: Perfect World :
Gensomaden Saiyuki
Disclaimer: I don't own Gensomaden Saiyuki, which rightfully belongs to Minekura Kazuya.
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Homura/Goku, mentioned Homura/Rinrei
Warnings: AU-ish, angst, language, violence
Notes: Thanks for the reviews. Next weekend, there may not be an update, depending on if the sidefic/interlude I recently wrote will end up within the fic itself or as a seperate story. This is just a heads-up, since the interlude will take place right after this chapter.
(Also, a quick note to yoong: I don't believe Goku would beg for forgiveness, either. Totally not like him. That's what this chapter is for, though.)
Constructive criticism and feedback is appreciated.
Chapter Twenty-Four
He should not have let the fight go that far.
That was the only thing Homura could think as he attempted to practice his swordsmanship that evening. His work was unusually sloppy, he knew it, it was distracting, and that annoyed him more than anything else. He knew it would have been better to stop before he frustrated himself beyond belief, but if he didn't practice the tension was still going to build. At least moving about would even out his frustration a little.
Even with his eyes open he could picture yesterday's events in his mind. He could see the two figures, their forms shrouded by the window-frame of leaves around him. Most clearly he could see Son Goku, fighting and losing against the goddess Homura had sent to battle him. It was part of the boy's training; he wasn't useful to Homura when he was this weak. True, he wasn't exactly useless, but his strength still wasn't enough for what he needed- even now, after the encounter.
Sumi had been the perfect person to send after the boy. Homura had done a little research into her background - she was a goddess who had fled to the lower world to join him for his cause, and such checks were necessary to ensure she wasn't a spy - and he had discovered she had been very apt with wires. How she had learned such a skill from the heavens he didn't know, nor did he ask. It was likely she had somehow received lessons from someone in the lower world. Whatever the case, she had been very efficient with her weapon. She had displayed her talents several times, such as attacking the boy in a shaded area so he wouldn't catch the glint of wires as well, and by slipping wire loosely around the boy's shoulders so that when she had tightened it only a small lock of hair had been cut.
Once Sumi had threatened to rip the boy's fingers off one at a time Homura had decided to intervene. Quietly, he had slipped out from his hiding place. Not quite in view yet, he had slinked forward... and then the boy's next movement had made him freeze.
There had been a glimmer of bronze as screened sunlight bounced off Son Goku's limiter. The diadem had fallen to the ground with a dull thunk, and the boy had shuddered violently. His scream had been loud and piercing, the agony touched by mental rather than physical torment. From the corner of his eye he had noted that even Sumi had paused, staring with wide, white eyes as the boy transformed.
When Homura had seen the golden eyes again, the pupils were narrowed into slits. With ease Goku had been unable to manage, this devilish monstrosity had raised the arm Sumi had ensnared in several feet of wire. A hauntingly beautiful, malicious smile had curved the new creature's lips as his fingernails seemed to sharpen into claws. He had raised his newfound weapon to his throat, slowly and deliberately snapping each wire tightly wound around him as though it were thread. Blood still poured in rivers down his arm, but this animal didn't seem to care, though he did notice. Eyes taken off Sumi for a brief moment, the creature raised his arm, the muscles Sumi hadn't cut through yet tensing- and the wire had snapped in several places, falling to the ground.
Calmly, this animal had brought the bleeding limb to his face, seductively drawing his tongue over the crimson liquid spilling out of his own body. He hadn't seemed to care that it was his own blood, that normally he preferred the taste of others'. Perhaps, to this creature, blood was simply blood, and it was all delicious and mesmerizing.
Seiten Taisei Son Goku, Homura had thought, mouthing the words without uttering a sound. The name alone sent shivers of delectable anticipation down his spine. Every time he thought it, each time he spoke it aloud, Homura couldn't help but grow excited at the mere mention of this glorious creature's name.
