As Joyce stared into Duncan's eyes she wondered if life or living was something you had to wait for. And by saying, "wait for", in her mind she meant wait for her brain and her heart to recognize that Duncan was truly an honorable man.
But what did her mind really have to base this impression on? To be honest he looked like a noble warrior but what did Joyce really know. She doubted herself because of her past. Things in life are never really how they seem. Buffy, all 5'2", blonde and bubbly was a true example of how things are truly not what they seem. Joyce knew everyone had substance and a core—some of steel and some of glass.
So her first impression of Duncan was of a man she could trust… as if he were a man worth of a ladies favor… as a man fit to inspire a romance novel… as a man… sigh… as a manly man. Joyce knew if she continued this train of thought she would giggle like the time with the band candy and another man with an accent, Rupert.
Joyce had always wanted a knight in shining armor. All she had ever commandeered were tarnished and corroded males desperate to lord over anything they could. Even though Joyce knew she was a modern woman, living her own life, paying her own bills and etc she had found herself being controlled by these men. Whenever she had wanted something for herself there had been an argument. Once she when she and Hank were upgrading their family vehicle she had wanted to purchase a car with powerlocks. Living in L.A., Joyce had always felt uncomfortable when she had to search through her purse to find her keys and then fumble with the keychain, then maybe drop the key, pick it up and put it in the lock. Joyce had mentioned all this to her ex, then he was still her husband, Hank, at the dinner table. Instantly he had done two things that made her realize that she had said the wrong thing. First he had inhaled deeply as if he were filing him self up in preparation to explode. Then he had waved his fork around wildly as he spoke the single word, 'no', in a tone that could have chilled a broken freezer.
Joyce remembered replying quickly… but… because she had even after 15 years of marriage not learned how to stray from verbal traps. Hank had spoken quickly, continuing to wave his fork. Hank had spoken quickly with a quiet menace, telling her that, 'powerlocks were an unnecessary expense'. Joyce remembered the feeling of self hatred she'd had. Disgust at the idea that she had put herself in a position where she had to seek approval for a minor expense that could possibly save her life. Joyce remembered lowering her eyes towards the plate of food and being twofold ashamed. One because Hank had spoken to her in such a way and another because Buffy and Dawn had heard.
Joyce could almost smile at the remainder of the memory. Buffy had defended her. Buffy had raised her left hand hand and held it palm upward. She had said the word, "Porsche". Then she had made a fist, stretching the skin taut. She made a thumbs up motion and noted, 'Power windows'. She stuck out another finger like a makeshift gun and noted, "impenetrable alarm system'. She stuck out the next finger and said, 'leather bucket seats'. As a light giggle escaped Dawn's lips, Hank stiffly rose and walked out the door.
Ridiculous! Buffy was so ridiculously lovely! In the moment that Buffy had stood up for her she had realized just how small and faded Hank truly was. His brown hair without the luster it had years before and flecked with grey hairs like dust. His shoulders not stooped with worry rather with the air of a man holding anger and irritation in and close to his heart.
Joyce had decided in that moment to never let anyone break the bond she had with her daughter. It was her greatest failure she herself had almost severed the bond when she had found out about Buffy being the slayer. Joyce shook off her self disappointments as she heard Duncan speak again.
"I feel like I lost you for a moment".
"Sorry! I almost lost myself there", Joyce replied. Duncan's face held something that encouraged her to continue. He gave the impression that not only was he listening to her but he might offer some grand insight.
"I was thinking about my daughter and a mistake I once made." As I get older, it is becoming apparent that we as humans should measure our humanity by just how far we fall short of perfection even as we aim for exactness."
Duncan smiled. "I understand you clearly". His smile had a sad quality as if he too had thoughts of his own failures. As he was intent on leading her away to the quiet space he had spoken of so they could finish their discussion he moved forward placing his arm at the curve of Joyce's shoulder.
They were both startled by the sound of a knock on the shop door. Duncan turned towards the door and invited the potential customer in with the words, 'it's open'.
A petite young woman stalked forward through the door. All Duncan noticed was the bright smile on her face. He realized he needed to make some effort to welcome the woman but he really didn't feel too inclined. After all she was really onlly an interruption.
The first words out of her mouth were, 'Mom, what are you doing here?'
TBC (of course)
Memories and interruptions
