Margaret rounded the corner and paused a moment to search for her family. Ben would be the easiest to find. She brought her hand up to her face to block the sun from her eyes and scanned the little baseball field. He was standing on third base ready for action. The time he spent tossing the ball around with his father had translated into a love of baseball for him.
She easily spotted the other two boys. They were pressed tight against the fence watching their big brother. James and Matthew had been very disappointed to learn they were too young to join him on the team, but the easily accepted it as most boys do. They were satisfied to go to the field and watch or play with other children when they lost interest in the game.
Now she had to find Hawkeye, but she couldn't spot him from where she stood. As she walked closer he came into view. He had Eve on is lap and they were sitting on the bottom of the bleachers watching the game.
Before she went to them she walked to the two boys. Placing a hand on each other their backs she crouched down and kissed then on the cheek. "Hi guys."
"Hi Mommy," James smiled. "Ben's team is winning again."
"Good. Are you boys having fun?"
"Yeah." They were both focused on the game.
She stood up. "I'll be with Daddy if you need anything."
"Okay."
Hawkeye smiled when he saw her walking over to him. She was in her uniform; she must not have gone home to change. Eve saw her and started kicking her feet wildly. He stood up and kissed her. "You made it." He was very pleased.
"I said I would."
She did tell him that, but he had been very skeptical. More than a few times her Saturday morning shifts had turned into an all day event. "I'm glad you're here."
She kissed him again. "Mmm, me too." Margaret took her daughter into her arms and gave her a kiss. "You look so cute today." Hawkeye had her in a little white and blue dress and even had the blonde hair on the top of her head pinned back out of her face.
"We do look cute, don't we?" Hawkeye kissed her again and then they sat down. "Ben didn't see you yet. He was worried you wouldn't make it."
"He's probably playing better because of it." Often times he got nervous with her watching. He always wanted to make her proud, but was too afraid that he couldn't.
"He loves it when you watch him play."
"I know he does, but I'm his mom. Everyone always gets a little anxious when their mom is watching."
"He was asking me the whole ride here if you were going to make it," Hawkeye told her. "He'll be ecstatic when he sees you."
The batter hit the ball and all the players started running. Ben started toward home plate, running as hard as he could. Both parents started shouting and erupted into cheers as he crossed the plate. He turned to look at his dad's reaction, but was elated when he saw his mother sitting there. A bright smile spread across his face before he ran back to join his other team mates. The coach slapped him on the back and gave him a high-five.
"That's my baby," Margaret smiled at her husband.
He nodded with a smile. "Don't let his team mates hear you call him that."
"Oh, I would never." She sat back down and adjusted the baby on her lap. "He'd be so mad at me." A couple of months ago she had made the mistake of kissing him in front of his friends at the park. He had informed her that he wasn't a baby anymore and it wasn't cool for his mom to kiss him where other people could see. Later that night when she was saying goodnight to him she asked him if it was okay if she gave him a kiss and he told her the rules. She could kiss him all she wanted as long as his friends weren't around.
"How was your day?" He nudged her. She had her eyes locked on Ben.
"Oh, you know, nothing too exciting. I wanted to be here at his game more than anything."
He nodded. "I know you did." The night before she had been upset that she wasn't going to be there from the beginning. "You're here now. That's what matters."
"It's almost over."
"He has another one on Friday, you'll have another chance."
Margaret thought for a minute. "I could probably get off a little early on Friday."
"And then we could go out for pizza afterward."
She smiled at him. "That sounds like a good idea." Margaret leaned in and gave him a kiss. "Tell me about your day."
Hawkeye had taken two weeks of leave. Things at the hospital had been a little overwhelming and he felt that he needed some time at home. Besides, with both parents working and with all the kids having been sick, the family had started to feel stressed. With Hawkeye being a little more flexible, the tension had been let up and things were starting to move smoother.
"Well, I took the boys to school and then Eve and I took a nap." Margaret smiled, that wasn't surprising. "We did a little cleaning, watched some television, and stopped off to check on my Dad's office before picking up the boys."
"Sounds like you had a nice day."
Hawkeye smiled. "It was."
"Are you thinking about staying home permanently?"
"Not once did that cross my mind." She laughed. "Although it has been nice to spend so much time with them." He put his arm around her and kissed the side of her head. "I'd like to spend a little more time with their mother. Alone."
"I might be able to arrange that." She laid her head against his shoulder. "Did you have plans after this game?"
"What kind of plans would I have?"
"Did you tell the boys you'd do anything with them?"
He shook his head. "Well I mentioned something about dinner."
By the tone of his voice she could tell it wasn't something he thought she would be pleased with. "What did you mention about dinner?"
"That we'd eat it," he told her. Margaret smiled. He was incorrigible. Then seriously he said, "I told them that it was up to you."
"Oh great."
"Well, you're the picky eater in the family."
"They're going to want to go out."
"Well, what do you feel like eating?" He asked.
"I don't know."
"I'll make something simple," he told her. "It won't be hard to throw something together."
She shook her head. "They'll be disappointed."
"Three young boys... they don't give a damn what they eat."
"No, they will. I'll figure it out."
After more than twenty minutes of watching the game, it ended and Ben's team won. Hawkeye and Margaret gathered the two younger boys and they all waited for Ben. Right away he had an idea of what he wanted to eat. Since neither Hawkeye nor Margaret had any real ideas, they went where Ben wanted to go.
By the time they arrived home it was close to bed time and each of the boys were sent in to bathe and get ready for bed. Eve had quite the day with her father and she was out in no time. Most week nights were busy around the Pierce household, but now that he was on leave he started to realize he felt a little sex deprived.
When Margaret was finished tucking the boys in she went into her bedroom expecting her husband to be in bed. She was mildly surprised to find that he wasn't. Margaret changed out of her uniform and then walked downstairs. She could see the glow from the TV from the hallway. When she walked into the living room she stopped and smiled. Hawkeye was lying on the couch with Eve sleeping on his chest. They both looked so comfortable and content.
She walked over and sat down on the edge beside him. She put her hand on the baby's back. "She fell asleep fast."
"She had a busy day," he said in a soft voice.
"Didn't you say she took a nap today?" He nodded his head. "She's her father's daughter."
