Buffy woke with the warm sunshine on her face. She kept her eyes closed as she stretched. She tired to move but stopped as she felt a pair of arms around her middle tighten their grip. Buffy opened her eyes and rolled over. Her surprise quickly turned to joy as she recognized Spike's sleeping visage.
Buffy lifted her small hand to caress his sharp cheekbones and angular face. She marvelled at how fragile and peaceful Spike looked as he slept. Buffy felt a strange thought interrupt her happy perusal of Spike's features.
This wasn't where she remembered being. Buffy thought back to the night before. She had called Spike to have him come over. She was going to tell him about the pregnancy…
Buffy's face lit up. She had no idea how she had gotten pregnant…well, okay, she knew, but not how she had when Spike was her only lover. Her only love. Looking back at his face, Buffy wasn't really sure the exactly moment she had fallen so in love with Spike. She knew she had loved him in a different kind of way before they had ever become intimate, there had always been an attraction between them. A connection of sorts. Like Spike used to say, they were two of a kind.
She was snapped out of her thoughts as she noticed Spike starting to stir. Buffy grinned and leaned in, kissing him. Her heart swelled as he responded by deepening the kiss and pushing them so he was on top of her.
"Morning Luv." Spike grinned down at her. When he had first begun to wake, he had been so scared that it had all been a dream. Then he had felt a warm body in his arms, larger than Hope, but just as petit. The kiss had only further assured him that Buffy was really there. No one could ever forget being kissed by the one they loved. It was like a permanent stamp on his mind, engrained there forever.
"Morning." Buffy smiled brightly up at him, but the smile faded as she saw tears building in Spike's eyes. "Hey, what's wrong? Not getting soft on me are you?" She teased him, the smile returning.
Seeing Buffy glow like a women both in love and with child had brought the world crashing back down on Spike. Buffy still thought she was pregnant. She didn't know anything that had passed in the five years she had been gone.
"Spike." Her voice was laced with worry now. "What's wrong? You're not telling me something."
"You're right…I…" He didn't know how to tell her she had missed the first five years of Hope's life, that she missed Hope's first smile, the first time she walked. He had no idea where to begin.
"Spike." Buffy pushed the two of them up, so they were sitting on the bed. "Tell me what's going on? Did something happen to Willow and Xander? Oh god, Dawn!" Her voice picked up volume and Spike could see the wheels turning in Buffy's mind.
"No, no, luv." He took her hands in his and sighed. "Look, this isn't going to be easy…"
"Stop, you're scaring me." Tears had started to leak down Buffy's face.
"Pet…what's the last thing you remember?"
"I called you…" Buffy sniffled. "To tell you that I was…"
"Pregnant?" Spike finished for her. "Luv, you don't know how much it hurts me to say this…it's been five years since that night."
For a few moments, silence hung in the room like a foreboding shadow. Buffy stared at Spike, her mouth opening and closing a few times before she promptly shut it. Spike's head hurt as he realized the wheels in her brain were spinning extra fast, trying to process what he had told her. He begged whatever Gods really existed, that she didn't try and deny what he had said.
"…How…?" Was what she uttered after several more minutes of silence. She shook her head and rubbed her eyes. "How could that happen? No, no it can't be true."
"Luv," Spike put his hands on her shoulders and made her look at him. "Would I lie to you about something like this?"
Buffy looked back at him with pained eyes. He could see it in her deep green orbs that she knew in her heart he was telling the truth. He knew she was fighting hard to convince herself he was wrong, because she knew what it meant if he was right.
"No, you wouldn't." Buffy let Spike envelop her with his arms. She sat there frozen as the consequences of what he had said ran through her head. Finally she let it out. All the pain, anger, sadness, hurt and worry that his words has caused her. Buffy wrapped her arms tightly around Spike and sobbed into his chest.
Spike only held her tighter, knowing that this was just the beginning. As he sat there, with his arms wrapped securely and protectively around his lover, his mate, he realized that besides Giles and Hope, none of the other scoobies knew of the possibility of Buffy coming back. Well, except Dawn, but she would take this hard too. Spike had never told her about his supposed hallucinations. Maybe the others had them too, maybe this would be as bad as he thought. The only thing that really mattered…she was back in his arms, where she belonged.
8888
"Hope?" Dawn knocked on the door that led from the hallway into the little five year-old's room. She pushed it open and couldn't help but laugh at the scene that lay before her.
Hope was skipping and prancing around a chair she had placed in the middle of her room. She held a little pink wand and was waving it around as she moved. Sitting on the chair, trying to look not quite as horrified as Dawn knew he was, was Giles. She saw Hope had succeeded in getting Giles to don a pink and purple princess hat that was held on by a elastic under his chin.
