: Perfect World :
Gensomaden Saiyuki
Disclaimer: I don't own Gensomaden Saiyuki, which rightfully belongs to Minekura Kazuya.
Rating: R
Pairings: mentioned Homura/Goku, hinted Sanzo/Goku
Warnings: AU-ish, angst, language, mentioned shounen ai/yaoi
Notes: At last, it is the end. And yet, it is not. See the open ending? In the future, a sequel will come. I can't say when; I have yet to even start it. For the moment, it is tentatively titled Harder to Breathe—and it will focus namely on Kougaiji-tachi. Yes, this epic has spawned a sequel. And even a sequel to the sequel. We have a whole trilogy going on. (And yes, the Sanzo-ikkou will appear in HtB—and the third sequel will focus on them.)
And the early update, so soon after the last chapter? Is because I forgot that I'll be too busy this coming weekend to update. I guess this is to make up for the times I held chapters back for such long periods of time before.
Anyway! Thank you so much to everyone who has stuck with this story unto the end. I can only hope the ride was enjoyable, and that if you got this far, you felt it was worthwhile.
Constructive criticism and feedback is still appreciated!
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Sanzo couldn't remember ever thinking a cigarette tasted horrible. At worst, it could seem bland, but for one to actually leave him with a sick feeling in his stomach was simply unheard of. And yet here he was, crushing his fifth unfinished in the ashtray.
What a waste, he thought in disgust, glaring at the packet of Marlboros.
He also couldn't remember the last time he had felt so restless. Occasionally he had caught himself pacing, and each time had forced himself to sit down and enjoy a cigarette. That had never gone well. Each incident that occurred only made him more and more irritable—and now he could no longer rely on nicotine to calm his nerves.
Defiantly, he pulled a sixth cigarette from the half-empty pack. Even before he lit it, Sanzo had the dismaying feeling that it, too, would bitterly disappoint him. He was right.
He was about to stub that one out as well, but a rapid knock on the door made him tense. He stood swiftly just as Gojyo stepped into the room, looking weary and frustrated. Not nearly as frustrated as Sanzo felt, however, and that only made the priest want to shoot him.
Rather than go for his gun, he took a nauseating drag before removing the cigarette. "I don't recall saying you could come in," he stated coldly.
"And I don't remember the last time I ever asked for permission," Gojyo muttered, sinking into a chair. Uninvited. Sanzo's glare deepened, but the half-breed hardly even blinked. "Goddamn, why didn't you ever tell me he was such a pain in the ass?"
Instead of answering, Sanzo said, "Get out."
Gojyo stretched his legs, swinging them up onto the table. Blatantly ignoring the priest, he said, "Won't move. Won't eat. Won't speak. Won't blink. All he does is sleep and look dead."
The smoke only served to make him feel even worse. Utterly disgusted with himself, Sanzo reluctantly put that cigarette out as well. He exhaled the smoke left harder than necessary.
"Just stares," Gojyo continued, making a face to portray his exasperation. "Looks deader than a corpse, but he's just starin' at us like he doesn't even see us."
Two days before, Hakkai had suggested Sanzo visit their temporary (and oh, how Sanzo fervently thought of it that way) traveling companion. Sanzo had flat-out refused; he still had gashes on his arm where Goku had clawed at him. To tear through skin with such blunt nails spoke of power Sanzo didn't want to contemplate—nor ever be presented with again.
Aside from that, he was still recovering from the injuries the brat's demonic form had inflicted. Many of them were going to scar. Not that Sanzo particularly cared, as he'd suffered scarring before – mentally, physically, and emotionally – but every time he changed his bandages, his blood simmered at the sight of the raw claw marks across his chest and shoulder.
When Sanzo still did nothing to acknowledge him, Gojyo favored him with a skeptical glare. "So?"
Sanzo bit. "So what?"
"So what the hell are we supposed to do with him?"
It was a fair question; one Sanzo wasn't entirely sure he knew the answer to. Still, he couldn't keep the impatience out of his voice as he repeated what he had said several times before. "We drag his ass west, that's what we do with him."