"But she's as beautiful as her mother." Margaret smiled down at him.
He moved to sit up and she carefully picked up the sleeping baby. "We're so lucky," she said. "All of our children are beautiful and healthy."
"They make up for that in being stubborn," he grinned.
Together they stood up and walked upstairs and tucked the baby in. Afterwards Margaret turned to walk to their bedroom, but Hawkeye grabbed her hand and directed her back downstairs. "Is something wrong?" She asked him as they walked down the stairs.
He shook his head. "No." He looked over at her. "I just thought it would be easier to talk downstairs." That way they didn't have to worry about waking anyone up or being overheard.
He led her to sit down on the couch and then sat down beside her. "What's the matter?" She was a little worried.
He picked up her hands. "Nothing," he reassured her. "I'm just a little concerned."
"Concerned about what?"
"I've heard that healthy couples ought to be having sex at least three times a week..."
"Hawkeye," she cut him off. "Are you worried that we're not having enough sex."
"No, it's not that exactly. I know the reasons why having sex is a challenge, but I think we need to work harder at it. I mean, when the MacIntyers stopped having sex, their marriage fell apart..."
"Their marriage fell apart because he cheated on her."
"They all interchange, having sex with your wife and cheating." He saw the look on her face. "You know I would never cheat on you," he said quickly. "It's just that sex is more than just the actions, it's the intimacy and the closeness." He sounded like he was trying to convince himself. "The last time I talked to BJ he told me about how things had been slow between him and Peg. They were only having sex about once a week, and now look at all the problems they're having."
It had been a little while since she heard from Peg, but the last time she did their marriage wasn't as strong as it once was. "Do you think we're having problems?" Her voice was soft.
He shook his head. "Not like they are. I just don't want us to get that way."
"We won't."
"You don't know that. I'd like to think we'll always be happy, but I don't want to take the chance." For as long as they were together she was always uncomfortable taking about their relationship and ways to improve it. She was always so insecure about it; even after eight years of marriage and four children.
She swallowed. "Our lives aren't like they were when we were first married. I don't know what you want me to do, Ben. I try my best to make..."
"Margaret, Margaret, hold on a minute. I'm not blaming anything on you." He leaned in and kissed her. "Peg and BJ used to be one of the happiest couples I have ever seen, but in the past couple of years we've seen their marriage start to unravel."
"And you think we're on our way to the same."
"No, I don't," he told her sternly. "I want to prevent that from happening."
She nodded. "What do we have to do?"
"I think we need to work harder at making time to make love."
He didn't know if she was upset or if she really understood what he was saying. "Okay," she told him with a nod. "We can do that."
"Are you okay?" He asked her.
Margaret had always been a little scared about losing him, but she understood what he was saying. "Yes." Hawkeye leaned in and kissed her.
"You know, Eve is probably old enough now for us to leave her for the night. We could leave the kids with our parents one night and go somewhere alone."
"Like leave town?" They hadn't done that for a long time, and last time they did Eve was conceived.
"Yeah, just like that. Or if you'd feel better we could stay home."
Every once in a while she had entertained the idea of being alone with him without the children around to take care of. Each time it popped into her head she dismissed it coming up with one reason or another. "I'd like to go away with you."
"Would you really?" His voice was hopeful.
She nodded. "It would be good for us." Margaret leaned into him and he wrapped his arm around her, hugging her tight. "We don't want to lose each other."
"That's right."
"I had a dream a couple of weeks ago about us."
"Us?" Sometimes that meant the six of them. In fact, lately "us" always meant the six of them.
"You and me." She rubbed his stomach lightly.
"Really?" That was a little surprising. "No kids?"
"Just the two of us," she told him.
"What kind of dream?" He asked.
"A sex dream."
"Oooh," he smiled. "Tell me about it."
She shied away. "I can't do that."
"Well, why not?"
"It's too embarrassing..."
"I'm your husband," he told her. "You've been having sex with me for almost ten years. You can tell me."
"No I can't."
"I've told you about my sex dreams before."
"That's completely different."
He shook his head. "It is not." Just knowing she would dream about him sexually was enough to boost his ego. Anymore than that she was willing to say was icing on the cake.
"Yes it is. You don't mind talking about that sort of thing." He had always been more open about his sexuality than she had, at least when it came to talking about it.
"Well, at least you were dreaming about me and not some other man. Like that doctor you work with. What's his name?" He knew the man's name, he just didn't like him.
Margaret sighed. "You can't laugh, okay?"
"Scouts honor."
"Well..."
"Yeah?"
"Here, let me whisper it in your ear." She leaned in and began whispering it to him.
"Oooh...ooooh...really...ooo..."
Margaret pulled back and looked at him. "Well, what do you think?"
He had a big smile on his face. "I must have been digging you in the back that night."
Margaret laughed. "I have no idea where it came from."
"I like the way you think," he told her.
"Unfortunately we'll never be able to do that..."
"Why?"
"Because of the kids..."
"Maybe when we go away," he winked at her.
She shook her head. "I don't think so."
"Well I do." He leaned in and kissed her. "It'll be like when we were first married. What do you think?"
"Do you remember the last time you said that to me?"
He shook his head. "Why would you remember something like that?"
"Well." She moved so she was sitting on his lap. "Do you remember that time we flew down to Florida for a few days." He nodded. "Six weeks later I told you I was pregnant with Eve."
"Ah." he nodded in understanding. "I don't plan on getting you pregnant this time."
"We didn't exactly plan on it last time either." They didn't try to stop it from happening either.
"Are you trying to tell me you want to have another baby?" He wasn't sure how he felt about that. He loved their children, but adding another... He didn't see his wife much as it was.
"Heavens no! We have our little girl now."
Hawkeye breathed a sigh of relief and sat back. "Good."
Margaret smiled and moved her hand to his stomach. "Actually...we're going to need to talk about that one day..."
"Having more kids?"
"No, not having more kids." She was hoping he'd catch on.
"But you ju...oooh...no no no." He just got it.
"I said we could talk about it later."
He cupped his groin with his hand. "I wish we would."
"Alright, no more about that tonight." She kissed his cheek.
"Thank you."
