He had to steer her away from the infant and toddler department because she stopped dead in her tracks. Sara's face resembled nothing short of a deer caught in the headlights. Warrick didn't know what to do besides take her hand in his and continue walking through the department store. He didn't think of a situation like this when he decided to park on the side of the mall that was opposite the side where the bookstore was located.
Warrick felt a stab of sadness for Sara. Nick had told him about how Sara broke down in the doctor's office. Nick said something about Sara being upset about the possibility of never being able to have children. Warrick knew she would be a good mother even if she didn't believe it. He remembered the way that she took care of Brenda Collins. He remembered being captivated with how Sara was able to shift into protective mode.
"Do you think there is comfort in knowing how and when you are going to die?" Sara asked as they navigated through swarms of peopled. Warrick cringed every time Sara came up with a macabre question for him or Nick. Sara had been asking questions that he had never even dared to ask himself, but Warrick knew he would probably do the same if he was put in her position.
"It's got to be better than waking up in the morning and not knowing someone is going to murder you," Warrick replied as honestly as he could.
"I don't know. I don't know if I want to suffer through months of treatments that might not cure me. I'd rather take two . . . three minutes of terror rather than two or three months of anxiety," Sara rambled.
"What are you trying to say?" Warrick asked as he slowed.
"I'm just saying if this 'thing' progresses to the point where I can no longer be cured, I don't want to waste away," Sara replied in a cool voice that caused chills to run down my spine.
"Sara, we don't even know how bad this 'thing' is yet. Don't start planning your death bed yet," Warrick warned in a voice that seemed stern and cold.
"Warrick, you've got to promise me that if anything really bad happens . . . you'll let me go. No tubes, no ventilators, no nursing homes, okay?" Sara asked.
"Sara," Warrick started.
"I'm serious, Rick. I need you and Nick to do this for me. If I'm going to die, please help me go peacefully," Sara pleaded as they dodged a few elderly women.
"Why are you telling me about this here?" Warrick asked after he realized how serious Sara was.
"Because I asked Nick this morning . . . I made him cry, Rick. You guys are the only family that I have . . . I don't want you to watch me waste away. I don't want to ever make you guys cry," Sara replied as she gripped his hand and gave it a firm squeeze.
"Oh, Sara," Warrick said as they stopped in the middle of an atrium. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. Warrick promised that he would respect her wishes. Sara smiled. She had a serene look on her face.
"So she sprung it on me in the middle of a crowded mall," Warrick said to Nick as he recounted the details of their shopping trip.
"I think she was up all night thinking about it. All that death talk last night . . . it's a lot to process," Nick replied.
"It's scary. I never even thought about what happens if this cellular atypia becomes something that she can't fight. It never even crossed my mind that this might be something that could kill her," Warrick said as he pulled a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. Nick sat on the couch. It was a first time in a long time that they talked. There was no television on . . . no video games, and they weren't in a smoke filled bar. It was the first time all day that they were the only ones awake. Sara had retreated to the guest room for a nap about two hours ago.
"The CT scan didn't show any masses. The doctor told me that it's a good sign," Nick replied.
"But what if," Warrick replied as he sat next to Nick on the couch.
"Then we have to let her go," Nick replied with downcast eyes, "I think Sara's planning just a little too far into the future. We don't even have the pathology results back yet. We just need to take a deep breath and keep it together for her."
"When did everything get so complicated?" Warrick asked.
"Can you imagine Sara Sidle as anything less than complicated?" Nick asked with a smile.
"She's my girl. I can't even picture the lab without her. You know how she walks from DNA to AV to fingerprinting inadvertently stealing pens from each area," Warrick said with a chuckle.
"You know, Sara was the one that drew devil horns on the picture of Ecklie in the departmental newsletter last month . . . all fifty copies. Ecklie still thinks that it was Sophia," Nick replied.
"After you guys got back from the alien wedding chapel, she told Greg that Spock married you two. You should have seen the look on his face . . . and Hodge's face," Warrick replied laughing a little bit harder now.
"I don't think anyone else would ever guess that serious Sara was capable of any of that," Nick replied.
"I know. Grissom doesn't even know what he missed out on . . . Hank had no idea what he screwed up," Warrick replied.
"If anyone deserves a chance at happiness, it's her," Nick replied.
"She says the same thing about you," Warrick replied.
"Sara doesn't think about herself enough. She worries about everyone else," Nick lamented as he began to stare off into space. Sara made him feel safe. She was the first person that made him feel like he could talk without being judged. Nick didn't feel like he had that luxury as a child. He placed his father on such a high pedestal that Nick always feared disappointing his father. Although Nick always thought of his father as his best friend, Nick knew that his father only knew the side of him that he was comfortable sharing with the rest of the world. He often wondered if that made the whole relationship superficial. Sara knew his demons. She took the child molestation cases, so Nick would get hurt. She tried to protect him from those demons.
Warrick stood up to answer the ringing doorbell. He was glad that the conversation about death and loss could momentarily be put on hold.
"Hey, I thought we could go out to lunch before shift starts," Catherine said as she invited herself into Warrick's house. She stopped the moment she saw Nick on the couch. There was a flash of anger in her face.
"Catherine, I'm not playing hooky," Nick said before the red-head could even open her mouth.
"What the hell, Nick? You tell me that you need time off for a family emergency . . . then I find you here," Catherine said with a raised voice.
"Cath, he does need the time off," Warrick said before she could continue ranting.
"His family is in Texas. This morning when I got up, I was still in Nevada. As long as your house hasn't been annexed, this is still Nevada too," Catherine snipped.
"It's not like that. I still need the next few days off. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important," Nick replied as he stood up and walked over to where Catherine was still fuming.
"So what's the emergency?" Catherine asked in a voice designed to make him feel guilty.
"It's my fault. I asked him to take a few days off," Sara said. The three hadn't even noticed that she had wandered out of the guestroom after hearing the raised voices.
"What the hell is going on here?" Catherine asked in a tone that wasn't quite a yell but it also wasn't conversational.
"It's not her fault," Nick replied quickly.
"I asked him to take off so someone could take me to my doctor appointments," Sara replied softly . . . much like a child caught in a lie.
"Okay, how does this constitute an emergency?" Catherine asked.
"Nick has been taking me to see my doctor about some cancer stuff," Sara replied in the most nondescript terms she could think of.
"You have cancer?" Catherine asked embarrassed at how she handled the situation. Nick and Warrick immediately shifted their gaze to the ground.
"I don't know yet. Nick's taking me back to the doctor on Monday for some test results. You can't say anything to Grissom or Greg . . . I mean not until I know how sick I am," Sara replied in a shaky voice.
"You could have told me," Catherine said to Nick.
"I asked them not to," Sara replied.
"I should go. I'm sorry, Sara," Catherine said as she hurried to get out of the house. She nearly knocked Warrick over in a rush to get away from the situation. The three stood still until they heard the engine of Catherine's SUV start.
"That didn't go too badly," Sara commented with a smirk.
"Sar, you didn't have to take all the credit for me asking for time off," Nick replied.
"Yes, I did. She can't fire me no matter how pissed off she gets," Sara replied, "I'm hungry."
She walked into the kitchen and began to open up cabinet doors. Warrick couldn't believe at how Sara could compartmentalize her feelings; he was shocked that she could momentarily pretend that cellular atypia didn't exist.
