A/N: This chapter is going to be pure humor. And I would like to donate it to...LADY GATA...Since she gave me the idea. Well sit back and relax your laughing muscles, because this is where it all begins...
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone in this story. Except for the chickens and the cow. They are my idea. NO TAKEY!
Bonus Chapter: Miroku's Dream
Miroku walked down the trail observing every plant. It wasn't like him to just go nature walking, but today, it was different. As he walked, he started to smell something. Not that -sniff sniff- "What's that? Oh yeah muffins!" Kind of smell. But a -sniff sniff- "I think my nose is going to fall off" Kind of smell. Miroku walked farther down the path to try and escape the smell, but it only got worse. Miroku covered his nose and started coughing.
"What is this horrible smell?" Miroku asked himself as he practically ran down the path, only to discover the source of the smell. Miroku gagged before the surprised look appeared on his face.
"PURPLE FLYING CHICKENS!" Miroku's eyes looked like dish plates as he sat there in utter shock. "Someone needs to clean up their mess." (If you don't know what the mess is...tis' poo.)
"Could this day be any weirder?" Miroku thought to himself as he cleaned up the last of the chickens droppings. Miroku practically sucked it all up with his 'Windtunnel'. Miroku decided that the area was clean enough so he decided to walk back to Kaede's village. He had had enough of adventures for one day. Miroku heard a crackling and smacking sound come from within the bushes.
"I wonder what that could be?" Miroku asked himself as he parted the bushes. There in plain sight, sat Naraku with a pail of Kentucky Fried Chicken. The even stranger thing was that it was purple. "Na-Naraku?" Miroku practically had a heart attack. Naraku looked up from his chicken, with grease all over his hands and face.
"Onigumo's heart made me do it! Want some?" Naraku held out a chicken leg to Miroku, who graciously accepted it and sat down by Naraku.
"Onigumo's heart you say?" Miroku asked in between chews. Naraku nodded violently.
"Yes. I was on my way to kill Inuyasha and I seen those chickens. The smell was horrendous, but then I felt this strange hunger to eat one. So I went back to my castle and fried it up." Naraku explained. At this point, Miroku was very confused.
"So...how did you get back here?" Miroku asked with a puzzled look on his face.
"You know, I have no idea." Naraku responded before he ate the last piece of chicken. "I must be going now. We will fight again!" Naraku said as he started to disappear.
"Oh, and bring more chicken next time!" Miroku found himself yelling involuntarily. Miroku put his greasy fingers over his mouth to keep from saying anything else to his bitter enemy. Once again, Miroku decided to go back to Kaede's hut.
"This is almost like a fairy tale." Miroku said to himself. "And I don't mean that in a good way."
Miroku arrived at Kaede's village just in time to see everyone surrounding a camp fire.
"Miroku, where have you been?" Sango asked. Miroku put his hand on the back of his head (to hide the grease).
"My dear Sango, were you worried about me?" Miroku was by Sango's side in a heartbeat, grasping her hand. Sango blushed.
"I wasn't the only one." Sango said nervously. Kagome, Shippou, and Inuyasha all watched on in utter silence. Which made this all very awkward for Sango.
Miroku got one of his devious grins on his face. Since Miroku found that today was a very odd day, he decided that Sango wouldn't mind if he groped her. Miroku moved his hand from Sango's hand to her backside. Kagome covered her eyes because she knew Miroku was about to get hurt. Inuyasha shook his head in sympathy for Miroku.
BONK BONK BONK SMACK BONK! Sango heaved a sigh as she placed her haraikotsu back on the ground. Miroku was pummled into the ground, as if he had just got a sit command. Shippou looked at Miroku and shook his head.
"Idiot." Shippou walked over to Kagome's side and sat down. Inuyasha stood up and headed towards a tree.
"Good night Inuyasha." Kagome called out to the hanyou. Inuyasha said nothing in response, which Kagome found extremely rude. Kagome stood up with clenched fists and ran after Inuyasha.
Miroku finally found the energy to get up when he heard a "SIT!", thud, and "WOULD YOU STOP DOING THAT?"
Kagome huffed and puffed as she made her way back to camp. Sango decided that it was time to go to sleep and Miroku agreed with her to avoid any conflict. Kagome walked into Kaede's hut and got in her sleeping bag. Shippou followed suit, laying down by Kagome. Miroku was the last to fall asleep, because he was thinking about all of the crazy things that had happened that day.
...morning...
Miroku woke up to discover that Kagome, Sango, and Shippou were all outside. Miroku walked outside to be greeted by awkward stares and a few chuckles.
"What is so funny?" Miroku asked as he approached the gang. Inuyasha stared at Miroku and once again shook his head in sympathy.
"Nice...er...tutu Miroku." Kagome commented. Miroku tilted his head a little.
"What's a tutu?" Miroku asked in confusion. Sango chuckled a little more.
"If you don't know what it is, then why are you wearing it?" Kagome asked as she approached Miroku.
