Disclaimer: I own the plot and all other non-disney related that are mentioned in the story

A/N: hey u all! I am so sorry it has taken me like 2 months to update! I had almost forgotten I had even written this and then I ran across it on my computer. I have 2 more chapters written so expect those very soon. I know that this may not be the best but forgive me. It's been so long since I've worked on this! Lol enjoy! And…most annoying question ever…REVIEW pretty pretty please? puppy dog eyes. Thanks mes amoirs.

"Hey Lizzie, how are you holding up?" I pushed my half eaten sandwich away and gazed into Miranda's face.

"Ok I guess. It doesn't really seem real. Any second no I feel like he's going to walk up behind me and yell 'Surprise!'. I just can't believe he's gone."

"I know what you mean." She said quietly, stabbing her pasta with her fork. " The first day of school isn't the same without one of Gordo's famous study guides." She smiled ruefully. "Isn't it funny? The year he's not here, I would give anything to be told I wasn't allowed to eat dinner until next summer. I almost feel guilty for giving him such a hard time about those damn things."

I sighed, fighting against a lump in my throat. It had been nearly a month since I'd cried in front of anyone about Gordo's death. Even Miranda. Even though I didn't want to admit it to myself, it felt as if Miranda and I were growing farther and farther apart every day. Instead of our friendship growing, it was almost as if we were retreating into our own separate worlds of pain. A single tear coursed down my cheek and I felt Miranda's arms around me.

"It's ok to cry Lizzie. It's ok to cry. Let's go to the bathroom ok?" I nodded and we walked out of the cafeteria together. I could feel their eyes on my back, the whispers standing out as if they were being yelled.

"Who's that girl?". It was Lauren, the brown haired girl from my calculus class.

Oh, that's Lizzie McGuire

Well, why's she crying?

She lost her boyfriend this summer. Hit and run, over by the old playground.

Ouch, that totally sucks. I would just kill myself if Jason died.

Tell me about it, she hasn't been the same since.

Can you blame her?

No…guess not. They were completely in love. Jeez, I wish you could have seen them together Lauren. Gordo had the most amazing voice ever and for the talent show last year, he sang "This I Swear." Oh my god, it was so cute.

That is so sweet. It's such a pity he's gone

At the words "Hit and run. Over by the old playground." I was thrown into immediate déjà vu. I could almost smell the sweet scent of pine and the cold floorboards beneath my feet. I could hear the crackling from the static in the phone. The feeling of impending doom was already creeping back into my stomach. Monster Lizzie appeared ungraciously in my head, Just shut up McGuire. You'll only make yourself cry and then the other half of the school who don't know about your predicament can throw you a biiiig giant pity party? Do you want that? Didn't think so. Now quit having flashbacks and deal with the present.

Miranda pulled the door to the girls bathroom open and made me sit down in one of the hard plastic chairs as she ran water over a paper towel. I buried my head in my hands, uncontrollable sobs racking my body. I wailed helplessly, frustrated at my newest setback. I had thought that I was doing better. I had begun to smile a little bit, I had even caught myself laughing at one of Matt's digital movies that he had made for me. I thought that I was done with crying myself to sleep every night. But, obviously, I was wrong.

Miranda held the cold paper up to my face, patting my cheeks with it, and stroking my hair with her free hand. "Sssshhhh, Lizzie, it's going to be ok. Just relax."

I wiped the last of the tears from my eyes, the pain in my heart eased a bit. "Thanks 'Randa, you're a great friend."

"No problem Liz. Anything for you." She gave me her quirky half smile and sat down on the floor next to me, leaning against the wall, her eyes closed.

"Hey Miranda, I know that we didn't exactly spend a lot of time together after the funeral and all. But…what was it like for you? You know, those first couple of weeks?"

Miranda was silent for a minute, her breathing ragged. At last she spoke, her words so quiet I had to strain to hear them. "It didn't even seem real for the first couple of days. I checked my phone every day for messages from him…sometimes it took me all day to remember…to remember what had happened. But the mornings where all it took was his picture were the worst. I'd just open my eyes and he'd be there. Just…hanging on my bulletin board. Sometimes, I couldn't even get out of bed. You know something? At his memorial service, where everyone cried and laughed and read poetry and sang…the first thing I wanted to do was to tell him about it. Sometimes I still can't believe he's gone."

I was silent, just listened to the sound of our breathing and felt the coolness of the towel on my face. Outside, the bell rang shrilly and I heard the poundings of one hundred feet hurrying to fourth period. Miranda took a shaky breath and got to her feet.

"Well, I should go. Don't want to start school by skipping class, do I? Are you coming?"

"Nah, I think I'm going to pull myself together." I said softly, smiling falsely at her, "Just go to class."

"See you later Lizzie." She said as she hurried out of the bathroom. I threw the dry towel into the trash and leaned back in my chair, scuffing my new shoes on the linoleum. The bathroom was silent except for my own breathing. I put my head in my hands, frustrated suddenly. Everyone seemed to be moving on except me. Miranda took pain silently; at least she had since I had met her in fourth grade. As long as I could remember, no matter how bad her injury was, I had never really seen her cry. Matt could smile and no longer went around with a lost, haunted look in his fourteen year old eyes, Mr. and Mrs. Gordon were moving away from Hillridge after Christmas. They told me that they couldn't go on living in a town where every building reminded them of "David" as they called him. Gordo's mother and father had never taken to the nickname like the rest of his friends had. They had bought a house in Florida to be close to Mr. Gordon's mother.

My head snapped up as a stall door creaked open, revealing Kate Saunders. She stepped out of the cubicle and, instead of ignoring me as she usually did, she walked up to me and pulled up a chair.

"Uh, hey Kate." I said awkwardly, wiping my eyes, suddenly ashamed of my display.

"Hey Lizzie." She said quietly, tucking a stray strand of blonde hair back into her French twist.

"Aren't you supposed to be in science?" I asked her pointedly, flicking my eyes towards the door. Kate got up and walked over to the sink, where she began to fix her hair.

"Probably." She answered haughtily. One look at my shocked face and she laughed and rolled her eyes. "Oh please McGuire, don't give me that look. It's not like I've never skipped class before."

I shrugged my shoulders, although I was intrigued with this new discovery about Kate Saunders' personality.

"Look Lizzie, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about what happened at Gordo's funeral. You were a wreck and you didn't know about Julia. I was pretty bitchy, I'm sorry, it's just that funerals just seem to have that effect on me. Forgive me?"

I sighed. I had completely forgotten about what I had said to Kate at Gordo's funeral. I shivered at the thought that I could be so cruel. "No, it's my fault. I'm sorry." Kate sprayed her hair and, after a few moments of silence asked, "Do you want to take a walk? No one's outside."

I smiled, my first real smile in a very long time. "I'd love to." I said.