"Didn't know pink was your colour." Giles looked up startled as Dawn walked further into the room. He started to get up, but was stopped as Hope pushed him back down. "Don't worry, I won't tell a soul." Dawn laughed and winked at the old man.
"Thank you, I think." Giles heaved a sigh and sent a wayward glance at Hope, who had resumed her prancing and had begun to sing a song she had clearly composed herself. "I'll have you know I was ambushed by this one. She's quite like her father, able to get people to do things they would never do normally, and all without batting an eyelash."
"Oh, Giles." Dawn sat down on Hope's bed and grinned. "Such a push over."
"Well, you know…" Giles smiled warmly and caught Hope mid-prance, tickling her. "I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Summers' women."
"Auntie Dawn!" Squealed Hope as she wiggled free and ran over to the tall brunette. "Save me from the evil Fyral demon."
"Fyral demon?" Dawn looked at Giles with raised eyebrows. He furrowed his brown and slipped off the hat as he stood.
"Spike saw fit to tell her about the time Ethan Rayne turned me into one. Her father of course had a front row seat during that hellish ordeal."
"Speaking of the devil, where is Spike?" Dawn pulled Hope onto her lap and looked up at Giles. "He looked really drained when I got back from the Zoo with Hope yesterday."
"He and I spent the day researching." Giles brought the chair closer to the bed and smiled grimly. Hope hopped off Dawn's lap and went across the room to her dollhouse where she preceded to ignore the two adults as she played in her imaginary miniature world.
"New big bad?" Dawn looked at Giles, worry marring her pretty face. "Figures, every time we come back to visit, evil comes a knocking."
"Actually no…" Giles hesitated. He wondered if it was the right thing to tell Dawn about what he and Spike had found. She deserved to hear it, he concluded. Ever since Buffy had disappeared, Dawn had never stopped looking for her, refusing Spike's confirmation that she had died. "Dawn, it appears that you were right this time…"
"About what?" Dawn absentmindedly picked up Hope's teddy bear and began smoothing down its fur. "Wait, do you mean the whole thing about whether or not Gangar Demons spit blood instead of saliva? Cause you can tell Xander I am so right about that."
"No, Dawn." Giles' eyes softened. "About Buffy."
Dawn's hands froze on the bear's fur. She didn't look up, but Giles knew that if he could see her eyes, they would be wet with unshed tears.
"How?" Dawn's voice was shaking and Giles was a little surprised by her reaction. Maybe time had taken its toll on the once optimistic girl. Maybe she had stopped putting substance into all her sightings. Maybe the sightings were just things that comforted her, like pretending that Buffy was there.
"Well, it's a lot to go into and frankly I don't think you want to hear the long version." Giles smiled and laughed quietly, remembering all the times the others had expressed utter discomfort when he wanted to explain something to them.
"Try me." Dawn sat up straight and wiped the tears from her eyes. Giles was suddenly aware that he preferred Dawn crying then to the fierce look that now permeated her eyes.
"Well…it would appear that instead of moving on to her final peace, a group called Los Guardas Perdidos or The Lost Guardians…recruited her for their cause. What they do exactly is unknown, but the basic mission is too protect people. To help them in life with that extra little push that keeps them from succumbing to the darkness."
"Buffy is one?"
"As far as we can tell, yes."
"So she's not dead?" As Giles shook his head, Dawn got up and crossed to the windows. She crossed her arms and looked out at the neighbourhood.
Once again wiping tears from her eyes, Dawn looked at Hope. The little girl had nothing during Giles' speech, something that Dawn found strange. Bending down to Hope's level, Dawn found that she didn't know what to say to the little girl. She must have heard what Giles had said, so why did she not have a reaction?
"Don't cry, Auntie Dawn." Hope put down her dolls and looked up at her with big bright eyes. "You do that too much."
"I know, sweetie. I'll try not too." Dawn ran her hand over Hope's hair, smoothing it back.
"Besides, you shouldn't be sad." Hope stood up and clapped her hands. "Mommy's home. Everything will be all right now."
Dawn's head shot up and her eyes widened as she stared at Hope. The child had a gleeful look on her face and she was hopping from one foot to another. Dawn noticed Giles walking slowly over and she moved a little so he could kneel down next to her.
"Hope, did you just say…?"
"Yes, yes, uncle Giles." Hope laughed and jumped up and down. "Mommy's finally home. Now she can read me stories, and take me to the park and take me to school and she can hug me for real…"
Giles almost fell over as he realized what Hope meant. Buffy was alive. Not just in the sense of being a guardian, no. She was here, in the hotel.