Miroku looked down at his clothing to discover pink ballet clothes around his waist. Miroku shrieked and blushed and he ripped it off to reveal his normal dark purple kimono. After a few more giggles, the gang decided to put that behind them. But one question still lingered, how did he get it on in the first place? Kagome just shook all disturbing thoughts out of her head as they began their journey once more.
Kagome walked in front with Inuyasha. Sango, Miroku, Shippou, and Kirara all walked in the back. Miroku grinned sheepishly and looked over at Sango. 'Heh. She's not suspecting a thing!' Miroku thought to himself as he laughed on the inside. Sango looked at Miroku from the corner of her eye to discover him staring at her evilly.
'He's actually planning on doing it again. Even after what happened last night. He doesn't think I know. Heh. I'll get him first.' Sango smiled to herself on the inside. Miroku jumped after Sango, who stepped back a few steps and jumped on top of Miroku and put him in a figure 4. Kagome and Inuyasha stopped in thier tracks and looked behind them to discover Sango beating Miroku into a pulp with her knew acquired wrestling abilities. Miroku tapped his hand on the ground and yelled, "UNCLE!"
Kagome and Inuyasha looked at each other then back at the weird scene right in front of them.
"Today is going to be one of those days." Kagome said to Inuyasha as they walked on ahead. Inuyasha nodded and glanced back at Sango and Miroku before continuing to walk. Sango let go of Miroku and dusted off her legs. Miroku stood up and rubbed his back.
"Lovely." Miroku cracked his back and continued to walk. Sango let a smile wonder onto her lips.
"Have you seen the dancing rabits?" Sango asked. Miroku looked over at Sango to discover she was now wearing broadway clothes and she had on make-up.
"What's happening here! What are you wearing..and how?" Miroku heard a shrill scream come from ahead of him. Miroku looked up to discover Kagome screaming her head off, and Naraku holding Kirara by the throat at the edge of a cliff. Miroku stopped and looked on in utter confusion.
"One more step and the kitty gets it." Naraku said as he drug his finger along his throat to make the symbol of death. Miroku looked down at the ground and shook his head.
"First of all, she's not a kitty. Kirara is a neko. Second of all, she can fly! So it doesn't matter if you drop her, she'll just come right back up!" Miroku held his arms in the air as he yelled. Naraku pouched his lips out as he looked from Kirara to Miroku and back.
"Shut up you...you...purple chicken eater!" Naraku laughed maniacally as he dropped Kirara on the ground. Inuyasha drew his Tetsusaiga.
"I'm getting sick of you." Inuyasha ran towards Naraku but was suddenly stopped. Like he was being held there out of his own free will. Suddenly, Inuyasha, Kagome, and Naraku were all wearing broadway clothes. Sango joined them as they started a river dance on the edge of the cliff. Miroku was more than shocked now. He thought he had died and gone to hell. The river dance became more furious as a song came on.
Brainstew by Greenday
I'm having trouble trying to sleep
I'm counting sheep but I'm running out
As time ticks by, still I try
No room for rest stops in my mind
On my own here we go
My eyes feel like they're gonna bleed
Dried up and bulging out of my skull
My mouth is dry
Face is numb
F up and spun out in my room
My mind is set on overdrive
The clock is laughing in my face
Crooked spine
My face is dull
That's the point of delirium
On my own here we go
My eyes feel like they're gonna bleed
dried out and bulging out my skull
My mouth is dry
my face is numb
f up and spun out in my room
On my own here we go
Miroku looked on in horror. Wondering where in the world the music was coming from. He discovered when he turned around to see Greenday on a platform jamming on their guitars. The river dance finally stopped and everyone was restored back to their normal clothes. Naraku walked over to Billy Joe and paid him 500 pieces of gold. Strangely, Greenday accepted the dough and left. Naraku laughed.
"You have fallen for my evil plan!" Naraku started to tap dance like an idiot and fell off the cliff. The whole way down you could hear him screaming. To Miroku it sounded like he said.
"SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS WILL GET REVENGE!" Miroku just decided to call it a weird day and walk away from the whole scene.
"This is even weirder than seeing pigs fly." Miroku said to the gang, who only nodded. Speaking of the devil, a fat pig with wings whizzed by Miroku's head. "I shouldn't have said anything." Miroku put his hand on his face. Sango and Kagome decided to go and take a bath, so Inuyasha and Miroku were left to themselves. Shippou wasn't much for being around the two, so he left with the girls. Miroku would have preferred to spy on the bathing women, but Inuyasha wouldn't let him out of his sight.
"Kagome was right. This has been one of those days." Inuyasha said as he scratched his head. Miroku heard a crackling sound in the bushes and looked up to see something yellow sticking out of them.
"Inuyasha. Look over there. I think we have company." Miroku stood up and grabbed a hold of the prayer beads around his wrist. Inuyasha also stood and placed his hand on Tetsusaiga. Without any sign of warning, the yellow figure darted out from behind the bushes and started gnawing on Miroku's head. Inuyasha was shocked to see what it was.
"A big yellow sponge?" Inuyasha drew Tetsusaiga. Miroku grabbed the object sucking on his head and threw it to the ground.
"I've heard Kagome talk about it. But I never actually thought I would see it!" Miroku said as he stared down at it.
