Chapter
Two
My
loyalties turned, like my ankle, in the seventh grade, running after
Billy, running after the rain.
Warning/s: Profanity and mentioned incest.
Author's Note: Yuuhi Kurenai's youth. Yuuhi Kurenai's youth. The characters that are not part of 'Naruto' are of my own (including names and characterisations, yo). See you around, maybe sometime soon? Cheers-beers!
"You're late," Aiya said, beaming; it was a rare occasion to taunt his team-mate and he would have done his best to grab it. "We could have gone without you."
"Shut up. I have a reason, something you two never do."
"Oh?" Kurenai raised an eyebrow, her eyes danced with amusement. "What's your 'reason', then?"
"You won't understand." Genji straightened out his jacket and quickly changed the subject. "Why aren't you wearing your uniform?" he asked, staring at Kurenai.
"Sorry, Daddy, but I didn't want to."
Aiya moved himself directly in front of her. "Oi, that's not fair! Etsuya-Sensei made us wear it, so you have to, too." He glared at her, hoping she would have been intimidated by him, which, needless to say, she was far from.
"I don't have to wear anything."
"That's disgusting!"
Kurenai twitched, clenching her fist. "Shut up, you idiot."
From behind, somebody's shadow joined with hers, which caused her to stop throwing more insults towards Aiya. "Good morning, Kurenai!" From the look on her team-mates' faces, she could tell that it was somebody they did not know.
"Who are you?" Aiya asked, not once having thought that he sounded impolite.
"I've seen you around," Genji began. "You're a Chuunin, aren't you?"
"Yeah," the boy replied, though Kurenai refused to turn around and talk to him.
"A friend of Kurenai's, I'm guessing?"
The boy hesitated for a moment before replying; "oh, no. My brother's friends with Kurenai's brother, so I thought I'd say 'hi' to her."
"Well, aren't you going to talk to him?"
She glared at Aiya before she looked at her shoes, as if they had something on them that fascinated her. "I'm not going to turn around and talk to somebody I don't know."
"It doesn't matter. I have to get going, anyway." And with that, he walked away, his shadow separating from hers and becoming smaller with every step she heard.
"You're so rude, sometimes. No, wait. All the time."
"Oh, just shut up. Why am I going to talk to somebody I don't know?"
"We don't even know-"
"Forget it," Genji interrupted. "We better go, now. He's probably waiting for us."
The three walked to their sensei's home at a steady pace; Aiya had diverted conversation back to Kurenai's uniform, or, rather, lack of. "Why can't you just put it on, like everybody else?"
"You're so annoying! Just shut up for once, 'kay?" Kurenai sighed and walked ahead of the two, hoping that she would, for once, be ignored by Aiya.
"When will you all learn to get on?" At the bottom of the stairs, to a block of apartments, stood Etsuya, his trademark grin presented well on his face. "Can't we all just be friends?"
"When Aiya learns how to shut up, of course..."
"Shut up, bitch!"
"Oi." Etsuya scolded. "No swearing. You're not a kid that I have to keep on telling off."
"But, she's not wearing her uniform, Etsuya-Sensei!"
"Where's your uniform, Kurenai?"
She looked down at her red and white combination of clothing and bandages, which made her stand out amongst others around her, and played on an innocent smile. "It's at home. I made this myself; don't you like it?"
"Oh, yeah! It brings out the colour of your eyes." Kurenai blushed and thanked him, even though she knew that he was being enthusiastic to encourage Aiya's anger.
"Does that mean I can wear what I want to, too?" The rowdy teenager did not get a reply, which meant that he had lost the argument. There was no point in continuing if Etsuya had made up his mind.
Genji, on the other hand, wanted to get ahead with the day. "What's our first mission?"
"Mission? No missions today, kids." He smirked and adjusted his glasses, ready to ease the confused expressions on their faces. "Well, even though completing missions is vital during these hardships, I requested, from Yondaime-Sama, to give us today off. Only today, though."