"Asshole."
Sanzo had to remind himself he did not care what Gojyo chose to think of – or call – him before responding coldly. "I'm not pampering some brat who can't accept that death is death. Any idiot could have seen the bastard wanted to die."
Gojyo snorted. Not sounding impressed, he said, "This kid's obviously not 'any idiot,' eh? More like 'extreme idiot.' That aside, you didn't just kill a god, Master Sanzo."
He narrowed an eye, sizing Gojyo up briefly. "I know what I killed."
"Somehow I don't think you understand who you killed."
It was becoming more and more difficult to keep his teeth unclenched. "I know what they were, and I know what he's dealing with," he said tightly. "And I'll remind you – and Hakkai, and that brat – that I don't fucking care."
For a split second, Sanzo thought Gojyo was ready to deck him. He tensed, anticipating the move, but the redhead surprised him by sitting still; though he did lower his feet to the floor. Gojyo reached into his pocket, pulling out his own brand of cigarettes before lighting one.
Fantastic, thought Sanzo. Now his room not only smelled like nicotine (which he still couldn't stand, for some reason) but it was the half-assed brand on top of that.
In truth, Sanzo knew he cared more than he was admitting to Gojyo. Not much, of course—he refused to let such a small thing to get in the way of his level-headed thinking. To him, Goku simply wasn't perceptive enough. He hadn't read the warnings signs as anyone else would have, and for that, Sanzo had no pity for him. At least, he wanted to feel no pity. Instead, he found himself feeling far more than he should have—even if it was just a small amount; nothing more than a drop.
Finally, Gojyo spoke. "Come to think of it, you might be better off that way." When Sanzo scowled, he shrugged. "I mean, no use getting attached along the way, right? Muichimotsu, or whatever you called it."
Sanzo was stung Gojyo had remembered that teaching before he had even thought of it. Turning his head, he stated, "That's right."
Gojyo remained quite for a few minutes. Then: "Even if it is better this way, you're still a goddamn asshole."
Sanzo made no comment.
Another knock disrupted the tense silence. Sanzo looked up sharply, his annoyance cutting further as Hakkai slipped inside. He kept one hand to the wall as he closed the door, cocking his ear toward the two. Before Sanzo could tell him to get out, Hakkai said, "I just thought you might want to know that our newfound friend is... well, perhaps not in the best of conditions."
Sanzo ignored the startled concern that flared. Extinguishing it, he spoke briefly. "I've gathered he's not exactly balanced right now."
A small, almost sad smile touched Hakkai's lips. "Yes, well... it would seem his lack of balance has had a rather..." He trailed off, before a wry tone snuck in. "Depending on one's point of view, it could be either a blessing or a tragedy."
"He up and died?" Gojyo asked, forcibly flippant.
Hakkai clearly humored him. "Not exactly."
Gods, how Sanzo hated it when the man was so cryptic. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Raising both eyebrows, even with his sightless eyes staring at the wall, still helped Hakkai manage a genuinely surprised expression. Then, thoughtfully, the man said, "I think you ought to look at him, Sanzo."
Sanzo looked at his bandaged arm, grimacing. As though reading his thoughts, Hakkai smiled. "I don't think he's in the mood to bite any longer."
Only because curiosity was compelling, and not because of any small amount of strange pity he felt for the brat, did Sanzo give in. First, however, he had to step outside and have another cigarette.
Strangely enough, he found the taste no longer made him nauseas.
------
It was with collected nerves and a cool head that Sanzo entered the boy's room. They (excluding the brat, who hadn't spoken) had mutually agreed one should room with Goku at all times. At first, Sanzo hadn't seen the need for it; Goku was fine on his own, and clearly hadn't wanted company. But it was quickly proven that he only lashed out at Sanzo. It was also proven he wouldn't say a word to anyone on top of that—except when Hakkai brought him dinner. Then they could extract a faint, mumbled, "Thank you."
