart, guts, and free trip home now?" asked Serenity.

"Uh…no," said the floating head.

"WHAT THE BEEPIN' BLEEPIN' YOU BLEEP OF A BLEEP!" yelled Seto at a very loud and very unpleasant volume, causing Ryo and Joey to both learn some new words.

"Well sorry, but it turns out I just don't have courage and brains and whatever lying around for cryin'," said the floating head.

Ryo's eyes happened to wander away from the situation of Serenity attempting to stop Seto from attacking the floating head, and he spied a particularly odd sight. There was a small box with a curtain hung over the side, of which was such a drab color, and was so well immersed in the shadows, that it was nearly impossible to spot, and why it went unnoticed until this point. Curiosity getting the better of him, Ryo walked over to the curtains and pulled them open, revealing inside-

"WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, A ORGAN DONOR!" asked a short kid with long, black hair and purple-blue eyes with a bandana and jeans (sounding familiar fans?), who was yelling into a voice altering microphone. "I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOUR HEART IS!"

"And just who are you?" asked Ryo to the kid.

"EEP!" he said, closing the curtain shut. "PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE PRE-TEEN BEHIND THE CURTAIN!"

"WOOT! ICE CREAM!" said Joey, completely pulling the curtain straight off it's rings, exposing him to everyone in the room.

"Crud…" muttered the kid.

"MOKUBA!" screamed Seto at the top of his lung, literally trampling Joey (on purpose, mind you) to get to little kid, who cried 'Seto!' in equal happiness, causing them both to hug.

"CAN'T TAKE THE IMAGRY!" screamed Ryo, covering his eyes, which were burning.

"I have just discovered yet another disturbing side to Seto's personality…" said Serenity, also looking at the two as she helped Joey up, slowly dusting him off, as a bunch of hearts were floating around the room from all the love. ( A/N Okay, now this is getting scary) "But how come Mokuba's the Wizard of Cuz?"

"Well, when I escaped from Pegasus, I decided to get a job to get some extra money to go find Seto, who I knew was probably doing something stupid, and I got it!" said Mokuba.

"Wait," said Seto. "If you were the Wizard of Cuz all the time, how come you barbequed me when we first saw you?"

"Cause it was loads of fun!" said Mokuba.

Silence.

"How can I argue with an answer like that?" said Seto in a not-cheerful-exactly-but-close voice.

"But still, the facts the same, Joey doesn't have a brain, Ryo doesn't have any guts, and I still can't get home!" said Serenity. "What am I going to do?"

"Hello," said Mai walking into the room. "I just heard that you guys got here, and after beating up the receptionist, I came as soon as I can."

"Hi Mai…" said Serenity. "Do you know anyone else who can help us get a brain, some guts, and me a way home?"

"Oh, I could have got you home all the time," said Mai.

"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP ME WHEN I FIRST GOT HERE?" said Serenity.

"Can you honestly say that after everything, you're upset that you had this adventure?" asked Mai.

"Well…no…" said Serenity.

"And I don't need to give you guys a brain or guts," said Mai. "All of you had what you needed all the time, but you forgot that you did. Joey always had a brain, Seto always had a heart, and Ryo always had guts, and all you needed to do was to use them. When you break it down, you all have the same amount of brains, hearts, and guts as anyone else."

"But Joey's still the stupidest man alive, and Ryo's still a wuss," said Seto.

"And Seto's still a stuck-up jerkoid," finished Serenity.

"True," said Mai. "But then again, didn't Joey get the tiniest bit smarter as time went on, as he worked with you guys who don't run into things and go 'woot'?"

"Very slight…but yeah, I guess," said Serenity. "He's not eating furniture anymore!"

"Exactly," said Mai. "And didn't Seto get tiniest bit nicer, when you guys actually cared about whether or not he was dead even though the feeling wasn't mutual?"

"You know, I guess he did…" said Ryo.

"And what about you?" asked Mai to Ryo. "Didn't you slowly learn to overcome your fears with people don't turn tails and run away when anything larger than a grapefruit rears it's ugly head?"

"RYO ROCKS!" screamed Joey.