"Why?" asked Kurenai, frowning. She figured there was something behind this, there always was with their teacher.
"To celebrate Kurenai becoming a Chuunin, of course!" The black-haired girl blushed once more, refusing to look at Aiya, who, she suspected, was grinning, just to embarrass her. "I'll treat you all to lunch and you can go home early."
"Great!" Aiya exclaimed and cupped his hands together. "Who's up for sushi?"
"No." Genji and Kurenai replied in unison.
"Why?"
"Sushi is horrible, that's why. Choose something that we'll all like."
"Now, now, children. Since it's Kurenai's time to shine, she can pick."
A hint of gratitude was present in her voice; "really?" It was rare that somebody would have treated her after she achieved something; the last time, as far as she could remember, was when Hitoshi took her out for ramen when she was accepted in to the Academy. "Well, how about we go to Chiko's?"
Etsuya began to walk, without warning, something that the three of them were used to. Whether they followed him or not was entirely up to them. "Chiko's it is, then."
After minutes of Aiya trying to make Kurenai change her mind (and greatly failing), they four arrived, seating themselves at a table. "Thanks for this," Kurenai said, after they had all ordered what they wanted to eat.
"You deserve it. You've greatly improved during these past few years and I'm proud of you. Of all of you."
Aiya covered his slightly red cheeks, pretending that he was scratching them, and looked at the table; Genji and Kurenai diverted their eyes elsewhere, feeling the same. "Are we meant to hug you, now, or something?"
Everybody laughed, breaking the thin layer of awkward silence. "Only if you give me a kiss, too, Aiyba."
"Shush!" the young boy commanded, placing a finger on his own lips. "Stop calling me that!"
Etsuya ignored him and resumed his conversation with Kurenai. "How did you parents take the news?
"Oh, they were over the moon," she eagerly lied.
"So they should be; you deserve it."
Kurenai shifted in her seat and, with her fingers, straightened out a knot in her hair. "You're just being nice; you said the same when these two became Chuunin, too."
"That's because I mean it. You're a strong shinobi."
"If I'm so great, then why did it take me four tries to catch up?" Nobody said anything for a moment. 'Probably thinking of something to say,' she thought.
"You shouldn't compare yourself with us. It's not a race."
"Genji's right. We're not competing against you; we do everything at our own pace and own ways."
"Wow!" Etsuya placed his palm on his cheek, seeming rather shocked. "Aiya said something smart!" The boy glared at his teacher, though he secretly felt pleased with himself. "They're right, though, Kurenai. You became a Chuunin because you were ready. You're strong and have amazing skills. If you replaced your sarcasm with confidence, you'd be one of the best Chuunin around."
Kurenai smiled at everybody, though she felt somewhat ridiculous. She was somebody who refused to receive sympathy or words of encouragement. As much as they would have made her feel better, her father referred to them as words that only made people weak rather than strong. He was probably right, she often told herself, since he was a strong Jounin. Yet, she could not help the way she felt.
The food arrived just in time, giving them all a chance to start a fresh discussion. "Itadakimasu!" Etsuya said, followed by everybody else.
"Did you hear about Hatake Kakashi?"
"I know and don't care. So, don't repeat it," Genji said.
"I don't know," Kurenai added. "What happened?"
"He's a Jounin, now! He's only a year younger than us, too."
"Kakashi's just a pretty boy," she immediately added, slightly annoyed. "Who cares, anyway."
"Hatake Kakashi is a strong and honourable ninja; you all should respect him rather than being jealous."
"I'm not jealous!" Aiya juxtaposed. "I was just saying."
"If you say so." Etsuya finished his ramen and ordered more. "Don't forget, we have to meet in the usual place, later on."
"What! You said we could have the day off!"
"I lied."
"I thought shinobi didn't lie," Kurenai pointed out, sarcastically.