This was a true heretic. Seiten Taisei, though younger than he, was the real representation of all heretics. Like him, Seiten Taisei had been wronged and trapped in the heavens merely for being born. Homura empathized with this being; he had ever since the day he had seen him. Seiten Taisei was the ultimate killing machine, graceful as a feline, cleverer than any fox, and with all the rippling, lean muscles any powerful animal possessed. He was a malicious form of breathing, flowing poetry. That was how Homura saw him- had still seen him, even as beaten and slashed as the creature had been.
That was why, despite Sumi's loud cries of torment, Homura had stood quietly as Seiten Taisei had proceeded to rip apart his enemy. Anyone that harmed him died, as was the law of nature. Seiten Taisei thought himself the king of nature, the legitimate ruler of all things living. In a way, he wasn't wrong; after all, he was the direct child of the earth.
Seiten Taisei's play had seemed even crueler than usual. While it hadn't been enough to make Homura flinch - as he had seen many things in his day - it had still struck him as odd. In the heavens Seiten Taisei had wreaked as much havoc as anyone could have imagined- tearing out eyes, clawing up faces behind recognition, biting off limbs, ripping flesh and cords of muscle from any god that had been in his way. What he had done to this particular goddess was far worse, as most gods in the heavens who had been unfortunate enough to be in the same room during Seiten Taisei's rampage had only suffered one or two of his attacks.
Sumi had endured numerous. Seiten Taisei had left her intact long enough for her screams to become hoarse and useless, and then he had ripped the veins in her neck free. She had strangled, choking on her own blood until she had fallen. But even with her twitching, defenseless corpse, Seiten Taisei hadn't stopped. Homura hadn't dared to step in until nothing was left of the goddess but bones and some strips of flesh and muscle.
It had been a gruesome sight. Still Homura hadn't been nauseated. Instead, he had simply stepped forward, purposefully breaking a twig beneath his shoe. The demon had whirled to face him, narrowing his eyes at the man- and in those catlike eyes Homura had seen such hate and anger that it had made him breathless. It hadn't been general fury; Homura had known - still knew - that it had been directed at him.
That had led him to believe that perhaps there was more to Seiten Taisei than just a killing machine. Maybe there was a Son Goku within the demon, just as there was a demon within the Son Goku. The thought made Homura's chest tighten in memory, and he startled himself out of his reminiscing when his sword slipped from his hands and clattered to the floor.
When he looked up he was surprised to see the two figures in the doorway. The sight of Zenon didn't make him jump as much as the boy in front of him. Goku's eyes were diverted; he was standing gingerly because of his injuries. From the extent of them Homura knew the boy should have bled on his way back to the tower. It seemed Zenon had wrapped them up again.
In a rare moment in which he could sense the tension without anyone's help, Zenon simply gave Goku's uninjured shoulder a light pat. He paused to give Homura a nod before turning and leaving again.
After a while Goku finally spoke. "Hey..." Still he didn't look at the man. Homura nodded slightly, having nothing adequate to say to that. The silence stretched on a few moments longer.
At last Goku took a faltering step forward. "That goddess... I know you sent her."
He had expected no less. In a voice no more audible than a murmur, though it seemed a lot louder to him, Homura said, "You did well in defeating her."
Golden eyes finally met his, if only briefly. Goku shrugged his good shoulder, taking another step forward. His words seemed almost forced. "It wasn't me who defeated her... was it?"
So he was semi-conscious of his demonic self. Feeling it was best not to try to futilely hide anything, Homura nodded.
When Goku raised his gaze again he was able to keep eye contact for more than a few seconds. "We need to talk."
Homura would have replied, but the boy chose that moment to pitch forward without warning and crumple to the floor.
-
When he woke, the first thing Goku noticed was that things were so dark. It took him a few minutes to realize it was because his eyes were closed. Slowly he pried them open. The first thing he saw was a gently sloping ceiling, dark even with the candlelight flickering in the room. He recognized this ceiling and knew where he was.
