Chapter 5 Reminiscence
Fred and George were looking for their brother when they came across Seamus lying on his bed staring up at the roof. They looked at each other, knowing there was something wrong, but unsure of what to do."
"Are you alright?" Fred asked tentatively.
"Do I bloody well look alright?" Seamus snapped. The twins flinched at the hostility.
"Sorry, that was a stupid question wasn't it?" Fred apologised. Seamus just rolled his eyes. The twins could be very thick sometimes.
"What's the matter?" George inquired, hoping he wouldn't further anger the young Gryffindor. For awhile the blond did not respond to George's question. The twins were about to depart, leaving Seamus alone when he finally spoke. "It's Draco." He whispered "His father has found out about us, and now he's determined to keep us apart. He's even convinced Dumbledore that it would be best for everyone if we stopped seeing each other."
"But what can Lucius do while you're both still at Hogwarts?" Fred couldn't understand why Seamus would be upset about not being able to go near a Malfoy, bus seeing how upset the boy was he decided it was best not to voice this thought.
"You idiot!" Seamus replied softly. "You don't get it do you? We won't always be at Hogwarts. Lucius threatened to take Draco out of school if I don't stay away from him. So either I stay away from him and he remains here, tantalisingly out of reach, or I continue to see him until his father takes him away, and then I never see him again." Seamus fell into a brooding silence. Neither of the twins knew what to say, and the longer they said nothing, the more uncomfortable they felt. Finally, George broke the silence.
"So how did you two get together anyway?" Fred asked. Seamus smiled sadly. "It's a long story and you're probably not interested." Seeing the old spark return to the younger the boy the twins felt relieved and insisted he tell them the story. If this was what it took to bring back the Seamus they were familiar and comfortable with, then it was the least they could do.
Seamus smiled sadly. "You remember that fight Draco had after he called me a mud-blood?" noticing the twins identical looks of confusion, he explained "It was about four months ago. We were placed on detention for it, and Draco had received a letter from his father…"
flash back
"What the ell is he thinking?" Draco roared indignantly. "Just because I'm his son, doesn't mean I am going to follow in his footsteps. I am not going to do that!"
"Do what?" Draco jumped at the sound. He had thought he was alone.
"Who's there?" Draco demanded.
"Who do you think?" Seamus replied sarcastically as he crawled out from under a desk, his hands full of lolley wrappers and discarded pieces of parchment. The two boys had been ordered to clean the potions classroom as their punishment.
"I didn't realise you were here yet." Draco answered.
"Obviously." Seamus replied dryly. "So what aren't you doing?"
"What do you care?" Draco yelled defensively. It was none of this boy's business what Draco did or did not do. He resented that Seamus thought he had the right to ask these questions.
"I don't." Seamus replied blandly. "I was just making conversation. It's what civilised people call being polite. Then again, arrogant bastards like you wouldn't know much about that."
"You don't know anything about me." Draco stated calmly, stuffing the parchment into his robe. Seamus found this deathly tranquillity far more disturbing than if the other boy had been yelling at him. Seamus shook of a chill the voice caused, and returned to cleaning.
The two boys continued to clean in silence. As they worked, the letter fell out of Draco's robes. Seamus later found it, and not realising what it was, read.
End Flash back
"…And that's when I learnt that there was more to Draco than people give him credit for."
"But what did the letter say?" George demanded.
"And what did you do next?" Fred added. "This still doesn't tell us how you two ended up together."
"Alright! All right! I'm getting to that! It's a long story."
Flash back
Seamus read the letter he found lying on the floor in the potions classroom.
Draco
It has been decided that when you return home this Christmas you will join the service of our Lord fighting for the rights of all pureblood wizards.
I hope you fully understand and appreciate the honour being bestowed upon you. You will become the youngest Death-Eater in Lord Voldemort's employ. You will become a vital part of our quest for purity.
Our Lord understands how much you value our cause and your willingness to fight for what is right. He is anticipating your arrival at which you will swear an oath of loyalty.
You had better not disappoint anyone.
Lucius
Draco, who had been standing nearby the whole time turned and saw Seamus reading. When he recognised what Seamus was reading he grabbed hold of the front of the Gryffindor's robes and slammed him against the wall.