"Hope, I think you mean she's not dead." Dawn put her hand on Hope's shoulder and looked at her with sad eyes.
"No, no." Hope stomped her foot. "She's here, she's with Daddy." Both Giles and Dawn were a little taken aback by Hope's insistence. She wasn't one to lie easily, not that she couldn't do it, just she never really need too.
"She's right."
The three looked up to find Spike leaning against the doorway separating Hope's room from the rest of the suite. He had an oddly placid look on his face, though his eyes spoke volumes.
"Daddy!" Hope manoeuvred her way around Giles and Dawn and jumped into her father's arms. Spike hugged her before settling her in his left arm. "Can I go see Momma, now?"
"In a minute, pet." Spike kissed Hope's forehead. "We need to talk with Dawn and Giles for a minute." He turned to the others and wasn't at all surprised by their confused expressions. "The Powers That Be brought her back, said it was my gift."
"So, it's true?" Dawn's eyes filled with tears once again. Giles knew her eyes were going to be extremely puffy when all was said and done.
"Yeah." Spike smiled grimly. "Bit of a catch though. She doesn't remember the past five years. Apparently there's some stuff the Guardians want to keep to themselves."
"You mean she doesn't remember me?" Hope's eyes filled with tears. She looked up at her father with her bottom lip quivering. "But…but…"
"Don't you worry pet." Spike hugged his daughter hard, wishing he hadn't been so stupid with his words. "Your mum knows that she was pregnant with you, in fact that's the most important thing she does remember. She can't wait to meet you."
"Spike…" Giles watched as Hope laid her head on her father's shoulder and sniffled. "This is…"
"Insane?" Spike kissed Hope's forehead and ran his fingers through her hair. "No kidding." Spike switched his gaze to Dawn, who had been silent the whole conversation. "You okay, Nibblit?"
"Um…" Dawn uncrossed her arms and crossed them again. She didn't quite know what to do with her hands. Spike and Giles watched as Dawn's face went through a series of emotions. Sadness, anger, happiness, confusion and back to sadness. "I'm not really sure." She wiped her eyes again and laughed, although the sound was small and cracked. "God, I'm like a dam."
"It's alright, Dawn." Giles moved over and hugged the brunette Summers. "What you're feeling is normal."
"It's just hard to believe, you know." Dawn smiled weakly at the others. "All these years, looking for a crumb, anything to convince myself she could still come back. I had actually considered giving it up too."
"Pet?" Spike cocked his head. "You were always the one who said you'd never give up. You always believed she was still out there, and you were right."
"I know." Dawn's smile was a little more real this time. "But, spending the day with Hope yesterday convinced me I wasn't helping anyone by keeping false hope."
"You actually helped us all." Giles smiled warmly and put his arm around her. "You gave us hope."
"Hey!" They all looked at Hope. She had her hands on her hips and an indignant look on her face. "My mommy and daddy gave me to nobody."
Spike chuckled and hugged his daughter. "Right you are sweets. Dawn was talking about something else."
"Don't worry Hope, we're not giving you up anytime soon." Dawn laughed and kissed her niece.
"Hope?" Spike turned and smiled lightly as he saw Buffy standing tentively in the doorway. Giles and Dawn both gasped behind him and he felt Hope squirming in his arms. "You named her Hope?"
Buffy's eyes were soft and Spike knew she loved the name. Even though she had almost whispered it, the name had been filled with love and care. Spike took a step towards her and put Hope down in between him. The little girl instantly hid behind his legs. He laughed in his head. Of all the times for Hope to get shy.
"Lil'bit, this is your mom. You remember her, don't you?" Spike gave her a little nudge in Buffy's direction and watched as Hope walked towards her.
Buffy bent down till she was kneeling at Hope's level. She smiled warmly and held out her arms, but Spike noticed she did it a little warily. He prayed everything would be okay. It had too be.
Hope stopped just in front of Buffy, almost frozen. After a couple of minutes, Buffy put down her arms. Spike could see the disappointment in her eyes. He watched as Hope cocked her head as he often did when he was examining something. After a moment a grin bloomed over her face and she practically knocked Buffy over as she jumped into her arms.
"Momma." Hope latched on tight and Spike could see Buffy wasn't planning on letting go. Hope started to cry, but Spike knew they were happy tears.
Buffy's whole face lit up as she cradled the little girl to her. She breathed in deep, enjoying the smell of strawberries and flowers that surrounded her daughter. She wanted to cry, she was so happy. It hurt, she admitted to herself, not being able to remember the last five years. But in that moment, she knew that whatever came next would more than make up for what she had missed.
TBC…
