Movie, Dinner, Pneumonia
This takes place on Friday in late April, right after the Induction ceremony and the conversion of Jeff Webber.
Lorenzo Alcazar loved to teach.
But it was on days when all of his students had taken it upon themselves to end class ten minutes early and dance around the room singing tunes from My Fair Lady that he really wondered if instruction was his true calling.
Maybe he'd do better as a prison warden.
Or a mobster.
Now that was a thought – mobsters had to worry about rival mobsters and the feds. He couldn't even handle a handful of teenagers who were combating their pre-lunch low blood sugar levels by reciting original cast recordings of hit Broadway musicals.
"Fine, fine," he relented, waving his hand at them as he slumped in to his chair. "Have it your way, you crazies. I give up. For the day, that is."
Across the room, Marcus Taggert grinned at him. "Smooth move, Czar. You lost us at integration of e, anyway."
The lunch bell rang soon enough and the students charged out of the room like their pants were on fire. Sonny nudged Jason before leaving the room himself, and Mr. Alcazar turned his attention to the messy pile of papers on his desk.
Jason shuffled over to Elizabeth, who was still stuffing papers into her book. "You wanna go out for lunch?"
She gave him a regretful smile as she stood, balancing the textbook on her head. "Sorry, I can't. I have to get a few memos typed up."
He shrugged, the butterflies in his stomach dancing. There was no logical reason that he still feel nervous around her, but there was no telling that to his nerves. "That's fine – no big deal. You want to do something tonight?"
And there it was: his invitation to their first date.
Elizabeth stopped and stood still for a minute, biting her lip. When she looked at him, the sparkle in her eyes told him that she wasn't likely to refuse. The butterflies stopped doing the macarena and turned to the congo instead.
"What did you have in mind?" Her smile was slow and sexy, and he liked the way she still made his heart flutter with the way she looked at him.
"Well," he began, unable to stop the infectious grin that crept to his own lips. "I was thinking a movie…"
"I like the sound of that," she purred, lowering the book to her hip. "Go on."
"And then maybe dinner afterwards?"
She smiled at how hopeful he sounded, as if he honestly believed there was a possibility of her turning him down. "Sounds wonderful."
Jason's eyes glittered. "Pick you up at seven?"
"Seven works for me," she replied cheerfully as she steered them to the door. She called out goodbye to her teacher and left the room, and Jason could have sworn he caught the tail end of a smirk on his math teacher's face.
"Not a word, Czar."
Mr. Alcazar chuckled, a deep, throaty sound. "You kids have fun, now," he called out as the door clicked shut behind the boy.
"Did you do it?" Sonny was waiting for him at his locker, all ready to head out for lunch.
Jason shook his head at the eager note in his best friend's voice. "Of course, Sonny. What did you think – I'd chicken out?"
"Yeah," Sonny replied honestly and quickly. Too quickly.
The simple word earned him a dark frown from his friend as he grabbed his books from his locker. "Look, we've been together for almost a month. Don't you think the novelty would have worn off by now? Jesus, Sonny – there's no need for me to be nervous around her anymore."
The impish grin and accompanying dimples that appeared on Sonny's face made Jason want to punch him.
"Shut up."
Sonny just laughed and followed his best friend as they tumbled down the stairs, taking them two at a time. "Seriously, though, Jase," he got out as they left the building. "You want a few pointers?"
"From you?" Jason asked, the skepticism evident in his voice. "On how to date Elizabeth?"
"No," Sonny replied witheringly. "On the fam."
"Oh. Sure, I guess."
"You ever met her dad?" The weather was warmer now, especially since it was the mid-day hour, but the sky was still gray as the two boys made their way to Jason's black Jeep.
"Once, I think. About a year or two ago at this one hospital party."
"And?"
"I didn't really talk to him – just said hello and then we split."
"Well, let me tell you," Sonny said, sliding into the passenger seat. "He's the one you've got to watch out for."
"Really?"
The Cuban nodded immediately. "Oh, yeah."
Jason shook his head as he reversed and pulled out of the school parking lot. "Do I even want to know how you know this?"