"Fine, fine. I joked. We have an important mission tomorrow, so we have a lot to go over."
"Why not now?"
Their teacher shook his head as he began to eat his rice. "I have a mission after this. You three can have the afternoon off, but be ready at the start of the evening."
Aiya whined, Kurenai sighed and Genji remained silent; something that Etsuya was, without a doubt, accustomed to.
"Are you sure you've never done this before?"
"No. And stop acting like you have."
"Relax," he chuckled as he moved a lock of her black hair away from her face, kindly tucking it behind her ear. Kurenai mentally snarled; it was like something out of a tasteless film. "This, Yuuhi Kurenai, is my present to you. Congratulations on passing."
'This is so pathetic...'
"I found out what to do."
'Play along... play along... Just play along...' She did not know why she was finding it hard to act as if she was interested in him. Granted that Kurenai did find him slightly attractive, he was still arrogant when he became comfortable. She simply wanted to get it over and done with.
He was desperate for her to ask him 'how', she could tell. "Oh?"
"I've seen other people do it."
For the first time within that hour, she looked directly in to his dark eyes, disgusted rather than infatuated. "You're not serious, are you?" Her red eyes questioned his.
"It's the only way I know how. I've seen a few people do it on the street, in the hiding, on the TV and my parents, too."
Her face gave way for an look of extreme repulsion. "That's disgusting!"
"I can't help it!" he added in his defence.
'You sick liar!'
"They just do it in front of me! I only got a few glances, but I've figured out what to do." A smirk emerged on his face. "It looks kinda fun, too."
'Finally... He's going to do it, now.' Kurenai hardly had a moment's worth of contemplation before she saw his lips open apart, slightly. He leaned towards her; his tongue moved away from its sitting position, which, frankly, made her feel slightly nauseated.
She closed her eyes and went for the dive, and, as expected, it was wet. The other obvious thing she noticed was his taste; he had taken a mint before, she could easily tell. Though, the fact that they mixed their spit together made her want to stop, which she, with force, resisted.
Neither of them were aware of what they were doing and what was going wrong, or not. Their tongues moved in the same direction, not letting them work in agreement. It was hard to think of what they were to do next since other notions filled their minds.
"Mmm, wait!" She pushed him away, slightly, and frowned. "I thought you knew what you were doing."
"I do!"
"What the hell was that, then? Aren't we meant to make our tongues move around each other?"
The boy rolled his eyes, which made her want to hit him. "How would you know?"
"Just because I don't watch my parents kiss doesn't mean that I don't understand what to do." His face violently flushed a light shade of red; Kurenai knew that he was probably regretting the fact that he had told her. Amused, she moved closed to him and whispered; "do it properly this time."
Once again, their faces met and mouths gave way to one another. At least, this time, the flavour and feeling was familiar, which comforted her in a strange way. Their tongues moved in opposite directions, gently massaging each other, teasing the other, a tickling sensation overwhelmed her.
It was not as magical as other girls had claimed it to be. The idea of having somebody's saliva in her mouth made her feel light-headed and the repetitive movements were becoming boring, too. The teenage male, however, lived up to his hormones and cherished every moment of it. His body gently pushed hers back and his hands were violently moving up and down her back. It was not much of a surprise to Kurenai when one of them made its way towards her breast.
"No!" she directed, pushing him away. "I told you before, you idiot." Though she dared not to admit it, Kurenai enjoyed his touch, but was keener on finding an explanation to leave.
"Sorry," he muttered, looking at the ground, too humiliated to speak any louder. "I forgot."
"Whatever," she said, straightening out her top that he had, without hesitation, creased. "I have to go home, anyway."
"It's only the afternoon..."
"Yeah, I have things to sort out." She turned on her heel and quickly adjusted her hair, even though it needed no pampering. "And the next time you see me, don't do what you did today. Only talk to me if I say 'hi' first, 'kay?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that..." She walked off at a fast pace, refusing to look back. "See you tomorrow, then!" she heard him call out, but did not reply. Instead, she continued to walk home, slowing down every now and then and even making a few stops to spit.
