G'Day.

Oh that's right boys and girls! Another chapter of crazyness! Let's just go right to the shout outs, because it's three thirty am and I'm starting to see stars. Aren't they pretty...?

Star-of-Chaos: Whoot! Yeah poor Cyke, but I'm gonna do something totally out of character for me. Give him a chance!!!!!! Dun dun dun!

Wolvertique: Read and find out!

Ladychopsticks: I did write more! And I did it rather quickly too! I don't know how good you've been though.... hmmm

Jukebox: Damed right he is!

PureWhiteLilly: lol, thanks, I do aim to please!

Caliente: lol, good to know you're still reading this! Anyways, yes, I do believe Bishy will be making an appearance. Look for jokes about him and his guns more then him getting laid though. Not everyone can get some! Lol

Ishy: This is as quick as I get hun.

T.: Thanks! Hope you like this bit too!

Remy's Ange: Your review is this inspiration for this chapter! So cheers to you luv!

Oldprydefan: Picked it up? I never left it! My muse did, blame her. Lol, yeah though, I'm still at it for some reason....

Aro: As quick as I could!

Remy Shall Kill Belladonna: Sweet...I get a sticker! Whoot! And a cookie to boot! Score!

Marie: Are you not doing your homework to read smut? 0.0 Keep up the good work! Lol

Irony1: Thanks! I like that part too, ah Kitty...

BADME+: Score. I'm the best? Sweet, I can deal with that. Ps. Your idea has much merit, e-mail me if you'd like to guest star as my cowriter and turn it into reality! ( the_anti_prep75@hotmail.com, or stick it in a review)

kili-2: You and me both, what was it like to fall asleep before 12am? Can't remember.

DemonicGambit: Thank ya kindly!

Loselen Snowstar: Yeah, I'm cutting Cyke some slack now.

Panther Nesmith: Sex inspiration? Sweet deal. I like that.

Passionwriter4life: I don't really know if pointless and stupid is a good thing, but glad you like it!

TheRealMai: Thanks! I like wild things!

Extacy: glad you're liking it!

KrysisCT: Thanks, and I did update, and this is by far not the last chapter.

FoxyFeral: LOL! Thanks! Here's that more bit.

And last but not least!

Hot Sizzle: I did write more, here it is, go me. Lol

Okay! Done and done! So without further ado, let's get on with the bloody show already!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except everything...

Warning: BOOBIES! Hey you in the back! I saw that smile! Out you go!

Beyond the Spandex

Chapter 7: This Mission is Impossible! (Part one)

"Ah'm in."

"Moi auci."

"Ditto."

"Yes, luv."

"In."

"Da."

"Ja."

And so on the agreements went. One thing was for sure, for once in a very long time the entire X-Team was in agreement. They had come together one night when they knew Cyke would be hiding alone in his room, looking sad, Saturday night. Jean was busy drinking away her sexual frustrations at a bar with Ororo acting as the DD for the evening. Since Ororo wasn't a big drinker, she really didn't mind watching as her friend got plastered. Hell she enjoyed it! Last Saturday Jean had gotten so drunk she'd gotten up on stage and sang 'Hey Mickey!', twice, badly, very badly. Dogs were covering their ears just like in cartoons. Honestly, she can't sing. Keep her away from microphones for your own sanity.

The X-Men had hade more then enough of Jean coming home drunk and waking them up with her singing. When she got drunk she also lost control of her powers and had a nasty tendency to read everyone's thoughts. Last weekend she had went on and on for over an hour repeating the things Betsy and Warren were saying to each other, and believe me, they weren't things that should have been repeated. Ever.

Now they came together and decided it was time to end it once and for all. They had come up with a clever plan to get Scott to remember just what he had a wife for, aside from the normal love and friendship and all that other bullshit. He had a wife to get laid at least once a week and twice on Sundays. The poor sap just didn't know it. So the team had decided to give him a little push. Well, a big push, but the idiot needed it.

They had split up into groups and each team was responsible for a different thing. Kitty and Peter had to make the Danger Room look its very best, they were already hard at work designing a program by the time the meeting ended. Logan and Kurt were to keep Cyke occupied, which meant get him drunk. Very drunk, we're talking the mother of all hangovers here. That would keep him out of their hair for the rest of the night and most of tomorrow. So the others could put the plan in motion with out 6am Danger Room sessions (They were thinking about getting him drunk all the time just to avoid said sessions.). Jubilee, Betsy and Warren were to doll Jean up to the best of their abilities. And considering their different tastes in fashion, it was going to take some doing. Rogue and Gambit were in charge of supplying anything Jean may need to 'subdue' her spouse and vice versa.