"Back during sophomore year, I think he thought that I wanted to go out with Beth or something. It took a while for him to believe that we were just friends, but he really freaked me out whenever I came over to the house during the first few times."
"Really?" Jason gulped. "What did he do?"
"The standard intimidation act. It was creepy, man. And then I think he was afraid that I'd ask her to Homecoming or whatever, so when I came in, he was fashioning a noose. And he kept making references to rat poison."
"Oh, great."
"But, hey, no sweat, right?" Sonny asked, clapping him on the shoulder. "You said your parents are friends with them."
"Yeah, and it might actually make a difference if he knew me. But he doesn't – like I said, we've only met once. I've talked to her mom a couple times without even knowing it, so I'm not worried about her. But the Man – not feeling too secure there."
"You'll be fine as long as you remember a few things," Sonny advised him with all the wisdom of an ancient saint. "Never, ever, under any circumstances, pull into the driveway and honk. I did that once because we were late for volunteering, and Beth told me later that he was completely pissed off."
"No honking. Got it." Jason pulled the car to a stop at the stoplight and patiently waited as Sonny continued.
"Another one of his pet peeves – don't ever touch Beth when you're in front of him." Noticing that this piece of well-meaning advice earned him a particularly stern look from him, Sonny went on the defensive. "Hey, man, don't look at me like that – I just put my arm on her shoulder for a second."
Jason scowled slightly and turned into the plaza where they usually went when they felt like pizza. "What else?"
"Answer all his questions clearly. Don't talk too much – don't use seven words when four will do."
"I don't think I have a problem there."
"Well, true, but I'm just saying. And if she's making you late, do not look at your watch and sigh."
"Okay. Anything else?" He parked the car and undid his seatbelt, waiting as Sonny thought.
"Oh, and don't have her home late. We went to a Pep Club dinner together one night and I ran into some PTA members in the parking lot. They just kept yapping and yapping, and when I dropped Beth off we were about half an hour late. Fortunately, it wasn't that big of a deal because we weren't going out or anything, so as far as Mr. Webber was concerned I was harmless. But I bet you anything he's not going to be as lenient when it comes to you."
Jason hopped out of the Jeep with a big sigh, slamming the door behind him. "No kidding."
The grandfather clock in the hall read 6:53 p.m., and while Elizabeth was having a hard time finding her shoes, her father was having a hard time breathing.
Caroline was in the process of rearranging the bouquets of artificial flowers she kept all over the house as her husband paced in the living room.
"Honey, you're going to wear a rut in the carpet," she pointed out as she set some silk roses on the coffee table. "Calm down."
"This is too soon," Jeff complained. "I wasn't even given fair notice about this – why wasn't I given fair notice?"
His wife rolled her eyes as she stuffed the baby's breath into the vase. "It was spur-of-the-moment, Jeff," she pointed out. "Elizabeth didn't even know until today. It's no big deal – they're just going to go see a movie and have a burger. Let them have their fun."
"Oh, you think I'm against this because I don't want her to have any fun?" Jeff accused. "Well, you're wrong!"
Caroline's short ponytail was waving, indicating that she had just shook her head at his seemingly erratic behavior.
"It's not because I don't want her to have fun," he insisted. "I would be more than willing to spend hours and hours with my children playing a game called Let's Learn, in which I would relate to them instructive and inspiring stories about my own childhood. Talk about fun!"
His wife snorted at that, but wisely decided to keep her comments to herself.
"What I don't want my daughter to play is any variation of the game Let's Grope. I find no value in having some teenage boy practice his hand-eye coordination on one of my girls - Ow!"
He only narrowly managed to duck the box of tissues Caroline tossed at him, but it clipped him on the shoulder anyway.
"What was that for!" he demanded, rubbing his shoulder and frowning at his wife, who stood with her hands on her hips in front of him.
"Jeff Webber, that is quite enough out of you," she hissed. "Jason's a nice boy, and that is that."
Stepping around him, she made her way to the potted tree in the corner of the room and began to dust off the leaves, trying to ignore Jeff when he continued to mutter under his breath.