"One day soon."
"Shh." He placed his hands on her hips and kissed her again. "I can think of other things to talk about."
"About our relationship?"
He shrugged. "Maybe we need a little less talk and a lot more action."
She giggled. "Well, neither of us work tomorrow. We can talk then."
"With Eve hanging off you?"
"She doesn't hang off me."
Hawkeye begged to differ, but he didn't say anything else. "We can stay up late tonight and do..." He smiled. "Stuff."
"Stuff? Like laundry?"
"Like the stuff dreams are made of."
She sighed. "Oh brother."
"I thought you wanted to work on us."
"I do."
"Then we actually have to "work" on it."
"I know."
"Maybe we should work on being more adventurous."
"What? We already did it in here."
"There are...other places."
"We tried that a week ago and we ended up napping on our bed." After going through the house they had decided to go back to the bedroom, but instead of having sex they ended up falling asleep and didn't wake up until Matt came in and jumped on the bed. It wasn't one of their shining moments as a couple.
"Maybe we tried too hard." It seemed to better when it was done in the spur of the moment like that night she arrived home from a day with her friends at a spa.
"But you just said we're supposed to talk about this part of our marriage."
Hawkeye thought for a moment. There really wasn't anything wrong with their own bedroom, but it wasn't adventurous anymore. The most adventurous thing that happened around their house was when James and Matt decided to flush a frog down the toilet and ended up backing up the entire house. "Maybe now isn't the time."
"Then when?" She leaned in and kissed his ear. "When we're sitting at the breakfast table with all four children? I think you're right. This is something we have over looked for a while now. I may be their mother, but I'm still your wife, and you know what else?"
"What?"
"Well," she paused for a moment before she said anything else. "I don't want you to think I don't love our children."
"That's absurd." Hawkeye had never seen a more devoted and loving mother. From the moment Ben came into the world she was a natural.
"I love them more than anything and I wouldn't trade them for the world."
"I know that, baby."
She laid her head against his shoulder. "Sometimes I get sick of being just their mother." She sighed deeply when she heard herself. "That sounds just terrible. I don't mean it like it sounded."
"I know how you meant it." He kissed her forehead. "And it doesn't sound bad."
"Are you sure?" He nodded. "You and I haven't had a moment to ourselves for a long time."
"Only when we're sleeping."
"Hardly even then." Occasionally someone woke up and wanted to sleep in their bed or needed a glass of water.
"They're getting better."
"We need to really be alone," she emphasized need.
"That's why I suggested we go away for an evening or two. I'd enjoy walking around naked again." He hadn't been able to do that since Ben was a newborn.
"And I'd enjoy watching you," she purred into his ear.
"Do you think we could get your mother and your father to watch them?"
She looked at him questionably. "Does that mean you feel the same way about your father as I do?"
He hated to think that he didn't want his kids with his father. The reason was understandable though. "You know how things are right now. You remember how they behaved the last time we were around them." They had been worse than newlyweds and over zealous eighteen year olds. "We've never carried on like that in front of other people. She practically had her hand on his crotch." Not to mention that instead of paying attention to his son, Daniel had been occupied with kissing and giggling with that woman. They had hardly noticed they were in the room.
"I know," she said softly. Margaret did not like that woman. She felt ashamed of having witnessed such a spectacle, especially by her father-in-law.
"He's made it clear what's important to him," Hawkeye said. "Not seeing his grandchildren shouldn't bother him." He looked down. It hurt him to be so distant from his father. "I hate that woman."
Margaret wrapped her arms around him. "I know baby."
"You know, I can deal with it, but those kids..." He was very emotional about this. "They love him so much...and it's almost like he could care less."
"You know that's not true." Though she felt like that a lot of the time too.
"I hate lying to my kids!" He told her in a louder voice. "I told myself before Ben was born that I would always, no matter what, try under the best circumstances to be honest with them. I cannot stand lying to them to cover up for him. That time when Jamie started crying...it nearly broke me in two."
Margaret remembered it all too well. Jamie had been all set to stay with his grandfather for a weekend. Dan told him he was old enough now, but when the day came, he backed out of it. It was how Jamie found out that broke his heart. Although, his parents were hurt more than he was. Children were very forgiving, but for the parents of those children it isn't so easy. "Maybe it's time you talked to him." She suggested.
"Jamie?" He looked at her. "We both talked to him, remember?"
"No. Your father."
Hawkeye shook his head. "Eve and I saw him today. He thinks that woman is the best thing that ever happened to him. He didn't even give his granddaughter a kiss. Just a pat on the head and it was like she wasn't even there."
"I don't think he meant it to be mean. Maybe he was busy."
Again he shook his head. "I'll talk to him when he's ready to listen. Right now ..." Hawkeye sighed.
Margaret kissed him on the cheek. "He'll come around."
"Let's not talk about him." If there was anything that was less arousing than talking about his parent, he couldn't think of it. "I'll make you a deal."
"What kind of deal?"
"Well." He moved so they were both lying on their sides. When they were comfortable, he spoke again after kissing her. "If you call..." Kiss. "Your parents and..." He kissed her again. "Ask them if they are." Kiss. "Willing to watch the kids."
She smiled when he kissed her again. "Mhmm."
"I'll make the travel arrangements."
"This is going to take planning."
"I know."
"The hospital is preparing for an inspection from the Health Department. I can't go until after."
He nipped at her lightly. "Damn."
"You can wait a few weeks, can't you?"
He groaned. "I don't know. I feel so sex deprived already."
She kissed his lips again. "Well, no one says we can't have sex between now and then."
"More than twice?" She pinched his arm. "Oww."
"You're not that sex deprived. You get it at least two times a week."
"It's not as good when you have to beat the midnight water run." Whenever someone was thirsty they came into their bedroom and asked for a drink from the kitchen.
"We weren't rushed the other night." In fact, they'd done it several times, long and hard.
"Well..." He smiled. "That was the exception."
"You've got me all alone right now...what's stopping you?"
"That's a good question." He leaned in and kissed her again. They kissed open mouthed a couple times before he growled into her mouth. Slowly she moved onto her back as he moved over her.
"Oooh, tiger," she giggled.
