Author's Note: Thanks once again for all the reviews! You all are awesome readers. I cannot say that enough.
Lorelai sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair, waiting for her flight to board. She was snuggled in Luke's embrace, desperately wishing for time to go both faster and slower. It had taken some smooth talking on their parts, because his flight was in a completely different terminal, for him to be sitting here next to her, but they had managed it.
She was uncharacteristically silent. She hadn't said more than a few words at anytime all morning. She knew that Luke was aware that something was wrong, but he didn't say anything. He just held her close, silently comforting her. She was relieved that he was treating her this way. Anything more might break her on the spot. Her fragile heart could stop beating at any moment.
Despite the gut wrenching dread she felt, falling into bed with Luke the night before had been easy. She pushed everything else from her mind as she gave herself to him completely. Yet the cheery demeanor she put on soon fell apart. She had ended up in tears, recoiling from Luke and his gentle murmurs of reassurance. Eventually, she allowed him to hold her in his arms, felt his hand softly stroking her hair as she cried herself to sleep.
The morning had been a blur. She felt ashamed of her breakdown. Luke tried to assure her that it was fine, but she snapped at him. The hurt that appeared on his face immediately made her feel guilty, and she quickly apologized. However, she still kept him at arm's length the whole morning, almost believing that this would make it easier to say goodbye.
But she was dead wrong. As the minutes passed, her lungs seemed to constrict even more, making breathing painful. She took shallow breaths, the only thing she could manage, as her head rested against his flannel-clad chest. She felt his hand rubbing gentle circles over her hand, trying to soothe her.
She found herself growing angry at him for staying so calm. Why wasn't he more upset about leaving her? That simple fact was killing her. It made her feel like she was already alone even though he was seated right beside her. She almost tore herself from his embrace, ready to scream at him, but the thought that it would destroy their last few moments together, stopped her.
She shifted in her chair, pressing herself more firmly against him. She wanted to breathe him in, remember every curve of his body. That task wouldn't be too difficult. She had memorized every inch of his body long ago, but she was so afraid of forgetting. Forgetting the way he smelled. The way his stubble scratched against her smooth skin. The way his flannel felt against her cheek. The way she fit so perfectly into his body. Most of all, she feared forgetting Luke himself.
She heard a voice on the intercom at the gate. The time had arrived.
Luke stood up, pulling her with him. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, skimming his hand down the side of her body before bringing her in for a hug.
She held on to him tightly. Time seemed to stand still for her, but it was actually quickly ticking away. She didn't want to let him go so she remained in his embrace for several minutes before it became apparent that she had to leave. She closed her eyes and leaned in to press her lips to his. The kiss was soft and full of love. She felt her anger fading. When she broke away, she looked up at him. He had tears in his eyes. Realizing that it was just as hard for him as it was for her, any remaining anger and resentment she felt dissipated at that moment. "I love you," her voice was barely above a whisper, almost inaudible.
He managed to catch her words. Even though they were in the middle of a bustling airport, it seemed like all of his senses had zeroed in on her. "I love you too, Lorelai." He gave her one last chaste kiss. "I'll talk to you soon."
She nodded. This was it. "Goodbye, Luke" she managed to force through her lips before turning away. She felt his eyes on her as she walked through the gate, following her until she was out of sight. The words 'talk to you soon' echoing in her ears. She found herself wishing more than anything that they had been 'see you soon'.
When Lorelai returned to Aix, she threw herself into her work. She was glad that she had meetings scheduled practically back-to-back from the moment she arrived. It was easy to keep her mind off of everything when she had countless other things to keep her occupied.
The evenings were more difficult. She was alone, and her mind was left to wander. Her phone calls with Luke didn't help the situation. She found herself withdrawing from him, keeping their conversations short and sometimes impersonal. And she hated herself for doing this to him. It wasn't fair. She knew it. She knew that it hurt him, and that he was beginning to fear that he had made a mistake in coming to Paris. That he'd crossed a boundary that shouldn't have been crossed. That if he had stayed away, things would be better.
She wasn't angry with him. She could never be angry with him. That weekend meant everything to her, and she wouldn't trade it for the world. But she had received a taste of something so amazing. Something that she could no longer pretend that she hadn't really missed.
She felt herself going through the actions of living. It wasn't until she was talking with one of her coworkers that things finally became clear to her.
A lunch had been catered for the employees to celebrate a deal the Durham Group had made with some local hotels. Lorelai had piled her plate high with food and was quietly munching alone when the woman sat down across from her.
"That's a lot of food," Carrie commented. "I think my body would protest."