"He's a boy, that's what he is. A burning train. Remember? We had this conversation. Why would I want something like that in my home?"
"Well, no one cares what you want if you're going to be such a baby," she snipped, whipping back to face the plant.
"Oh, sure," he pouted. "I only get a vote in family matters if I agree with you."
The words were out of his mouth before he realized it, but he instantly knew they'd be sure to get him into even more trouble. Caroline abandoned her plant, turning on one heel and glaring pointedly at him.
"Are you saying my judgment isn't wise, Jeff? I advise you to choose your words carefully."
Already stung but not wanting to end up in the doghouse, Jeff had no choice but to tuck his tail between his legs. "No."
"Good," Caroline smiled. "Now, don't you think you should comb your hair? It's almost seven – Jason'll be here any minute."
Jeff scowled at her back as she walked into the dining room. It wasn't enough that the deviant was coming into his home and removing one of his daughters from his protection without any sort of radio collar or other reasonable tracking aid, but he had to look good for him?
"Hell, no," he muttered, quickly mussing up his hair a bit. That would show the miscreant who was boss.
"Elizabeth, honey," his wife called, reappearing in the living room. "Hurry down. It's seven o'clock."
"Coming!"
"Take your time," her father called up. "If you don't feel like coming down, you don't have to. In fact, why don't I just call Jack up and tell him that you've changed your mind? Honey, where's my address book?"
"It's Jason, Dad. And don't you dare – I'm coming!"
Jeff stuffed his hands into his pockets, turning his back to his wife who he was sure was rolling her eyes at him.
"Oh, Jeff, don't you remember being that age?" she asked patronizingly, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Of course I do," he replied immediately. "And that's my point. But when I was in high school, I used to be terrified of my girlfriend's father. He would open the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murderous expression, and his grip, when I shook his hand, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds."
"And then you met me, and I was a walk in the park, right?" came a deep voice to his right. Steve Hardy, his father-in-law, winked at him on his way into the kitchen for some water.
Caroline was grinning, but Jeff wasn't. "Steve, you scared the crap out me for the first six months after I met you."
"Oh, come now," the older man huffed, taking a sip from his Dasani. "I was good."
"You got out your rifle and took a shot at me in the backyard!" Jeff exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air. "How is that being good?"
"I was shooting at that crazy rabbit that was raiding Audrey's garden," Steve replied defensively before breaking off into gruff laughter. "Whoosh," he winked at his daughter. "I can't even say that with a straight face."
"Ha, ha," Jeff chortled. "Very funny."
"Oh, son," the old man soothed, clapping a hand on his back. "Don't worry – everything will be fine. You worry too much."
"Don't be fooled; he enjoys it," Caroline interjected, raising an eyebrow at her husband. "All the freaking out appeals to him."
The doorbell rang and Jeff froze in place for a moment. But when Caroline moved to answer the door, he quickly sprang into action.
"I'll get it," he said, reaching the front hall and pulling the heavy white door open to reveal his newest enemy.
"Evening, Mr. Webber," Jason smiled amiably, instantly extending a hand. Jeff eyed it suspiciously for a moment and then returned the handshake. His grip was as tight as he could force it to be, but if the young man was fazed, he didn't show it. "It's a pleasure to meet you, sir."
"Jason, honey, hello," Caroline beamed behind her husband, pinching his shoulder blade to get him to release the boy's hand. "Come on in. Elizabeth will be down in a minute."
"Thank you very much," he made sure to reply. Jeff still barred the doorway, giving him barely enough room to squeeze in.
"Sit, please," Caroline instructed, leading him to the living room. "Are you thirsty? Would you like something to drink?"
"I'd love a glass of water, actually," Jason replied, and Caroline instantly got up. "Thank you."
When his wife was safely out of earshot, Jeff strolled over to the couch, his hands clasped behind him and his footsteps deliberate in an attempt to be as formidable as possible.
When he took his seat opposite the boy, he made sure to do so slowly, with a hard, stoic expression on his face.