'I'm never doing that again,' she promised, scoffing. 'That was so gross...' It took her an entire week to decide whether she wanted to go through with kissing Taji; sometimes, she even thought that she was turning in to another Chiyu, wanting to grab the attention of a boy.
Kurenai did not admit it to herself in sure words, but she knew she was being left behind. Most of the girls she knew bragged about their 'first kiss', asking others if they had had theirs, yet. Even Aiya and Genji had had their turn with girls, which made her feel even more daft, knowing how hard it must of been for them to do that. She was trying her best to catch up with her two team-mates, but always seemed to be one step behind.
Perhaps she wanted something special- just like a tale out of a cliché romance novel and the dreams of a young kunoichi. On the other hand, maybe she was just a dupe who sold herself cheap. Very cheap. Either way, Kurenai did not regret doing it; it was over and done with, despite the fact that it was with an conceited idiot, who was just as desperate as her.
One thing was for sure. Yuuhi Kurenai had planned never to share her saliva with somebody for a very long time.
Around the corner of a road stood Aiya, looking frustrated- Genji, who stood by his side, seeming satisfied, had probably offended him. "See you guys later on," she hastily said, in hope that they would have left it at that, which, thankfully, they did.
Within time, she had made it home. Kurenai did not really want to be inside so early, but if she was outdoors, there was a big chance of seeing Taji, who would have ignored her orders and spoke to her. He was the last person she would have wanted to be seen with and had plans to keep it that way.
"Why are you back?" was the first thing she heard as soon as she opened the front door.
"Etsuya-Sensei sent us off early," Kurenai politely justified while she took her shoes off. "He just wanted to celebrate me becoming a Chuunin, but we have to meet later on." She had hoped that her mother would have left the conversation to die.
"Even if it did take you more than three tries to make it?" There was no sort of comfort of encouragement in her words. "Don't you have any missions?"
'Obviously not... And it was only four tries.' Kurenai went to sit opposite her mother, by the table- who was unhurriedly drinking tea- knowing it was best to do so. "Not today, Mother. He let us come home early."
"That's apparent." The Jounin sipped on her tea with her eyes closed and chin held up high, something that she had been doing for a long time. If somebody had walked in on her mother, they would have suspected that she had fallen asleep. Even Kurenai had always wanted to throw something at her, just to make sure that she was not dozing off every now and then.
"Is it alright if I went to my room, Mother?"
"Why?"
'Anything to get away from you, Mother.'
Kurenai hesitated, unsure of what to say. "What will you do in your room?"
"I... I need to prepare for the meeting and tomorrow's missions."
"You'd be better prepared if you bothered to train. It took you a long time to become a Chuunin, didn't it? I would have expected you to figure that out, Kurenai."
"Sorry, Mother," she whispered, looking at the table. Not a single sarcastic remark ran through her mind; she knew that her parent was right.
"Well?" she demanded, opening her red eyes to enforce authority better on her daughter. "Don't just sit here. Do something useful. I've had enough of you playing ninja."
"Yes, Mother." Immediately, Kurenai stood up and walked towards the garden door.
"Kurenai."
"Yes, Mother?"
"I expect better things from you. Learn to take responsibility. Don't say 'yes, Mother' if you're not going to listen to me."
Everybody in the small clan of the Yuuhi had learned, from a young age, that talking back to an elder, especially a parent, was forbidden. Kurenai was aware of this, just like everybody else. It was a rule that had been hammered in to her and Hitoshi's minds since they were born. The Yuuhi clan believed in keeping itself in a close-nit manner, which meant that marrying cousins was accepted and, most of the time, enforced. Neither of the two had ever had cousins who had a perspective of parenthood from somebody outside of the family. They both learned about the touch of a mother from their friends.
