Casino TARDIS Part Eight

Notes: Who will she choose? Her mother figure or her actual father? Either way she wins and loses. Tough choice.

Staticrhubarb: That is an incredibly awesome name! And…Ichecked your profile, and we actually have the SAME real names! How freaky-deaky is that? But I'm one year younger, lol. You're hanging? Yay!

Immi: Oh, you were first, I just think I forgot to mention staticrhubarb last time, so…aww, I'm glad I will give you happy dreams. I think about the story loads too, for a week it was my life because I go through this crazy starting phase where I act it all out beforehand. So I was all the characters. I know, it seems hard to leave Sarah behind because I would love to explore more of her character, but it has to be this way I'm afraid. Oh wait, that was a spoiler. Ah, you all knew it would happen anyway!

Becsy Lexi: Yeah, very sudden, but I wanted it that way. It all happens so fast! Thanks for your support…

LilCosette: No, Dilys. She stays Dilys. It's a pretty name…and how can you hate Jack! (cries) I love him! And…a gargoyle? OK then. But no, Dilys actually looks more like Rose (Davey would have said the same). It's just her ears. Poor Dilly. Thanks for all your reviews! And I was SUPPOSED to sound like a Dalek, that's my Dalek voice! It's very good, I assure you.

Banshee: Ahhh, Banshee, I was wondering when you'd join us! You're so lovely, reviewing every chapter like that! And yes, big reunions! Happy happy…but sad too! Oh it's so confusing, just keep reading, k? Oh goodness, Dilsy? I did that ALL THE TIME to begin with, I kept calling her that in my head…very confusing. But it's Dilys, definitely.

Morph: I loved writing Jackie! I've never done her before, and I loved making her all twisted because the Doctor had effectively got her daughter killed. I like making her nasty! Aww, thanks, I will if you keep reviewing!

Uh.yeah: Yeah, I think that's what really pushes her to leave: the prospect of maybe losing the TARDIS. Which is scary for her because she barely leaves the casino as it is! Psyched, you? I'd never guess! Yeah, I went on a bit of a spree because I'd been writing chapters in advance, so…keep enjoying my work!

Love Pollution: You're going to love the epilogue…I wrote it just for you, because this was actually going to be the end! So, snapshots for you and a special epilogue, k? Thanks. (beams) I'm original! Yay!

Here we go then!

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Dilys had a lot of thinking to do.

She thought about everything she'd found out the day before. How her mum died. How her dad survived.

She'd never expected to find him so quickly.

It was bizarre.

But…she had some questions.

She'd been five when she'd been left. Old enough, just, to learn to live by herself, with the TARDIS's guidance. But also…hadn't she been old enough to remember? She knew she should have some memories of her parents, no matter how few. Everybody had at least one early childhood memory, right?

What else had the TARDIS chosen to hide from her?

Loyal friend.

Dilys sighed and rolled over, looking up at the ceiling of her room. It was white and bare. The only thing that showed someone actually lived in it was the wardrobe, full of clothes Dilys had found in the vast main wardrobe of the TARDIS.

Loyal friend.

It was the TARDIS now that was trying to break into her thoughts. She's been trying to make contact with Dilys for a while, but she hadn't wanted to let her in. But now she felt like answers.

My name shouldn't be Dilys, should it? It should be Amy. And you knew that, didn't you?

You know I have no way of communicating names. It was by chance that Rose and the Doctor had names that were objects.

Of course. There was an explanation, there always was. The TARDIS knew everything. Wise old TARDIS.

You are angry with me, loyal friend?

Dilys rolled her eyes as if to say 'well, duh.' Yes. You didn't tell me before what I had a right to know. And I should have memories of them, so evidently you've been playing with my mind for a long time.

Only once. I was protecting you. You were too young.

So you keep saying. That doesn't make it right that you played with me like that. It wasn't for you to decide. I'm just angry I didn't work it out before.

I am sorry.

No, you're not.

Not for what I did. I did what I thought was best for you. I am sorry that in doing so, I hurt you.

Dilys knew there was no use pursuing it further. The TARDIS thought she was right and always would.

I have to choose between Sarah and my dad.

I know. I was listening.

How do I choose?

There was a pause.

I thought you did not wish for me to choose for you anymore.

I don't…I just need advice.

Then I will give it to you. Sarah was very kind to us. She was a good mother.

I know.

Yet the Doctor is your true father. And I belong with him. He belongs with me. He would be lost without me.

So…Dilys struggled to understand. If I stayed with Sarah, I'd have to let you and Jack and the Doctor…you'd all go?

That is what would happen.

Dilys thought about this. In staying with Sarah…she would lose her home. Her protector. Her…her friend.

I think I have to…I know what I have to do.

Loyal friend, I am deeply sorry for hurting you. And whatever you choose, may we still be friends? May we still communicate?

Yes.

You have forgiven me?

Someday I will.

That is enough. I know I can trust you. I wish for you to trust me again. Goodnight, my friend.

Dilys felt the TARDIS leave her by herself. I know I can trust you…So many people were trusting her at the moment. They trusted her with their futures. The Doctor, the TARDIS, Jack, Davey…and Sarah. The weight of their trust made her feel like she was suffocating.

The silence pressed down on her until she thought she would scream with frustration. Eventually, she got out of bed and wrapped herself in a fluffy dressing down. She padded around the TARDIS in her bare feet, trying to escape the silence of her own head. She walked to the corridor where she and Davey had experienced the hologram. It felt like they'd been there years ago, not yesterday.