"I'm so glad to see you," he began, injecting his voice with just the right amount of fake sincerity. "I was afraid that no boy would want to go out with my daughter after what I did to the last one."
Jason licked his lips but didn't reply, and Jeff didn't like the ghost of a smirk that passed over the young man's lips.
"So, Jack, tell me a bit about yourself-"
"Actually, it's Jason, Mr. Webber."
Jeff ran his tongue over his teeth, sizing up the competition as it sat so relaxed and easily before him. "All right. Jason. Actually, let's skip the formalities; I already know all I need to know about you.
Jason blinked at that, but kept himself from showing any other signs of surprise.
"Tell me, what are your intentions with my daughter?"
Jason swallowed. This was the question he hated most. "Well, sir, we usually go out to lunch with Sonny and Brenda, but she had work to do today. So I thought we could just go out for dinner and maybe see a movie."
"Movie," Jeff mused. "Ah. Novel idea." His eyes bore into Jason's, flashing in what he hoped was an intimidating manner. "Here are my rules for entertainment. There are certain places that are not appropriate for a date with my daughter. These are places with beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. These are also places lacking parents, policemen, or nuns."
Normally, Jason would have chuckled engagingly at the comment, but he wasn't so sure that Mr. Webber was kidding. He glanced at the kitchen, wondering where Ms. Webber was, before he remembered Sonny's rule about always looking the Man in the eye.
"Also, places where there is dancing, hand-holding, or happiness of any kind. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided, but movies with chain saws are okay. Hockey games are extremely okay, as are pro-wrestling matches."
He heard his wife pouring water into a glass in the kitchen and he knew he'd have to talk fast if he wanted to get his message across. Jeff's motto for dating had always been: wilt 'em in the living room and they'll stay wilted all night.
"Now, Jason, I have no doubt that you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my daughter, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you."
Jason smiled to himself at that. "Not a problem, sir."
But Jeff wasn't so easily convinced of his sincerity, and leaned over the edge of his seat to drive his point home. "If you make her cry, I make you cry."
He watched as the small smile on Jason's face vanished, and narrowed his eyes suspiciously when the boy nodded.
"Why, hello, there."
Jeff looked up in time to see Steve stride regally across the room to where Jason sat, his hands clasped over his knees. The older gentleman immediately stuck out one hand that Jason shook promptly, and clapped the boy on the shoulder.
"You must be Jason. I'm Steve, Elizabeth's grandpappy – good to see you."
Jason smiled instantly at the man. "Likewise. Elizabeth's told me a lot about you."
The older man chuckled and Jeff glowered, not liking that Jason already felt comfortable around another family member. If it were up to him, the boy would be quivering in his tennis shoes by now.
Caroline reentered the room with Jason's water, and Jeff waited until the boy took his first sip before asking, "So, Jason, what exactly are the terms of your probation?"
His wife gasped and had to restrain herself from smacking his shoulder, but much to Jeff's dismay, instead of getting fidgety, Jason only laughed.
"I've never even gotten a ticket, Mr. Webber," he replied jovially before gulping down his water.
Great, Jeff thought to himself. There's nothing more dangerous than a criminal that can't be caught.
"Jason! Hey!" Elizabeth hopped down the stairs, fastening the clasp of her black boots. She wore simple black knit pants and a maroon sweater, and had pulled her hair into a ponytail for the evening. Her outfit was simple and she wore no makeup save the plum lip gloss that shined in the light of the table lamp, but Jason thought she looked amazing as always.
"Hey," he smiled, rising from his seat. "You ready to go?"
"Sure," she smiled, retrieving her black coat from the hall closet. She gestured at the adults, quirking an eyebrow at her father in particular. "They haven't been pestering you, have they?" she teased.
"Not a bit," Jason grinned, stepping into the hall to help her with her coat. He turned around and smiled at her parents and grandfather. "It was nice meeting all of you. Thank you for the water, Ms. Webber."
"Anytime, dear," she smiled. "You kids have fun now."
"Bye," Elizabeth smiled, pushing Jason out of the house and glaring at her father before shutting the door.
