An Sorry for the delay in updates! This takes place slightly before the last chap. Hang on folks this is going to be a long one!
By Your Side
Draco could feel the pain and sadness radiating from Harry as they followed Snape down the familiar halls of Hogwarts. Memories flashed in his mind of all of the times he had tormented Harry in this place. He regretted it, but there was no changing the past. Beside him, the dark haired man stared directly at the floor. Squeezing Harry's good hand, he earned a fake smile and a kiss on his palm. "If it's the only way," he told Draco.
The emotions that traveled between them were still rather disorienting. While they couldn't read each other's minds, they were subject to the same moods and sensations. In essence, what Harry was going through was now entering into Draco. Severus had gone off for nearly an hour when he found out what Draco had done. They would both have to be given the same treatment, and while he hadn't gone into detail, Severus let them know that it would not be pleasant. Unlike muggle rapid detox, however, this would be permanent. Harry would be free from all cravings for the drug for the rest of his life. Draco could see that Harry accepted this, but was still reluctant to go through with it. In fact, Draco doubted that he'd do it at all if it weren't for the bonding.
They hadn't made it two steps into the infirmary when a plump woman latched onto Harry. Tears were rolling down her aged cheeks. Madame Pomfrey had come to think of Harry as a son in the time he had spent in the hospital wing. "Thank God, you're alive. I've missed you so much," she cried. "But why would you scare us like that?"
Harry sighed. "I've missed you, too. Someday, I'll tell the whole story, I promise, but not now."
"Fair enough," she agreed. "Professor Snape tells me that you're in a bit of trouble. We'll fix you up in no time."
Harry dropped his head a little. "Thank you."
Shame. Draco could feel it echoing through Harry's entire being. It had never really occurred to him that Harry would have anything to be ashamed of, but now he saw it in full effect. The boy who lived had lost his shine. He wasn't the golden child he had been when they left Hogwarts. The hope of the wizarding world was crippled and addicted. He lived in a slum that didn't reflect the money he had in Gringotts and barely resembled the free boy who had once chased the snitch. This wasn't the triumphant hero that everyone had wanted. Now, Draco had shame of his own. He was ashamed that he hadn't seen it sooner.
Snape gave him an unreadable look and nodded as if he knew something that maybe even Draco didn't. "You two had better rest. Tomorrow will not be easy."
He left them with nothing more than that. Madame Pomfrey pressed a kiss to Harry's forehead and then said her goodbyes for the evening. They watched as the pair closed the door behind them.
There were only single beds in the infirmary and Draco began to push two side by side. "Do you mind?" he asked nervously when he saw how intently Harry was watching him. "I don't mean to rush you. We don't have to do anything, but I'd just like to be close to you."
"I understand. It's alright."
Feeling intensely awkward, Draco decided to change into his pajamas. He'd picked up a few of his own things and some of the things that he had bought for Harry. The thought of him wearing those dirt crusted sweats anymore made Draco's skin crawl. Handing Harry a set of emerald silk pajamas, Draco realized how ridiculously presumptuous he'd been all along. "Harry?"
"What?"
"I'm sorry."
Those amazing eyes locked into his eyes. "For what?"
"I've been an ass. What I wanted wasn't so wrong, but how I've done things has been. Can you believe that I honestly only wanted the best for you? Somehow, I had myself convinced that I had it all worked out," he admitted.
Harry shook his head. "I don't know what to make of it all yet. I love you, Draco, but the rest…" his words trailed off and he shrugged. "I know you want to hear that I'm completely at ease with what's happened, but I can't say that yet. I'll try, that's all I can promise."
"That's all I ask," Draco told him honestly.
"We should sleep," Harry said blankly.
He began to shed his shirt, and Draco nearly gasped. Scars cut jagged paths down Harry's pale body, and every bone in his body jutted out crudely. The toned and tanned body he had seen years ago was gone, just as gone as the perfect face that he had seen in the mirror. They truly were no longer the boys they had been. The war had broken them in more ways than he could count, but he still had hope for the future.
It was rude, but he was suddenly staring as Harry slid on the pants and ignored the top despite the chill in the room. "Did you pack any t-shirts?" he asked Draco.
"I can button it for you if that's the problem," Draco offered feeling stupid for buy him so a many button down shirts.
Harry looked away. "A t-shirt is fine."
Without another word, they finished getting ready and each crawled into a bed. Neither of them moved the covers to get closer. In the darkness, the both could feel one another's tension. It ran through them like nothing else. Frustration. Hurt. Anger. All of it was shared. Draco shut his eyes, but he couldn't fall into anything even remotely like sleep and he knew Harry was the same. "This isn't working," he said.
"No, it isn't. Does my body disgust you that badly?"
Draco bolted upright in bed. "My God! How could you think that?"
"I didn't think it," Harry spat. "Thanks to you, I felt it."
"I wasn't disgusted at you. I was disgusted at me! And how could you look at me and think that I would judge your scars? Do you know that I spent years staring at the mirror thinking how you would never have wanted me 'if you were alive?' I love you, Harry. Don't you see that you could never disgust me?" Draco flicked his wand and the room lit up.
"Not just the scars. Everything—my arm, the drugs, and how I can't even do magic anymore." Harry's gaze was cutting through him. "Don't you think I'd go back if I could? I can think of a thousand things I would change, but I can't."
"What would you change?" Draco asked, silently begging that it wouldn't be their relationship.
"I would have found some way to save them all."
The statement caught Draco off guard. "It wasn't your fault Harry."
"Wasn't it? It was all my stupid pride. I should have never fooled myself that we'd all get through this just fine, and I drug them all with me." Harry stood and shivered. "I can still see them all die in my head."