Goku began to push himself into a sitting position. Doing so made him feel as though his side and back were being torn open at the same time, and he clenched his eyes against the pain. A split second later there were familiar, strong hands helping him sit up completely. Goku was familiar with the scent of the person helping him, and so did nothing to retaliate. He couldn't have, anyway.
Clenching the sheets in one hand, he asked quietly, "How long was I...?"
"A couple hours," Homura replied easily, taking a seat at the end of the bed. "Not as long as you were last night."
Goku knew the man was admitting to his being there when he had fought Sumi. Nodding, he lowered his eyes to his fingers, momentarily fascinated with the way the rumpled sheets in his lap caused shadows to dip between the crevices.
"What do you want to talk about?"
Drawing in a shuddering breath that did little to calm his nerves, Goku said, "Tell me about Rinrei."
-
He shouldn't have been pacing. Homura had told the boy several times to sit down, and the first two or three times Goku had obeyed. However, almost immediately after the man had begun talking again Goku had been back on his feet, wearing a hole in the floor. Exasperated, Homura had finally given up and had decided to simply keep a close eye on the brunette. Goku had lost a lot of blood in the past twenty-four hours, and Homura doubted the boy realized the full extent of his critical situation.
Then again, Goku hadn't fainted again just yet. Perhaps he had more stamina than Homura tended to give him credit for. The ironic thing was, Homura had already believed Goku's resilience was very high.
Finally breaking the silence, Homura said in a low tone, "You haven't said anything for nearly ten minutes."
"Well," Goku muttered in strained tone that immediately set Homura on the defensive edge. "I'm trying to think of a way to say what I'm thinking without you having another hissy fit."
Homura blinked, positive he hadn't been quite that bad, but he decided to let it slide since in this case Goku had every right to be tense. Aside from that, he'd also had quite a few days to cool off and pick up his scattered thoughts. His confusion had greatly diminished, and he had come to the conclusion that what he and Son Goku really needed to do was talk- and that meant talking about everything until at least most of what was wrong between them was resolved.
After all, the consequences of not doing so meant he not only lost someone he cared about, he would also have a more difficult time obtaining his dream. Homura had no illusions about his selfishness.
Suddenly the boy turned to face him, eyes narrowed and his good hand resting on his hip by the knuckles. "I understand," he said. "I really do understand that you're hurt over... what happened." The pause didn't go over Homura's head; he guessed that Goku had been about to say something akin to, "... over losing Rinrei." He wasn't sure if Goku's hesitance annoyed or relieved him.
"Still," Goku continued, his voice quickly becoming flat. "I think you need to get over it."
That was unfair. Trying to keep the heat out of his voice but only managing to veil it, Homura began, "You wouldn't-" He quickly cut himself off, remembering what had happened the last time he had told the boy he wouldn't understand.
It seemed his retort had sparked enough curiosity for Goku to inquire, "I wouldn't what?"
Knowing Goku would only press until he got what he wanted, Homura sighed. "You wouldn't understand."
That got him exactly the reaction he had expected. Goku bristled, before growling and clenching his fists. Naturally, this made the injuries in his fingers open again, and a little blood stained the area around his knuckles. The brunette didn't seem to notice. "I can't believe we're going back to that again!"
"I did refrain from saying it entirely," Homura pointed out wearily. "You asked."
"That's not the point! I can't believe you're still thinking things like that!"
Homura reached up, rubbing his forehead and passing his hand over his eyes as he refrained from snapping at the boy. It was surprisingly difficult to do. "You were out of place telling me to 'get over it.' "
He heard the boy growl low in his throat. "I don't see how it's 'out of place' when I'm your lover!"
"Lovers are just that- lovers," Homura bit back. His patience was wearing to a thin thread. "If you want our relationship to mean something, 'boyfriends' would be a lot closer to the proper term."
"No, it's not," Goku said stubbornly. "I don't care what the right definition is. Lovers are lovers, and that means that I love you, damn it! Why else would I get mad when you hide things from me!"
"There may be plenty of reasons," Homura said. Before he could say more, Goku shrieked.