"You never saw this." He commanded, tearing the scroll from Seamus grasp and waving it in front of his face. "This never existed, alright?" The menacing look on Draco's face was all the other boy needed to convince him to agree. Seamus nodded his head in agreement, afraid of what the other boy might do if he resisted.
Draco sighed. "good boy." He released his hold on Seamus' robes and stepped back. He took his wand out and used it to set fire to the incriminating piece of parchment, fearful that someone less easily bullied would find it.
"That's what you were talking about before wasn't it? When you said that you weren't going to follow in his footsteps, and you said you weren't going to do it." The Slytherin said nothing. "I'd have thought that you would have been proud to receive an offer like that."
"Well then you are just like everyone else." He replied as the parchment turned to ash. "You assume too much. And if you know what's good for you, you'll keep your mouth shut." He turned and left the room.
End Flash Back
"Since then I've found out just how much people assume about Draco, and just how little anyone really knows about him."
"Yes, but how did you end up together?" George repeated the still unanswered question.
"And what happened at Christmas? Did his father force him to become a death eater?" Fred's curiosity was growing as Seamus continued his tale.
"Hang on! I'm not finished yet!" Seamus laughed. He was glad that the twins believed him. He was so used to people only believing in the 'bad' side of Draco that he was relieved to learn that some people were willing to see him for who he truly was. "I had thought that was the end of the matter. In fact I had total forgot about it until I went for a walk the next night after dinner…"
Flash Back
Seamus wandered aimlessly. He had too much energy to sit around all night, and he needed some fresh air. He found himself on the Quidditch field. As he walked across the field towards the Slytherin stands he noticed someone seated on the ground, his knees pressed against his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs.
Seamus recognised the other boy "Draco?" he called softly. Draco looked up startled, his eyes struggling to hide some indeterminable emotion. Was it Fear? Or Pain? Seamus couldn't be sure. /Draco/ Seamus mentally berated himself. /Why is he suddenly Draco instead of Malfoy// A small voice in the back of his head seemed to reply, maybe it was when he ceased to be as inhuman as the Malfoy you thought you knew.
Seamus shook his head to get rid of the voice, but the words did not seem to fade. Seeing someone who was usually so confident in such a pitiful state made Seamus heart ache. True Seamus didn't particularly like Draco, but he hated seeing anyone upset.
"What's the matter Draco?" he asked tentatively, approaching slowly so he wouldn't scare off the other boy. Draco, desperate for some intelligent company who would understand his dilemma (which he would never him amongst his housemates), told Seamus everything.
"It's my father." he started "He wants me to be some cruel, heartless, unfeeling killing machine, hell bent on destroying anything Muggle related, and anyone who isn't a pure-blood wizard." Draco rested his forehead against his knees. Seamus sat next to him and placed a comforting arm around the Slytherin's shoulder. "It's not that I don't value pure blood." He looked pleadingly at Seamus. "I do. I just don't value it over human life. Call me prejudiced and narrow minded if you want, but you've got to believe that I am not, and could never be a murderer." Seamus, sensing the other boy's sincerity, nodded and squeezed his shoulder.
"It's alright. I believe you." He assured Draco.
"I can never please my father." The Slytherin's head sunk again. "I'm not interested in the Dark Arts like he wants me to be, I'm not top of the class, I can't even beat Potter in Quidditch. I'm his failure of a son. If he knew I was gay, he would probably disown me." When he received no reaction for his last statement, Draco turned to Seamus. "Doesn't that bother you?"
"What?" Seamus queried. He wasn't sure what Draco was asking.
"That I'm gay?"
"Should it?"
Draco was shocked, and didn't try to hide it. If he has said the same thing to one of his housemates, they would have responded with complete revulsion.
"Why should it bother me?" Seamus repeated.
"Because it's disgusting. Because I am disgusting." Draco moved away and leaned against one of the support beams under the stand. Seamus followed him, and moved in front of the other boy. He held Draco's chin and forced the dispirited boy to look him in the eyes.