She could not help it. A similar feeling took over her body from when she leaped off the roof of her house, as a child. Her body held her back, explaining that it was dangerous, yet, her mind told her to 'jump'. So, she did, not caring it was wrong. That her father had caught her from below was pure luck. Kurenai was alone now, though, nobody was around to save her this time.
"I just won't say anything in front of you then, alright?"
"What?"
"All you're going to do is tell me that I've failed and make me feel stupid!"
"Kurenai!" The woman stood up, spilling her drink, and glared at her daughter. "Watch what you say."
"I'm sorry, Mother, but what do you want from me? Everything I do is wrong or not enough!" Her vision became blurry and, soon enough, her cheeks were wet; it was the one thing she never wanted to do in front of her parents, but tears had a mind of their own, she found out.
"I want you to make me proud for once." Her voice rose with every word, sounding slightly demonic. "Stop crying. I thought I stopped changing your diapers when you were two." Kurenai bit her lip, trying her best to hold back more words. "Why can't you be like Hitoshi and do something right for a change?"
"Why can't you be a mum?" she exclaimed, her voice breaking in to small sobs soon after.
"How dare you talk to me like that? I am your mother, Kurenai, remember that!"
The teenager fiercely wiped her tears away. 'Stop crying... stop crying... Im here for you.' To somebody else, it would have sounded strange that she was comforting herself, but to Kurenai it was a sure way to calm herself. "I'm sorry, Mother. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry."
The proud woman stood up straight and continued to glare at her. "The day you begin to behave like an adult is the day I will treat you like one. Grow up, Kurenai, or quit being a shinobi. You won't deserve the honour." She went to put her shoes on and opened the door, gently sliding it to one side. "I have a mission. Tidy up and the mess and do something productive."
"Yes, Mother."
"And wear your uniform, Kurenai. You look ridiculous."
"Yes, Mother," she whispered for the last time and waited for her to leave before she grabbed a cloth to dry up the spill. "I couldn't even make it to the end..." she said to herself, referring to the fact that she had apologised to her mother instantly, with so much left unsaid.
Kurenai went outside, afterwards, obeying her mother's orders. "I have to train..." She looked at the bark of tree that stood lifelessly, staring back at her, as if it was trying its best to hold back its laughter. "Yeah, training is everything!" she shouted on top of her voice, kicking it as hard as she could, out of frustration, followed by punches.
'She'll probably want me to train if I was dying!' Her legs began to tremble as soon as she came to terms with what had just happened. She collapsed on to the floor, panting and cursing herself.
Maybe her mother was right, Kurenai wondered. Maybe she did not deserve to be a Chuunin; what made her any better than anyone else? She was no different from some little brat at the Academy, wanting to be Hokage. The only thing that stood out about her were her red eyes.
She tilted her head back, to look at the sky, and laughed. This was the longest conversation she had had with her mother and, yet, she could not feel any lonelier.
Despite having thoughts of not going, Kurenai forced herself to attend the meeting with her team. She had never felt so pitiable and empty before, like one of those cheap inns that were usually vandalised for the reason that they had lost their worth. But, even an idiot would have known better than to sit, uselessly, until her mother came home.
As routinely, she was late, and, as expected, Aiya and Genji sat in their customary swings, whereas Etsuya stood. Kurenai had waited for the day that she would have been glad to see them, and that moment was now. She hid a smirk by lowering her face as she entered the park.
"You're late."
"Yeah. Sorry about that."
"Oh?" Etsuya observed her carefully as she sat down between the two boys. "Are you apologising for being late?"
"Yeah! She said 'sorry'. What are you up to?"
Kurenai glowered at Aiya. "Oh, just shut up!" Though, secretly, she was amused herself.
"It doesn't matter," their teacher began as he leaned on the fence behind him. "We have more important things to discuss."
"What is it?"