"No! Shut up, damn you!" Goku moved as though he were going to punch Homura has he did during their last fight, but his injuries made him falter before he'd even taken a step forward. Cringing and pressing his palm against his torso, Goku continued tersely, "I'm sick of you throwing my feelings aside just because you're clinging to her! Look, I'm sorry about what happened. And maybe I can't really understand, but I still... I feel like I can, okay?" He was beginning to flounder, a sign that he was starting to confuse himself. "But it's been five hundred years... there's no way you're going to see her again. I just..." The boy pressed his lips tightly together, his jaw clenching. The bulge in his left cheek told Homura that Goku was biting his tongue.
"I just... I can't understand why you won't even try." Goku's arms went lax, his fists clenching again as his body began to tremble. "I... I don't know..."
To Homura's surprise, the boy suddenly turned. He was heading for the door, and before Homura knew what he was doing he stood, moving swiftly in front of Goku and slamming the door shut before the boy could open it more than an inch. Startled, the brunette's head snapped up to look at him.
Firmly, Homura said, "No one is leaving this room."
Grimacing, Goku lowered his eyes to the door knob. "Move your hand," he tried to order. His tone ruined the effect, the words coming out shaky.
Homura didn't. "Neither of us is leaving," he repeated. "Not until we either fix this, or we realize it's hopeless."
At the last part Goku's head snapped up, his golden eyes flaring. "It's not hopeless," he hissed. "Don't you ever say that! It's not!"
"My point exactly." At his remark Goku blinked, seeming lost for a moment. Finally understanding dawned and he slowly nodded. Trusting him not to run, Homura let go of the door.
-
This time it was Goku's turn to sit on the bed while Homura paced. Or rather, wander- Homura didn't move quickly around the room in circles, he just sort of drifted around, pausing in random places to think either in silence or while Goku talked. However, he hadn't spoken in a while, and his lover's silence was aggravating him.
With a sarcastic edge to his voice, he said, "You haven't said anything for fifteen minutes." The look Homura shot him made him immediately shut up, resting his chin on his knee. His back was sore from the stretched position, but at least his injury hadn't reopened for the umpteenth time.
Homura sighed, turning his gaze away again. The sigh made Goku even more uncomfortable, and he began to squirm.
"And what of Konzen?" the man finally asked.
Not liking what he sensed was coming up, Goku returned flatly, "What of him?"
"You're clearly drawn to him," Homura pointed out. "How are you certain you don't want to be with him instead?"
Impatient, Goku said, "Because if I wanted to, I would have instead of coming back here." He knew he had gotten Homura there, especially after the man grew quiet again. Not wanting silence to overtake them again, Goku continued. "I don't know why I'm... okay," he quickly amended. "I kinda know why I keep followin' him. But it's not because I'm attracted to him."
Shaking his head, Homura finally abandoned his place at the wall and moved back toward the bed. "I must admit, I can't understand that," he said in a gentle tone.
Goku bit back a sigh of relief. Finally, something that felt like progress. "Why not?"
Homura didn't take a seat, instead leaning against the post at the foot of the bed. He was looking toward Goku but not at him, his eyes distant. "Well," he said, drawing out the word slowly. "I can't honestly say."
Narrowing his eyes, Goku said, "Can't say, or don't want to?" Homura blinked, pulling back a little. It was enough to tell Goku he had hit the mark perfectly. In a way, he didn't blame Homura- facing up to some things within yourself could be daunting, even frightening. It seemed like a surreal idea, Homura being afraid of anything... but Goku wasn't foolish enough to believe that Homura was fearless.
And speaking of facing up to fears...
Taking a deep breath, Goku waited until his heartbeat had slowed down a bit before speaking, his voice slightly hoarse. "Homura... can I ask you just one thing?" When the man made no move to deny his request, Goku pushed onward. "Can you really say that... you feel anything for me? Like how I feel for you?" He hated how small his voice sounded. It made him want to look away, but he simply hugged on to his knees tightly, staring Homura in the eye.