Elizabeth slurped up the last sip of her soda, her eyes riveted to the screen where an armed detective made his way through the dark warehouse in search of the international serial killer he had spent his entire life hunting down.
The theater wasn't very crowded, which was unusual for a Friday night, but it was freezing as usual. To remedy this problem, Jason had put up the armrest that separated their seats and now the two of them were snuggled together on the bench, finishing off the last of the popcorn.
For the sake of dinner conversation, Jason had been trying his best to follow along with the movie, but Elizabeth was making it very difficult for him to maintain his concentration. Every time she shifted, he was acutely aware of it. First, it was when her thigh had brushed against his, and then when her hand traveled to the popcorn tub in his lap, and then when her shoulder pressed against his, and finally when she cuddled up next to him, resting her head in the crook of his shoulder. It took him forever to ease his head over, slowly, until he was able to safely rest it on her hair without her noticing immediately.
They had sat in that position for a good deal of the movie without any of the awkwardness he had almost expected. Jason's thoughts drifted back to what her father had said about chain-saw movies and the like being okay, and he almost regretted their choice in movie viewing. Surely, there was hardly anything romantic about suspense thrillers.
No sooner had the depressing thought crossed his mind than the villain emerged immediately behind the unsuspecting federal agent, armed and ready to finish off his opponent.
This was a particularly shocking development, and several screams could be heard throughout the dark theater. One of those screams belonged to Elizabeth, who had jumped halfway into his lap as soon as the camera revealed the villain's scarred profile.
Jason wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her close as she gaped at the screen, completely oblivious to her surroundings or the fact that she was sitting on top of him.
A sinister, satisfied smile crept onto his face despite the frightening gunshots that rang throughout the room.
When it came to the rules, Mr. Webber hadn't thought of everything.
The concept of curfew was simple enough, Jeff Webber decided. It was the designated time by which the nice boy dating his daughter had to have her back in his house or be subject to arrest.
But teenagers simply didn't comprehend the purpose of a curfew, which despite popular belief had nothing to do with making sure they were home on time, or as his daughter often put it, to "punish her for being alive". No, the entire purpose of a curfew was to allow the father to sleep at night.
Jeff had never been able to sleep if Elizabeth wasn't safely inside, and the fact that she was out with a boy made matters all the more worse. He couldn't sleep; it had become an impossibility. If he lay in bed, he knew he'd wind up twisting the sheets into a tight cocoon. Besides, the dark would allow his mind to wander into areas where, frankly, he didn't even want to go. He'd recall being sixteen and how much room he had to maneuver in the backseat of his dad's Buick – and when he remembered just which maneuvers he was attempting, he'd flash into an awakened state for which the term "insomnia" was a gross understatement.
"Jeff, stop pacing," Caroline ordered as she flipped through her magazine.
"I can't," he replied, his eyes glued to the weave of the rug he was currently wearing a figure-eight into. "Maybe I should call Alan."
"What on earth for?" his wife demanded, peering up at him from the pages of Cosmo as if he'd totally lost his mind.
"Hey, I'm not sleeping," Jeff pointed out, waving a finger in the air. "He shouldn't be sleeping either."
From his perch on the sofa across from the television screen that was blaring a late game between the Celtics and the Pacers, Steve couldn't help but chuckle.
"He's bound to sound a bit smug over the fact that his kid's the burning train in this scenario, though," Jeff muttered to himself.
"Maybe you should tell him Bethie's coming down with the Ebola virus," his father-in-law advised without removing his eyes from the screen. "Or worse, tell him she plans to run for Congress."
In her corner, Caroline was laughing. "Are you sure you're my father, Daddy?" she teased. "Because right now, you and Jeff seem to have way more in common."
Her father shrugged. "Once a man has daughter, hysterics come naturally."
"Amen to that," Jeff mumbled, resuming his pacing.
A distant rumbling, soft and soothing in the night attracted his attention, and Caroline watched as her husband strode over to the living room windows and peeked out from behind the curtains.
"They're home," he announced, the relief evident in his voice. "They made it."
