WARNING!
This chapter also contains sexual themes and situations. This story is rated M, which means that anyone 16+ (mature teen and adult) can read this with no worries. Please do not read further if you do not wish to read content concerning consentual sexual relations.
I have attempted to be as soft as possible in my language and have tried not to be explicit.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the character names, save my own original creations. I do not wish to be compensated for this work, nor do I wish to infringe on any copyrights held by any stakeholders of the movie King Arthur. This work is an original creation, based on the legend of King Arthur and his knights.
Scribe Notes:
Sokorra Lewis: You can do it! Writers block sucks. As I have offered to others, send me an email and I can send you ideas to get past it. I know you will do fine. Try re-reading Golden Circle from start to finish and then I bet your ideas will flow! Thanks for the encouragement! Almost ready to post. Got some stuff up on Fictionpress, its a huge forum!
Lady11Occult: Gareth meant the world to Gawain. We all have that one friend we could never leave, never reconcile our lives without. Tristan will be with Wynn soon, I promise!
Babaksmiles: Hey thanks for the encouragement. Yes, someday I know it will happen. I'm almost 30, looking towards the next phase of life and going "Ok, I'm ready... come get me!" and... ech... I'm horrible at waiting.
Gawain needs to heal himself before he could love. I haven't quite figured out his resolution yet, its still in the working phases. It will be nice to have him happy and his usual belligerent self again.
And no, not going to spoil it if she is. You'll have to wait and see! (grin)
Calliann: I am so glad you liked chapter 44! It was a bit different to write. But I laughed so hard while writing Bors and Lorina. It was hilarious to imagine the sweet wee girl playing with her doll, the cloak pin jutting out... the chaos! I hope I captured Galahad's youth well, his exuberance for his new feelings, experiencing them with a young eye and heart. Despite his experiences killing and seeing death, he really does come across as more innocent, or perhaps niaeve.
And I could see Lancelot's molten anger as they stared off each other. That was a really great chapter to write it was so clear in my head. I am glad it worked for you. Here are two more!
et cetera et cetera: Thank you! I feel that my dialogue has come a long way with writing this story. It has really helped me to put some polish back on the ole writin' muscle. But, you have made me happy knowing that I can capture their emotions without having to "voice" them.
I read somewhere that most baths in Roman times were shared by men and women alike, and nakedness was never really a factor in it. So I piled them all in as if that was normal. It was fun to think of a modern scene witha hot tub or a sauna. The only one who would be nervous was Dory, because she is so shy.
I find writing about a large family interesting, since I am an only child! I have a very small family and its a new perspective that I have rolled about. I am glad that it worked despite my lack of experience with brothers, sisters. I think it may also stem from my involvement in my paintball teams. Nothing like spending a week in a rented villa in Florida with your 20 closest friends to learn about the chaos and closeness that people you care aboutbring when you are together. (grin)
Ailis-70: Well, here are some chapters to stop the buzzing, or... well maybe add to it, I don't know (wink).
I lost a close friend in high school to a drunk driver. It was the hardest thing my young mind had ever comprehended and it was hell. I am trying to show Gawain's torment the way it felt the day they buried her. Thanks for your words about Gawain.I am sorry about your friend. Crying is good! I cry once a week at least. Usually after a sappy movie or commercial. My boyfriend thinks its silly, but he's a man, they don't understand (wink).
Tristan is so funny. I think on how we write him being so calm sometimes and you know inside that easy observant stare is a man who's mind is going a mile a minute! His anger and his agression he only lets out when he knows he can control is, which in my story, is on the battlefield. he's much more independant than the others, who are more open in their anger and agression.
Wynn will be a novelty! I am looking forward to writing her in the fort. Tristan is going to be so protective of her! Arthur will probably be giddy knowing that now there will be one more woman around to keep his wife in gossip. This young princeling (or princess) will be a handful, she will be needed!
Thanks for your reviews. I always enjoy them, and love that my story helps you.
gwenn0: Ah! I understand now about your POV ideas. I re-read chapter 40 and I didn't mix enough of his thoughts about Cerys in there. I got into his head too much, but it was fun to play with him. Tristan is an interesting one for sure.
