Shalimar paced in her bedroom. Her conversation with Jesse had been much more unnerving than she could have anticipated. All the things racing through her mind were each demanding equal attention from the feral who just couldn't comply with the needs of her own heart. Her mind traced back over a similar path. One it always seemed to take more often than it probably should and thoughts of Emma were back in her mind almost instantly as they had gone.

She couldn't help it. Even if she wanted to she couldn't get the red head out of her own blonde one no matter how hard she tried. And she had tried at some points how she tried. It was always the same. The harder she tried not to think of the woman the more she came into her consciousness. Even her subconscious wasn't safe since the dreams had started. She didn't know which was worse.

All the things she ached to say were so easy for her in the night. When she was alone in her bed the words came to her. But it was too late to speak them. She hated it. Hated spending the dark hours in a lonely melancholy atmosphere every night when all she wanted was Emma to be there. To hold her. To touch her. Was it really too much to ask?

There was nothing she could do. Or was there? Something had to be done that was a given. Maybe if she just tried to explain it, get it off her chest, out of her heart, finally she could rest. Enjoy something other than the melancholy and dreaded emptiness she faced every night when the lights when out.

She had to do it soon. She knew time was an issue for her heart, for her soul, and for Emma. She couldn't wait another day. It was time to be the feral Emma had always seen her as; a woman strong enough to go after what she wanted. And she was going to be. She was going to do it. For Emma. She owned it to her own heart and soul to unburden herself, fully expose her inner most best kept secrets. And she owed it to Emma too. She should've exclaimed her feelings long ago and kicked herself for the fact as she headed down the hall back towards the dojo breathing deeply along the way. Why was she so nervous?

"Hey," a shirtless and very sweaty Brennan called whipping his face with a small white towel as he approached. "Working out again?" he asked seeing her take-charge demeanor.

"Yep."

"Well, it's all yours," he informed as he himself tried to catch his breath. He was more than beat and although he wanted to question Jesse, a nice cold drink and rest on the bed sounded better to him.

"Emma," Shalimar called as she nearly charged into the dojo looking around for the woman she knew was somewhere nearby. "Emma," she called again.

"Shal, what is it?" Emma asked heading in from the adjoining exercise room. "Is something wrong?"

Walking over to the feral in the middle of the room Emma wondered what was bothering the woman and wanted nothing more than to help her friend.

"Let's sit down," Shalimar said and instantly Emma was guiding her over to the loveseat against the wall and sitting beside her.

"What is it?" she reiterated once they were both comfortable on the soft furniture.

"I need to tell you something. Well, lots of things. I want you to know why I asked you here."

"I know wh-"

"No. You don't. Not entirely."

Reaching down Shalimar placed he hands atop the psionic's closing her eyes to allow the same warmth and love she always felt to wash over her, soothing her, and calming her down.

"I asked you here because I hate the way I'm living. I'm living a lie to all my friends. To you even. There's so many things I never told you. Every night I can't help but go over them in my head thinking maybe if I had just-"

"No," Emma stopped her. "You know you can't think like that. I'm here now. Why don't you tell me what it is you're dealing with?"

Pausing Shalimar took another deep breath preparing herself for the moment she thought, she'd wished, she'd had sooner than this.

"I love you," she whispered unintentionally. Upon hearing how soft her words were she spoke them again, louder, getting an instant reaction from the psionic.

The bright smile the red head offered was a good sign and lit the room even more. Emma stood up urging the feral to do the same and stepped as close as she could to the blonde.

"I… I just," Shalimar paused scanning her mind and heart for any possible right words. "There's just so much I need to tell you. I don't know where to begin."

"I think you've told me."

"But there's more. There's-"

"I know," Emma convinced. "I can see all that."

"You can?"

"Yes. Everything."

Shalimar closed her eyes although she kept the picture of Emma clear in her mind. Her head leaned closer to the woman who did nothing to move from the incoming intrusion of the feral's lips. Holding herself there Shalimar opened her eyes a sliver enough to see the psionic's face was almost as close as her own and lips slowly parted to meet with the red head's.

Finally pulling back Shalimar took a deep breath, the weight lifted from her heart finally and the air somewhat less bitter to breathe.

"Thank you," she spoke softly against the psionic's shoulder.

Drawing arms up around the feral Emma smiled and leaned back to look in the eyes that told her the same as her mouth how she felt.

"Thank you," Emma spoke.

"I needed you to know," Shalimar informed searching the blue eyes before her trying to ignore what she saw, or didn't see, in them.

Emma reached a hand up to brace around the feral's cheek and smiled down at her a smile that would get a reaction out of any angel who saw it.

"I'm sure she knew. How could she not?"

Footsteps, heels, echoed as they stepped closer down the hall and Shalimar knew it was time once again for another heartbreak.

"Shal," the woman called and she looked back to Emma, pulling herself a few steps from her all the while the red head holding her warm smile while Shalimar turned her eyes to the ground, shocked at the few tears she saw pooled there.

"End simulation," she ordered, the words almost choking in her throat and the smiling red head disappearing without a trace just as quickly.

She turned to the door just as Lexa reached it and leaned into the room.

"Hey, Shal, who you talking to?" Lexa asked at the lonesome feral in the center of the room.

"It's nothing," Shalimar assured taking one last look at where the red head had stood before shuffling her way across the floor.

"Something wrong?" Lexa asked catching the look in the blonde's eyes.

"Losing her for the second time. It doesn't get any easier," she informed exiting the dojo and heading for her room, a good cry sounding about due.

Shalimar lie flat on her back in her bed, the tears had stained her cheek at an angle from the position but she didn't care. Her sheets were more than used to the salty tears she draped them in on a regular basis and would hardly complain about a downpour now.

She thought it all over. She had been enjoying Emma, or the Emma knockoff, Jesse had created for her for a couple months now. More than usual lately. When he informed her the program was running errors and had to be terminated it was almost too much for her to stand. Losing the psionic again would surely kill her, she thought. And then to lose her again without ever have told her how she felt. She couldn't let it happen. Her heart was barely hanging on by a thread as it was.

But now that she had unburdened herself, although it did feel better, why did she still have such a nagging sense of unfinished business? She opened her heart and did what she'd wanted to do for so long. But had she really? Would her unfinished business remain so forever? The simulation Emma had been attributed with many of Emma's own and had managed to convince her Emma did probably have some idea of how she felt and that in itself had lifted a small weight from her heart. But what about how Emma had felt for her? She'd never know for sure would she?

The thoughts were quickly upsetting the feral and a pinch came in her stomach begging her to turn to her side and she agreed. The clock on the nightstand was in her sights; red lights flickered to six pm. It would start soon. She knew the routine. All too well in fact. And wanting to get it over with as soon as possible, she closed her eyes, easing her transition into another melancholy night.

The End