Draco closed his eyes and sighed. "Harry, it was a war. You are one man don't think that you could have saved everyone. You are human. Boy-who-lived or not, they had no right to make you think that you were all that stood between them and death. "
"But they had faith in me!"
"Harry, you can't take responsibility for their deaths. Do you think they would want you to suffer this way?"
"I don't know anything anymore."
Draco put his hand on Harry's shoulder. "I know for a fact that none of them would want you to blame yourself."
The dark haired man shuddered. "Will you think that in the morning?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
"We share dreams. You will have to suffer through my nightmares!"
The blonde shook his head. "I love you. Do you know what it was like without you? I wasn't really alive. I just went through the motions of life. If I have to deal with pain, I will because I know that there will be love too."
Sad eyes met his. "I love you, too. But for tonight…" his gaze drifted to the bottle of dreamless sleep potion setting on a table at the end of the room.
"For tonight," Draco agreed. He poured the amounts for both of them and handed Harry his. "If this is what it takes."
They fell asleep tangled together. Even in the dreamless oblivion, Draco felt Harry's presence. It was warm and comforting, letting him know that there was still something good in the world. This was what had been missing from his life. He knew that he could never let go now, not after feeling whole again. They would work through whatever would come tomorrow.
A rough hand shook Draco's shoulder, and he looked into Snape's eyes. "Time to get up."
Beside him, Harry moved to get his glasses. "So we begin the fun today?" he said sarcastically.
Snape nodded. "This is going to be one of the worst things you've ever experienced, but it will be over in under an hour."
"What will it do?" Draco asked. He pushed the hair out of his face. It was impossible for him to tell if the butterflies in his stomach were his or Harry's.
"The potion makes you relieve the demons that drove you to the substance and then removes the need for it. It's going to feel like you are walking through a nightmare emotionally. Physically, every nerve in your body will scream out with the worst kind of pain you can imagine. All in all, it will be hell," he explained. From anyone else, Draco would have thought that it was an exaggeration, but he knew that wasn't Snape's style.
Draco nodded. "Are you ready?" he asked Harry.
Harry's face was blank, but he couldn't hide his fear from his lover. "As ready as I'll ever be."
Severus gave them each a spoonful of putrid tasting black liquid. Instantly, Draco fell to the bed in a spasm of pain. Absolute agony in every cell of his being made it hard to look at Harry. As soon as the pain came so did the memories.
The shriek of horror ringing through the air was not his own. A woman with red hair fell to the ground in a pool of her own blood before an evil looking figure. On the floor not far from her was a mangled corpse of a man. He realized that these were Harry's parents. A baby cried from the crib. NO! Draco wanted to protect the child, but he already knew what happened. In a flash of light, Voldemort disappeared and so did the room.
The sky opened up into an expanse of black. Laughter. He knew that sound. Lucious. Draco saw his own younger form lying nude in a heap on the ground. Dragging him up by his hair, a masked Death Eater began to slide the tip of a knife down his body. He could feel Voldemort's amusement. This was why Harry didn't return.
Flash. Remus was lying before him in Snape's arms. His intestines were visible though the gaping whole in his stomach. Blood poured from his lips. "Stay with me, Remy!" Severus begged. "You can't die yet! I'll save you."
Long pale hands lingered over the wound covered in thick blood. Remus' pale face contorted in pain as he convulsed. His lips trembled. For a brief moment, it appeared he tried to say something, but then amber eyes went dull.
Flash. "Leave her alone!" Ron screamed.
"Such a good brother," Lucious said smoothly as Ginny struggled in his arms. Voldemort's joy at hearing the girl's neck snap was sicken.
"No!"
Her body fell like a rag doll.
Ron lunged at Lucious, but fell like a stone his chest blown wide open. He didn't have a chance to realize what had happened to him.
Flash. McGonagall.
Flash. Charlie
Flash. Tonks body hit the floor with a thud after falling from the floor above.
Flash. Seamus sputtered as a spike was thrust through his throat.
Flash. Dumbledore's blue eyes were dead. The sparkle entirely gone as he stared at the dark lord. "It has come to this," the old man said. "You know how it will all end."
"Do I? You still have faith in the child, but soon it won't matter how your little order squirms," Voldemort hissed.
"You underestimate them."
"Oh, they will stumble and fall without you."
Cloaked figures closed in on him, but Dumbledore didn't flinch. Even as their knives were drawn, there wasn't an ounce of fear in him.
Flash. He stared into red eyes. "Harry Potter! This is how you die!"
Harry screamed in pain. The flesh of his arm was being burned away, and the want in his hand was incinerated. "I hate you!"
"Good. Then you will carry that hatred with you to the depths of Hell. You have stopped me from cleansing this world! You nearly destroyed me, but now you will pay with your life," Voldemort said. His power was expanding infinitely as he absorbed Harry's magic. All the while, he smiled knowing that he was giving Harry all of his old memories. This was the best way to destroy him. This was the way to end it. Give the pure one all of the evil that he feared.
Harry's eyes glowed. Something about him was changing. "NO!" Emerald light engulfed them both. "This is over!"
Now all that was left was the bloodied body of Harry Potter as he laid in the field. The tall grass around him was stained dark red.
"Oh my God!" A woman called as she got out of her car and raced over to him.
The real world flooded in. Draco felt the sweat falling from his face. It hurt to move, but he reached for Harry who was pale as a ghost. "It's done. You're safe now," he told him.
Harry looked like a child as he began to cling to Draco. "Are you alright?"
"I'm okay." He kissed Harry deeply. "And I'm not going anywhere."
Harry nodded. "Thank you."
Draco smiled. Now they could build a life together. The chasm between them had been bridged. He would stay with Harry for the rest of his life and never regret it. His heart told him that much and more that he would show Harry in time.
