Chpt. 3 : The Blackmail of Luke Skywalker
Luke knew he should never had gotten out of bed this morning. Some prodding of the Force had told him to stay in bed (or maybe it was just his own wishful thinking), but Artoo had warbled insistly at the Jedi Master until he finally rolled out of bed.
Luke wished he had just ignored the droid. Why? Well...
"Luke!" Han exclaimed with unfeigned relief. "Just the Jedi I need. Say Kid, you want to go on a mission?" He asked craftily. Luke stopped in his tracks as he stared suspiciously at his brother-in-law.
"Mission?" he asked warily. Warning sirens were starting to go off in his head. He swore that he almost heard Obiwan yell 'Run Luke, Run!' in his ear. Han tried to smile innocently at him. (He failed miserably.)
"It's nothing much, just a...uh...shopping trip."
"Han."
"It'll be fun!" (Okay, now you're lying Han.)
Luke's eyes darted suspiciously around the room. He'd made it a rule to never pry into the minds of family members (Especially with Han, who knows what's floating around in that brain of his), but he could feel the mixture of desperation, fear, anger, and humiliation rolling off Han and Jaina. He was debating on whether or not to peek, but his sense of Jedi propriety unfortunately got in the way. (Damn Jedi propriety.)
"What's going on Han?"
"I just need you to go with me and Jaina on a shopping trip." Luke gave Han one of his infamous Jedi Master stares. (In other words, it's one of those if no one can tell what I m thinking, maybe they ll leave me alone, kind of stares.)
"I'm not stupid Han, what's going on?"
"I told you, we're going shopping."
"Han!"
"Okay okay."
Luke crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at the Corellian.
"Well?" Luke asked.
"Well what?" Han asked with a slightly reddened face. Luke felt a sudden urge to throttle Han (Who wouldn't by this point?).
"What. Is. Going. On," Luke asked through gritted teeth.
"Oh that..." Han trailed off.
"Han..."
"Okay okay."
"Well?" Luke asked.
"Uh..." Han stuttered. Luke stifled an exasperated sigh. His legendary patience was starting to wear thin. (Already Luke? It's only just begun.) The Jedi Master gave his brother-in-law one of his most penetrating stares. Usually Han's personality was immune to this, however...
"Jainahasherperiodandsheneedsabra!" (Translation: It's the same cry of desperation that he gave to Mara Jade.)
Luke stared blankly at Han. His mouth opened and closed before he opened it again with the intention of spewing some infinite Jedi wisdom.
"Huh?" Luke asked. (Try harder next time Luke.)
"You heard me Kid! I m not repeating it!" Han yelled. And I swear, if you abandon me like Chewie and Mara, I'll hunt you down and make you sit through one of Leia's lectures on Senate politics and New Republic internal protocol!
"Sithspawn," Luke muttered. He really should have stayed in bed that morning. But knowing his luck, Han would have just hunted him down and drug him out of bed.
"You have to help me!" Han begged. "Chewie went into hiding and Mara turned me down!" Luke's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as he stared hard at the Corellian.
"You...asked Mara for help!" he asked in amazement.
"She's a woman!"
"I know, but...Are you insane?"
"Yeah, well, it didn't work! She said no."
"Do you realize that she'll probably tell Karrde?"
Han froze. He and Luke stared at each other. They both groaned at the same time.
"Ah hell..." Han swore. Luke turned to the door as he tried to make an escape. He didn't get very far. (Han had a death grip on his Jedi cloak.)
"I'M NOT DOING THIS ALONE!" Han screamed. Luke winced painfully, as Han had screamed next to his eardrums.
"Han! Let go!"
"You're right Luke, let's go!"
"HAN!"
Jaina peered around the corner as she watched her father and uncle argue. She had never seen her uncle this red faced before.
Han's mind searched frantically for anything to blackmail the Jedi with. He blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
"I'll tell Leia that you and Callista slept together!"
"And that's a secret because..."
"Oh, right. Hey wait a minute...why are you being such a smart ass all of a sudden?"
Luke raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, right...come on Kid! You've got to help me!" Han pleaded.
"No."
"Please..."
"NO."
"Why not?"
"You want ME to spend several hours with you and Jaina while she shops for BRAS AND MENSTRUAL ITEMS?"
"Oh, right."
Pause.
Pause.
"I'll make you," Han threatened.
"Bye Han."
"No! Wait!" Luke started to walk out the door, dragging a still clinging Han behind him.
"I'LLTELLLEIAABOUTTHETIMETHATLANDOANDIGOTYOUASDRUNKASMEATMYBACHELOR'SPARTY!" (Translation: I'LL TELL LEIA ABOUT THE TIME THAT LANDO AND I GOT YOU AS DRUNK AS ME AT MY BACHELOR'S PARTY!)
Luke Skywalker visibly cringed. For you see, not only was this an unfortunate memory for our beloved Jedi Master, but the doors to the Solo residence had currently been wide open. Han's voice seemed to echo down the corridor.
Jedi Master Luke Skywalker considered his options:
1. Run for it.
2. Kill Han.
3. Turn to the Dark Side.
4. Kill Han.
5. Blackmail someone else (Wait, damn! Wedge wasn't currently on Coruscant!)
6. Kill Han.
7. Kill Han and face Leia's wrath.
8. Kill Han and face Jaina's wrath.
9. Kill Han and take Jaina shopping. Alone.
10. Don t Kill Han.
He reluctantly chose option eleven.
11. Hang head in defeat and endure a day of abject humiliation.
The Jedi Master gave a sigh as he came back sulkily into the Solo residence as Han grinned in triumph.
The Blackmail of Luke Skywalker was complete.
Meanwhile:
Ghent stood nervously in front of his former boss. Although he was no longer in the employment of Talon Karrde, sometimes he still did favors for him on the side (When the New Republic wasn't watching.)
Karrde had been behaving strangely since he'd first called Ghent over to the Wild Karrde. Sometimes for no apparent reason, he'd suddenly break into outright laughter until his sides shook from the effort. In fact, even though Karrde wasn't laughing at the moment, there was a huge smirk plastered across his face.
"Ghent?"
"Yes Sir?'
"I need a favor," Karrde said. Ghent sighed internally and hoped that Bel Iblis wouldn't have his hide for this.
"What kind of favor?" he asked. Karrde's smirk broadened.
"Oh I think you ll enjoy this one," he said. He went on to explain his plan, with Ghent's eyes widening by the second. (Whatever he was expecting, it wasn't this.) Ghent stared silently at him for several seconds as he turned it over in his mind. He really shouldn't do this, but...
Ghent smiled.
As Ghent walked out of the room, Talon Karrde chuckled gleefully and rubbed his hands together in anticipation.
