Chapter 13
Angel's POV
I collapsed in my apartment around ten thirty that night. I had spent the afternoon at the Curtis's and then they had all come with me to the orphanage. I smiled, thinking of all the times the boys had almost said some bad words and then had hurriedly changed the word before it spilled out. Steve had had a really good time, which shocked me. Out of all the boys, Steve was the one I just didn't understand. He was reclusive and angry. The only time I'd seen him smile was when he was with Soda. Except for when he was with those kids. I wondered if he'd ever come visit them again. The sisters had adored them, all of them, and told them to come back whenever they wanted to.
I was brushing my teeth when it happened. My hands started shaking and I felt incredibly lightheaded, my heart was racing in a way that was frightening. It occurred to me that I hadn't taken one of Tommy's vitamins yet today. It'd been weeks since I'd forgotten. I opened the medicine cabinet and fumbled around, bottles clattering into the sink and onto the floor as a result of my shaking hands. The bottle was nearly empty when I opened it, but there were enough pills to get me through the week. I took two dry sank to the floor, leaning against the wall, I had to get some more from Tommy, and it had to be tomorrow. When I had stopped shaking and my heart rate was back to normal I was exhausted. I went to bed and was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow; my last thought was of Darry.
Two days later I called Tommy right after work. He was actually home, which stunned me. He hadn't been home for the past two days. He sounded funny too.
"Heeeeeey...Angel. How you do—in, Sis?"
"Oh, I'm fine, what about you? You sound...drunk." He laughed hysterically at this. "Tommy? Tommy what's the matter?"
"I'm just fine! What about you? OH WAIT! I already asked you that!" He sounded almost giddy.
"Tommy..."
"What!" He started to giggle. I was getting scared, my brother didn't laugh like that.
"Tommy darling, I'm coming over. Hang tight."
"Righto, Sis!"
I hurriedly put on a sweater, took the steps to at a time to the first floor, and ran to my car. I ran two stoplights and thank God there weren't any police around as I sped to my old home. When I got there I practically flew to out of the car and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Tommy.
"Good gog..."
He was sitting on the porch railing in a muscle shirt and his boxers. It was at least forty degrees outside and the sky was cloudy and grey. It was supposed to snow that night. He had a cigarette in his hand and I felt a bubble of anger rise up in my chest.
"THOMAS JACKSON CONWAY! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!"
He looked at me with such surprise that he fell off the railing and onto the porch.
"SIS! Are what...What is...Why're you here?" One sniff of the smoke made me realize it was marijuana.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING SMOKING THIS STUFF! WHAT ARE YOU DOING SMOKING IN THE FIRST PLACE! YOU'RE FIFTEEN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" He just looked up at me and laughed.
"Gosh, Angel, you're funny when you're mad!"
"What did I do to deserve this? What did I do!" I muttered to the sky. I grabbed my brother's arm and hulled him up. Then I took the cigarette out of his hand and dropped it on the ground, stomping on it until it was in bits. I dragged him inside and threw him on the couch, still yelling. It wasn't until I was in the middle of a huge rant that realization dawned on me. He had sobered up just a little bit and was looking at me with wide eyes. I knelt in front of him and took his hands.
"Tommy, do you remember those vitamins you gave me right before I moved out?"
He nodded solemnly and then giggled again.
"Tommy! This is serious! I need to know, what exactly were those pills?"
He laughed.
"Tommy, what were they?" I tried to keep the rising panic out of my voice. "Tommy?"
"They were just pep pills, Angel. That's all. Don't," Yawn, "worry."
I sank back onto my heels. I was addicted to drugs. I was a drug addict. Omigosh, that's why when I went without them I got shaky. That's why my heart started racing. That's why I felt so lightheaded. My body needed those...things to function. I held my head in my hands. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. I looked up at my brother, who was passed out on the couch. I went upstairs to my brother's room and what met my eyes when I got there made me almost fall over. Bottles littered the floor, along with cigarette butts.
"He wasn't just high. He was drunk and high..." I whispered. I closed my eyes. "Oh, Mom, how could let this happen?"
I got a hold of myself and got to work. I grabbed a garbage bag from the kitchen and went back to his room and started throwing everything in it. I was shaking with rage. What kind of an idiot would give a kid all this? Hadn't anyone ever heard of alcohol poisoning? I was going to let my father have when he got home. I threw a bottle into the bag and it shattered. There went another, and another. Vodka! The moron! Did he want to die! He couldn't even drive yet! I had a sudden inspiration and looked under his mattress. When I actually found drugs, it was all I could do to choke back a scream of rage.