And don't feel insecure. Your english is great!
Chapter 44 was meant as that, pieces coming together! You got it! You give me encouragement with your reviews and you make me think and improve my writing!
lilstrummrgrl527: Hippie-lion! How perfect to describe him! Chapter 45 was really good to write for me, and I enjoyed it despite it's sad tone. I am glad you liked chapter 44, it was really fun to write as well, but from a light perspective.
I promise your hippie-lion won't be broken forever.
Here are two more chapters for you! Enjoy!
Chapter 46: Needing
Lancelot shook with the anger. She could have been hurt, and that was what made him madder than Gawain losing his temper. He hitched his breath thinking she could have been hit by the table and...
He forced calm. It would do no good to rail off on the man for that, along with everything else.
It had to happen sooner or later, and he supposed this was the time of year it would hurt the most.
It had been years since Gareth died. Lancelot had grieved for his cousin, but he had resolved it and moved on. He knew Gawain felt the guilt of not being able to protect the knight, and he knew that not being able to find him for so long tore at his heart. They had been close, the two men, fighting and riding side by side. The only one closer to Gawain was his brother Galahad.
But it was years ago.
Gawain had never spoken about the attack and the week or so that he had been in the woods, he and his horse lost, his wounds festering. Bors and Perceval had finally found him, leaning over his horses neck, Demetia plodding home the only way she knew how to go, up the main road. It was a cold day. He remembered that the cold was the only thing that saved the man; his fever was so strong at that point.
Lancelot closed his eyes momentarily to stop the image that was forming in his head, of Gareth, strung up and pecked clean by crows and various other animals when they found his body near a Saxon outpost that next spring. All that had remained was his green armour. It was the only way they identified him.
Gawain had cut him down. The nightmares had started after that, random and infrequent at first.
Now, they were every night.
Lancelot held Cerys a moment more. He felt such remorse for having her needlessly brought into this. She would want to help; his companions were as much her family as his, but...
"Lancelot?" her voice brought him out of his thoughts.
"You are not hurt?" He asked, loosening his grasp and looking down at her. She shook her head.
He breathed out loudly.
"I am sorry you were scared."
"It is fine. I am more worried about Gawain."
The noise had returned to the common, but the knights were silent, still standing, all thinking. Galahad was rubbing his forehead and talking quietly with Dory, her hand on his chest, patting absently while she looked about to the other men.
Lancelot let her go and he and Perceval righted the table. Bors gathered up the plate and cups and set them to the bar, where Lorina grasped his hand, her own eyes worried.
Arthur strode out of the common, Guinevere following him, her steps quick. Lancelot watched him go. He would check the stables first, then the walls. Gawain was not likely to go to his rooms. Perhaps the armoury. That could be dangerous.
"Arthur, wait." Lancelot strode after him, leaving Cerys for a moment. "Let us help you look for him."
Arthur shook his head.
"I am merely going to tell the guards not to open the gates for him." He said tiredly. "There is nothing more we can do until he calms, but we do not need him galloping off in the night."
Lancelot knew that, as usual, Arthur's level head had won. Lancelot had been ready to run off and shake the fool man, to reason with him, but, Arthur was right. There was no more they could do tonight.
Lancelot stopped and let Arthur continue on, Guinevere catching up to her husband and lacing her fingers through his as they walked. She looked back to Lancelot and nodded silently.
She would take care of him. Lancelot knew how much he would shoulder the guilt of Gawain's torment.
Cerys reached his side as he ran a hand through his hair and grimaced in the darkness. He wanted to swear, and he clenched his jaws to will his temper down. So many bad memories now at the surface.
"Love, come, let's go to bed." She said, touching his arm. Lancelot felt a wave of tiredness wash over him. Bed. With her in his arms. He needed that.
He turned and pulled her to him again, his lips on the top of her head. He held her close, feeling her comforting warmth. So much pain and death they had all seen. Things such as this always brought that to the front of his thoughts. He had always driven them back with work in the armoury, or time with Hywel in the blacksmith shop hammering on bronze until the sweat would sting his eyes and his muscles ached. Drinking and women, any woman... He never even knew some of their names.
