Sorry if this chapter is a little…awkward. I haven't written on this one for awhile, so I'm a little out of practice.
LizzieyGordo4ever: Where have you been? I miss your reviews! Hope u like!
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The pounding of the bass from the stereo overwhelmed me as I walked through the gates around Bethany Taylor's house. Cool October wind swept around my ankles and I chewed my fingernails nervously, lingering at the edge of the property.
"Lizzie!", someone called, and I turned around to greet Bethany's smiling face as she hugged me around my shoulders, the sweet scent of her perfume surrounding me. I stood stiffly, taken aback by Bethany's display of affection for me. I was, after all, Lizzie McGuire. She was, after all, that captain of the cheerleading squad. Five months ago I would have given anything for Bethany Taylor to give me the time of day, let alone a hug. But five months ago, things were different. Five moths ago I had Gordo and Miranda. Five months ago I wasn't alone.
"Um, hey Bethany." I said awkwardly, playing with the hem of my halter top.
"So." She said breathlessly, leading me towards the dance floor, her eyes bright. "I heard Eric Parker asked you out."
I blushed and twirled a strand of hair around my finger. The incident in the school parking lot with Eric had left me shaken and confused and guilty. I had wanted to say 'Sure Eric, I'll come to the dance with you' in that cool, calm Lizzie voice that I was used to. But instead I stood there for a minute, and then I yelled at him. I zoomed away in my car and cried the rest of the evening, feeling like a loser. I still missed Gordo all the time; like an ache that wouldn't go away. but Bethany wouldn't understand. Of course she wouldn't understand.
"Yeah, but I'm not ready, I guess." I said quietly, shrugging. "Have you seen my friend Miranda?" I asked, changing the subject.
Bethany's lip curled with distaste. "She's hitting the keg with all the other stoners. Just let her alone Lizzie, I think she left with them."
I groaned. The idea of Miranda hanging out with hardcore druggies did not appeal to me.
"Oh, look it's Meghan!" Bethany called, waving at a dark haired girl who was clutching her boyfriend's arm. "Meggie! Bye Lizzie, go dance with Eric!" I watched as she ran unsteadily in her high heels towards the cheerleader, feeling that pit of sadness settle in my stomach. I could go dance with the popular kids and apologize to Eric and slow dance with him. Instead, I picked up an unopened can of Sprite and walked slowly over to the empty swing that was hung on the sturdy branches of a sprawling oak tree and adorned with festive black and orange lights. Soft, slow music poured from the speakers and a tear ran down my cheek as I recognized the familiar "This I Swear". The song reminded me so much of him, I wondered when grief would stop sneaking up on me.
I was tired of being sad…all I wanted was to be happy again. I wanted things to be the way they were before my world fell apart.
The swing creaked as I felt someone sit down beside me. I turned around to face Eric, his face outlined with vibrant orange.
"Hey stranger." He said, "I thought you looked lonely, sitting here all by yourself."
I shrugged, blushing again. "I'm ok. You should be having fun."
"I like sitting with you." He said simply, smiling at me. "I'm not very good at dancing anyways."
I ran my hand through my blonde hair nervously, shuffling my feet on the grass. "Eric?" I asked meekly, tapping his arm lightly.
"Yeah?" he said dreamily, tapping his foot to the music, watching the couples swaying to the song.
"Listen, I'm sorry about what happened last week. I lost it, and you didn't deserve what I said to you. I'm really sorry." I finished my apology in one breath, looking away from him towards the woods. Several people were crashing around, laughing hysterically and I saw the pinpricks of flashlights as they went on and off.
Eric touched my arm, his eyes warm. "It's my fault." He said quietly. "I like you Lizzie, and I would never do anything to hurt you." I shrugged, breathing out a slow sigh of relief. The air seemed heavy, and I leaned against the swing, the cool wood a relief against my warm skin.
"Lizzie? Do you wanna dance?" Eric asked nervously, biting his lip. I sighed, nodding slowly. It was a Halloween party; why shouldn't I have fun?
As Eric took my hand and led me out onto the floor, I allowed him to take me in his arms, ignoring the whispers that were surfacing all around me. Time and space melted together, mingling with Britney Spears' voice and the feel of Eric's hand in mine. My head shot up as someone tapped me hard on the shoulder; I turned around and was met with Bethany's face, her eyebrows furled.
"McGuire, your dopey friend is smashed and she's wrecking my mom's garden. Please get her the hell out of here!" she snapped, tossing a strand of red hair over her shoulder.
"Sorry Eric, I gotta go." I mumbled hurriedly, trying to ignore the waterfall of guilt that was pouring through my stomach. Hello McGuire! Monster Lizzie screamed as I raced frantically across Bethany's lawn, calling Miranda's name, Gordo your boyfriend is still dead. And you're already going on with Eric! What a way to love him.
Miranda was dancing around the keg, trampling a delicate orchid as she sloshed beer in her cup, a broken woman with no where to go. I buried my head in my hands as I saw her collapse into a stranger's lap, giggling wildly. Where was the strong girl I had known since I was six? She was a damaged girl, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't re glue the bonds we had shared.
"Miranda?" I asked timidly, tapping her on the shoulder. She looked at me with mistrustful eyes, tossing her black hair over her shoulder.
"What do you want Lizzie?" she asked, her words slurred.
"We're going home." I said firmly, grabbing one of her arms and trying to haul her to her feet. She stumbled against me, beer sloshing all over my purple shirt. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I led her down the hill, ignoring the curious stares of various partygoers. When I reached the Volvo, Miranda doubled over and vomited all over the sidewalk, crying softly and clinging to my neck. The last words I heard before she fell asleep were, "I'm sorry Lizzie…sorry for everything."
I turned off the light in my room, leaving Miranda sprawled across my bed, her face pale and her breathing steady. The house was silent; my parents had gone to bed a long time before. Opening the door to the guest room, I pulled my clothes over my head, leaving the jeans and shirt in the bathtub to soak along with Miranda's things. Mist from the shower crawled along the tile floor, shrouding me in shadow as I brushed my hair, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I had lost weight, and my hair was thinner than it was at the beginning of the year. Had it really only been five months since Gordo's death? It felt longer. It felt like an eternity. I was lost without him, and soon the only traces of his family would be leaving Hillridge for good. I hadn't visited Mr. and Mrs. Gordon in a long time, but it was comforting to see them around town; living reminders that Gordo had been alive.
I slipped inside the shower door, feeling the piping hot water stream over my limbs and pull me into a state of relaxation. My skin turned red, and I leaned against the glass wall, trying not to think about anything at all. Thinking always seemed to get me into trouble anyways. Someone knocked on the door to the bathroom, and I turned the shower off, throwing a towel around my body. Miranda stood in the doorway, leaning on the doorframe, outlined in the faint glow from the hallway.
"Hey Miranda." I said awkwardly, making room for her to walk through the door. She lay down on the floor, her face pressed into the rug.
"Sorry Lizzie." She mumbled, her eyes closed.
I sighed, slipping my nightgown over my head and sitting next to her, rubbing her back. "It's okay Miranda." I said gently, curling my toes on the soft rug. It wasn't okay though…it would never be okay.
Dragging Miranda to the guest bed, I did my best to make her comfortable before returning to my own room, where I fell asleep to the soft cooing of the owls.
When I awoke in the morning, Miranda was gone