"It takes years of practice," Lorelai replied. Thinking that she might have sounded a bit arrogant, she smiled at the young woman. She was probably a few years younger than herself, Lorelai observed. "So... it's great that we finally closed this deal. It seemed like it was never going to happen." Small talk. She hated it, but she didn't know what else to say.
Carrie shrugged. "Yeah," she said, waving her hand nonchalantly. "I don't want to talk about work. Everyone is always talking about work."
Great, Lorelai thought. What would she talk about with this woman now?
Carrie made up her mind for her. She spoke first, "You've been here for months, and I just realized that we've never really talked. You're so quiet, so I am here to drag you out of your shell."
Quiet. Lorelai had never heard herself defined as quiet. Talkative? Yes. She had perfected the art of rambling. And what shell? Luke had told her quite a few times that she belonged in the peanut gallery, but she wasn't shy. Had she really been acting that differently since she arrived in Aix? Carrie's voiced pulled her out of her thoughts.
"I heard you went to Paris this weekend. I adore Paris. Best city in the world in my opinion. Did you like it? The first time is always quite the experience."
"I actually went there before with my daughter," Lorelai told her coworker. "Two years ago."
"Oh! A daughter? Not many people have children. It's kind of hard to be here with bundles of joy crawling around the house."
"She's in college," she stated shortly.
Sensing that her daughter was off limits, Carrie went back to the subject of Paris. "So the second time? Better or worse?"
Lorelai smiled as she remembered making love to Luke in the soft glow of the moonlight. "Better."
"I recognize that smile. Did you meet someone? I've always wanted to ride off into the sunset with my arms wrapped around a Frenchman. You're so lucky!"
She shook her head. "No. But it was definitely amazing." Lorelai didn't know why she didn't tell Carrie about Luke. It was like a secret that she wanted to keep to herself. If she opened her mouth and let the words spill out, she feared that it would lose some of its charm.
Seeming to lose interest in Paris and ready for more personal details, Carrie changed subjects. "So what's your story?"
"My story?" Lorelai asked.
"We'll start out easy. Why did you take this job?"
"It sounded like a great opportunity."
Carrie laughed. "That's, like, the by-the-book response. Take me for example. I'm here partly because the thought of it gave my parents a heart attack. Their college graduate, running off to another country, for a job that didn't even require my degree. The looks on their faces were priceless. So come on, give me the real reason." She paused for a moment and then added teasingly, "Did you want to piss off your parents as well?"
"I don't need to leave the country to do that. I just didn't want to regret not doing this. I'm only here for a trial period." She stopped abruptly, her own words lingering in her mind.
"What's stopping you from making it permanent? I couldn't imagine anything better than this job." Carrie waited a beat before asking, "Your daughter?"
Lorelai shook her head. How could she explain to this stranger, that her daughter, her best friend, wasn't even on speaking terms with her?
"Then what is it? A guy? Because believe me, he's not worth giving up all of this. No guy is worth it, Lorelai," her coworker stated wryly.
"You don't know him," she snapped. Lorelai stood up hastily. "I have to go." She heard Carrie's voice behind her, trying to apologize, but she didn't even bother to look back.
She dashed back to her hotel room, not even bothering to attend her afternoon meetings. Carrie's words had struck a chord with her. From the moment the woman stated that she was quiet, her mind went reeling.
Memories from the previous months came rushing back to her full force. She was different here. How had she never realized it? Back home, she had always surrounded herself with people that brought out her personality. Here, she had remained withdrawn and unattached. That was not like her.
She leaned against the door. She gulped for air, trying to get enough oxygen to her lungs. She suddenly felt crowded, like the walls of the room were closing in on her. She was suffocating from the stale hotel air. Making her way to the window, she forced it open. She took several deep breaths, letting the fresh air rush over her.
She slumped against the window sill, allowing herself to finally think about Luke for the first time in weeks. God, she missed him. He always brought out the best in her. She never doubted herself around him. He made her confident. Strong. But he also made her realize that she didn't have to do everything alone. It was perfectly fine to admit to being weak and needing help every now and then.
But was she willing to let herself be with him completely? Could she allow herself to give away the absolute independence to which she had become accustomed? She had never depended on anyone for anything. Above all else, she had never let herself be defined by the man she was with. But Luke was different. Wasn't he? He was more of an extension of herself. He complemented her, not defined her. Then again, was that enough?
She saw only two solutions. And in that small hotel room, the cloud that hovered constantly in her mind was finally whisked away. The answer was like a light at the end of a dark tunnel. His words 'No matter what happens in the future, we'll always have this weekend. We'll always have Paris' repeated in her mind.
She knew what had to be done.
To Be Continued. Please review!