"Margaret." Margaret turned around and looked at the young woman. "There's a call for you at the nurses' station."
"Okay. Did they say who it was?"
She shrugged, "Uh, I think it's your son's school."
Margaret didn't need to hear anymore. Quickly she pushed past her and hurried to the phone. She was almost breathless when she picked it up. "Hello. This is Margaret Pierce."
There was a deep, unrecognizable voice on the other end. "Mrs. Pierce this is Samuel Nielsen." That was the principal at the elementary school. "Benjamin is in a bit a trouble, I'm going to need you to come down here."
Margaret was perplexed. "His father is home this..."
"Actually, Mr. Pierce is already here."
Now she was really confused. "He is?"
"I'm afraid we've had a bit of a...conflict."
"Oh wonderful," she muttered to herself. "I'll be right there. Thank you." Margaret hung up the phone before asking what was going on. She figured if she didn't know then she wouldn't be able to get angry at Ben on the drive there.
Margaret left the hospital as quickly as she could. She couldn't figure out what Ben could have done that would warrant both she and Hawkeye meeting with the principal. She knew it couldn't be good. They always set up appointments for good news, but bad news... that was different.
It took her more than twenty minutes to get to the school. When she finally arrived she pulled into the nearest parking space, which happened to be right next to her husband's car. Quickly she fixed her hair and makeup in the rear view mirror and then grabbed her purse and headed into the brick building. The principal's office was in the front of the building and she knew just where to go. Hawkeye and Ben were sitting out in the hall waiting for her.
When Hawkeye spotted his wife he stood up. "Stay here," he said to Ben. He walked toward her and kissed her check. "They wanted both of us here."
"What's it about?"
He shrugged. "We're waiting on you. Ben wouldn't tell me either. All he says is that it wasn't his fault he got in trouble."
"Mrs. Pierce." Suddenly Margaret was aware of another person in the office. "Please, have a seat."
Margaret sat down beside her son and Hawkeye sat down on the other side of him. "Mr. Nielsen, why have you called us down here?"
"I plan to attend to the issue momentarily," he told her. "We're just waiting for Mr. Johnson's parents." Margaret looked over at her husband with an alarmed look. She had recalled seeing a little boy sitting outside the office. Hawkeye looked down at his son. He was sitting with his head bowed, looking at his hands.
The four of them waited there silently for a few minutes until the secretary entered the room, followed by another couple and another little boy. "Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, please, have a seat."
"Can you explain what is going on?" The other father asked.
The principal stood up. "As you are well aware, we do not tolerate fighting at this school."
"Fighting!" Both mothers shrieked.
"Alexander claims that Benjamin hit him, which is..." He looked over at the other boy. "Evident." He had a nice bruise on his face that we beginning to show. "However, Benjamin stated that he was provoked by incessant shoving and deliberate poking...with a pencil." Margaret's eyes widened even more. "Which could be classified as stabbing."
"Stabbing!" The other man stood up. "You!" He grabbed his son by the arm. "Did you poke him with a pencil?" He pointed to Ben.
"No!"
"Did you hear that?" He said to the principal. "He didn't do it."
"Ben has some marks on him," the principal pointed out. "They came from somewhere."
"Are you trying to tell me that my son is lying to me?"
Ben looked up at his parents. He knew that lying was one of the worst crimes he could commit. "Dad, he was..."
"Shh!" Margaret told him. "Mr. Nielsen, did anyone else see this happen?"
"No one saw what happened between them. Their teacher saw Ben hit the other child."
Hawkeye wanted to see the marks on Ben. "Where are those marks?"
"Whoa, wait a minute," Mr. Johnson said. "My boy said he didn't do it. Isn't that right?" He looked down at his son.
"Ben was picking on me." The little boy saw his father's eyes go dark.
"Is this correct, Benjamin?" The principal asked.
Ben looked from his father to his mother and then back to the man who was waiting for his answer. "Yes sir."
After some more time trying to discover what actually happened they were all dismissed and the school handed up a punishment of suspension to the boys. Hawkeye thought they were getting off too easy for using violence, but he knew Ben's punishment wasn't over yet.
On the way to the parking lot Ben walked in between his parents, his head looking down at his feet the entire time. He had never been so scared in his life. He could hear his mother whispering, but he was so nervous he couldn't understand what she was saying.
When they got to the car, Hawkeye put his hand on Ben's shoulder. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah."
"You're sure?"
"Yeah, Dad. I didn't get too hurt."
Margaret opened the door to her car. "Get in, Benjamin."
He gasped slightly. "I...I thought you had to work."
"I'm through for the day. You're riding with me."
"Margaret..." Hawkeye had grimaced when he heard her tone of voice. He knew what was going to happen if Ben rode with her.
"Pierce," she snapped at him. "He's riding with me."
Her eyes were stone cold. She looked like she could have slapped him. "Okay," he said softly. He took two steps back.
"Get in," she told her son sternly. He got into the backseat and she slammed the door. She glared at her husband as she walked around the car. She opened her door and got in. Hawkeye looked at his son. He was looking back at him with big eyes. Margaret started the car and Hawkeye waved to his son. The next moment he was standing alone in the parking lot.
Hawkeye didn't follow her home right away. He knew that when he did she was going to take her aggression out on him. Instead he went down to the docks and spent some time working on his boat.
One day he wanted to take Ben with him, but that wasn't going to happen any time soon. He just hoped his wife spent some time cooling off before she flew off the handle with their seven year old. Margaret could be hard on Ben from time to time. He was a good boy, but like all boys he wasn't perfect. She just didn't understand it as well as he did.
While he was picking up at the dock he saw his father. He was standing on the bank and waved. Hawkeye waved back and groaned. A lot of good this was going to do. Now he'd have to listen to his father go on about how good it felt to have sex as much as he did at his age. That woman had changed him, and not for the better as far as Hawkeye was concerned.
"Son," Daniel said when he got closer."Dad." Hawkeye nodded. "What are you doing down here?""I was out on a house call and I saw your car down here. Play hooky today?""No."Daniel got in step beside him as they walked to where their cars were parked. "Day off?""Yeah, something like that. The kids were sick and I took some time off."
"Oooh." He smiled. "Sounds like fun."