"So in a really twisted way, your saying that we found what we wanted on the actual journey instead of a fixed point?" said Seto.

"Bingo," said Mai. "Even I can do philosophy once in awhile."

"Well…if all of you got what you want…" said Serenity.

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO!" sobbed Joey openly.

"Me neither!" said Ryo. "WE HAD SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER!"

"It will be disappointing when the only sane one goes…" said Seto.

"But I have to go home," said Serenity. "I've got my own family, and I need to start my own life, and my Mom's probably so worried about me! But…I'm going to miss you guys so much...it's not easy for me to go either…"

"She's gotta go guys," said Mai, putting a hand on Serenity's shoulder. "She's right you know. She has her own life she's gotta build. So say your goodbyes."

"Goodbye Serenity," said Ryo, huge tears in his eyes. "I'M GOING TO MISS YOU SO MUCH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Don't worry Ryo," said Serenity kindly, giving him a pat on the back. "You're going to be fine. It's time to go out there and use those guts of yours. I still want that lasagna recipe someday, okay?"

"Okay," Ryo said, nodding and smiling through the tears, then pulling over a corner of Seto's trench coat and blowing his nose in it.

"I let that slide just this once Ryo…" said Seto.

"Bye Seto," said Serenity, holding out a hand to be shook. "It's been fun."

"Yes…it was…" said Seto shaking it.

"Oh lighten up," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins to Seto. "You're a good kid. I'm sure you can take care of yourself before you get a permanent conscience."

"Um….thanks…" said Seto.

"No problem," said Serenity and Ms. Fuzzy-Kins simultaneously.

"SERENITY!" Joey bawled, hugging her once again, nearly cracking her ribs.

"Joey…you have…" Serenity managed to choke through the hug. "…you have…no idea…how much I'm…going to miss you…"

"Really?" Joey asked, with huge, shiny eyes.

"I'm glad I was the first to meet you…" said Serenity. "You rock dude."

"YOU TOO!" said Joey, giving her a friendly punch on the back, nearly knocking her over. "WOOT WOOT!"

"Alright, this is getting weird," said Mai, pulling out her wand.

"Look both ways before you cross the street!" said Ryo.

"Thanks for taking such good care of Seto!" said Mokuba.

"Yeah, yeah…" said Seto.

"APRICOTS!" screamed Joey.

"Do I have to chant some magic spell or something to get me home?" asked Serenity to Mai.

"No, I just need to hit you on the head," said Mai, smacking Serenity in the head with the wand. Serenity felt her head spin oddly, then she felt as if she was being sucked up by the tornado, as everything swirled by in an inconceivable pool of memories…

---ooo---

"I'M AWAKE!" she screamed, sitting bolt upright in bed, but this time, she found herself not in Cuz, or her room, but slid between the white sheets of a hospital bed, a bandage wraped around her head. "What happened? Where…"

"SERENITY!" screamed Serenity's Mom enthusiastically, who was sitting on a chair besides her bed, waiting for her to wake up. Serenity was never happier to see her mother of whom was of questionable sanity.

"Mom! You won't believe it!" said Serenity, to here mother, throwing herself in her arms, not caring that there was a doctor and a nurse also in her room. "I got sucked into a tornado, and got teleported to a magical land, and I met a good witch and a bad witch, and a blonde idiot named, and a skinny jerk, and a near-albino wuss, and we had all of these adventures-"

"Shall I get the tranquilizers doctor?" asked the nurse.

"No, let me handle this one…" said the doctor.

"Mom…what happened? Didn't you get sucked up by the tornado too?" asked Serenity.

"Honey, we live in the hills, we don't get tornados…" said her Mom. "You were knocked unconscious for three hours."

"Then…what happened?" asked Serenity.

"Well…" said her Mom.

---ooo---

"I love polishing bowling balls on the roof!" said Serenity's Mom, holding up one blue one, which she was lovingly polishing with an old cloth. After inspecting it thoroughly, she tossed in on a pile of other bowling balls, but it missed, and crashed through a weak spot in the roof.

