Chapter 4
Disclaimer: I don't own Fire and Rain, only the poem that Lizzie reads
Rating-PG-13
Story title: Lost Without You
"We are here today to remember the life of David Zephyr Gordon, a loving boy who we all miss dearly…" The rabbi spoke from the pulpit, his face harshly lined, confusion etched on his face. I stared at the three hundred people in the church, all watching the rabbi with pain filled eyes. Mrs. Gordon leaned against her husband, pressing her handkerchief against her tear stained face. Next to me, Miranda sat deathly still and ramrod straight, her lips white and clenched. I unzipped my purse and took out my speech, much folded over from reading so many times. I had labored over it for many hours, not finding how I could express the love I felt for David Gordon, whose casket lay on top of am altar. It reminded me for a lamb ready for sacrifice. Gordo's grandmother dragged herself to the front of the room, wobbling unsteadily on heels that were much to high for her to walk on. She unfolded a sheet of paper and read a poem that Gordo had loved as a little boy. "…of shoes and ships and ceiling wax. Of cabbages and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings,". Despite the ache in my heart, I had to smile at that. Gordo had loved that poem very much, often reciting it for me when I was sick, or merely having a bad day. He knew it always made me laugh and he would lean over and kiss me…No. I thought, clenching my hands. Gordo wouldn't want you to be unhappy. But, as his Grandma went on about the way he had fallen off his bike, and gotten his head stuck in the railings at the mall when he was four, I began to cry. They weren't tears of aching agony, of sleepless nights and red, swollen eyes. But tears of regret, and loss. Gordo had been a laughing, breathing boy. A loving person and a friend. And he was gone. This was the first time I had ever really taken in the fact that Gordo was truly dead. The tears fell faster and faster, falling down my cheeks and mingling with my eyelashes, they were rain. And like rain, they healed. In the past, crying brought more heartache, and now they eased it. Miranda took me in her arms, rubbing my back.
"Ssssh Lizzie. It's ok. It's going to be ok." She whispered, and I raised my eyes to the intricate ceiling of the synagogue. I felt him. For the first time, I actually felt my one and only watching over me, and giving me strength for what I knew I had to do.
"And now, Elizabeth McGuire will be speaking," The rabbi waved me to the front of the synagogue. I stood, and three hundred people turned to face me. The room blurred and I clutched my purse tighter, willing myself not to faint. Why had I worn my high heels? I asked myself frantically, swaying dangerously. Come on McGuire! You can make it. Do it for Gordo…for Gordo.
Yes, I would do it for Gordo. One step, two step. I was almost there. Oh my God, his casket is right there. Gordo is right there. No, don't look at it. I cautioned, and turned resolutely away. I pulled out my crumpled paper and cleared my throat.
"You can do it Lizzie." Who's voice was it? No one in the audience had spoken. His voice…impossible. I shook my head and, clearing my throat, I addressed the people who Gordo had left behind.
"I spent a very long time thinking of what I was going to say today." I began, wiping my eyes. "I really wanted it to be special, because Gordo was one of the most special people in my life. We've been friends since babyhood, and, for the past year and a half, have had a wonderful relationship. There is only one word to describe how I felt about him, and that word is love. I loved him more than anything, and, since his death, I'm not the same person I was. I've felt like half of me is missing and without Gordo, it can't be filled. But, in these last few days I've also learned that, although I feel that my world has ended, it won't last forever. There will always be a hole in my heart where Gordo resided, a hole that will never go away." My voice faltered, the paper blurred.
"Gordo and I used to sing together, and Fire and Rain was our favorite song. I played my guitar, and he played the piano, and we could sing for hours on end. I just wanted to play Fire and Rain, one last time for Gordo." I brushed a tear from my cheek and, unzipping my guitar from its case, I began the first chords.
Just yesterday morning, they let me know you were gone
Suzanne the plans they made put and end to you
I walked out this mornin' and I wrote down this song
I just can't remember who to send it to
Oh I've seen fire, and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again
Would you look down upon me Jesus, you've got to help me make a stand
Just got to see me through another day
My body's aching and my time is at hand
I won't make it any other way
Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again
Been walking my mind through an easy time
My back turned towards the sun
Lord knows when the cold wind blows it'll turn your head around
Well as ours was the time on the telephone line
To talk about things to come
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground
Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you, Baby, one more time again now
I finished singing, and faced the silence of the church. They waited, eyes wide and surprised. Mrs. Gordon sobbed quietly. Mr. Gordon mouthed the words "Thank you" towards me. I took a deep breath and pulled out my poem. I hadn't been sure if I was going to read it or not, but it felt right. I put my guitar back and went back to the pulpit, noticing that Gordo's picture was up on the casket. "I wrote a poem for him, to help me deal with the immense loss that I experienced by his death. So, here goes."
I slowly unfurled the paper, my heart pounding in my ears. It's for Gordo! The voice reminded me.
"One night changed it all
Are you watching as I fall?
Does my hurting soul haunt your dreams?
You're farther from me than you have ever been
Was it written in the stars?
Some say that love was never really ours
But that's not right
We've been tried and found true
Maybe it was an accident
Pulled out of the blue
Fate happens
Lives end
But I hoped that we'd never reach this bend
Now you're gone, and I'm still here
Battling alone, conquered by fear
I know you wouldn't want to see me cry
So to be strong now I must say to you
That I love you and goodbye."
I crumpled the poem up and stuck it back into me purse. The audience sat in stunned silence and I whispered quietly so that no one could hear, "I love you Gordo. I will always love you." And, with that, I walked back to my seat. The rabbi said a few prayers in Hebrew and we all sang a hym that Gordo had loved. "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound…" and I sang with them, knowing Gordo was watching over us all.
As the doors opened, and everyone filed out of the synagogue waiting for the casket bearers, it began to rain. Hard, heavy rain the quickly soaked my hair and ran into my shoes. Hundreds of programs were opened, all with Gordo's picture on them. Three hundred pictures of Gordo, facing to the sky.
A/N I hoped you liked the chapter review!