At first the man didn't answer. Instead he simply reached out, easing Goku's arms away from his knees. The movement puzzled Goku at first, but the dull sting in his shoulder told him he must have opened it again. Grimacing, he finally diverted his eyes to check. There was a small spot of blood barely the side of his palm staining the bandages Zenon had wound around him.
"I believe," Homura finally spoke, "that despite Rinrei... yes. There is definitely something there."
Goku exhaled heavy relief, managing a slight smile. In spite of everything that had happened, he was ameliorated to know his assumption of Homura hadn't been wrong. There was something there; Homura wasn't just humoring him because he was a child or because he felt he had to.
"Well," he finally said, his voice cracking a little. He waited until Homura looked him in the eye before a small laugh fell out. "That's definitely progress."
For the first time in days, Homura smirked.
-
It was strange to realize how much he had missed this. Homura had to be more careful than usual; he hadn't even wanted to lie with the boy anyway, not with his grievous injuries. However, Goku had been adamant, insisting that after such a long fight the one thing he deserved was a hug. Unable to argue with that, Homura had finally complied.
Goku kept shifting in his arms, clearly uncomfortable. Homura doubted he would be able to get comfortable unless he was unconscious or healed, and the latter wasn't going to happen for at least a couple weeks.
The boy was lying so his good hand was on Homura's side. It was amusing, annoying, and mildly arousing all at once to feel the calloused fingers tracing senseless patterns over his ribs, but Homura wasn't about to tell him to stop.
Goku's head shifted, his hair brushing under Homura's chin. "So we're cool?"
Snorting softly, Homura tugged lightly on a long strand of the brunette's hair. "I believe so."
"Mm... good," Goku muttered, pressing his face into the man's chest. "Because fighting with you really sucks."
Unable to think of anything to say to that, Homura merely nodded. Besides, the boy was right- their arguement had taken more of a toll on him than seeing Rinrei's grave had. He was sure it wasn't because he had a closer bond with the boy - despite his attraction to him, despite her death, Rinrei was still his first and foremost love - but because it had gone on so long. Also, most of that time had involved being alone, chewing over the harsh words exchanged between them.
It was because of the peace that Homura kept thinking about it. He traced the pads of his fingers down the boy's back, feigning a gentle touch but in reality feeling the strong muscles beneath the fabric. Physical strength played a large part in Homura's plans, at least as far as Son Goku's went. Building stamina in the muscles, as well as teaching the boy to think through complex situations, on top of roughing it every once in a while, all three of these things contributed to the spiritual energy Goku was building inside. When one could tune into that and use it in tune with one's physical strength, it would make the bodily muscle seem that much more powerful when it was really just a combination of ethereality and tenacity.
He was almost strong enough, Homura realized. Some of the boy's emotional weights had been shed, and the lack of burdens seemed to have lifted Goku's fighting spirits. Homura would have to check again when his lover's wounds had healed, but he was almost certain that Goku was nearing the point where he would become most useful.
That meant it was time to get things rolling.
"Still," Homura murmured, careful to avoid the slashes beneath the boy's bandages. "There is one last thing we need to do."
Goku stirred a bit. "What's that?"
"Create the new world," Homura answered simply.
A hush settled over them, and that was preferable to it being between them. There was less tension when it was above them, as though it were held easier when they could both feel it, rather than when they were separated by it. Goku didn't seem upset, though he was unusually thoughtful.
At last, the boy asked, "For Rinrei?"
"Yes."
Goku didn't answer to that. Feeling the silence starting to become heavy and drift between their bodies, Homura added, "And for us. All four of us." The tension hesitated, hovering where it was. "I believe we deserve it."
At first it didn't seem was though Goku was going to answer. Then, abruptly, the boy moved his hand from Homura's side to his back, pressing even closer to him. Against his chest, Homura felt Goku's lips curve into a smile. When he spoke, his voice was muffled.
"Sounds good to me."
