Chapter 2:
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Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah I don't own anything but le plot.
Story title: Lost Without You
The drive home seemed to take forever. My mom and I spoke rarely while she kept her eyes on the road and I counted trees. One oak tree, one cedar, one pine… they flashed by so quickly that I could hardly see them but I needed to count. It was all I could do from having flashbacks and memories run me over like a heavy dump truck of pain. Gordo had… "No." I whispered, my face pressed against the cool glass of the car window, "I won't think about it now, I'll think about it later." Later. Just how much later would dull the pain in my heart? Every time I thought his name, saw his face with his azure eyes looking back at me, it felt as if my heart was being rolled in broken glass, as if my soul was being rubbed raw. The road began to smooth out as we neared Hillridge, signs becoming more and more frequent, trees growing sparse. "Lizzie?" my mom asked me, eyes large with worry.
"What?" I asked sharply, Monster Lizzie surfacing. "Sorry." I mumbled, turning back to the window, concentrating on the way the light fell across the brick house next to our parked car. Look at the shadows…they're like eyes. His eyes? No Lizzie. His eyes don't see anything anymore. They aren't watching over you anymore.
"We're at Miranda's Lizzie. I thought you might want to see her. Would you like that?" I breathed a sigh of relief. At Miranda's, I could cry. It was ok to cry with your best friend.
"Thanks mom." I said softly as I opened my door and stepped out, shielding my eyes from the bright sun. everything was so bright, so surreal, that I could hardly breathe. My mind was spinning. Something in my head was screaming his name; Gordo Gordo Gordo! Over and over again. I was clawing at my hair, tears streaming down my face, and it was minutes later that I realized Miranda was hugging me. Her tears mingled with mine, salty droplets falling on my cheeks, her arms around my neck. "Oh God Lizzie, I'm so glad you came home!" whimpered Miranda, her breath ragged, eyes red.
"Miranda," I whispered, looking deep into her eyes, smoothing my hair, "how am I going to live without him? How?"
Miranda took my hand and led me into the house. As we neared her room, she took my head on her shoulders whispering, "I don't know Lizzie. I just don't know."
I sat down on her bed, fingers laced tightly together, and I caught sight of a newspaper clipping with Gordo's picture on the front.
"I thought you might want to read it." Said Miranda as she sat next to me.
Gingerly, I picked up the paper, desperately trying not to stare into his face. The picture was so him! His eyes laughing at the camera, hair tousled. I wrenched my eyes away from my boyfriend's face and began to read:
HILLRIDGE STUDENT KILLED IN HIT AND RUN
Hillridge, CA- David Gordon (15) was killed in a hit and run collision on Saturday near the abandoned playground on West Hills Blvd. Investigators have decided that, although the collision happened around five PM, Mr. Gordon did not officially die until about eight thirty PM. The viewing will be Tuesday at four. The funeral Thursday at noon at the synagogue on Forrest Dr. Mr. Gordon left two loving parents, one grandmother, and a few close friends behind. He will be greatly missed.
I let the article fall from my hands, tears pushing at my eyes. "The viewing's tomorrow." I whispered. "Tomorrow, I will have to see Gordo. Miranda, what am I going to do?"
"We'll get through this ok Lizzie? I promise." Miranda gave me a hug, her arms so safe and comforting.
"I have to go home Miranda," I said quietly as I stood up, playing with the fringes of my denim shorts.
"Will you call me if you…you know, think about doing anything Lizzie?"
"Sure Miranda." I said, kissing her cheek, picking up my sandals from her floor.
I stood in the bright sunlight of the afternoon, my head throbbing, feet carrying me towards my house. My mind wandered, Gordo's face plaguing me, always dancing out of reach. I thought of homecoming and I could feel his arms around my waist, feel his silky curls against my hands. The world dissolved into memory, time was reversed.
flashback
Fire and Rain is playing on the stereo and I find you, my beautiful white gown trailing on the floor. You do not ask me to dance, you simply take me in your arms and we sway with the guitar and James Taylor's voice. The song is so sad, poor man. He misses Suzanne so much. I gently kiss your lips, and you taste like strawberries and toothpaste. The kiss is brief, but perfect. We know there will always be more kisses, always another chance. You lean down slightly and whisper into my ear that you love me; that you want to make love to me. The first time you have ever whispered those magic words. I kiss you again, say yes I want it too. Our lips meet in perfect unison, our arms holding us together until the song ends, Fire and Rain surrounding us.
end flashback
I shake my head as I arrive at my house, beautiful memories dissolving as rapidly as smoke. My brother ran out of the house, throwing his arms around my waist.
"Lizzie!" he screams, "I'm so glad you're home!"
I wrapped my arms Matt, stroking his hair. He began to cry, tears soaking the front of my shirt. "Lizzie, I'm so sorry about Gordo. He was my friend you know."
I knew. I bent down and held Matt close to me, staring up at the blue sky.
Do you see this Gordo? I thought angrily, Don't you see what we've become? Damn you Gordo, damn you for doing this to us.