The plan was well underway and each team member knew what they had to do. The only problem would be getting Cyke to go along with the plan and satisfy his wife. This was going to be harder then they thought....

~*~

"A sunset along a beach would be nice..." Kitty said wistfully, as she and Peter sat on her bed coming up with ideas for their program.

Peter shook his head.

"Fine. How about a rustic cottage with an over sized fire place?"

Again Peter shook his head.

"A classy hotel room?"

Shake.

"Dinner and a movie?"

Shake.

"Backseat of a car?"

Shake.

Kitty threw her hands up in the air, "Fine! I give up!" She glared at Peter, "What do you think we should do, oh Great Metallic Sex Machine?!"

Peter gave her a small, rather uncharacteristic smirk and whispered something in her ear. Kitty's eyes opened wide and she grinned at Peter, "Sometimes I really remember just why I fell for your big metal butt."

~*~

Logan and Kurt walked right into Scott's room without knocking. They both immediately wish they had knocked when they found Cyke looking at some questionable pictures of women and horses on his computer. He gave a little squeal and quickly shut off his monitor.

"You're supposed to knock!" he shouted, sounding like a fourteen year old girl who had been writing in the diary her parents weren't supposed to know about, but read when she was at the movies.

Logan rolled his eyes and nodded to Kurt, they slowly advanced on their fearless leader. Each placing a firm hand on Cyke's shoulder Kurt bamfed them all into the garage where Logan's jeep was awaiting them. Before Cyke could say another word, he was strapped in the back seat, with a threatening looking Logan looking over his shoulder every few minutes to make sure he was still back there.

Nightcrawler shrugged and cranked the stereo. They drove off, Logan driving, Kurt singing Bohemian Rhapsody at the top of his lungs, and Cyke cowering.

"Let me go!" Cyke said in time with the music.

"Will not let you go!" replied Kurt and Queen.

"Let me go!"

"Will not let you go!"

"Let me go!!!"

"Ah! No no no no no no no!!!!!"

Cyke's screams echoed in the distance.

~*~

Rogue and Gambit were working.

That is they were testing each and every single toy that they were thinking about conveniently leaving in the Danger Room. Rogue was currently laying on the bed, the power inhibitor around her wrist, wearing nothing but the collar and a smile.

"That one was a little much." She said as she pushed herself up into a sitting position and wrapped her arms around an equally naked Remy.

He arched an eyebrow at her, "Didn' hear you complain' chere." he said as he looked back at the rather powerful vibrator he was holding.

"Ah liked it, but we're talkin' about Jean here sugah."

He nodded solemnly, "The mini?"

She nodded, "The mini."

"Did we test dat one yet?" he asked looking through the rather large case of toys before him.

She shrugged, "Ah can't remember anymore." They'd been at this for hours, testing toys on Rogue, then on Remy, then getting bored of that and jumping each other and so on.

He nodded again, keeping that serious look on his face, "Better double check." he said retrieving the afore mentioned toy.

"Ah agree completely."

Remy was about to put the toy he'd been using on her previously away when she stopped him, "Put that on in our collection." she said.

Remy grinned and tossed it into a rapidly growing collection, before turning back to the love of his life and her oh so touchable flesh, not to mention kissable, lickable, biteable....Dieu he loved his life.

~*~

"This one!" Jubilee said holding up a tacky pink teddy.

"Jubilee luv, Jean has red hair, remember?" Betsy said calmly, as she held up an elegant nightgown of black silk. "This one?" she asked her team.

Jubilee studied it, "I don't know..."

Warren shook his head, "No."

"No?" Betsy looked at him, as if he knew better then she did!

"The idea is for him to want her, not want to spend money on her." Warren said.

"Oh, right." Betsy said, making a mental note to put the night gown aside for later.

Warren sighed and rolled his eyes, these women didn't have the foggiest clue what they were looking for. And spending the day looking at women's underwear had made him feel like Bobby, or Scott for that matter.

Jubilee dug though the pile they had accumulated. "This one?" It was a cute blue teddy.

