Disclaimer: See Prologue.
Chapter 18: Just Like Old Times
"Dylan!" Brenda exclaimed, shocked to see him so soon after Kelly.
"Hey Brenda," he replied.
There was silence for a moment.
"Can I come in?" Dylan asked.
"Of course, sorry," Brenda told him, moving to allow him to walk in. She shut the door after him, and led him into the living room.
"I know Kelly was here," Dylan stated, causing Brenda to spin around.
"I saw her car parked out front," he explained.
"Does she know you're here?" she asked.
"No, I parked up the street and waited for her to leave," he admitted.
Brenda breathed a sigh of relief. That meant it was less likely Kelly would come charging back in here.
Brenda took a seat on the couch, and Dylan joined her. She waited for him to speak again.
"I thought we should talk, about yesterday," Dylan finally said.
Brenda nodded.
"I've been thinking about what you told me. Is that why you acted so weird with me when I got back from Hawaii?"
Brenda nodded her head again.
"Yeah. I don't know how much sense this is going to make, but I guess it was my way of coping. Not talking about it meant I didn't have to deal with it, didn't have to even think about it. It's crazy though; it was all I thought about. For some reason though, not talking about it made it seem unreal, like it never really happened."
Dylan nodded, understanding. He'd been there. Not the same type of situation, but he'd been there.
"I understand," he told her.
"I should have known something was wrong," he continued. "I should have known something had happened. I'd talked to you on the phone a few days before I got back and everything was fine. I should have known there was a problem when you suddenly seemed so withdrawn. I guess the truth is, for the first few days, I was wrapped up in my own thoughts, about Iris, about Erica and I probably wasn't the easiest person to live with either. I guess when I finally noticed I thought you were upset with me, that it was me who'd made you act that way. When you told me to leave, I really thought it was because you just didn't want me around anymore, that I'd pushed you over the edge."
"No, not at all!" Brenda cried.
"I'd been so happy up until that point. Everything was perfect. I thought nothing could go wrong. When something actually did go wrong, it just sent my world crashing down around me. It took me a long time to get over," she told him.
Dylan couldn't help smiling to himself when Brenda admitted that she'd thought everything was perfect between them before the miscarriage. That's how he had felt too. He'd even started looking at engagement rings before his trip, although he'd never told her that. To think that they were so close… and then suddenly for it to be all over.
She caught his attention when she said it took her a long time to get over the miscarriage. He was concerned. Had he left her to just retreat deeper and deeper back into herself?
"How long?" he asked her.
"A couple of weeks after you left, Adrian showed up at the apartment," she said.
Dylan remembered Adrian. He was an actor friend of Brenda's. He'd actually been jealous of their friendship for a while, before Brenda assured him Adrian was gay.
"He thought I was on drugs or something at first. He made me go and see a doctor. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and put on anti-depressants. They made me see a counsellor too. I found it hard to talk though. I still couldn't bring myself to talk about the baby. Eventually though I started to get back to normal. It took a long time, about a year. Adrian was really supportive."
Dylan felt terrible. He never should have left her. It should have been him who had taken her to a doctor, him who had supported her.
He felt like an idiot. Brenda had wounded his ego when she'd pushed him away, and he allowed that to cloud his judgement, to rule his decisions. He'd felt if Brenda didn't want him, he'd go find someone who did. Someone like Kelly. If only he'd stayed and sorted everything out with Brenda, think where they might have been today? Happy again, everything perfect, thinking about engagement rings.
Thinking about Kelly reminded him of Kelly's visit. Why had she been here?
"What did Kelly want?" he asked her.
She hesitated. She wasn't sure whether she should tell him or not. Kelly had been pretty full-on with her. She decided to tell him the basic idea and leave out the details.
"She wanted me to leave you alone," Brenda told him.
Dylan shook his head in disbelief. This again!
"Can I tell you something Brenda?" he asked.
"Okay," she replied, unsure but curious.
"Just over a year ago, I was in Hawaii visiting my mother. It turned out Valerie Malone was there," Dylan began.
Brenda nodded. She'd known of course that Valerie had moved to Beverly Hills the fall after she'd left.
"We talked for a bit about old times, and then went our separate ways. A couple of months ago my mother was in LA and she stopped by. She happened to mention this to Kelly and Kelly went ballistic. She was convinced something had happened between us. She called Val up and screamed down the phone at her."
Brenda was shocked, but things were starting to make sense now. No wonder Kelly had been so furious to see them together yesterday if she already suspected that Dylan had cheated on her. It must have been playing on her mind a lot.
"Sometimes," Dylan continued, "I wonder why I'm with her."
Brenda was surprised by this last statement. Dylan was having doubts about his relationship with Kelly? Maybe Kelly was justified in her behaviour then? Maybe she sensed those doubts?
"Well, don't you love her?" Brenda asked. It was a hard question for her to ask. Either way the answer could hurt her. If he said yes then she'd be devastated; if he said no then she'd get her hopes up and might end up being let down.
Dylan considered the question. Did he love Kelly? He had a hard time trying to think of an answer. It dawned on him that maybe that was his answer.
"Honestly Brenda? I don't think I do, not the way I should," he admitted.
Her heart leapt at those words. Does that mean there was a chance for them?
"Dylan, if you don't love her, then maybe you shouldn't be with her," she told him. She hoped it sounded casual, disinterested.
She almost gotten away with it, but Dylan knew her too well. He could hear it in her tone. Just barely, but he could hear it. She still had feelings for him.
Did he still have feelings for her? Looking at her now, he felt like he'd just wasted the last five years of his life. He'd never experienced that happiness he shared with Brenda in London with anyone else, Kelly included. That feeling of just belonging, of things just being right.
His eyes met with hers, and a sudden tension flared. He had an inexplicable urge to kiss her. He leaned in.
Her eyes closed instinctively. Slowly she could feel him coming closer. His lips brushed hers.
"No!" she suddenly thought, and jumped up.
"I can't do this," she said, shaking.
"Brenda," Dylan began, but she interrupted.
"No. I'm not gonna give Kelly a reason to come knocking on my door again. I think it would be best if you left," she told him.
He nodded reluctantly. She was right. He needed to talk to Kelly, to sort things out before he could even think about getting involved with someone else.
He walked towards the door, and she followed. Before he left he turned to her.
"I'll talk to Kelly," he told her.
She stood at the door and watched him go. Then she shut the door and leaned against it.
She couldn't believe what had almost happened. It was like the last five years had been erased. She felt bad about Kelly, but she hoped that maybe she and Dylan might stand a chance to pick up where they left off.
With these thoughts occupying her mind, she headed upstairs to her bedroom.