"Hallelujah," his wife muttered, resuming her Cosmo Girl Quiz. "Maybe now you can start acting civilized again."
"Don't count on it," her father muttered under his breath, shooting a playful glance at his son-in-law.
But Jeff was too relieved to join in on the customary ribbing. "I'm just glad they're back," he sighed, sinking onto the couch. "Now I can stop worrying."
"Can I get that in writing?" his wife inquired. "I'd like to have it notarized and filed with the U.S. Patent Office."
"Oh, you're such a card," he sneered, leaning his head back on to the throw cushions. "My wife is a walking laugh riot."
Her smile was bright and teasing. "I do what I can."
"I have no doubt," he muttered, leaning back onto the sofa. A round of applause erupted from the television screen and Steve stood up, whooping loudly as the Celtics won the game.
Audrey, dressed in her pink terrycloth robe with her white cotton pajama pants poking out underneath, was on her way to the kitchen and stopped to stare at him in confusion.
Steve noticed her scrutiny and sat down calmly once again, flipping the channel to CNN. His wife abandoned her quest to the kitchen and joined him on the sofa to watch the latest news.
Five minutes passed, and still there was no sign of Elizabeth. Jeff was getting antsy, and finally gave up and peeked out through the white curtains again.
"What are they doing?" he asked himself, straining to see outside. From the looks of things, the two of them were still sitting in Jason's Jeep, and Jeff didn't like that idea very much.
Apparently, it was okay with the other three adults in the house – all of whom professed to be looking out for Elizabeth – if Jason's car was merely in the driveway by curfew.
It just sat there, giving Jeff hot and cold flashes and forcing him to pace around again repeating "What are they doing?" to himself even though he didn't actually want to know.
His wife didn't seem too concerned by the turn of events, which only proved to Jeff that she was crazy. He made a mental note to always watch out should Elizabeth ask her mother for a curfew time. Who knew what crazy answer that woman would give? Even worse, mothers often did not take the time necessary to explain to the nice boy what would happen to him if he brought his date home even one minute after curfew, whereas fathers would painstakingly walk the boy through the consequences, using chopping and strangling gestures with their hands, in order that the young man retain a graphic picture in his mind. This was very helpful to the nice boy.
So after fiddling around with the lights, flashing them on and off much to the displeasure of his spouse and her parents, and beaming a powerful flashlight at the Jeep in such a manner that any other two people on earth would get the hint, Jeff had no choice but to storm upstairs.
Caroline watched him go, and wasn't all that certain she wanted to know what he was up to.
But he returned a few minutes later wearing his pajamas and blue robe and made his way straight to the garage.
"Jeff, what on earth-"
But her husband was already gone before she could ask him what he was planning on doing, and Caroline was left to stare at her parents with the same confusion on her face that was on theirs.
They all instantly filed over to the windows, straining to see against the glare of the lights. The sight outside made Caroline want to bang her head against the glass in frustration.
Sure enough, there was Jeff pretending to inspect the rain gutters and bumping into the car with the ladder a few times until the doors opened.
"Dad, why are you doing that right now?" Elizabeth demanded peevishly, glaring at her father in a manner she could only have learned from her mother.
"Well, hello," he called gaily to the two of them. "What a surprise. I didn't realize you were out here. I assumed that since it is past curfew you were already safe inside the house."
Jason slid Elizabeth a sidelong glance, and she looked as if she was going to strangle someone. Before she could open her mouth, he stepped forward and plunged himself into the line of fire.
"Would you like some help with that, Mr. Webber?"
Jeff glared at him. Oh, he thinks he has me fooled, but I'm not falling for it.
"Actually, yes, if you wouldn't mind moving your car back to your house, that would make this easier," he told him. What would really make it easier would be if he'd move his car back to his house and leave it there, but Jeff didn't bother to mention this. Despite the fact that the interloper was a brand new addition to their familial sphere, his popularity polls were higher than Jeff's own. So for now, he'd somehow have to tolerate his pestiferous presence.
Jason nodded and managed a small smile, wondering if Mr. Webber would ever warm up to him. Elizabeth had walked over around the car and was standing next to him, and he looked down at her when her small hand squeezed his shoulder.