Despite Gojyo's earlier description of him, Sanzo thought Goku looked more aware than he had when they had first stopped in this town over a week ago. The boy was sitting up straight, his legs out from under the covers and splayed in an almost obscene fashion. His eyes glittered with animalistic awareness, and narrowed at Sanzo when he entered.
But he didn't say anything, or attack on sight. That was an improvement.
Sanzo returned the boy's look with a look of his own. The boy didn't flinch as he once would have; his fists just clenched into tight balls, until the sheets in his grasp were pulled taut and his knuckles were white with the effort.
Sanzo kept his distance. "So something's wrong with you." Goku bit his lip harshly, but nodded slowly. The man scrutinized him. "I already knew about mentally."
That earned him a furious glare. Goku's mouth opened like he wanted to say something. A small sound came out, but then he seemed to think better of it and pressed his lips tightly together.
Mercilessly, Sanzo said, "And emotionally. I'm still telling you to get over it."
Goku's muscles were visible as they tensed. He glared as if to ask, You think that's easy?
"No," Sanzo replied to his silent question. "It's not. But if you're going to go with us, you're going to learn one thing from me, brat." Goku shook his head, as though in denial, but Sanzo ignored him. "Muichimotsu. To hold nothing. Listen," he added fiercely. The hands Goku were lifting to his ears hesitated, then dropped into his lap. "I'm only saying this once, and I'll be damned if I ever have to repeat it to you."
Goku's expression was sulky, but told he was listening. Sanzo didn't give any thought to the boy's unusual silence. Though he was quoting his master, quoting something he had repeated to himself for years, it was a lesson he had never – and would never have – forgotten.
"If you meet the Buddha, kill the Buddha. If you meet your father, kill your father. Free of everything and bound by nothing; live your life as it is."
The features of Goku's face were pinched; as though he were struggling to embrace and deny the teaching at the same time. Or perhaps he was merely struggling to comprehend it.
"Do you understand?" Sanzo demanded. Goku shook his head, but quickly changed his mind and nodded. Sanzo would have none of it. "Do you understand it, or don't you?"
Despairingly, Goku finally nodded.
Finally, it dawned on Sanzo. He cursed himself inwardly, but decided to test his theory before deciding it was a realization. Normally he would never demand such a thing, but now he stated, "Then tell me what it means."
That simple order did it. Goku shot to his feet, his eyes blazing with a fury that startled even Sanzo. He subconsciously took a step back, but that didn't help him avoid the pillow Goku threw at him. The object hit Sanzo in the chest, before falling to the floor. Seething, Sanzo stared at the offending pillow before slowly raising his eyes to Goku's. His were dry, but Goku's were wet. He was breathing heavily, on the verge of panting.
As though it were the simplest thing in the world, Sanzo said, "You can't talk."
Goku clenched his fists at his sides. He looked like he wanted to throw something, but when his mouth worked without uttering a sound other than a few pathetic squeaks, he turned and slammed his foot into the wall. Hard. The wood splintered.
Before the boy could realize the extent of his damage, Sanzo withdrew his fan from his sleeve. He had never used it on Goku, only on Gojyo every once in a while, yet it was so much more satisfying and somehow right to smack the boy upside the head with it. Goku stumbled, jerking around to stare at Sanzo.
Sternly, as though speaking to a small child (and perhaps he was), Sanzo said, "Learn to behave, you brat, or I'll do worse than that."
Goku's jaw clenched. He couldn't speak, but his expression was clear. It didn't hurt anyway.
"A bullet in the head will hurt a hell of a lot worse than that," Sanzo promised.
The threat did more than he had expected. Goku started, and then blanched. For a moment, Sanzo thought the boy was going to lash out as he had in the new world; but all Goku did was sink down onto his bed, cradling his head in his hands. The soft hissing that ensued told Sanzo enough; that the brat was fighting tears.
And Sanzo had never been one for comfort. He waited until the noises subsided, before speaking—though to his frustration, his voice came out a notch quieter, almost softer than usual. "Are you done?"