Now? Now he wanted nothing more than her.
"I..." He started. he wanted to tell her that he needed her this night. He wanted to just hold her like this and not move. He needed comfort from her. If he moved it would break the closeness he felt, and the stability he craved right then. He wanted to tell her he was sorry for all the years of death, and pain, and loss.
But was he apologizing to himself, or her? He wasn't sure yet.
"What?" She muffled into his chest.
"I am sorry for all the loss we have suffered."
She loosed her arms from him, breaking the closeness. He felt her reach a hand down and pull his up to her lips. She held it there, her eyes to him.
"I am too." She said quietly. "But it is not your causing. Your pain is just as strong as his, but you can see past it now, no?"
He relaxed then. She understood him so well. He put an arm around her and they made their way to their rooms.
With her at his side, yes, he could.
Once in their rooms, he sighed heavily and sat on the edge of the bed. Cerys was re-lighting the fire, and she took off her light day cloak and hung it by the door. She crawled up to straddle his lap, rubbing his shoulders. He patted her hand absently as he leaned past her to pry off his soft boots.
"I just wish he would come out with it. I think if he talked it would help." She said.
"Talking may not do him any good Cerys. He may just need to fight himself out of it."
"Fight?"
Cerys thought a moment on that. Lancelot watched her. She bit her lip. More fighting to solve a problem that started in violence? She wasn't sure. Perhaps she did not always understand the ways of these men. It seemed a bit like trying to put out a fire by throwing more wood on it, instead of water. She furrowed her brow.
"Let's not think about it shall we?" He said as he wrapped his arms about her and buried his head in her chest. She put her hands to his head and held him for a moment, and they slowly lowered to the bed. They curled up facing one another, their eyes locked on each others then, forehead to forehead.
"I hope that you are never so tortured, Love." She whispered. She would not be able to bear it if he broke as Gawain had.
"I was for a time, after... I had nightmares." He whispered back.
"How did they stop?"
Lancelot was quiet for a moment. Cerys massaged the back of his head with her fingers and he closed his eyes. He wound his arms around her once more and held her close.
"I... I drank, I found women to distract me. I revelled in battle. I became everything I hated about myself. A killer, a mercenary. You remember how I was then."
He could feel her nod. "Each of you has your own way of dealing with it." She said, pulling away from him. She touched his lips with her fingers and he kissed them. "You caroused, became hard for awhile. I remember you were not that easy to be around. That was a long time ago."
"But when I started working in the shop... I used my hands for something other than killing. I was able to do something worthwhile. I didn't realize then how it helped me, but I see now. The nightmares and the pain stopped."
"And it has took you this long after to realize it." Cerys said, shifting up. "Let's hope Gawain can see sooner." She added sadly.
She undid the pins at the back of her head and her hair fell about her face. She reached over and placed her pins... their pins... on the side of the bed, smiling as she touched them lovingly before laying back down beside him.
Lancelot ran fingers through her hair, spreading it out over her shoulder. She closed her eyes slowly, her hands folding under her head.
He leaned in and kissed her softly on her cheek.
"Yes. You were my undoing." He smiled into her neck as he continued his kissing. She sighed softly and rolled to her back, her arms now coming up to fold him in. He found her lips and deepened his kiss, pressing his body softly against hers.
"Lancelot?" She wavered as he slowly ran a hand up her thigh, breaking their kiss.
"Yes?"
"Will I be enough for you, to give you comfort?"
He stopped and raised himself up a bit to look to her. How could she ask that? He gave her a questioning look.
Suddenly he understood what she meant to ask, and he blinked. She needed reassurance from him tonight that if he ever felt pain again like Gawain was feeling, that she would be what he needed to heal.
All those women over the years, he had been insatiable. She knew this. He softly smiled and made a noise in his throat. He never even considered it anymore.
"Always. I need you Cerys."
With that she kissed him hard, pulling him down to her. He opened her mouth with his tongue, showing his need for her as he groaned into her mouth. She responded, pressing herself into him.
They began frantically undoing each others clothing. His tunic went under the bed, her dress found its way to hang over the headboard as she flung it from her body. His trews met the floor with a soft plop, her second underdress that she had put on after the baths went flying.
