"This is all that I have lived for. This is all that I have known." -Valjean from Les Miserable (the musical: I'm too lazy to read the book)

Reiocu- there are no gross icky things in this chapter

Gothic-ember- no prob, ask any question and I will try to answer it...I'm a bit of a know-it-all well REIKO WAKES UP!

Crazedcandie- yeah Reiko is also Hikari, Hikari is another form of Reiko, she took on this form when she ran away from the bad guys

Standard disclaimers apply

Chapter Fifteen

(Reiko)

Lying in bed I contemplated why these people wanted me to live. It was most likely because of some information I knew that they wanted. My whole body ached and I wanted more than anything to go to sleep and never wake up. There was no point to living, I had no family or friends, I couldn't use my energy or powers to do anything and I knew I would never be the same again. My mind had been shattered and pieced back together too many times and what was left was almost useless.

"Reiko, are you awake?" It was one of my 'saviors,' she seemed familiar but I couldn't be sure, I couldn't trust my memories any more. I knew Zinan hadn't gotten in my mind or broken me into telling him something but I myself might be making this up to try and feel better. "Can I talk to you for a little while?"

"Sure," I croaked this out and waited for her to begin her bombardment of questions. What happened? How could you let them catch you? What did you tell them? Why didn't you escape before then? Why? Who? What? When? Where? My mind was beginning to pound and she hadn't asked a single thing.

"Why did you befriend me as Hikari?" She asked and I found myself stumped. Who was Hikari? Was I Hikari? The name sounded familiar. Hi-car-ee. Hikari means light. I was Hikari once upon a time; I had had brown hair and called myself Hikari while I was on the run. While on the run I had stopped at a town to regroup in a safe house I had bought eons ago. Sea green hair and red eyes. Snow. Yuki…no that's a boy, she was a girl…Yukina. I had met someone named Yukina; she had wanted to be my friend. Thought I was lonely. She had no idea, no idea of what I was.

"Yukina?" I had to make sure it was her, I wasn't going to spill my guts to any random person and I didn't feel like opening my eyes and facing reality.

"Yes." She had the right voice, it had to be her, and no one could impersonate her.

"Cause you cared." I said this after a moment of thought. I had been in the park watching some little kids play and she had walked over and started talking to me. She wanted to know why I was so sad. Because of her I actually believed I could have a normal life. Be happy.

"Were you just pretending to be my friend?" This one threw me for a loop. Why was she asking me this? I thought that her of all people wouldn't ask me that. Did she think I was scum? Had she found out about my past? Did she not want me as well? Would there ever be anyone who wanted me? Would they ever stop demanding answers every time I did something? Why did I have to live? Why do I have to live this life?

"Were you?" I tossed this out hoping she would see how much it had hurt. You're not supposed to question friendship. There's supposed to be trust. But who could trust me? I was nothing. I never was anything to anyone. I come, I go, no one remembers. My own parents hadn't wanted me, my adoptive parents hadn't wanted me, my adoptive aunt and uncle hadn't wanted me. Was I the trash they said I was? If I died would anyone cry for me? Would I even have a headstone? My soul would be swallowed up by purgatory for all of my sins and I would be forgotten.

"No," she quietly answered and I felt some hope well up in me. "Thank you for taking the time to talk with me. You must be exhausted, I'll let you rest." With that I listened to her leave and knew that once again I was all alone. Alone. That one word described my whole life. Always alone. Left to take care of myself, fend for myself. No one protected me.

Slashing red eyes.

Black and white hair.

He had saved me from the Pit. He had taken care of me. He hadn't questioned me. What was his name? The one who had helped when I said I didn't need help. He saw past my barriers. How? Strong. Quiet. A fighter. Hiei. That was his name. A warrior of great speed. He had conquered the Dragon of the Darkness Flame. The team he had been on won the Dark Tournament. I had been there. Watching in the crowd to see who won. Bui, the one he defeated in the last round. Big vs. Small. Four foot ten without his hair. Taller than me.