Still cradling his head, Goku slowly nodded.
"Then take a shower and get dressed." The brunette slowly lifted his head, his eyes blanker than Sanzo had seen them all day. Cursing the boy, and silently threatening to kill him if he reverted to his all but catatonic state, Sanzo finished. "When you're done feeling sorry for yourself, you can come downstairs for dinner. We're leaving tomorrow morning, and if you want to know a damn thing about what the hell we're doing, then you'd better get your ass out of bed."
------
When Sanzo had left, Goku hadn't budged. An hour later, however, the boy trudged into the restaurant, silently taking the only empty seat. Hakkai smiled and kindly asked how Goku was doing. For him, the boy managed a weak smile. Then he seemed to realize – or perhaps – remember Hakkai's condition, for his smile dropped long before it should have.
Sanzo chose to ignore it.
"Well," Hakkai finally said. "I believe I've been graciously—" At this he tilted his head toward Sanzo and Gojyo, cocking an eyebrow slightly. "—assigned the task of informing you of our current situation. Though actually," he added before Sanzo could even think of opening his mouth to protest. "I would rather I be the one to tell you."
Sanzo leaned back in his seat, searching for his cigarettes. He absently decided that no matter what happened in the future, he wasn't about to start sitting in the non-smoking sections of restaurants. Not for this brat.
"Before I begin, however," Hakkai said, folding his hands in a manner that instantly set off alarms in Sanzo's head. "I just want to be the one to tell you that... well, Goku." His voice became gentler suddenly. "You can refuse to come with us, if you'd like."
"He will not."
Hakkai didn't budge, but every indication otherwise said he'd heard Sanzo perfectly clearly. Though he continued to address Goku, Sanzo knew he was being spoken to as well. "We can't make you do anything, of course. This will be your choice, Goku."
Sanzo didn't protest again. But he had no intention of just letting the brat walk away. He had gone through this much trouble; he wasn't about to let all the crap he'd gone through be for nothing. Like hell.
The brunette made a small noise to show he'd heard. It was barely a squeak, but more than he had said since Sanzo had dragged him out of Homura's so-called perfect world.
Hakkai smiled. Sanzo couldn't understand how he could be relieved when he had just given their strongest potential adversary (of whom, Sanzo admitted only out of great reluctance, may be a necessity) a way out. If it had been Gojyo, he would have been shot at. But as it was Hakkai, Sanzo sipped his beer and said nothing while their blind companion began his explanation. His gaze was focused on Goku, taking in each flicker on the boy's face, trying to comprehend what thoughts ran behind those defensive yet strangely lifeless eyes.
It wasn't hard to figure out Goku's train of thought. It never had been. Sanzo knew when the boy was thinking, "I get it," or "That's insane!" The words were practically written on Goku's face. Yet he had the bizarre feeling that even if Goku's expression had been unreadable, he would have been just as easy to read. Understanding Goku felt instinctive; as though he had never needed to learn his patterns or movements or behavior. Sanzo just knew.
But admitting this would have been admitting he was somehow attached to the boy. He silenced those ponderings immediately.
Conversation paused only when the food arrived. Sanzo half-expected Goku to dive into his meal when it arrived, considering he had rarely eaten in the past few days. Instead, the boy gave his plate a sickened look. At Hakkai's urging, he took a bite, but from that point onward only picked at his food. After a few more successful attempts at getting him to eat – and thrice as many failed ones – Hakkai finally dropped the subject and continued his explanation. Goku paid rapt attention, absently pushing sauce and rice around with his chopsticks.
Half an hour later (taking so long only due to Gojyo's interjections, and Goku's predictable reactions to them) Hakkai finally settled back in his seat. His hands folded, ear cocked in Goku's direction, he said gently, "As I said before, whether or not you accompany us is up to you. You've been through quite a bit, from what I've gathered. However... your help and company would drastically improve our situation. I won't lie to you. We – all three of us – have our own preference as to which choice you make." He smiled. "With that said... will you join us?"