"Oops…" said her Mom, crawling over the hole, looking through it to see that Serenity had passed out on the bed, the bowling ball presumably clocking her on the head. "Oh crap, now I have to move again...I wonder where my fake ID maker is…"

---ooo---

"Nothing of importance," said Mom. Serenity didn't care at the moment. She was just glad to be on her plane of reality. Though she couldn't believe that all that was just a dream…

---ooo---

The rest of the week went with little incident. Serenity was released from the hospital a little later that day. She went back to school, feeling much more confident and much less sad as she managed to trudge through the day. Even though her vision returned to being fuzz, she faced everything with a sense of humor. Maybe…just maybe…she can see her oddball friends one day. They were bound to be on the other side of the sweater.

So one particular day, Serenity walked down for breakfast exactly a week after the little incident.

"OH MY GOD!" her mother screamed at her as she came down.

"What is it Mom?" asked Serenity in shock.

"It's before seven…and your up and about…" said her Mom in a dramatic tone. "Is the bed on fire?"

"Yeah yeah, very funny Mom," said Serenity, as the phone rang right next to her. Grateful she at least had her hearing, she picked it up.

"Hello?" she asked on the phone.

"Hey sis! What's up?" said a familiar voice on the other end of the line. Serenity automatically lit up.

"JOEY!" she cried. "Oh Joey! You finally got my message!"

"You bet! I've had it for a while actually…sorry I haven't been able to call. Heh heh…" said Joey. "But listen! This time, I've got a message for you!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Serenity, confused.

"Let me put it this way," said Joey. "Guess who won his sister enough money for an eye operation?"

---ooo---

THE END

WELL, ACTUALLY, NO THERE'S A LITTLE SUMMING UP PART

"And that, dear reader, is our story," said the Shakespearean Narrator from chapter one. "If you are paying attention at all, it is because you're a nerd who really needs to look at better fan fictions than this load of garbage. Please exit from this fan fiction either through the left or the right-"

"THERE HE IS!" screamed a bunch of police officers, bursting into the Shakespearian room thing. "DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY!"

"Oh no, they found me!" screamed the Shakespearean Narrator, running straight through a wall, leading him to the parking lot, jumping in a random convertible, and slamming the gas, driving off into the sunset, a hoard of police officers on his trail.

THE END

Nope, we're lying again.

"You know what?" said Mobster, as she, ASV, and Double S sat around, watching the end of the fanfic.

"What?" asked ASV.

"Remember in the beginning when they said that random people were going to be struck by lightning?" asked Mobster.

"Uh huh," said Double S.

"How come no one really got struck by lighting?" asked Mobster.

"This just in!" said a news bulletin on the TV that they were watching the Fan Fic on. "For reasons unknown, random members of congress are being struck down by lighting, all in a most painful way."

"You know…I'm oddly satisfied…" said Mobster.

"Tonight on 20/20, was Leonardo DeVinchi a man of great artistic soul, bring reality and religion together in unexpected an twisted ways, and possibly dropping hints of himself being in a secret society to protect a holy bloodline, or a small seagull named Roger?" said the news people. "But now, oh wait, this just in, HERE ARE THE CREDITS!"

EXTREMELY CHEEP AND VIRTUALLY WORTHLESS CREDITS OF 'THE WIZARD OF CUZ'

CAST IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE/INSIGNIFICANCE

SERENITY WHEELER
Shizuka Kawai

SERENITY'S MOM
Manami Kawai

THE SHAKESPEAREAN NARRATOR
Some Guy

MS. FUZZY-KINS
Genevive S. Fuzzy-Kins

MAI THE GOOD WITCH OF THE NORTH, NORTH EAST
Mai Kujaku

YUGI MOTOU, WICKED, OPPRESIVE DICTATOR OF MUNCHKINLAND
Yugi Motou

PEGASUS, THE NOT-NICE WITCH OF THE WEST
Maximillion J. Pegasus

JOEY WHEELER, PROFESSIONAL BLONDE LUNATIC
Katsuya Jonouchi

SETO KAIBA, SEMI-EVIL NUT WHO'S AFRAID OF MICE
Seto Kaiba

YAMI-BAKURA, ALSO KNOWN AS NOT-RYO, KIND OF KNOWN AS THE DANCING OLD GUY IN SIX-FLAGS COMERCIALS
A very long Egyptian Name I don't feel like typing