Hawkeye had his back turned to him. He rolled his eyes. "Do you want something?"
"Can't a father just talk to his son?"
Hawkeye grimaced. "I suppose so."
"What are you doing out here so late?" Daniel asked him. Usually they were eating supper then.
"Just checking on things." He was in the process of fixing the engine and a couple other small problems. That's how he'd been able to buy such a big fishing boat for such a small price.
"Are things alright between you and Margaret?"
Hawkeye had to take a deep breath to keep from snapping. "They're fine," he said darkly.
"So I take it that things are good in the sack too."
He snapped his head. "That isn't any of your business."
"Ah, then it's bad."
"It's fine. Everything in my house is just perfect."
"I haven't seen you for a while. How are the kids?"
"Why don't you ask them yourselves? They can all talk."
Dan could see something wasn't right, but he didn't have the time to find out. He was supposed to meet Linda for dinner. "Tell them I'll be by to see them soon."
"Oh, I sure will." Hawkeye opened his car door. "Bye." He got in and slammed the door.
"Bye."
It was time to get home. Margaret should have had enough time to cool down and he knew she wouldn't dish out a punishment without him. As well as they worked together in the operating room, they parented even better. When he pulled into the driveway the two younger boys ran around from the back yard. As soon as he opened his door both boys were standing right there.
"Hi Daddy," they each said.
"Hi guys." He bent down and scooped each of them into an arm. "What are you doing?"
They shrugged. "Mommy told us to play outside."
"Oh yeah?" He kissed each of them on the cheek. "Is Mom mad?"
"Don't know," Matthew said.
"Not at us," Jamie said.
Hawkeye glanced to the house to see if Margaret was standing there within ear shot. She wasn't. "Did she say anything about me?"
"She said you were fixin' your boat."
He nodded and placed them back down. Margaret usually knew things like that. "Why don't you two come in and wash up for dinner."
"But Daddy, we aren't done."
"Done with what?"
"Come see." Matt said eagerly.
He struggled to get down and Hawkeye set them on their feet. "Come on daddy." He picked up Hawkeye's hand and pulled him along. Hawkeye followed in tow, curious as to what they'd been up to.
His eyes widened when he saw it. "Uh oh." He looked down at his sons. "Does mommy know you're doing this?"
"Nope," Matt smiled.
"Well...I'm sure she'll be surprised."
"Wanna help?" James asked.
"Um..." Margaret was going to freak out. "Why don't we go inside and see if dinner is ready. Then we'll talk about finishing it." Whatever it was.
"But Mommy said to stay out here."
"Well, I think its okay now."
"Are you sure?" James wanted to know.
"Yes I am. It's almost time for dinner. Go on inside."
"Okay." The boys started to run for the house.
"Wait," Hawkeye called to them. They waited for him on the steps leading up to the back porch. He crouched down when he got to them. "Let's just keep your little project a secret for now. What do you say?"
"Mommy won't like it?" Matt's voice was sad.
"We'll wait until I help you with it, okay?" They nodded. "Okay. Now get inside and wash up for dinner. Your face and your hands." He emphasized hands. Usually those boys would wipe their hands on their pants and then try to sneak back to the table.
Hawkeye opened the door for them and let them run in. When he entered the kitchen he saw Ben sitting at the counter doing school work while Margaret seemed to be finishing up dinner. It was pretty quiet in there except for the noise from Eve banging her toys together on the floor.
"Hi Dad," Ben looked back at him.
"Hey bud." Hawkeye kissed his head. "How you doing?" Ben shrugged and went back to his math work. Eve was on her way to him and he bent down and scooped her up. "Hi pumpkin." He kissed her cheek. "Hi." He looked at his wife.
"Hi." She only glanced at him and then turned her attention back to her cooking.
Hawkeye didn't know if she was mad that he hadn't followed her home. Her disposition seemed awkwardly solemn. "I sent the boys upstairs to wash up," he told her quietly, not sure whether she was interested in listening to him.
"Okay." This time she didn't look at him.
Hawkeye sighed quietly and sat down at the table with the baby. It was going to be a long and lonely night. "Why don't you put that aside and help me set the table," he said to Ben.
"This is the last one..." He was concentrating hard.
Hawkeye glanced at his wife. Her back was to him now. He had the feeling that it would have been in his best interest to fall asleep watching television on the couch that night.
Matt walked into the kitchen and over to his father. Hawkeye looked down at him. "Why is your hair wet?" He asked.
"You said to wash my face," the little boy replied.
Ben closed his book and pushed back his chair. "I finished all my homework." He stood up and gathered his materials.
"Go put that away and then come back down here," Hawkeye told him.
"Yes sir."
"Daddy," Matt wrapped his arms around Hawkeye's leg. "Do we have any chocolate cake?"
That sounded like Margaret. "No pal. Besides, we're having dinner now. Not dessert."
Matt grimaced. "What are we havin'?"
"Ziti."
A smile spread across his face. "Yum."
"Do me a favor?" Hawkeye asked. "Play with your sister for a few minutes while we get dinner finished."
"Do I have to?"
"Matt," Margaret spoke. "What's wrong with playing with your sister?"
"She's boring."
"Oh she is not." Hawkeye sat her down on the floor where her toys were. "Show her how to play with the blocks."
Matt let out a deep sigh. "All right."
Ben ran out of the room and called over his shoulder. "Be right back, Dad."
Hawkeye pulled five plates down and then grabbed a plastic one for the baby. "Do you want to eat in the dining room?" He asked Margaret.
"The breakfast table is fine." The baby's highchair was in there and that was where they normally ate unless they had company or a special dinner.
"Back." Ben said breathlessly. He walked over to his mother who was near the sink. "Can you turn on the water for me?" He was pushing his sleeves up. His mother did as he asked and handed him a little soap. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Hawkeye didn't like the mood in the kitchen. It was terribly uncomfortable and he felt bad for Ben. The poor little boy didn't know where he stood. Margaret was practically giving everyone the cold shoulder, or maybe it was just for him and Ben. "Grab the silverware." He said to his son.