Sanzo didn't put down his chopsticks, but he didn't move to eat any more, either. He fixed his gaze on Goku, cool and emotionless, as he tried to gauge the boy's reaction. From the corner of his eye, he noticed Gojyo doing the same thing; though the redhead showed far more interest.
Golden eyes flickered amongst the three of them, becoming more and more guarded each time they settled on Sanzo. Without warning, Goku exploded from his seat in an agitated move. The chair clattered back; Hakkai started visibly.
"Hey," Gojyo started, getting to his feet. Sanzo followed his example without thinking.
But Goku didn't wait for either of them. He shot Sanzo a final glare, and then fled the room.
Silence settled over the remaining group; strangely cold, empty, and desolate. Sanzo clenched his jaw, wishing to say something scathing to Hakkai, but he wisely held his tongue. Instead, he slowly sank back into his seat, before shooting the aforementioned man a cold look. As though sensing it, Hakkai only scrunched his eyebrows in a dismayed expression. He shook his head.
Gojyo didn't sit. He said the one phrase that summed up all their reactions, varied as they were, perfectly.
"Well... shit."
Though he wasn't hungry at all anymore, Sanzo returned to mechanically eating. For all his taste buds were worth at the moment, his food may as well have been sand. And he wouldn't have noticed a damn thing.
------
Staying was pointless now. Yet Sanzo found himself reluctantly agreeing to wait one more night—this time due to the weather. After Goku's blatant refusal, Hakkai had agreed it would be best if they left. But, as if to spite Sanzo, a storm worked itself up rapidly by lunchtime. Even if they had gone out, the rain would have been too heavy to see through.
Given Goku's previous silence, he had at least expected a quiet – if not peaceful – night. Instead, he found himself woken repeatedly in the middle of the night by strange thumps and crashes. It didn't take long for him to pinpoint it in the room they had rented for the boy. Amazingly, pounding on the wall and uttering a few well-chosen threats halted the noise.
But then he couldn't get to sleep. Something continued eating at him—an emotion he couldn't quite place, but knew was going to irritate him more than almost anything else. Insomnia plagued him until the first remnants of light glittered through the window. All he was able to get after that was a twenty-minute nap before Hakkai's polite knock woke him again.
He wanted to storm into Goku's room and put a bullet in his brain. Sanzo settled for a cold shower and hot coffee.
Annoyingly enough, the first words out of Gojyo's mouth were, "What the hell was all that noise last night?"
Sanzo grimaced, before speaking curtly. "A brat throwing a temper tantrum."
A sly look was shot his way. "Oh?" Gojyo asked innocently. "So was that the throwing shit part, or the screaming through the walls bit?"
As frayed as his nerves were, Sanzo had to commend himself for not blowing the idiot's brains out on the spot. Hardening his glare, he said nothing but sat rigidly, wondering what the hell was taking Hakkai so long to join them. Normally they would have been off and on their way before Sanzo and Gojyo had the opportunity to rip into each other.
Then, as though realizing he had just been thought about, Hakkai appeared; not from the hallway leading to the stairs, but from the corridor leading outside. His expression was cheerful—too cheerful, considering what had occurred the day before. It made Sanzo want to strangle him, though he wisely refrained.
"Ah, so you two were waiting," Hakkai said, smiling. "I'm so sorry about that. Are we ready?"
Sanzo narrowed his eyes. "Our baggage?"
If anything, Hakkai's smile grew. It was beginning to give Sanzo the creeps. "Everything we need is outside, in the jeep."
"And the weather?"
"Clear as any other day. Though the ground is wet; we won't be able to avoid a few large puddles here and there."
Yawning, Gojyo stood and languidly stretched, before starting out. "S'long as I can sleep a little longer, who cares?"
"Ah... sleep may be hard to attain today, I'm afraid."
"Huh? Why's that?"