"Only a mission." He grinned. "Unless you wanted to do something else?"
"It must be serious if you had to call us out in the evening to assign it," Genji supposed.
"It's a C-rank mission, but that's only been decided from what we've assumed. It's been revealed, or, rather, leaked to an ANBU member that the enemy is planning to carry out a surprise attack, disguised at travellers."
"That's stupid," Kurenai barged in. "They know that we'll figure out who they are."
"So, it's a trap?"
"Exactly. They've made it easy for us to know what they're planning so that we can send out some of our best shinobi to fight. It's not a secret that Konoha is lacking in power and forces."
"It's a distraction, then? They want to keep our best forces away from the village for an invasion."
"As confirms the source of the leak. They must want us to think that they're strong Jounin, so we send out our best, too. Our guesses are that they're at a Chuunin level."
"Wait a minute," she interrupted again. "Wouldn't they know that we'd figure this all out?"
"Perhaps," he began, correcting his glasses. "That's why we've been assigned this mission to find out. We are three Chuunin and one Jounin; it's more than enough to handle this situation."
"And what's if we're wrong? What if they are stronger than us?"
Etsuya smiled once more, this time, with assurance. "Well, you have me, don't you?"
Kurenai shook her head, unconvinced. "You may be a Jounin, but we're not! And I've only just become a Chuunin; I don't have the experience for these kind of missions!"
"Calm down, Kurenai. All of the missions that you've done are with Genji and Aiya, which is practically you getting your 'experience'. You're just as good as these two.
"I don't care what you say; we can't turn this mission down. At the moment, we're one of the strongest teams around, since everybody else is out of Konoha, caught up in their own operations. It also doesn't mean that I'm telling you to underestimate the enemy, because they might just be as strong as us, or even more." For a moment, he paused. "Nonetheless, we'll fight. It's what we do."
"What's the plan, then?"
"We have to prepare a successful ambush. Setting up traps in advance will be risky, as they will probably check the paths tonight. We have to track the direction they travel through and take it from there." He pulled out a scroll from his jacket pocket and opened it up on the ground. The three of them kneeled down to look.
"We've chosen the most likely trails that they'll head for, since the rest of them are well protected by our shinobi. I'll be standing watch at the root of them all, before the paths fork out." He pointed to a mark that was previously made on the map. "Once I've determined which way they're heading, I'll retreat to where you three will be stationed. From there, we'll head on to set our traps."
"Won't the enemy expect all this, though?"
"That's the entire point. We have to be careful and successful during the entire time, and, then, find a chance to attack. It will be the closest to the village that we can afford to let them go. By then, they will probably have the idea that we've been waiting for them in the wrong place since we would never let them come close to Konoha.
"As for traps, I'll assign you each certain ones to set, which suits you to the best of your abilities. Aiya; I want you to place tags in certain areas." Etsuya took out another scroll and handed it to his student. "This is a layout of the general outline of the tags that you'll set. Of course, when we get a better look at out surroundings, I'll adjust it a bit. You must make sure that they are well covered up. We can't risk anything."
"Ok!" the boy replied, enthusiastically.
"Genji, I want you to use your chakra strings to set up constructive traps." Once again, he took out another scroll, slightly larger than Aiya's. "I've had an ANBU member help map this out and I trust your instincts well enough to know that you'll do a good job. But, I'll be checking on both of your work."
Genji nodded and opened up the scroll to scrutinise his commands. "This is too accurate."
"Like I said, we're not risking anything."
"I don't know; this'll take time."
"We'll have enough of that; they'll be walking at a decent pace, I suspect; it would be suspicious if they were running. Besides, you're good at meeting deadlines." He turned to look at the last Chuunin. "Kurenai, I want you to cast genjutsu to lead them off track if they decide to move in a different direction."
"Wait, what?" His words had caught her off guard; she had been expecting to be assigned something similar to the others.