"Look at me." he commanded "You are not disgusting. You are not a failure. There is more to you than other people realise." Was that an offer of friendship? Draco didn't dare believe it. This boy who he had called a mud-blood and got into a fight with only the day before, now was willing to accept him for everything he was. it was too good to be true. Seamus released his chin and Draco slowly leant closer to him.
"Are you offering your friendship?" he whispered.
"If that's what you want." Seamus replied.
"Oh I do." They were now so close Seamus could feel Draco's breath on his lips. Draco closed his eyes and the distance between them. When their lips met, Draco kissed the other boy, it was the happiest moment of his life. He placed his hands behind Seamus' neck and deepened the kiss. Seamus wrapped his arms around Draco's waist and pulled him close, allowing his lips to yield under the pressure of Draco's, his response intensified the Slytherin's pleasure.
The positive response tempted Draco to go further. He teased Seamus' lips with his tongue, asking entrance. When Seamus responded by open his mouth further, Draco ran his tongue along Seamus' top row of teeth while Seamus pulled the two of them closer together, moving his hands further down. They were flooded with a sense of perfection. They grew breathless and Seamus loosed his grip so they could get some fresh air. Then the full force of what they had done hit.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." Draco gushed. He broke free of Seamus' grasp and ran back towards the castle, leaving behind a stunned Draco.
End Flashback
"…he ran off and left me to work out what all of that meant on my own." Seamus concluded.
"So what happened next?" Fred demanded.
I still find it hard to believe that there could be this other side to Draco. He's always seemed so distant, so untouchable." George commented.
"We all try to hide our weaknesses, and that's what Draco thought he was doing by playing the heartless wonder." Seamus explained. "Some of us are better at hiding things than others. And neither of you are allowed to tell ANYONE any of what I am telling you. Alright?" the twins nodded their accent. They didn't think it really needed to be said. Sure the two of them could be a little silly sometimes, but when it can to anything really important, they knew how to keep their mouths shut.
"Good." Seamus continued his story "I spent the rest of that night trying to work out why I responded in the way I did, and what everything meant. I was confused. I've never had a girlfriend, but I also had never entertained the idea that maybe I was gay. Draco avoided me for the next day which didn't help my confusion, and I didn't get a chance to talk to him until the next night…"
Flashback
Seamus wasn't hungry that night. He was still confused about the events of the previous evening. He left the dinner table early and went for a walk in an attempt to clear his head. He ended up in the astronomy tower where he found Draco. The other boy didn't notice his entrance so Seamus just stood and listened as the Slytherin talked to himself.
"Well Draco," the other boy told himself dryly "You screwed that up right royally. Note to self: when someone offers you his or her friendship, leave it at that. Don't throw yourself at them. They don't like that. Merlin! I'm such an idiot!"
"I wouldn't say that." Draco jumped at the sound of Seamus' voice. He hadn't heard the other boy enter the room.
"How long have you been standing there?" he demanded defensively.
"Long enough."
"I suppose you've told everyone what happened last night." Draco sighed in resignation. It was hopeless. His secret was out and his life was going to be a misery from now on.
"I haven't told anyone." Seamus replied "I'm not even sure what happened myself."
"It's simple" Draco spat bitterly "I'm a slut, and I forced myself on you."
"That's funny. It didn't seem that one sided to me."
/ Could it be true? Is he attracted to me as well// Draco didn't dare believe it. He knew if he were hurt now, he would have trouble dealing with it. / No. I'm not going to screw this up. I'll just be a friend. If he wants to take things further, then good, but I'm not going to risk scaring him off. /
When it appeared Draco wasn't going to say anything Seamus decided it was up to him to break the ice.
"So who do you think is going to win the Quidditch match on Saturday? Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw?"
Draco snatched appreciatively at the familiar ground. "I don't know. I hear the Hufflepuff seeker did a lot of special training over the summer."
"Yes," Seamus replied "but I've heard Ravenclaw have some new offensive strategies." Seamus moved into the seat opposite Draco. The discussed Quidditch, school, homework, and other trivialities. An hour later Seamus sighed and stood.