WIL, THE MYSTICAL GENERATION X'ER OF AQUESO
William Sorbet

RYO BAKURA, A RANDOM ALBINO BRITISH CUTIE
Ryo Bakura

GENERAL FLUFFA-PIE, HEAD OF THE FBBI (FUZZY BUNNY BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION), AS WELL AS PEGASUS' BEST FRIEND
Thomas Fluffa-Pie

BOB, A COMPLETELY EVIL SERGEANT
Joe Schmoe

THE INCREDIBLY EVIL AND HOMOCIDAL SNAKE THE KILLER
Donny Osmond

TEA GARDNER, A POOR GIRL WHO HAS TO SUFFER LAME SUMMER JOBS AS WELL AS FAKE NAMES
Anzu Masaki

MOBSTER ROMA, A MOB LEADER IN TRAINING
The Authoress' Mom (and several stunt doubles)

JOHNNY ROMA, A PROFESSIONAL MOB LEADER
The Authoress' Dad (and several stunt doubles)

THE MASTER OF PUTRID YOUTH
Byrant Trackor

STEPHANIE DIMAGIO, AN EVIL CHARACTER BASHER (WHO IS A GUY)
Some random used car salesman we found off the street

JEFF, PROFESSIONAL TEA BASHER
Jeff Furuba (he doesn't find his last name funny, and anyone who does is now dead)

MARCUS, PROFESSIONAL KAIBA BASHER
Marcus Girlz (Same goes here)

TED, PROFESSIONAL JOEY BASHER
Another random used cars salesman who we think was a bit drunk at the time we pulled him off the street

FAN GIRL, A FANGIRL
Miho Nosaka

TEA FAN, A TEA FAN
Stacie Jones

JOEY FAN, A JOEY FAN, THOUGH SHE'S ALSO QUITE BIG ON MARIK
Elizabeth Newhousan

SETO FAN, A SETO FAN
Amanda-San (Hope you're having fun in college)

THE DARK LORD CHUCKLES THE SILLY PIGGY
The Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy

CAPTAIN DUMPLING
Snuggles Dumpling

JOHN THE IRRITABLE
John John

MARIA THE SPAINARD AKA MARIA THE ABUSER OF THE LANGUAGE BARRIER
Maria Honduraz

RICHARD THE DRAMA QUEEN
Richard Bonzer

NANCY THE WISE CRACKER
Nancy Drew

AGENT SWEATER VEST
Past Self of Seto Kaiba (we think)

SPIRIT, SETO'S STALKER
Esarabano Yoshime

AN ELEMENTAL DRAGON
Bobby Bob Bill

MIZZ FANTASIA
Serina Fantasia

BABOO
Claudious Q. Conchesta-Lamabata

TRISTAN TAYLOR, A USELESS CHARACTER WHO'S BARELY WORTH BEING ON THIS PAGE
Hiroto Honda

KAMI, A MAGICAL GIRL
Kami Nanasawa

THE QUEEN OF THE MICE PEOPLE
Vivian Rubin

WHEELER JOESEPH
Jonouchi Katsuya

THE QUEEN OF THE OCCULT
Nil-Chan (You go Girl)

RYU THE HOMOCIDAL MANIAC
Ryu Barabus

DOCTOR ROB
Doctor Robert Studwell

NURSE SHARON
Sharon Hethburrow

SETA
Do you really want to know?