"You're the best at using genjutsu out of you three and the most reliable, too. You'll be fine."
"What if they see right through it? Can't you-"
"I have something else to do," he firmly stated. "You'll only need to do this if they decide to change course, to lead them back to where we will have set traps. If not, be ready to attack."
"But-"
"You don't have a choice in the matter, Kurenai. If you don't want to do this, then leave now."
'You know I won't leave,' she mused, not moving from her spot.
"Then just do as you're told." Etsuya went in to further detail of what sort of traps were meant to be set by Aiya and the type of genjutsu Kurenai may have had to use. "We'll be leaving early to station ourselves," he finally concluded as he rolled up the scroll and placed it back in to his vest pocket. "It's not that far from here, but be ready at four."
"In the morning? That means we only get nine hours of sleep!"
"You'd better hurry home, then, children. I expect you all to be punctual and refreshed." He momentary looked at Kurenai and, then, Aiya, who avoided eye contact. "You can all go now."
'Finally.'
"Except for you, Kurenai."
'Great. This is exactly what I need from him- another lecture about being a stupid ninja.'
The other two strolled off, leaving her and Etsuya alone. "What did I do?" she asked, without delay, her face was ready to erect the expression of rage. "I haven't done anything wrong."
"I know."
She dismantled the stiff position that her body took upon. "No?" she asked, surprised.
"Of course not; why would you think that?" Kurenai did not reply and, instead, made her way back to her swing. "You know tomorrow's an important day, right?"
"Obviously I do."
"Kurenai, I've known you long enough to read your expressions and thoughts-"
'Yeah, right! You don't know anything.'
"-and I'll guess that you're completely doubting this right now, correct?"
"Somewhat…yeah." Etsuya sat down on to the ground, something that no one from Kurenai's team was used to seeing, especially outside of missions. "If you think that I won't show, you don't have to worry, Etsuya-Sensei."
"Oh, I know you'll show. It's the way you've been behaving that's worrying me."
Kurenai shifted on her swing, having hopes of ending the discussion sometime soon. "I'm sorry if I seem like I can't cope, but I'll do my best. I know I can do this."
"You shouldn't lie; there's no point to it." The student fell silent, another lesson learned from her teacher. "Why did you become a ninja, Kurenai?"
She chuckled. "Because my parents made me."
Etsuya passed off a small laugh. "Fair enough… Do you like it?"
Kurenai had the option to shrug everything off and find an excuse to go home; though, he was the only person who had asked her if she enjoyed doing what she did. Would it have been wise to shrug it off with such ease? "I do… But, I don't. If that makes any sense…"
"If you were forced in to it, then why do you want to become stronger?"
"If I don't, then my parents will be disappointed."
"Perhaps. But, you got hurt at the idea that you became a Chuunin after Aiya and Genji, so there must be some attachment to what you do."
"I guess…" she murmured. Kurenai had grown to enjoy being a shinobi. Alongside the fact that it gave her a sense of direction in life, she had gained friends who she would have died for, even if she would not have admitted it any time soon. Nevertheless, there were still a few uncertainties that she wanted clarity of. "Sometimes, I just wonder what the point is."
"What do you mean?"
"I've enjoyed these past few years, but I still don't understand the point of being a 'Konoha shinobi' apart from becoming strong enough to be Hokage."
"Well, what would you do if, one night, your family was attacked?"
"Nothing. They'd beat up whoever it is."
"Well, imagine if your mother, father and brother were all helpless and on the floor, dying." Kurenai understood his point and nodded her head, an unspoken conformity. "This village is like your family. If you see somebody being attacked on the street, you'd protect them because you know you have the strength to.
"Most shinobi don't understand this until they've experienced it. But, I know that you wouldn't stand around if someone was about to die. Now, imagine if the assailant was a Jounin. Would you fight, even if you know you're weak and could die?"
She pondered for a moment. "I don't know."
