In Your Eyes III

The winds blew through Severus' long, black hair and he almost regretted his decision to come up to the astronomy tower. This had been Remy's retreat, not his. He remembered many nights when he would climb the stairs and just stand in the shadows watching Remus sit deep in his thoughts. The logical part of his brain told him that it didn't matter how many times he ventured up to the tower, Remus wasn't going to be there, but somewhere inside of him he wished. An image filled his mind and he pushed it away by sheer will. It would be back of course, because he could never forget how Lupin had died in his arms.

For a brief second, Severus thought he saw something move. His eyes scanned the dimly moonlit area. "Who's there?" a voice asked from the shadows. Neville Longbottom stood up from his spot along the wall.

"I was about to ask you the very same thing," Snape said dryly. "What in God's name are you doing up here?"

Neville shrugged, and turned his face to the sky. "I came to see the stars."

"The stars?" Severus asked incredulously. "Can you really see them?"

A bittersweet smile crossed the younger man's face. "No, but I remember. Is it clear tonight?"

A moment passed. His natural answer would have been a simple and truthful "no," but somehow Neville deserved more. "The moon is almost full," he began…that at least was true. "It's blessedly clear out and the stars are shining. The sky is very nice tonight." In reality, it was overcast and only moon poked through, but the lie made Neville's smile widen.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

Severus let the silence drag unsure of what to say next. He just stared at Neville bathed in the light of the moon. So much had changed. "How long have known Maeve?"

"Well, I…um she wasn't joking when she said she owes me a bruise. I did run into her—literally—when I first moved to muggle London. She was visiting friends and hit her with a door when I was leaving a shop," he explained sheepishly.

"Were you blind then?"

"Nearly. You can ask, you know. I don't mind."

"What makes you think that I'd care?"

"Nothing really, it's just most people ask out of curiosity," Neville said nonchalantly. "I'm used to it."

"People can be rather annoying. It seems to be their nature to poke their heads into things that don't concern them." The wind picked up and Severus would have sworn he heard Neville laugh. "What's so funny?"

"It's just that I used to think that. I wanted everyone to leave me alone. I didn't want people asking me questions, or offering to help when I didn't ask for it, but then I realized that it's simply because people don't know how to act, or what's appropriate and what isn't. When people get something in their heads about a person, or a group of people who are different than they are, the only way to change that is to tell them the truth. I'd rather have people ask me a hundred questions than walk around with some half cocked idea of who I am and what I can or can't do," he added.

Severus snorted. Trust a bloody Gryffindor to want to change the world. "So you plan on answering whatever questions those little brats have for you?"

Neville nodded. The firm set of his jaw suited him, much better than the quivering lower lip.

"Stupidity. You'll never get around to the topic at hand," Severus told him. "Those students know when they are setting teachers off on tangents, just to get away from their work. By the time you're done, they may have perfect etiquette with the blind and no idea who Salazar Slytherin was."

"Snape, tell me how you really feel."

All he could do was stare. This was Neville fucking Longbottom giving HIM sarcasm. "You're really not terrified of me anymore are you?"

"No, I've dealt with demons far stronger than you, and come out the better. Whatever power you had over me in that respect is long gone. I'm not the child who runs from your shadow."

"We all faced Deatheaters, Longbottom, don't pretend to be the hero just for that," Snape quipped. He really was becoming enraged. Between Rolanda's pranks and Neville's smart mouth, he wasn't sure what made him more upset.

"No, I would never pretend to be anything. The demons I meant were my own," Neville said with a sigh. "Didn't you ever wonder why I was such a bloody wreck in school?"

Severus shook his head, and then silently called himself a moron. "No, you're your ineptitude seemed quite natural to me. Was I wrong?"

"When I was a child, my vision was very fuzzy, and I had problems seeing things when the lights weren't bright enough. Gran was frantic, when the healers told her that I had RP—retinititus pigmentosa. It's a disorder that would eventually leave me completely blind, but the healers had something to help me with it. I would trade my magic for my sight. Also, it made me forgetful and effected my weight. I was miserable, but I didn't know what to do. I was too afraid to stop taking the potions they gave me," he admitted.

A pang of guilt hit Severus as he recalled Remy's voice. You never know what circumstances are affecting your students. Longbottom may be dealing with things we can't even imagine. "Lupin knew."

"Yes, he did. He was the one who encouraged me to hold on to my dreams. He let me know that I could still be whatever I wanted to be…that I was worth something after all."

"Remus did have that effect on people." He didn't want to talk about Remus, not tonight of all nights. "So now I must ask—what went wrong? Did the potions stop working?"

"I stopped taking them my fifth year."

"Why would you do something like that?" The stupidity of the decision hit Snape instantly.

For the first time, he saw anger harden those features. "Do you think Harry was the only one who had something to prove? Was he the only one who had the right to fight Voldemort? After the night that black died, I knew I had to be strong. I knew I wanted to avenge my parents! It was the right thing to do. I knew that if I stopped taking the potions that I would have time before my system expelled all of the potion, and after that I was willing to take my chances. RP doesn't always advance at the pace, and I was lucky enough to have time to do what I had to do."

"For once, I understand completely." He placed a hand on the mark that he would bear for life whether Voldemort lived or not. Severus was not foreign to choices. "You may think that I'm a monster, Neville, but I am not. I, like you, did what I had to."

"I never thought you were a monster, Severus," Neville's voice was soft and it almost seemed to Snape that large hazel eyes were staring at him.

"Didn't you? I seem to remember an incident with a boggart." The corner's of the darker man's lips twitched.

"Maybe you don't know what it was about you that I found so terrifying," Neville said letting out that damn throaty laugh again.

"I'm afraid to ask."

Cocking an eyebrow, the blind man reached a hand out toward Severus' direction. Almost by instinct, he found himself taking it and pulling Neville to him. Scant inches separated the men. The Gryffindor moved first, his hands finding Snape's jaw and gently ghosting across features that he remembered so well. He closed his useless eyes and smiled. "Just like I remembered."

"Neville," Severus fairly croaked. He hadn't felt like this in three years.

"I was afraid because I knew that you were all I wanted, and all I couldn't have. You despised me, but I wanted so much to make up for all of my mistakes," a small stutter rippled through those words ever so slightly.

"Maybe I'm to blame as well. Remy was right when he told me that I never knew what was affecting you. I'm not the most understanding person, at times, and I realize that."

Severus stared at the man before him. Everything felt so right. He'd spent so many years pushing everyone away, locking away any trace of his emotions, but here he was free. There was nothing standing between him and his desire, only a few scant inches. Closing the gape, he pressed his mouth on top of Neville's. He felt the other man's surprise before they melted into one and other.

He barely felt the floor beneath him as led Neville to the dungeons. There was no rush. Neither of them where hormonal children. They took time to savor every second. That was something the war had taught both of them. As clothes were shed, they took time to admire every inch of their desire. Kissing, touching, slowly devouring every detail. The night was slow and sweet. For the first time in three years, Severus Snape had something pure in his life, and he had found it in the most unlikely place.