"I had a great time tonight, Jason," she smiled before narrowing her eyes at her father. "Thank you."
He smiled at her and did what only came naturally – he kissed her goodnight.
Jeff Webber did not like that one bit.
As any reasonable father knew, teenage girls had no business kissing teenage boys. To prevent this from happening, fathers were urged to do everything possible to reduce romantic influences. Standing around in his bathrobe checking rain gutters should have been highly effective in this regard, but it did little to forestall an inappropriate commingling of oral bacteria.
As with most of the occasions when Jason kissed her, the kiss became deeper than either of them had intended. And even though her father lingered there, clearing his throat, coughing lightly, and murmuring, "That's enough, now," they still engaged in a goodnight kiss whose purpose seemed to be to subject their brains to oxygen deprivation.
As with a dogfight, Jeff had to resist the almost overwhelming urge to thrust his hands between the two and attempt to separate them. It was tough, but he told himself that he didn't want to physically touch either of them when they were doing that.
A better solution was clearly to use the garden hose.
"Oh, my god," Caroline got out as she saw her husband reach for the off-white knob on the side of the garage. "Jeff, please, no."
"What's he doing?" her father demanded to know, peering over his wife for a better look.
"Oh, gracious," Audrey muttered, covering her mouth with her hand.
As soon as Jeff's hand closed on the head of the hose, Caroline was sprinting out of the living room and was out the front door.
But it was too late – Jason was completely drenched from head to toe.
Elizabeth stood stock still in the driveway, gaping at her father with a look of total horror on her face. From the living room, her grandparents stared at the scene in shock as well. Or rather, Audrey was shocked. Steve, on the other hand, had to sit down because he was laughing so hard.
Caroline's tall frame blocked out the light from the inside and her shadow cast down on her husband. She raked her green eyes over the utter chaos before her: Elizabeth looked about ready to completely flip her lid, Jason was sopping wet, and her husband stood with the smoking gun – or, dripping hose – in his hand.
"Jeffrey Webber."
He turned around, hearing the hard edge to her voice as she spoke his name. From the way he stared at her, Caroline wasn't sure if he realized what he'd just done, but now was not the time to deal with him.
"Jason, honey, I am so sorry," she apologized, making her way to the boy that stood in the middle of the driveway. His jeans were completely soaked through, and the sweatshirt he wore over his shirt was sopping and clung to his body. Even his golden hair was crowned with water droplets, glistening like diamonds in the night.
"It's okay," he replied easily, shaking his left hand away from his body. He peered at his sports watch and was relieved to see that it really was waterproof. "No big deal."
"No big-" Elizabeth sputtered, trying to control herself. She didn't even look at her father as she moved closer, wiping a hand over his cheek and chin. "Dear Lord."
"Here are some towels, dear." Her grandmother appeared out of the blue with an armful of towels. Elizabeth and Caroline both grabbed one and the three women set out to dry Jason as much as possible. He shied away from their ministrations and quickly dried his own face and squeezed some water out from his sweatshirt.
"Do we have any other clothes for him?" Caroline asked her mother as she rubbed a towel furiously over Jason's blonde hair.
"No, that's okay, really," he sputtered from under the cloth.
"I can't send you home like this," she replied, removing the towel from his face. "What will your parents think? Oh, gracious."
"I'm sure I can find another sweatshirt," Steve offered from the doorway. "Give me a minute." He disappeared up the stairs as Elizabeth wrung out the pink towel in her hands.
"It's okay, it's okay," Jason insisted, stepping away from the women. He winked at Elizabeth as he edged toward his Jeep. "It's a good thing I didn't have my leather jacket, huh?"
Elizabeth was still too numb to respond but her eyes flew to his car. "Your interior's leather," she sputtered. "Here." She grabbed two more towels from her grandmother and draped them over his seat.
"Thanks," he smiled before putting his hands on her shoulder and gently pushing her back. "I'll return them as soon as possible."