Warren shook his head. He began digging through the pile as the girls flipped through a few more negligees. Finally he found something, he held up the green scrap of fabric for the others to see. "Well?"

Jubilee went bright red and Betsy's mouth fell open. They looked at each other, then back at Warren.

"That'll work."

~*~

Meanwhile the preparations were going according to plan, and each team was making wonderful progress....

"Add some chains here Katya."

"When did you get so kinky?"

~*~

"Why do you build me up, build me up Buttercup baby? Just to let me down, let me down and mess me around. I need yoouu more then anyone darlin'...."

"Should we stop him yet?"

"After the next song elf."

~*~


"Harder you stupid Cajun!"

"Insults will get you nowhere chere!"

"Maybe not but this will!"

"Maudis (this isn't a nice thing to say in French, don't repeat it. Or if you do, make sure it's to your French teacher, and leave my name outta it! Lol) ...I love dis woman..."

"Shut up and git down here!"

~*~

"They're crotch less."

"What?! Why would anyone even make something like that? It's totally useless!"

"Jubilee luv, are you a virgin?"

"I am not!"

"Virgin."

"Yep."

"I am not you guys!"

~*~

Still later.....

"Peter! We're supposed to be working!"

"I am working."

"On the program!"

~*~

"Life is demanding without understanding.... I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes I saw the sign, no one's gonna drag you up to get into the life where you belong. But where do you belong?"

"Should we take him home yet?"

"One more song. Any requests elf?"

"Hmm, Barbie Girl?"

"Good one blue."

~*~

"Ah can't move...."

"Oh, so dis won't bother you den."

"Remy if you touch me one more time...."

"Like dis?"

"That's it!"

~*~

"Pink!"

"Blue!"

"Green!"

"Why Green?"

"Yes luv, why green?"

"It'll match her eyes."

"Uh Warren? You sure you're straight?"

~*~

Finally everything was done.

Sunday afternoon the team gathered again sans Jean and Cyke who were sleeping off their respective hangovers.

"Status?" Asked Storm who had been the one to suggest this in the first place.

"Good to go!" Said Kitty, "They should have some fun," she giggled to herself, "we sure did."

Storm shook her head and turned to Logan and Kurt, "When we finally dragged him off the stage he was singin' '2 Become 1' to some biker. He's not gonna wanna touch another beer as long as he lives."

Kurt spoke up, "He was drinking Fuzzy Navels."

Logan rolled his eyes, "I was tryin' t' give the poor guy a break."

"Oh. Never mind about the girly drink then." Kurt said, giving Logan an odd look.

Storm rolled her eyes, "You two?"

Rogue and Gambit were looking a little bleary eyed. Scratch that, they were having a hard time seeing Storm at all. The coffee mugs in front of them were the only things keeping their heads off the table. "Hun?" Rogue asked, she squinted her eyes in an attempt to see who was speaking to her. She winced as the movement hurt, hell all her muscles hurt! She somehow managed to give Storm a thumbs up as Remy fell head first into his coffee.

"Jubilee? How did you team do?" Storm asked, trying not to think about the burns Remy would suffer when he woke up.

"Great! Everything's good to go!"

"Excellent." Storm said with a smile, "Then we will gather again in six hours and set everything in motion. You are dismissed."

The X-Men all went their separate ways, except for poor Rogue and Gambit who were out cold from lack of sleep. Wolverine shook his head and hauled one over each shoulder, he carried them up to Rogue's room and dumped them on the bed, careful that Rogue's skin wouldn't touch Gambit's. That done he made a dash for his own room where a certain someone was waiting for him.

~*~

Oh my god! What's next?! Will Scott accutally get laid?! Could I possibly be that evil?! Beats the hell out of me! So find out next time on 'Beyond the Spandex'!

Song book:

Bohemian Rhapsody is by Queen and much fun to listen to when you're driving, just like in Wayne's World!

Build me up Buttercup is by the Foundations, and if you don't know it, go download it! It's old and fun!

The Sign is by Ace of Base. I remember singing this when I was ten sporting jeans with ripped knees. (What was I thinking!)

Barbie Girl is by Aqua. 'Nough said.

2 Become 1 is by the Spice Girls.

Anywyas! Review and let me know what you thought! I was a little iffy about this chapter, so if you guys agree with me and say it wasn't my best work I might just take it down and replace it with something else. But I need YOUR votes!

Review!

See you on the flip side!

TheWalrusWasPaul