I still don't own any of these characters-so please don't sue me!
Thanks for the reviews!
Sorry this took so long, it was really hard to write. I hope it doesn't seem too forced.
12.
I walked back up to the office and made my way to my cubicle. All of the guys looked up at me and I smiled at them. They were all dressed in black cargo pants and black t-shirts, but looked like they should be wearing orange jump suits. I was less scared of them now then when I first started the job, and some of them were actually starting to like me. I was almost sure of it.
I sat at my desk and checked my voicemail. The first one was from my mother. "Hello Stephanie. This is your mother, just making sure you were coming for dinner tonight. I'm making leg of lamb and chocolate cake for dessert. Oh, and bring Joseph with you." I was surprised my mother hadn't heard about our breakup by now. The good thing about Burg gossip is that you never have to break bad news to your parents. I really was not looking forward to telling my mother me and Morelli were off indefinitely. My family figured he was my last chance at getting hitched.
The second message was from Lula. "Stephanie, where have you been? You never filled us in about Friday night." I really didn't want to relive that horror, but I was curious about Connie's night in Atlantic City.
The third message was kind of a mystery. "…No, you can't put that up your brother's nose. Mommy's on the phone, sweetie. Hello? Stephanie? Call me." Must be Mary Lou. I'm lucky to have a friend like Mary Lou. She's a constant reminder of the importance of birth control.
While I was waiting for my computer to finish a search, I called Lula back. Connie and Lula had me on speaker phone and after I told them about Ranger's interference, they had a nice laugh. Out of fear of them laughing themselves to death, I left out the part where I threw up in front of Ranger.
I was curious about Connie's night. Connie explained, "We went to Atlantic City. I lost a hundred bucks playing blackjack, but the guys were real gentlemen. We got back into town around four in the morning and we stopped at the pancake house for breakfast. I didn't go home with any of them, but I've got a date for Saturday night."
At least one of us had some luck in love. I promised to stop over for lunch soon and disconnected.
I called Mary Lou next. She was shocked when I told her that Morelli and I were kaput. After I assured her she was the first person to know, she promised not to tell anyone. I was hoping she was lying. I hoped the news reached my mother's house before I arrived for dinner at 6.
I pulled up in front of my parent's house promptly at 5:58.
"Stephanie! It's been real boring around here since you left the scene." Grandma Mazur met me at the door, no doubt warned by her Burg radar. I'd been limiting the time I spent with my family lately. I was trying to be more self sufficient, not to mention trying to avoid my mother's constant marriage badgering.
My father was sitting at the head of table, knife and fork in hand ready to dig in. Valerie and Kloughn were in the midst of a who's the most snuggly gooiest contest, with the girls sitting next to them and the baby making gurgling sounds in her swing. I sat down with the rest of the family and my mother brought the lamb out to the table. Forks were flying and spoons were shoveling large amounts of fatty foods onto empty plates.
My mother was the first to break the silence. "Is Joseph working late tonight?" I guess this was the one time Mary Lou could actually keep a secret.
"No. He's not coming." Everyone stopped eating except my father. The garage could blow up, but dinner for him could never be interrupted. "We've decided to call it quits." No one seemed surprised by this and started eating again. Morelli and I had made a habit out of breaking up, then making up. I took a deep breath and added, "For good."
I had been bottling up my feelings pretty well until this point, but saying that out loud opened a can of emotional worms. I felt a lump in my throat and I was trying hard to blink back tears.
Grandma Mazur was the first to chime in. "I think I would hold out for that beefcake bounty hunter if I were you, too"
My mother made the sign of the cross. "Oh, dear God."
"Ranger and I have a business relationship, grandma."
"It's no wonder you've kept that office job so long. I bet he has you doing a lot more than filing." She winked at me. My father rolled his eyes and my mother made the sign of the cross again.
I decided a change of subject was suddenly very necessary. "You look great, Valerie." She really did. After she had the baby, she had a hard time loosing the extra weight and an even harder time trying to cut back on all the gravy in her diet. But at the rate she was loosing weight now, she would be back to her old self in no time. She was down to one chin now and she could see her own feet.
She perked up at this. "It's a new diet. I only eat small snacks throughout the day, but I get to eat whatever I want for dinner." I looked at her plate. It had enough food on it to keep a person full for days.
"That's amazing. Maybe I should try that." I wondered how many doughnuts counted as a small snack.
Grandma checked her watch during dessert. "I've got to get ready. Edna is going to pick me up any minute. We're going to the senior center tonight. Such a shame about Stiva's, though. Us old folks only have the senior center and the bingo parlor now. The bunch of old bags that play bingo wouldn't know a good time if it jumped up and bit them on the butt."
Grandma was referring to the same Stiva who tried to kill me a few months ago. He ran the most successful funeral home in the Burg, but the business fell apart after he was convicted and sent to jail. Stiva's funeral parlor used to be the Burg's most popular senior hangout and now that the parlor was closed, old folks were having a hard time adjusting.
I had a piece of chocolate cake and after unsnapping the button on my pants, I was ready for another. Seconds would make up for all of the sugar depravation I had to endure at work.