"Hello, Angel." I stiffened at the surprised voice of my father. I turned around to face the door, trying to push down the anger, trying to behave like a reasonable adult.
"Dad, we need to talk."
"Now Angel, it's not as bad as it seems, I promise."
"DAD! I found a bottle of VODKA! And drugs! Did you know he had drugs under his bed! Do you have any idea what that could do to him! He could die before he can drive! Is any of this making sense to you?" He had the grace to look a little stunned.
"He has drugs?" I threw the baggie at him. His eyes widened. I picked up another half empty bottle of hard liquor at threw it at the door. I missed terribly though, and it ended up shattering at his feet.
"Do you smell that? It's whiskey. YOU don't even drink whiskey. How did you not notice that your son's room reeked of liquor! HOW!"
"I thought it was just beer. He spends lots of time with his friends at parties. I just thought he drank a little too much. I didn't know..." I felt my mouth drop wide open and I exploded.
"You didn't know? Well of COURSE you didn't know! You've been to busy WALLOWING IN SELF-PITY ever since Mom left! You didn't even see how much he was hurting! You never knew how bad it hurt him to have Mom up and leave! You never ever knew how many times he cried himself to sleep, though I don't know WHY either of you loved that god-forsaken woman!" I started to cry then. "You never knew."
"Angel, baby..." He stepped over the broken glass, his arms open.
"NO! Don't you touch me! Don't you DARE touch me!" I screamed at him, dodging his arms and flying out of the room. I thundered down the steps and outside, slamming the door as hard as I could. Once in my car I peeled out of the driveway and drove aimlessly.
Once I was far away, someone on the East side, I think, I stopped my car on the side of the road and pounded the heck out of my steering wheel. I was aware of the horn going off a few times, but I didn't stop. I hit it and hit it and hit it. Over and over again, until I hit it the wrong way and I busted my knuckles open. Then I sat there, pouting, sucking on my bleeding knuckles, unconsciously crying. Outside the wind was blowing and snow was starting to fly. Someone knocked on my window. When I looked up, Darry was standing out there, looking in with concern. I opened my door and stepped outside, and without a moments hesitation I launched myself at him. His arms closed around me and I collapsed against him. I felt the small circles he was rubbing into my back and felt his warm breath in my hair as he told me everything was going to be alright and to calm down because he would take care of me. When I actually did calm down, he picked me up and laid me down in the back seat of my car. He then got into the front and drove me home, talking soothingly the whole way. When we got there, he tried to pick me up but I wouldn't let him. He settled for his arm around my waist all the way up to my apartment. The only time he let me go was when I unlocked my door and that's when it happened again.
I started shaking and got really warm, the lightheadedness kicking in. I swayed and Darry steadied me asking me if I was okay. I nodded and laid my forehead against the door for a minute. When I got the door open I went straight to the medicine cabinet. I didn't see Darry following me. I forgot everything except the fact that those pills made me happy. Those pills were drugs, but I didn't care, they made me happy. I needed to be happy. I grabbed the bottle with shaking hands and tried to shake all of the remaining pills out.
"What are you doing?" Darry's big hand was over mine.
"I need these." I shook him off and turned away from him.
"What are those? Angel, are those drugs?" There was panic in his voice that I didn't listen to.
"They just make me happy. I need them, Darry! I need them!" He grabbed the bottle out of my hand, much like I had done to Tommy an hour ago. Except I was more resistant.
"GIVE THEM BACK!" I shrieked, grabbing at his arm.
"No."
"I NEED THOSE! Give me them!"
"You don't need these Angel, I swear to you, you don't need them!"
"YES I DO!" I was seeing red. "GIVE ME THEM NOW!"
"No."
"YES!"
"No Angel."
"GET OUT! GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT!"
"Angel, please..."
"LEAVE NOW! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN! GET OUT OF HERE!"
"Angel, listen to me..."
"NO! GET OUT OF HERE! I'LL CALL THE POLICE!"
"Okay, I'll leave; just let me help you..."
"I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP! GET OUT NOW!" I was pushing him out the door and I slammed it and locked it behind him. "AND DON'T YOU EVER COME BACK!"
I flung myself on the bed, trying to forget the headache I had and the mournful look on his face.
