A/N: I know this isn't the fastest moving story, but I'm trying to be true to what it feels like to have a doctor say 'the test was abnormal, I'm worried that this might be cancer.' Anyone that has gone through that knows that everything in the world seems to stop for a few minutes and all that information that the doctor tells you goes in one ear and out the other because your mind is focused on the word cancer. You can be a medical student (I am) and still walk out of the room not knowing what the doctor said. I know it's angsty, but moral of the story: GO TO THE DOCTOR FOR YEARLY PELVIC EXAMS. Okay, I'm off my soap box. -Jac


Sara clutched his hand as her doctor and another doctor that she didn't recognize entered the room. Sara knew that her well-manicured nails were probably piercing the flesh on Nick's hand. She could feel his palm become sweaty.

Nick had been a good sport about taking Sara to the doctor. He sat in the waiting room pretending to read a Sports Illustrated from months past, while Sara was having her biopsy done. Doctor Petrov came out into the waiting room to guide him back to the exam room where Sara sat petrified on the exam room table. Nick had to look closely to see she was even breathing. Dr. Petrov asked him to keep her company while the 'tissue sample was sent to the pathologist. She guaranteed that they would have the preliminary results within the hour. The nurse said that Sara didn't appear to be ready to move just yet; the nurse asked Nick to tell Sara that she was free to get dressed once she was a little more emotionally composed.

Sara looked up at him with brown eyes that looked empty . . . completely devoid of emotion, but that quickly gave way to sobbing. Nick didn't need to ask what was wrong. He had been reading about cervical cancer on the internet. He had gone so far as to call one of his sisters, who was a nurse, to ask about the finer points of diagnosis and treatment. His sister, Maria, explained to him that without routine screening the cancer could be so advance that it could have already metastasized to other parts of Sara's body. Maria said that treatment would probably consist of hysterectomy and chemotherapy. Nick could only shake his head and hope that maybe someone in the laboratory made a colossal mistake when they read Sara's test results.

Her tears saturated his t-shirt as he tried his best to tell her that everything would be okay, despite the fact that Nick didn't really believe that everything would be okay. Through her tears, Sara said that the procedure hurt, she said she wasn't ready to die, and she said that she might never have the chance to have children. The last statement kind of surprised Nick. He had never pictured Sara wanting to be a mother.

Sara eventually said that she was just being silly. She kept saying that there really wasn't a reason to cry . . . yet. Nick pulled the curtain closed and sat in a chair across the room while Sara dressed and dried her tears. He fidgeted nervously as he began to think about all that his sister had told him about cervical cancer. Nick nearly began to cry when he began to think about Sara having to have an operation or losing her hair and becoming sick from the chemotherapy. He became nauseated at the prospect of Sara dying.

Sara sat in a chair next to Nick. She felt the moderate sized exam room becoming smaller and smaller. Sara could feel her heart pounding so hard that she was beginning to get a headache. She tried to smile despite her anxiety. Her weak smile was met by an equally weak smile from Nick.

Sara hadn't told Grissom or Greg about where she was going this morning. She wasn't exactly sure how to tell Greg. They had become extremely close, as Sara spent most of her time teaching Greg about evidence collection and processing. Sara knew the young CSI looked up to her. Sara knew that she had begun to care about Greg as if he was her younger, annoying brother. She knew the news would crush him. Despite Greg's tough exterior, she knew that he felt for the victims. He let himself feel all those emotions just as intensely as Sara did. Sara wanted to protect him. She wanted to protect him from all the bad things that he saw on a daily basis.

Sara couldn't figure out how to tell Grissom. She had left Grissom in the dark about most of private life. She spent so long trying to make him part of her private life that when the relationship completely dissolved, their dialogue was nothing more or less than professional. Sara knew that he would eventually find out when her request for a medical leave of absence crossed his desk. It wouldn't be easy to tell him.

"We have reason to believe that you have something called cellular atypia of the cervix," Dr. Petrov said. The other woman doctor shifted uncomfortably, while the young gynecologist began explaining that the lesion was suspicious for cancer, but more tests needed to be done. The doctor spewed information about CT scans and possible exploratory surgery. Sara hoped that Nick was listening because the words suspicious for cancer were still ringing in her ears. In that one moment, her life seemed to head down a path that seemed much more uncertain than the one Sara had previously struggled on.

Sara's hand shook violently in Nick's hand. She was shaking so violently that he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her body a little closer to his. He could feel her heart pounding through her rib cage. Nick could feel his own heart stop; the entire situation felt surreal.

"We want to do a CT scan this afternoon. I'll read the results this evening. The pathologist is also going to do some more in depth tests on the biopsy that we took. Sara, if you need anything or have any questions . . . here's my pager number," Dr. Petrov said as she extended a business card to Sara, but Sara didn't make an attempt to move.

"It's not a death sentence. We aren't even sure if it's cancer yet . . . it's just something that we need to investigate further," Dr. Petrov said as she knelt down in front of Sara and tried to make eye contact with her.

"How do I get better? What do I need to do because I can't die yet," Sara said in a voice that chilled Nick to the core. It was a voice that he didn't recognize.

"We'll know more after the CT scan and the pathology report. The treatment depends on if it is cancer and what type of cells are causing the cancer. We'll know within two days," Dr. Petrov said with a smile that was so forced that it looked odd.

"I don't want it in me for two more days," Sara replied. Her mind was in a haze. She was barely cognoscente of what she was saying.

"Sar, let's go get the scan," Nick said as he began to rub her shoulder. Sara looked at him and nodded.

"You'll be late for work," Sara replied.

"Warrick will cover for me. I'll call him while you are getting your scan done," Nick replied. The doctor nodded approvingly. Truth be told, Nick didn't care if he got reprimanded by Catherine for being late or not showing up all together. He knew that it was more important to be there with Sara. Just the way that Sara had always known when she needed to take care of him. He knew Warrick had been right about the lab becoming a family; the instant he heard suspicious for cancer he was terrified that he might lose a friend that he couldn't imagine living without. He shuddered when he thought of walking into the crime lab and not seeing Sara pour over case files in the layout room.

The orderly insisted upon placing Sara in a wheelchair. She didn't fight as Nick had expected her to. Sara moved slowly and weakly. She looked like she had become catatonic. Sara barely spoke and barely moved. Nick knew that her mind had turned inward; he knew that she was trying to figure out exactly what was happening to her and why. Those were the same thoughts running through his head.

"Cath, it's Nick. I need the night off. There's been a family emergency," Nick said without thinking.

"Is everything okay?" Catherine asked.

"No, it's really not. I'll try to be in tomorrow, okay?" Nick asked.

"You be careful," Catherine said. It wasn't himself that Nick was worried about. He was terrified to leave a distraught Sara to her own devices this evening. He was afraid to leave her alone in Warrick's house to think about what in her life might have caused her body to begin to revolt against itself.

"Thanks, Cath," Nick said. He hung up the phone and immediately called Warrick. All Nick could say was I have a bad feeling.