--Where do you go when you're all alone in your bed?

Do you cry in your sleep cos it's better unsaid?

Have you forgotten the past because that's how it seems

Is it too hard to think so you edit your dreams

And play them back

Again and again?--

She went to the nursery meant for her and listened to her lullaby again, but it did nothing to soothe her. She looked into Rose's room. Empty. Of course it was empty.

More than anything she wanted to go into the Doctor's room but…much as it pained her, she didn't know him well enough to just burst in on him in the night. Luckily, she didn't have to because the Doctor was already awake. Dilys jumped as the door opened.

"Dilys? What are you doing up?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Couldn't sleep," she said. "Too much on my mind."

"Yeah me too," he confessed. "Cup of tea?"

"Sounds like fun." They walked to the gleaming kitchen and Dilys busied herself with a kettle.

"So," said the Doctor, sliding onto a stool. "Going to tell me what's on your mind?"

"Going to tell me what's on yours?" teased Dilys.

"Touché," said the Doctor, smiling. He took a deep breath and just said everything that was on his mind. "I was just thinking about how weird it was to be back here. And about finding you. And about how Jack is acting all strange and I don't think he's the same anymore but he's pretending to be. And I'm not sure I like that boyfriend of yours," he added as an afterthought. Dilys laughed.

"Davey? He's not a boyfriend," she said, trying to find the tea bags.

"Rose always…So what were you thinking about?" pressed the Doctor.

"The TARDIS," said Dilys, getting milk out of the fridge. "I'm annoyed that she's been hiding things from me, like my own memories. It was a big angst-fest. Do you take sugar?"

"Two."

"Ugh." Dilys pulled a face. "Too sweet for me. Also this big catch 22 you and Sarah have put me in." Dilys tried to make light of it. "But I guess I always knew I had to leave Sarah behind. It's just difficult."

"I know the feeling," said the Doctor. "I've had to make some tough decisions in my lifetime too."

--I'm looking for the words to say

Something to take the pain away

Through her window

You baby girl's window--

Dilys handed him a mug. "Biscuits?"

"Of course." The Doctor grinned. "Can't have a good cup of tea without biscuits." She laughed and threw a packet at him.

"Don't eat them all," she teased.

"Are you sure you don't know me very well?" said the Doctor, putting a whole custard cream into him mouth. Dilys looked thoughtful for a moment.

"There's something I want to do for Sarah," she announced. "But I'll probably need your help."

"Oh? What's dat den?" he aid through a mouthful of crumbs. Dilys just smiled.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

It was late morning when Dilys came to find Sarah Billings, which was a bit of a switch since it had been Sarah to find her so long ago.

"Hi Dilly," she said. "Sleep well?"

"Not really," said Dilys. Sarah smiled.

"Me neither," she said. There were dark circles under her eyes and Dilys felt really concerned.

"I came to tell you…" A lump rose in her throat.

"I guessed this would be goodbye," said Sarah.

Goodbye to you

Goodbye to everything that I knew

You were the one I loved

The one thing that I tried to hold on to

"No…not forever," insisted Dilys. "You know…I'd stay…if you wanted me to…"

"I know you would Dil," said Sarah kindly. "But I couldn't keep you from going without feeling awful, so I guess…" She offered her arms and Dilys fell into them gratefully.

"You've been a great mum Sarah," she said. Sarah chuckled.

"You've been a great daughter." Dilys pressed something into her hand. "What's this?"

"My promise to you," said Dilys. "I'll visit. And email if I can."

"Take care Dilly," said Sarah. Dilys laughed.

"I'll give it my best shot," she said. Then she was away, back across the casino to her little cupboard. Then there was a blue light, a whirring grating sound, a breeze…then silence.

Sarah looked at the scrumpled sheet of paper in her hand and unfolded it, smoothing it out on her desk. On one side were some beautiful pictograms, circles and shapes and planets. Underneath them was a note from Dilys, reading: Gallifreyan text. Dad drew them…aren't they pretty? Lol.

On the other side was a page full of cramped italic script, evidently the Doctor's. Sarah read it. It was Dilys's lullaby. The one she'd promised to translate all those years ago. There was a little note with that too: Me and dad worked on this last night. Turns out he taught it to Rose and they both used to sing it. In English it didn't really rhyme so we sort of altered it a bit, put in lots of 'thee's (neither of us are poets!).

Sleep my child and peace attend thee,
All through the night
Stars and planets will watch o-er thee,
All through the night
Soft the drowsy hours are creeping,
Hill and dale in slumber sleeping
I my loved ones' watch am keeping,
All through the night

Moons are watching, e'er around thee,
All through the night
Midnight slumber close surround thee,
All through the night
Soft the drowsy hours are creeping,
Hill and dale in slumber sleeping
I my loved ones' watch am keeping,
All through the night

……………………………………………………………………………………………

It's a cute lullaby and I wish I could say that it was mine but…anyway, it's not. I found it on the net but edited it. It's pretty, right?

Just to clarify, I know this chapter had a lot of italics in it so I tried to separate songs from TARDIS speak by putting – before song lyrics. I'll give you a complete list of the songs I've used in this fic at the very end, OK? They're all very pretty but most of them are Robbie Williams, some of the sweeter stuff he didn't release as singles. I like Robbie ;).

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