Hawkeye and Ben set the table and then Hawkeye made the boys sit down. He put the baby in the highchair and then washed his hands. Margaret dished up the food and then took her seat. When Hawkeye sat down she wouldn't even look at him.
Dinner went by slowly. No one hardly said a word. Hawkeye was contemplating spending the night on the couch. It looked like sex was going to be out of the question for a while. He had just started getting used to it again. Now it looked like he was back to watching late night movies with his boxer shorts around his thighs.
"Daddy." Hawkeye looked at Matt. "Can I have some more milk?"
"Sure." He picked up his glass and poured him a little more.
"Thank you." He accepted it with both hands and took a large drink.
"Daddy." Now Jamie was talking to him. "Can we go back outside?"
Margaret intervened. "No, you're going to go upstairs and take your baths."
"Aww...mommy..."
"No." She snapped. "You're going to do as you're told."
"Come on," Hawkeye pushed back his chair and stood up. "I'll start the water for you."
"Can me and Matt take a bath together?" It was always more fun when his little brother was there with him. They were both pretty inventive when it came to playing. They would spend hours in the tub if their parents would allow them.
"Yes." Hawkeye said before Margaret could object to that. He'd clean up after them, she didn't have to worry about the water and soap all over the bathroom.
When Hawkeye and the two boys were gone Ben looked over at his mother. "Mom, should I take one after them?" His voice was soft and a little shaky. He just wanted to please her.
"You can go up after you help clean up the kitchen."
He nodded. He sat quietly and finished the rest of the food on his plate. When he was done he sat back in his chair with his hands folded on his lap. "I'm finished now. Can I take my plate to the sink?"
"Go ahead, honey." She was trying to get Eve to finish the rest of her dinner.
When Hawkeye came back down Margaret was at the sink washing and Ben was wiping down the table. Eve was lying on the floor on her back chewing on a teething ring. He walked over to the sink and picked up a towel. "Do you want me to finish in here?"
"I'm fine."
"I'll dry." He took the plate from her.
"I said I'm fine." She glared at him.
"Margaret, let me help."
"I can do it," she told him sternly.
Hawkeye set the plate down and did the same with the towel. He didn't know why she was so upset. He certainly wasn't the enemy. "Okay." He looked down and then walked away. "Benjamin, you can take a shower in our bathroom," he told his son. "Come on."
"Okay." He set the washcloth down.
"And then you're going to bed," Margaret said loudly.
Ben bowed his head. "Yes ma'am." Hawkeye put his hand on his back and led him upstairs. He got him into the shower and then pulled the other two out of the tub. They were just starting to make a mess.
"Daddy, why is momma mad?" Matt asked him as Hawkeye led them into their room still clad in towels.
"She's not mad at you," Hawkeye told them. "She's just a little upset."
"Why?" Jamie asked.
"You're a couple of chatterboxes tonight, aren't you?"
"Uh huh," they smiled.
"Put your pajamas on, I'll be right back."
Hawkeye walked back to his bedroom to check on Ben. He was just walking out of the bathroom when he walked in. "Daddy..."
"Yeah buddy?"
"I didn't mean to...honest..." His voice was shaking. Hawkeye bent down and picked the seven year old up.
"I know you didn't." He rubbed his back.
Ben had his arms wrapped around Hawkeye's neck. "I'm sorry, I really am."
"I know you are." He knew that Ben wouldn't have done it without having been provoked. Had that kid been stabbing him with a pencil, Hawkeye would have hit him too.
After a few moments Ben picked up his head and looked at his father. "Does Mommy hate me?"
"No. She's just upset. I'm afraid I may have something to do with that too."
Ben laid his head down again. "I don't think she likes me. I tried to tell her how sorry I am, but..." He paused to take a breath.
"Ben, your mother loves you very much."
"No she doesn't. I'm a bad boy." He was starting to cry harder.
Hawkeye continued rubbing his back and telling him otherwise, but Ben was just as stubborn as his mother and he refused to believe. After a few more minutes he was able to calm him down enough to convince him to go get dressed. Ben didn't want to leave his father, but Hawkeye assured him that he would be back.
Margaret was sitting on the family room floor with the boys and the baby. They had a game out. Hawkeye wanted to make her go up there, but Ben was expecting him. "Is everything done?"
"Yes." She didn't look up. "Ben's in bed?"
"He's getting there. Can I talk to you for a minute?"
She looked up at him then. "Okay." She got to her feet and followed him into the hallway. "What's the matter?" She asked when they were alone.
He turned around and scratched his chin. "We have a problem," he told her.
"What?"
"Margaret, don't get upset by this..."
"What's wrong?" She asked him again, this time more sternly.
"Ben."
"Ben?" She sounded surprised. "What's wrong with Ben?"
"He thinks..." It was hard to say. "He thinks you don't like him."
"What!" Margaret exclaimed. "That's ridiculous!"
"Margaret," she didn't understand him. "He doesn't think you love him anymore because of what happened."
"Oh God." This time it didn't sound as mean. She actually sounded depleted. She put her face in her hand.
"Margaret," he touched her arm. "He's punishing himself."
She straitened up. "I'm going to go talk to him."
But Hawkeye stopped her. "He's really upset. He kept crying over and over what a bad boy he is."
"Where would he get an idea like that? I never told him he was bad."
Sometimes, many times actually, Margaret was guilty of treating Ben as though he was older than his real age because he was her oldest child. She would forget that he was just seven years old from time to time. "He's confused. The child up there thinks his mother doesn't love him anymore. He loves you so much, Margaret."
She had to blink back some tears. "I... he..." She couldn't find the words to say what she wanted.
"He's only seven."
She nodded. "I know. I have to go to him."
"Wait. I told him I would be back. He's expecting me." She wanted to argue, but she just nodded. "Will you give me a minute?"
"Yes."
Hawkeye headed back up the stairs and Margaret went back into the family. She told the boys to keep an eye on their sister for a few minutes and to call if they needed help. Within three minutes either she or Hawkeye would have to come get Eve. She left them in there and climbed the stairs. Ben's room was last one on the left. She stood in the doorway and listened.
Ben was on his father's lap, his head against his chest. Hawkeye was whispering to him, but Ben was shaking his head. Whatever his father was telling him it was apparent that he didn't believe him. Another few seconds and Ben turned in his father's arms and clung to him as he cried.