"You should," he softly spoke, resisting a slight frown. "It's your duty as a ninja to risk your life. You can't run away if you think you can't do anything- you have to try to find out. Most of the time, people don't want to risk the chance of being weaker than the enemy, so they train. They become strong for their village, and it's what the Hokage do. They protect us because they can."
Kurenai was expecting a gratifying sensation to strike her, like an epiphany or change of mind, though nothing happened. Everything that Etsuya said had made sense and even made her purpose understandable, but maybe it was not enough,
"What if I can't stay and fight, tomorrow? What if I run off because I'm too weak to protect Konoha?"
"Kurenai, stop thinking that you're worthless. Right now, we're at war. Jounin, Chuunin and even Genin are risking their lives as we speak, just so that they can shield their village. Even those who feel weak stop to fight and that is what makes them powerful. If they can do it, then why can't you?
"Stop thinking that you're a kid who needs help, but a person who gives hope to others. This mission is important; protect Aiya and Genji like they will you."
"What about you?" she enquired, feeling ridiculous for seeming as if she was seeking consolation.
"No need to worry about me. I'll be protecting you three."
An awkward moment swept by and nothing was said. For Kurenai, this was the most she had ever discussed about her thoughts. Whenever she spoke to Etsuya, it seemed as if it was his job to give her confidence. That night, however, he gave the impression that he wanted to listen. Only Hitoshi had ever done that before.
"You better go home," he said, violating the peace, as he got up from the ground and wiped dirt off from his uniform, "It's getting dark."
She agreed and stood up, too. "Thank you," she said. "This is kind of weird. I was expecting you to shout at me, or something… So, thanks."
"It's alright. But, I have one problem."
"What?"
"I'm going to say it one last time, Kurenai. Stop cracking your knuckles."
"Oh." She blushed and placed her hands by her sides. "Sorry… I can't help it."
"You have to help it. Understand?"
"Yeah…" She marched out of the park, feeling fairly fulfilled. Strangely enough, one conversation with her mother made her feel feeble. Another with her sensei, and Kurenai, for the first time, felt needed.
It was breathtaking.
The only person at home was Hitoshi, who had just arrived, after completing a mission. It was rare for the two siblings to have the entire house to themselves, but neither of them was in any mood to take advantage.
"Where were you?" he asked as she joined him on the settee.
"I had a meeting about a mission."
"I saw Mother."
"Yeah?" She tried to make it seem as if she did not care.
He nodded. "She told me to make sure that you were preparing for tomorrow's mission."
"Oh…" Kurenai was hoping that her mother had wanted to make sure that she was feeling fine.
"What happened?" She explained what had been said earlier on- rather than ignoring him- leaving out a few details. "Why did you do that for?"
She sighed and rubbed her eyes, showing signs of weariness. "I don't know. I couldn't help it. She just wouldn't stop… making me feel horrible."
"And here was me thinking that you were used to this by now." Hitoshi smiled at her and she returned it back, somewhat humoured. "You know she loves you."
"I've heard you say that too many times, now."
"Only because I mean it. We both know that she can be strict, but she's out mother and only understands the world from what she's experienced. Our grandparents were probably worse than her…"
Kurenai had never thought of it in those terms. The upbringing of her parents had never been mentioned, let alone discussed, so it hardly occurred to her that her mother was doing what she thought was best. "Hitoshi-niichan…"
"Hmm?"
"Can I ask you something?"
He placed his head back and closed his eyes. "What is it?"
"What do you do with power once you have it?"
Immediately, he leaned forward and looked at her. "That's kind of random, isn't it?"
She ignored his comment and continued. "Doesn't it get boring? Hokage-Sama must be fed up of having no more goals and reasons to become stronger. They've both reached their limits, haven't they?"
"Protecting the village is a goal. Looking after us is a reason, Kurenai." He ruffled her hair, playfully. "You'll find out one day. Just give it time."
tbc