"I'd better go." he informed the other boy "I've got tons of homework, and the others will be wondering where I've got to." Draco nodded. He knew that no one would have noticed his absence, but he said nothing of it, afraid it might ruin the moment. Instead he asked Seamus if they could meet again the next day.
"Sure" the Gryffindor replied as he turned to leave "I'd love to."
End Flashback
"…we continued meeting like this. S I got to know Draco better, I started to feel a strong attraction towards him. I didn't know what to think about it. I have never been so confused about anything in my entire life."
"Well, did you tell Draco how you felt?" Fred asked.
"Well he must have." George reasoned "otherwise they wouldn't be together now, would they?"
"I didn't have to. About two weeks after our first meeting Draco dropped a bombshell…"
Flashback
They had been having a light-hearted argument about which was better, Quidditch or football.
"Football is more civilised. You don't aim things at each other with the intention of causing serious injury. You're not likely to fall out of the air and break your neck either."
"Yes, but that's what make Quidditch so exciting for the spectator." Seamus sighed and rolled his eyes exasperatedly. There was no arguing with Draco when he got this passionate. The other boy just laughed. "Has anyone ever told you that you're aggravating when you think you're right?"
Draco smiled "Has anyone ever told you that you're irresistible when you're aggravated?" Seamus blinked in confusion. That was the last thing he had been expecting to hear. Draco froze momentarily, but there was no backing out of this. "I have been attracted to you for awhile now, and getting to know you has only made these feelings intensify. I can't keep pretending. I need to tell you the truth. If it means losing this friendship then I am going to have to accept that as the consequences, but I can't continue like this. It's killing me."
"If you've felt like this for a while, then why did you start that fight? Why did you call me a mud-blood and treat me like dirt?" Seamus was confused. He had not been expecting this and he did not know how to cope.
"The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference." Draco quoted "You acted as though I didn't exist. Even having you hate me hurt less than that. At least then I knew that you noticed me." Seamus nodded. He could understand that. Draco clasped his hands in his lap and stared at them, refusing to look up at the other boy for fear of what he might see there.
"If this makes you feel uncomfortable and you want to avoid me from now on I won't be offended."
/ You might not be offended, but you would most certainly be hurt. You can't even look at me in the eyes because you're afraid of what you might see. / Seamus walked across to the other boy, placed his hand under Draco's jaw and used it to gently raise his chin.
"Look at me." Seamus commanded, kissing him softly on the lips. Draco's eyes raised briefly, his gaze full of questions.
"I feel the same way about you." Seamus continued and the grey eyes raised again.
"Do you really?" Draco looked away again, afraid that this was all a horrible hoax, or a dream he was about to wake from. Seamus felt words would not suffice, and he decided to prove his feelings with action. He lifted Draco's hands and sat in his lap. Seamus wrapped the other boy's arms around his waist and placed his hands lightly against the back of Draco's head.
Ever so gently, he pulled Draco's face towards his own. Seamus tenderly caressed Draco's lips with his own, and Draco responded with the same warmth. Draco opened his mouth further, allowing Seamus to tease the other boy's tongue with his own. As they explored each other's mouths a feeling that this was right overwhelmed them.
When they eventually pulled apart,
they both glowed internally. Neither of them had ever felt this
good. Seamus relaxed the weight of his body against Draco, who
embraced him in what felt like the most natural action in the
world.
"Do you really want me?" Draco asked.
"If you'll have me." Seamus replied. Draco's only answer was to place a light kiss on the tip of Draco's nose.
End Flashback
"…And that's how we became a couple." finished Seamus. The twins were awe-struck. They had no idea of what had been happening. There was a lot more emotion involved than either of them had ever imagined.
"So when did all that happen?" George asked.
"October." Again the twins were surprised. If was late February, that meant that Seamus and Draco had been together for around four months.
"So what happened after Draco returned home at Christmas?" Just as Fred asked, the bell rang to signify the end of lunch.
"That will have to wait until later or I am going to be late for class." As he left the room he heard the twins whispering about his story. They believed him, and it seemed that they were willing to believe that there was good in Draco. Seamus smiled to himself. If he could convince the twins that Draco wasn't all bad, then maybe he could convince others as well. He grabbed his books, and left for class, his heart feeling considerably lighter.