I hear someone enter the room; they aren't trying to hide their presence. Curiosity piques my interest so I slowly peel my eyes open to find myself staring up at a white ceiling. I am yet again conscious of my body and every inch of it hurts, from my toes to my lips. Blinking slowly I try to concentrate on listening to see who is in the room but my body isn't cooperating. Nothing wants to work, even breathing hurts. Slowly turning my head to the side I wince as the world begins to spin wildly and I am forced to close my eyes again. Once I know that the bile in my stomach is safely situated I crack my eyes open again to find myself looking out at a palate of many colored shapes that danced around yet at the same time remained stationary.

"You awake?" A rough masculine voice demands of me and the blood pumping through my vessels freezes and I start to find it hard to breathe. "Good." One of the blobs in my line of vision starts to move; it's black, white and peach colored. I deem it a living being, the one that's been speaking to me, male number one.

"So how are you feeling Reiko?" Someone else has entered the room; their voice is that of an older woman, this must be Genkai. She was on the Urameshi team, the one that Hiei had been on. I feel like I should know more about her but for some reason I can't grasp the knowledge that's just out of my reach.

"Where am I? Who are you?" I manage to force this out through my severely strained vocal chords. My mouth is so dry, poking my tongue out of my mouth I swipe it over my lips cringing as I discover my lower lip has been sewn together and touching it hurts.

"You are in the human world at my dojo, my name is Genkai." The person who came into the room informed me. I was right, brownie point for me. "How do you feel? Do you need anything?"

"I'm fine but I need my contacts or glasses." I muttered this because my terrible sight has always been a sore spot with me.

"How long have you not had any visual aid?" Genkai asked me.

"I had my long term contacts in when I bound Zinan but now I don't have them." I try to shrug it off but I really wanted something because I wanted to be able to see. "They must have disintegrated with the release of energy."

"What is your vision?" Genkai questioned, "I can go out and get you a new pair."

"My glasses should be at my safe house in the drawer of my nightstand." I didn't want to be any more indebted to these people.

"Ok, are you hungry?"

"I guess I should eat something." I gritted my teeth as I dragged myself up into a sitting position causing every part of me to scream in agony.

"You shouldn't move," Genkai reprimanded me. "If you need anything one of us will help you."

"I need to go to the bathroom, like right now." I swung my legs off the edge of the bed, "Point me in the right direction and I'll bumble my way to it."

"There will be no 'bumbling' because it will make you worse," Genkai snapped. "Hiei, help her to the bathroom." Hiei? He was here? He was watching me in all my glory of weakness? The black, white and peach blur moved toward me and I began to panic. Yes, my savior he might be, but he was still a man, and it was men who had destroyed my life, it was men who had shaped me into this foul beast. Involuntarily I began to tremble, as my breathing became labored. Fear swamped me and everything started swimming as my heart rate tripled. Sweat beaded on my forehead.

"What's wrong with her?" Hiei's voice reached my ears and I fought to keep my composure but it wasn't working, with every panting breath I drew it cracked more and more already on the brink of shattering.

"Reiko?" Genkai laid a hand on my shoulder and I gave a shaky sob as I tried to fight this unreasonable panic that was taking hold of me.

"I-I-I'm f-fine." I stuttered as the edges of my vision began to darken.

"She's having a panic attack," Genkai told Hiei and a tide of humiliation swept over me, I hated being weak. "You need to breathe Reiko, I need you to breathe for me ok?"

"Am…breathing." I huffed out trying to regulate both my lungs and my heart but it wasn't working.

"YUKINA! Get me a paper bag!" Genkai bellowed to the girl as she pushed me down so my head hung in-between my legs.

"What's going on?" I heard her come in and abruptly a brown paper bag was clamped over my mouth and nose. They were trying to smother me! Quickly I ripped the bag away snarling at them. Did they think me stupid? Gasping even harder I felt my hold on this world slipping and I cried out not wanting to fall back into a sleep haunted by nightmares. I fought against the approaching hell but it was futile and I was claimed by the storm and dragged into the unconscious world.


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