Margaret walked in and Hawkeye looked up at her. There was a sense of desperation and sadness in his eyes. She sat down next to him on Benjamin's bed. Very slowly she put her hand on the little boy's back and rubbed it. He was still crying against Hawkeye's chest. After a few minutes when he'd settled down some she said quietly to him. "Honey, I love you very much." He sniffled a few times and peeked at her.
"No, you don't," he squeaked.
"Oh yes I do, more than anything."
"But I...I..." He was working himself up again.
Hawkeye leaned back and looked at his son's face. "Mommy loves you, Ben." He shook his head.
"I do." Margaret said. "You're very special to me honey."
He looked at her, his eyes red and puffy. "But you don't like me." He cried.
Margaret reached for him, but he wanted to stay with his father. She felt her heart drop to her stomach. "Ben," she said softly. "What would make you think I don't like you?"
"You...you..." He found it hard to look at her and be able to speak, so he looked at his father. "She didn't want to talk to me. I tried, Daddy. I wanted her to love me still."
Margaret shook her head. Her son was heartbroken. "Ben..."
"Because I'm a bad boy."
"You're not a bad boy." Hawkeye didn't know what to do. He had never seen Ben so upset in his life and Margaret looked like she was on the verge of a break down. "Why don't you talk to Mom now," he suggested.
"Yes. Talk to me, sweetie. Please."
"I'm a bad boy," he said into Hawkeye's shirt. "I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy."
"You're not a bad boy," Margaret told him.
"Yes I am."
"Honey, do you know what I was so mad?"
He turned his head slightly and glanced at her. "Because I hit Alex," he said meekly.
"Yes, I am upset that you hit him, but that's not why I was so tough on you." He still had tears running down his face. Margaret stroked his hair. "I worry about you honey. I love you."
"You do?"
"Of course I do! I love you more than anything else in the world."
"I didn't mean to hit him," he told her. "But he was hurting me and he wouldn't stop."
"Why were you teasing him to begin with?" Hawkeye asked.
Ben looked up at his father. "He started picking on me first. Just cause I wouldn't let him cut in line."
Hawkeye looked over at his wife.
"Why didn't you tell the principal that, or even your teacher?"
"I didn't want to be a tattle tale. Alex said I would be if I told." Ben took a deep breath. "I would rather be a tattle take than a bad boy."
"Benjamin Franklin Pierce Jr.," Margaret said sternly. "You are not a bad boy. Do you understand me?"
He shook his head. "I didn't do anything right."
"Come here." Margaret pulled him onto her lap and hugged him. "You shouldn't have hit that boy, but that doesn't make you bad." She could understand that the child was hurting him and she knew what she would have done. More than once she got in trouble for hitting as a child. "You should have told the teacher before it got that far."
"But then I..."
"Ben, if someone is doing something that you know is wrong, you need to tell your teacher." Hawkeye stood up. "I don't want you to get into any more trouble. Okay?"
"Yes sir."
"I'm going to go downstairs." He told his wife. He could hear Matt yelling at Eve to stop. She was probably just trying to play with his cars. He leaned down and kissed Ben's head. "I love you. Sleep well."
"I love you too Daddy." Hawkeye heard him say one last thing to his mother before he was out of ear shot. "Momma, will you stay here with me?"
Hawkeye waited for the answer. "I won't leave you." Then he headed down the stairs.
The next time he saw Margaret was when she brought Eve upstairs to feed her and put her down for the night. After he tucked the other two boys into bed he went out back to clean up the mess from them. Margaret would be livid if she saw what they were using to build their fort. It was actually pretty funny and if she had been in a better mood she might have appreciated it.
It was close to ten when Hawkeye got back into the house. He jumped in the shower quickly. He thought she was in the basement doing some laundry. She usually did that right before she went to bed. When he came out she still wasn't in their room. He slipped some boxers on and went to check on the children. When he got down to Ben's room he saw her standing in there just watching him sleep.
"Hey," he said softly. "You okay?"
She stretched her arm out to him. When he was close enough she wrapped her arms around his waist. "He's had such a terrible day."
Hawkeye held her. "I know baby." He sighed and rested his chin on the top of her head. "Tomorrow will be better."
"He's suspended from school for the rest of the week." Margaret would never have believed that Benjamin would get suspended for fighting.
"Well, I'll find some things for him to do around the house."
"I feel so awful." She was speaking in a monotone into his chest.
"Baby, he punished himself harder than you did."
"He thought I hated him." She gripped him tighter. "He thought I didn't love him anymore." Margaret started to cry. "God, I'm such a terrible mother."
"No, no, no." Hawkeye rubbed her back. "No, you're a wonderful mother."
"A wonderful mother wouldn't have made her son feel unloved."
"Honey, he was just upset and tired." He held her tighter. "He knows that you love him."
She shook her head. "He was convinced that I didn't. If he knew I loved him he wouldn't have thought that."
"Honey, he's a little boy who had a bad day. He was mad at himself."
"He doesn't know how much I love him." She couldn't stop crying. "I'm a bad mother."
"Shhh. You're going to wake him." Hawkeye brought her out of the room and into their bedroom. The last thing they needed was for him to wake up and see his mother crying.
"He's such a good boy." Margaret slumped down on the bed. "I disappointed him."
"Margaret, Ben's fine. He went to bed knowing his mother loves him more than anything else in the world."
She wasn't listening very well. "I try my best to take care of him and every day I tell him I love him. That's more than I ever got from my parents. What am I doing wrong?"
"Nothing. Margaret, you sound just like Ben. You're not a bad mother and he's not a bad boy."
"How can you say that?"
He spent thirty minutes earlier trying to convince Ben that his mother loved him, and that still didn't work. She had to talk to him. How was he going to make her see that she was a great mother? He didn't know what to do. "Look, I know you're a great mother. Why don't you take a nice warm bath and relax a little? I'll run the water."
"That's not going to change the fact that I'm a failure."
"Margaret, stop it!" He suddenly snapped. "We have four beautiful, healthy, intelligent children. You are not a failure. You are a wonderful mother. Those kids love you to death."