After dessert, I help my mom pack up some leftovers for me in the kitchen. She had spared the public lecture and instead decided to save the what are you doing with your life lecture for private.
"Honestly, Stephanie I don't know what to do with you. No one else in the Burg has a daughter who blows up cars and chases after felons. Most normal people run away from felons." I hadn't lost a car to the giant junkyard in the sky in months and I wasn't chasing down skips anymore, but I was in no mood to argue. "And what are you wearing?" I looked down at my uniform. Black shirt, black pant, and black steel toe boots. "You're starting to look like the men you work with. How are you going to attract a husband like that?"
I faked a yawn. "It's getting late. I should be going." I grabbed my leftovers and headed for the door.
My father was sitting out on the front porch, drinking a beer, watching the world go by. It was a nice night so I decided to take a seat next to him. He took another beer out of a small cooler and handed it to me.
We sat in silence and drank our beer. It was nice to have a family member who didn't constantly talk about my job or my love life. Spending time with my father did not require any conversation, actually speaking was not recommended.
The street was quiet, except for the sounds of leaves blowing along the ground and the sounds from the television that someone was watching indoors. The trees were almost bare and orange and brown leaves littered front lawns.
"That's a snazzy new car you've got there." My new-to-me Lexus was sitting in the driveway, next to my father's sedan.
Snazzy was a pretty good word for it. "But it's no Buick." I responded. My father had a thing about Buicks. Buicks were the only car worth anything in the Burg. I knew first hand the indestructible nature of the Buick, but that didn't mean I actually wanted to drive one. And besides, my car karma was improving. I didn't need an indestructible car anymore.
My father nodded in agreement. "It's no Buick."
We sat in silence for a few more minutes before I finished my beer. I'm not sure why, but I gave my dad a quick kiss on the cheek before I left. We weren't the kissy type and we hugged only a few times a year. Just sitting with him made me feel better. He didn't judge me or try to tell me what to do. Sometimes dads just know the right thing to say or in this case not to say.
The days were getting shorter this time of year and it was dark by the time I pulled into the parking lot beside my apartment building.
When I got upstairs, I greeted Rex and gave him some leftover lamb and a piece of a roll. "You're lucky, Rex. I bet your mom never nagged you about getting married and having little hamster babies." He looked at me with his beady eyes, stuffed the food into his cheeks, and burrowed back into his soup can. Rex was such a good listener. When I had time, I was going to buy him one of those big hamster obstacle courses with all of the different tubes that go in different directions.
I sat on the couch and flipped through the channels, finally settling on the Powerpuff Girls. Mojo Jojo's maniacal plan wasn't very interesting so I clicked the television off.
I picked up the book Mary Lou lent me months ago, but had been sitting unread on my coffee table. The title read Men are From Mars, Women Are from Venus. It sounded very sci-fi, so I was disappointed when I opened the book. I skimmed the book for a few minutes and discovered it was a relationship book. The author mostly talked about communication and respecting a person's difference of opinion. I turned to the back cover to read the author's bio. This guy was definitely not from Jersey. I wasn't good at communicating my feelings, or even figuring out what they were. And my Italian heritage dictates that ranting and raving is the proper way to solve a disagreement.
I lied down on my bed to ponder the meaning of the book. If I was from Venus, Morelli was definitely from Mars. But Ranger? Ranger had to be Pluto, or even Planet X, the one the scientists debated is even a planet or not. Maybe the guys were both Martians, and I was the weird one. What if I was from a different galaxy?
I sighed and got ready for bed. I snuggled into my sheets and closed my eyes. After staying in Ranger's apartment, I bought myself 900 count Egyptian cotton sheets. I thought it would help suppress the urge to drive over to Ranger's in the middle of the night and jump into his bed. The new sheets helped, but they were missing something. That something was a smoking hot Cuban bounty hunter.
I tossed and turned for a while, trying to get Ranger out of my head. He was probably in bed at the same moment; sound asleep under the covers with no boxers on. The temperature suddenly went up a notch and I threw the covers off. I honestly tried to fall asleep, but every time I closed my eyes all I could see was Ranger naked.
The smart Stephanie was telling me to picture unicorns and butterflies and dream about innocent things, but the stupid Stephanie kept reminding me I had a key to Ranger's apartment. The stupid Stephanie eventually won out, she always won.
I threw on a pair of jeans, grabbed my purse and hurried out to my car. I was just going to tip toe into Ranger's apartment and sneak into his bed. Probably he won't even notice I was there. Okay, he would definitely notice I snuck in but we slept in the same bed together in a non conjugal basis before. I was halfway down Hamilton when smart Stephanie came back.
What the hell was I doing? Of course I couldn't just sleep next to Ranger. I had no will power and couldn't trust myself around him. I was sex starved, but not crazy. I veered across the road and swung into the 7-11 parking lot. I ran in a bought a pint of ice cream and four king sized candy bars. It wasn't birthday cake but I was counting on it to get me through the night without jumping into Ranger's bed.
I steered the car back towards my apartment. Once back inside, I turned on Men in Black and dug into the ice cream. I fell asleep half way through the movie in a pile of candy bar wrappers.