SPIRIT OF THE SNOW
God Knows

THAT RANDOM PERSON IN THE LAST SCENE WHO APPROPRIATLY DOESN'T APEAR IN THIS STORY
Sjaowet Mydawtn

RYO FAN
Bethany Handsbrook

MOKUBA KAIBA, UNFORTUNATE BLOOD RELATIVE TO SETO KAIBA
Mokuba Kaiba

THE PSYCHOTIC AUTHORESS
Shrilanka-San

A THANK YOU TO THE FOLLOWING

Kazuki Takahashi, for creating Yu-Gi-Oh and all it's characters, who I have an extreme tendency to rip off
Natsuki Takaya, who created 'Fruit's Basket', a great manga, with great characters who I steal, and very pretty men
Whoever the heck runs FF dot Net for being so kind as to…well, run it

A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO THE FOLLOWING

To all my lovely reviewers and readers:

Gothangelmyu
Nkitty29
Nashida
KaiMai/Mifurry
Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler
Twinsanity
Beatlergirl
Mana-the-authoress
Darkdaisy
Nightbringer
Anordin
Serenity-yugioh-fan05
Mokuba's Official Glomper
Aron
Yamiko Yakou
ImortalofGoddess
Kiwigirl89
Funky Egyptian
Chexfan2000
Broken and Bleeding
Onixmage
Philosoraptor
Cute 'lil Yami
Bilbo-Sama
Komoki Tsuno
Princess Mika of the Shadows
Lefthandedfreak (and Josh the Figmant Man)
Magnum Chaos
ShadowFire2
Amarie Miriel
LoneFlyinTigers
Pointe Master
L-Chan the Insignificant
Imperfect Paradise
Ryuu
Fuzzy Bunny
Catgirl Is Special
Bunny Aino
Keruha Digifox
Catapult Turtle
Loysane Maiden

What would I do without you guys? ;D

AN EXTRA SPECIAL THANK YOU TO THE FOLLOWING

My friends who never had a clue all of this was going on, Amanda-San, Nil-Chan, Aii-Chan, J-Chan, K-Chan, Roba-San, and B-Kun

My poor old but wise chess instructor, M-Sama, who's words of wisdom can never be fully appreciated

My poor Ugata-San (Mommy) who has to live with my Manga, who reads Yu-Gi-Oh, and to some extent enjoys it. Plus, she's the one who taught me to love shiny new books. I luv you soooo much Mommy. Hope you liked this story.

My Tou-San (Daddy), who's wisdom, sarcastic humor, quotes, and random idioms keep me alive and happy. He provided more framework for my characters than he cares to admit. I wuv you sooo much too.

My Little Brother, who suffers most, if not all, of my abuse. I love you too pall.

Cathy-Sensei, Fil-Sensei, and Steve-Sensei. Thank God I have you for teachers. And to J-Sensei, wherever she is, you'll make a good teacher somewhere.

---ooo---

Dear Everyone,

As hard as it is for me to say this, it's time to finish this story. After this final bit, it will be officially the end. Really. Honestly. Anyway, before that, I'd just like to wrap things up quickly in the best way I can.

It was Tuesday in late December 2004 when I started writing this story, and now, today, on Wendsday, August 31st, 2005, I write this final piece. That means that this story has been running for more than eight months, which both feels like forever, and not very long at all.

It's really odd. I guess it really hasn't hit me yet that by the time I'm finished writing this letter thing, 'The Wizard of Cuz' will be officially finished. I grew up a lot with this story, in good and in bad. It will be kind of hard to let it all go.

My life has been really hectic at times writing this story. And really, from all the madness on a global scale, or just day to day, this story almost thrives. The whole point of it was that you, the reader, could come home at least knowing that every week, you'd get a chapter of this story that cheers you up, no matter just what happens.

I could never say that I ever felt bad about writing this story, or any chapter in it at all (well, maybe that one…). And if there's one person I have to thank for that, it's you, the readers. Like it or not, you have given more to this story than you thought, and even just one review in the mail can power me to write a great chapter, as well as contribute to it's humor. So in a way, we all made this story. I just wrote the darn thing. So thank you all. You have no idea how much I owe you.

Well, I don't want to bore you with my incoherent ranting. FOR ALL OF YOUR INFORMATION, I will be premiering a new story called THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARIK, which will start next Friday and will update…every Friday. CHEERS!

THANKIE SPANKIES!

Shrilanka-San

P.S. THE END! Really…actually…you can go home now…drive safely…