Reluctant to mimic Gojyo in any way, but without having any other choice, Sanzo followed his example and got up to leave. The back of his throat was beginning to itch, and he knew he was going to need a cigarette soon. On occasion, he damned himself for having manners; otherwise, he would have lit up then and there. But he wasn't about to stoop to Gojyo's level of animalism. He withdrew his cigarettes and lighter, but refrained from smoking.
Once he stepped outside, he forgot all about the urge.
Gojyo was staring. "I'll be damned..." Hakkai merely lowered his head slightly, as though to hide his smile.
Sitting in the back seat of the jeep, his knees curled up to his chest, Goku was clearly becoming uncomfortable with all the scrutiny. He quickly looked off to the side, his expression sullen even as his relaxed posture indicated he wasn't there by force.
In a low tone, Hakkai answered the question Sanzo hadn't asked. "I still haven't gathered what made him do it, but apparently he's changed his mind."
Sanzo could think of nothing to say. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how he looked at it) Gojyo could. And the redhead did, as he strode over to the vehicle.
"Well, hell. You better not wake me up. Move over, brat."
Goku made an indignant noise, followed by an outraged squeak as Gojyo shoved him to the side and stretched his legs.
"Ahh. Much better."
Goku retaliated by kicking his legs.
"Ow!" Gojyo growled. "You little shit! You're really asking for it!" Goku made a rude gesture that clearly invited the man to bring it on. Before Sanzo knew it, he was witnessing the most childish fist-fight he had ever seen, complete with Gojyo insulting the boy and Goku kicking the man repeatedly in the shins.
Hakkai chuckled. "It certainly sounds lively."
Pressing two fingers to his temple, Sanzo muttered, "It sounds annoying."
"Perhaps," Hakkai said. "But this is what you were asked to do, wasn't it?"
Unsure of how to answer that, Sanzo was saved when the fight took a turn for the worse. Gojyo had somehow gotten Goku half-bent out of the vehicle, while the boy kicked and flailed wildly at him, uttering strange incomprehensible noises. Then, without warning, they seemed to slip and Goku went crashing head-first into the muddy ground. Silence settled over the group; Gojyo looking guilty yet unsure of what to do, and Goku appearing quietly stunned.
Sanzo reacted by walking up to the two, delivering both sharp smacks with his fan.
"For the sake of your idiotic and unimportant lives, will you two shut up and knock it off!"
Goku immediately scrambled into a sitting position, mud and dirt streaking his indignant expression. He looked up to Gojyo for help—and to Sanzo's surprise, the man responded.
"Well, hell." Gojyo reached down, grasping Goku's forearm. Visibly startled, Goku gripped back so Gojyo could pull him up. "He likes hittin' you too, huh? Guess that makes us allies against Lord Stick up His Ass, hm?"
At the mention of allies, Goku deflated, before abruptly brightening. He nodded quickly, scrambling into the back of the jeep again. Gojyo smirked as though he'd won and settled back into his usual position—albeit with his legs drawn to his own side of the vehicle.
Sanzo had yet to say anything.
"Well?" Hakkai asked, his voice a notch gentler. "Shall we go? If I recall correctly, you wanted to get to India as quickly as possible."
Nodding, Sanzo allowed the blind man to venture forth first, seeking out his usual front seat. The jeep made noises akin to Goku's, though it was because Hakuryuu was a creature, not a person struck mute. Hakkai stroked the dashboard, smiling and murmuring words Sanzo couldn't hear. Perhaps comfort.
Sanzo slipped his cigarettes and lighter back into his robes. Before he withdrew his hands, the tips of his fingers grazed the rough edges of paper—and it was not his usual newspaper; nor his fan, nor the Maten scripture.
"Sanzo?"
Muttering a soft curse, he strode to the driver's side and took his seat, starting the engine. Really, there was no hurry to go west; at least, not as much of one. They had thrice the weaponry now: Son Goku, his Maten scripture... and, at last, his master's Seiten scripture.
For the first time since Koumyou Sanzo had died, Genjo Sanzo finally felt as though he had the upper hand.
: the end :