He held her body to the bed as his lips roamed over her, covering her in kisses, tasting her with his tongue. His fingers dug into her hips as he bit at her inner thighs. She moaned and laced her fingers in his hair. She pulled him back up to her, her eyes flashing.
"I need you... inside me." She rasped, nipping at his lips. He growled back, his knee coming up between her legs and sliding them apart. She sat up then and he pulled her onto his lap. Legs twined around his waist as he held her. Their foreheads met as he found himself slipping inside her.
"So... hot." He managed as they merged. Her moans echoed his as they clung to each other, hands moving over each other bodies, grasping and digging into flesh as they moved together, their need for each other blanking all else.
She gasped, knowing she was about to lose her control. She moved back to look in his eyes and then put her head back and cried out loudly. "Augh!"
She rocked back all the way in his hold, arching her back and crying out again as she lost control and the wave ripped through her. He bit at her breasts, playing his tongue over the nipples, feeling her shake as the waves of pleasure ran through her. His arm muscles rippled as he held her up, his hips moving with hers, not stopping. He growled and bit her shoulder.
He picked her up in his arms, and lowered her to the bed. Her eyes went dark with desire and he watched them as she ran her fingers up his spine, then back down, resting them on his lower back, barely touching, smiling wickedly. Sweat was pooling on him, he could feel himself getting closer to his own release. She could make him lose himself just from her touch there. He hissed between his teeth as she ran her nails up his back.
"Lanc... Oh!" She moaned then as he began moving inside her in earnest, his eyes boring into hers with passion, his teeth bared. She raised her hips off the bed as he drove himself into her hard, all thoughts except his need gone from his head.
Her hands came out to the sides of her body, grasping at the bedding underneath them. He felt her sweat mix with his. It was more than he could handle, he couldn't hold himself back anymore. One arm circled her waist to keep him to her tightly.
"Cerys... I... "He cried as he felt himself exploding. "Gods!"
She cried out as he sent his seed deep into her. He was shaking, he was exhausted. He had needed this so badly this night, with Gawain bringing back all those memories. He had needed to feel this connection to something real, something good. He had needed her. It had been her he wanted to make love to, to release this tension with. It used to matter not who the woman was, but this time... he closed his eyes.
For the first time in his life he thanked the Gods that she was there, holding him, letting him love her. He felt no more sadness, he felt no more pain. He felt content.
She watched him slowly come down from his release, his breath ragged, licking his lips, his hair slicked with sweat, droplets falling from his forehead onto her stomach. He lowered her hips to the bed and collapsed to her side. She pulled him to her shoulder and pushed back his wet hair. His legs tangled with hers.
They both had needed this so very much.
She watched the worry lines ease from his forehead, his breathing relaxed, the knots in his shoulders gone. Gawain had brought back so many memories to him. She had wanted so badly to comfort him, and he had told her that only she could, in this way. She was amazed at him. Such deepness from a man, such need. And she had fulfilled it.
It was her final worry gone. She would be enough for him.
She watched as his eyes opened and he looked to her.
"Thank you." He said quietly.
"For what?"
"For... For loving me."
She touched her fingers to his lips to stop him.
"I will always be here."
He closed his eyes again and she listened to him slowly fall asleep on her shoulder. She turned her head to him, resting her forehead to his, and she too closed her eyes, willing sleep.
Dear Reader:
There are different kinds of sex. This is the needy kind. The need to be close, to drown yourself in another person, to relieve tension. Another first for Lancelot! He realizes that his need for her outweighs the need for release, and when combined, he can find true comfort.
Cerys is I think also discovering. She finally knows that she will be able to help him when times are good and bad. That she is what he needs. Her personality dictates that she helps others before herself, and now, she can, just by being herself. What a concept for her!
I think that this torment that Gawain has finally exploded with has, in a wierd way, brought them closer together. Sometimes it takes strife to really make you see what is important, and to understand a new closeness with that importance.
Thank you for your continued reading. I hope that you remember what is important to you, and that you take afew moments today to think of it, even perhaps reach for it. No matter when times are good or bed, we all need that.
Cardeia