"Excuse me. I'm not an it. My name is Spongebob Squarepants and Naraku paid me to kill you." Spongebob placed his hands on his hips and looked on at Miroku, who may I add, was very befuddled.
"Uh...right...Naraku." Miroku said.
"I don't care who sent you! You're going down!" Inuyasha sliced Spongebob in half and smiled. Miroku blinked a few times before revealing his 'Windtunnel' to suck the thing in. After that ordeal was taken care of. Miroku and Inuyasha sat back down by the fire.
It didn't take long for the girls to get back, with the exception of Shippou. Kagome brushed through her long raven black hair. Sango waited patiently to use this 'brush' contraption. Inuyasha noticed something washing out of Kagome's hair.
"Uh Kagome? What's that coming out of your hair?" Inuyasha asked curiously. Kagome ran her fingers through her hair to reveal black stuff coming out.
"Oops. I guess I forgot to dye it last month." Kagome wiped her fingers on the grass before her. Inuyasha noticed Kagome's true hair color being revealed.
"SILVER HAIR?" Inuyasha was now all up in Kagome's grill. Kagome put her hand on Inuyasha's face and pushed him back.
"Out of the bubble." Kagome said.
"Why do you have silver hair?" Inuyasha pondered.
"It's not silver. It's gray." Kagome commented.
"Gray?" Inuyasha looked dumbfounded.
"Yes. Gray. I'm not 17 Inuyasha.(A/N: In my story she's 17.) I'm really 40." Kagome put her face in her hands and sobbed. "I'm so old!" Kagome said in-between sobs. At this point, Miroku didn't know what to think anymore. So he decided to head back towards Kaede's village.
"I'm out of here." Miroku pounded his hand against his chest, kissed his fist, and made a peace sign. "Represent." Miroku couldn't believe he had just done that.
As soon as the gang made it back to Kaede's village, Miroku walked by the nearest horse stable. Just to see the purtyful aminals. (Yes I did put 'purtyful aminals' on purpose). Miroku walked into the stable and petted all of the pretty horsies. Until he came across a cow. It was a hideous looking thing. A florescent pink with green spots.
"Now I don't know what's happening anymore. Why is this cow pink and green?" Miroku asked himself.
"Cow? I think not! My name is Macaroni Doodle the third." The cow responded to Miroku, which made him jump. Miroku looked at the cow with annoyance. "What do you think you're looking at?" The cow asked angrily. He found it very rude for someone of Miroku's status to be staring at him in such a way.
Out of nowhere, the door from the stable broke off and Spiderman stormed in.
"This cow has got to go." Spiderman said. Miroku learned to accept that his life had gone to hell so he asked Spiderman a question.
"Who are you?" Miroku asked calmly.
"I'm Peter Park--Uh..I'm Spiderman." Spiderman responded.
"Alright what did the cow do? I mean Macaroni Doodle the third..." Miroku sighed.
"He...uh...violated the animal's rights. No animal under any circumstance is allowed to talk to humans." Spiderman puffed out his chest to sound manlier.
"Right...and my mother is King Kong." Miroku said sarcastically. All of a sudden a big thumping noise could be heard from outside. The ground vibrated horribly and the top of the stable was ripped off. There, in clear view, stood a 100 foot gorilla.
"Are you making fun of your own flesh Miroku?" Came a deep voice from the depths of the gorilla's throat.
"First of all, King Kong isn't a girl. Second of all, you're a blasted ape!" Miroku yelled up at the 100 foot gorilla. Spiderman looked from Miroku back up to the 100 foot gorilla.
"Gorilla." King Kong said.
"Whatever. Same difference!" Miroku said clearly agitated. The gorilla shrugged and walked off. "What about the roof to the stable!" Miroku yelled after the gorilla. King Kong threw the stable roof back onto the stable. "Thank you."
Spiderman shrugged and grabbed a hold of the cow. "Time to go to the slaughterhouse." Spiderman squirted out his web and left with the cow before Miroku could say a thing. Kaede and a mob of angry villagers ran to the stables.
"Where's our precious pink and green cow?" One of the villagers yelled out.
"Spiderman took it!" Miroku yelled out.
"Spiderman! Where is he?" The Green Goblin asked as he flew by on his hovercraft thingy. Miroku pointed in the direction of Spiderman. One of the villagers poked Miroku with his pitchfork.
"Cow thief!" Kaede scram. Sango, Kagome, Shippou, Inuyasha, Kirara, Sesshoumaru, Jaken, Rin, Menomaru, Princess Kaguya, Heidi, Kaede, Kikyou, Ah-Un, Naraku, Kanna, Kagura, Jareromaru, Kageromaru, Tatosai, his cow thingy, Kouga, Ginta, and Hakkaku all closed in on Miroku.
"I didn't steal your cow!" Miroku pleaded.
Then he waked up.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed my bonus chappie. I tried to put in all of bogus stuff that I could. I hope it was funny. My brother laughed at it and so did my friends. Now to see if I tickle your funny! Once again, thank you Lady Gata for giving me this wonderful idea.