Margaret sighed and covered her face with her hands. "I'm sorry."
"It's been an emotionally tiring day for everyone," he said in a quieter voice. "Why don't you relax in the tub and then climb into bed."
"Oh," she sighed heavily. "I guess."
"Good. Tomorrow is a new day and it'll be better."
"We have to come up with a punishment for him." She followed him into the bathroom.
Hawkeye turned on the hot water and dumped some bubbles into it. "Don't you think he's had enough?"
She leaned against the counter and watched him. "He can't just have fun around the house all week. That wouldn't teach him anything."
If it was up to him he would have let it all end. Ben punished himself. "Do you have an idea?"
"We've never had to do this before." It was uncharted territory for them as parents. "I feel bad, but letting him spend the next few days like its vacation isn't right either."
He nodded. She had a point. "Let's go easy on him, okay?"
Normally she wouldn't go along with that, but in this case she'd make an exception. She was the reason why her little boy was so upset. "We'll go easy on him."
Hawkeye had decided that Ben had punished himself enough and didn't warrant any further punishment. He humored Margaret by enforcing the guidelines they had talked about the night before, but he was probably far more than lenient than she would have been. Hawkeye let Ben sleep in until nine o'clock and then sat on the couch and watched television with him for an hour. In the afternoon after they had completed their chores, Hawkeye took the baby next door and together he and Ben went down to work on the boat.
"...so instead of filing and sharpening the blades, I'm just going to buy new propellers." He was showing Ben the damaged propellers.
"What's this?" He pointed to another piece that Hawkeye had laid out on the deck.
"That's the rudder." He then proceeded to explain what it was used for. "See the dents and the nicks?"
"Yeah." He traced them with his finger.
"Well, I'm going to..."
"Hey!" Someone was shouting at them from the other side of the dock.
"Oh no," Hawkeye muttered.
"Grandpa!" Ben shouted. "Can I go, Dad?"
"No. He'll come down here."
Ben waved frantically to his grandfather. It had been weeks since he saw him. "HI!"
"Hey Benny." Dan stood on the shore. "What are you two doing down here? Aren't you supposed to be in school?"
"Not today." Ben wasn't proud of what he did. He didn't feel the need to broadcast his mistakes.
"Is that thing safe, Hawk?"
Of course it was safe. He had his son on there with him. "It's not going anywhere."
Daniel stepped onto the boat and Ben gave him a big hug. Dan patted his back. "What are you doing down here?"
"What does it look like?"
"I'm helping Dad fix up his boat. He said it could be our project. Just me and him." Ben was talking a mile a minute.
"That was nice of him." Daniel sat down on a bench inside the boat. "Hawk, if he's sick he shouldn't be out here on the water."
Now he cared. Where was he the past few months? "He's not sick," Hawkeye said coolly.
"Oh?" Daniel looked down at his young grandson.
"Was there something you wanted?" Hawkeye interrupted. "I have to pick up the boys in an hour."
"Linda's daughter and her husband are driving up for the weekend. We'd like you and Margaret to come over and have supper with us Friday night." Hawkeye was surprised that they were going to let family come in between their sex schedule.
"I...I don't know."
"Come on Ben..."
"It's hard to find someone who will watch four kids..."
"I'm sure you can find someone by Friday. It'll give you and Margaret a chance to get out of the house. I'm sure your relationship could use a night out."
Hawkeye turned to his son. "Would you go below and find me my flat head screw driver?"
Ben didn't want to leave his grandfather. He was very happy to see him. But he obeyed his father. "Okay."
When he was out of ear shot Hawkeye told him "Margaret and I are doing just fine."
"I wasn't implying anything. I just thought you might like a little adult conversation. It can be stressful taking care of children, I know."
Hawkeye glared at his father. "We are all doing just fine."
"Are you? I know it can be hard getting it up when you've been around screaming kids all day."
"My kids are not screamers."
"They're kids. Their mother is a screamer."
"What?" Hawkeye snapped.
Daniel grinned. "I remember when your house was getting fumigated when you two were first married." They had stayed with Dan for a few days. "I think Ben was conceived then."
"Oh my God. What makes that your business?" Back then his father had been disgusted by it and Margaret had been so embarrassed she avoided her father in law for two weeks. Now here he was talking about it like it was funny.
"Ben, I was just joking with you. Lighten up."
"She's my wife!"
"What a lucky man. Or at least you used to be."
Hawkeye clenched his fists. It would be wrong to deck his father. "Dad, drop it. Margaret and I are very happy. We love our kids and we don't mind spending all our time with them." Truth was they could use a night out, but that wasn't his father's business. And he didn't really want to spend that night out with his father and that woman.
"I'll call your wife. I know how you can be about passing on invitations."
"And I know how you can be about resending them," Hawkeye snapped back.
"What was that?"
"You heard me," Hawkeye growled. Daniel was aware of how he'd hurt Jamie by breaking his promise. At that moment Ben came back up.
"Here you go dad," he handed the screw driver to him.
"Thank you."
"I'll call Margaret and talk to her about it," Daniel said again. He looked down at Ben. "See you later sport."
"Bye Grandpa."
"Bye Hawk."
"Yeah." He waved back at him, not looking up. After a moment he looked at Ben. "Can you hand me that wrench over there?"
"Here Dad." Ben sat back and watched his father for a couple of minutes. "Are you mad at Grandpa?"
"Why do you ask?" He knew that was coming.
Ben shrugged. "It's just.. you're not very nice to him."
"Sure I am."
"I don't think so." Ben knew if he treated anyone like that he would be in all kinds of trouble. "Are you mad cause he made Jamie cry?"
Hawkeye glanced up. "That's a part, yes. Don't worry about it. Children and parents get mad at each other all the time, but it will be okay."
Ben nodded. "I know about that. Mommy was maaad at me."
"That's a little different," Hawkeye told him gently. "But I think you got the point."
"Do you think Mommy's gonna be mad that I'm out here?"
"Why would she?" Hawkeye asked. "You did your chores and now you're helping me."
"I guess you're right."
"Look, if she gets mad, she'll get mad at me. Not you."
"That's not fun either," Ben told him.
Hawkeye laughed. "You don't know the half of it."