"Oh, don't worry about it, Jason," Caroline interjected. "They're not important. Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine, Ms. Webber," he replied, putting one foot on the foothold of the Jeep. He smiled at Elizabeth and the adults in the driveway. "Again, it was nice meeting all of you. I'll call you later," he assured Elizabeth, who looked as if she were doing her best to keep her emotions in check.
"Okay," she nodded once. He smiled and hopped in the car, waving as he reversed and drove home.
When his Jeep was no longer in view, Elizabeth pivoted on her heel to face her father. Instead of seeing rage and unchecked fury, Caroline was surprised to see her daughter smiling cheerfully at her father.
"I am never speaking to you again," Elizabeth informed him gaily before flouncing into the house and running up to her room.
No sooner had she left than Caroline turned on him as well.
"Jeff Webber!" she fumed, her hands fisting at her sides. "I can't believe you! What, exactly, is wrong with you? What! You have been acting ridiculous and it's not funny or legitimate anymore! Do you realize that you nearly caused pneumonia with that little stunt of yours? I can't believe I had to send that poor boy home, soaking wet! What were you thinking? Sometimes I think you are crazy!"
She stormed into the house and he had no choice but to follow her in as she fumed and spewed fire.
"And what's more, you are going to apologize to your daughter and that poor boy. And I don't ever want to hear another word about them from you again – you gave up your right to complain the minute you decided Jason had fallen victim to an invisible fire and needed your immediate help."
Jeff gaped after her as she huffed her way into the living room. "What!"
"You heard me."
"Apologize!" he repeated incredulously. "That is unacceptable. Fathers do not apologize to teenage boys. I will not, under any circumstances, apologize to anybody, and how do you 'almost catch pneumonia' anyway? That's like saying that someone is 'almost pregnant,' which, by the way, my judicious application of the garden hose prevented and no one seems to want to thank me for that. An apology is out of the question."
It wasn't until his wife began dumping some blankets and a pillow on the living room couch that Jeff began to reconsider his position.
Saturday morning was bright and warm, and it finally felt like spring in New York.
But for Jeff Webber, the morning dawned not so sunny or bright. And it only worsened when Jason arrived to see if Elizabeth wanted to join him, Sonny, Luke, and Taggert to study for their upcoming APs.
When Jason knocked on the front door, he did so a little more hesitantly than usual, and Jeff had to steel himself for the distasteful task at hand. He reminded himself of all those rice cakes he had eaten when Caroline decided they should all eliminate meat from their diets, and told himself that if he could do that, then surely he could do this.
Jeff pulled the door open and Jason gave a little start, nervously eyeing him as if checking for weapons like garden hoses. It was enough to make Jeff weep: he finally had the boy where he wanted him, and his wife wanted him to negate all his progress by apologizing!
"Hello," he greeted Jason calmly.
"Hello, Mr. Webber," the boy replied.
There, that should about do it. Jeff stepped aside to let him in, and as he did, he caught sight of his wife standing in the kitchen, shaking her head sternly. With a sigh, he realized that if he spent another night on the couch, his spine would fuse into one giant pretzel. If his life were to return to any sort of normality, he was going to have to do as the crazy woman he married wanted.
"So…" He shifted his weight from foot to foot. "I guess the other night I sort of sprayed you with the hose," he apologized.
Jason shrugged uncomfortably.
Jeff glanced at his wife, who was still frowning at him. What more does the woman want?
Elizabeth came racing down the stairs, her shoes already on and her sweater in her hands. Obviously, she had figured that if she was prepared, she'd have to spend less time in the hall under the watchful, not to mention insane, gaze of her father.
She narrowed her eyes at him in warning and smiled at Jason as she called goodbye. She stepped outside and grabbed his sleeve, pulling him out with her a step or two.
Okay, Jeff, you can do this. "I'm…" He choked a little as his throat closed in the involuntary reflex fathers developed to prevent accidental apologies. "I'm sorry I did that."
Jason's smile was small but sincere as Elizabeth pulled him away from the house. "That's okay, Mr. Webber. You should see my dad when my sister Tracy's boyfriend comes over - he still pretends he doesn't remember the guy's name!"
