Hey Dad...
Chpt. 4 : The Great Shopping Adventure Begins
Today was not a good day for our heroes. After some more arguing and procrastination, our unfortunate duo set boldly (Well, not really...)out to where no man (or Jedi Master) has ever attempted to go before.
Bra shopping.
Actually, to be technically accurate, they took care of Jaina's period situation first.
"Dad, what's the difference between a tampon and a pad?" Jaina asked with embarrassment. A strangled sound rose in Han's throat as he eyed the shelf in front of him. Luke was standing as far away as he could be without technically ditching Han.
"The difference is..ah...um...Luke! Get back here!" Han yelled at the Jedi, glad for the distraction. Luke glared at him before reluctantly coming back. So much for that idea.
"Dad..."
"Okay okay."
Jaina continued to look at him and Han's face reddened even more. He looked beseechingly at Luke, but the Jedi Master's face was also deep shade of red. Obviously Luke wasn't going to help him on this one.
"It's ah...just read the box!" Han shoved a box of tampons at her. Jaina's eyes scanned the box before looking up at him. "It doesn't say," she said. Han grimaced.
"It doesn't? Uh, um..." he trailed off. Luke finally whispered in his ear.
"Just buy a box of those and a box of pads so we can get out of here. We can figure it out later." Han nodded in agreement as he grabbed a box of each and took it (ran actually) to a nearby scanner. The Corellian scanned the items and dug in his pocket for some credits. As Han was paying the machine, Jaina was looking around her in curiousity. She reached out for a box marked 'Condoms' and studied it before holding it up to her uncle.
"Uncle Luke, what are these?" Luke looked down and reddened at the box in her hand. He grabbed the box from her and set it back on the shelf.
"Nothing! It's nothing!" he exclaimed. Another box caught Jaina's eye. This one had the words 'Male performance enhancers' printed on it. She pointed to it and started to ask about it. But before she could finish her question, her uncle had grabbed her hand and rushed them out of the aisle.
Luke's face was beet red. (Actually, it was quite an amusing yet slightly pathetic contrast to his blonde hair)
Han gave him a curious look as Luke came rushing up to him.
"What now?" he asked. Luke gave him a 'Drop it' look and Han wisely shut up. They retreated from the store as they sought out a women's restroom for Jaina. Little did they know that they were being watched.
Talon Karrde was laughing his ass off.
Ghent had hacked into the store's security system and displayed the images on the screen of the Wild Karrde's bridge.
Karrde gave a gasp for air between laughs as he swung his chair to look at Ghent.
"We're recording this, aren't we?" he asked. (Isn't this illegal Karrde)
"Yes," Ghent answered. (Bad Ghent)
Karrde gave a huge smirk as he went back to studying the screen. The image wasn't very clear this time, but he could see that Solo and Skywalker were standing self consciously near the women's restroom. He couldn't hear the dialogue this time, so he had to content himself with watching their body language. Solo was pacing nervously and Skywalker seemed to be attempting some Jedi meditation. (In case you're wondering, it didn't succeed)
A beeping reached his ear, but Karrde ignored it. Skywalker had just kicked Solo in the shin. H'sishi, a Togorian, then mewed at him.
"Someone wishes to speak with you Chieftain."
Karrde cursed his luck, but business was business. Maybe it wasn't that important.
"Who is it H'sishi?" he asked.
"It is Lando Calrissian," she answered. Karrde groaned mentally. What the hell did Calrissian want now?
Karrde eyed the screen, but the trio had since left. Probably in search for another store. Karrde had heard enough of their conversation to know that they were going to shop for bras next.
"Put Calrissian on," he said reluctantly. "But keep tracking them!" Karrde bellowed at Ghent.
He wasn't about to let his entertainment be ruined so easily.
A few moments later...
"Karrde"
"What is it Calrissian? I'm a little busy," Karrde asked. Lando smiled charmingly at him.
"Nothing really, I just noticed that you were on Coruscant, so I decided to call."
"Spit it out Calrissian." Karrde didn't want to miss anything.
"I need some information," Lando said.
"Okay, but not now."
Lando raised an eyebrow at him.
"Just exactly what are you in the middle of Karrde?" he asked as he eyed the other man. Karrde looked down at himself. He had a bowl of chips sitting haphazardly in his lap and a beer off to his right. And of course, just at that moment, Ghent spoke up again.
"I found Skywalker and Solo again! They just walked into Lady Bombei's Fashion Express!" As Karrde opened his mouth, Lando beat him to it.
"Whaaat?" Lando yelled in surprise. He knew that fashion store, he owned 45 percent of its stock. "What the hell are they doing in there"
Karrde smirked at him as he answered.
"Bra shopping with Jaina."
Silence.
Silence.
"HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!" Tears were streaming from Lando's eyes.
"Actually, they just got done shopping for tampons and pads. I've got a recording of it if you want, but it'll cost you," Karrde said. Calrissian laughed even harder.
"A copy? How did you...never mind. It's probably illegal..."
"Well if you don't want it..."
"I didn't say that! I want it!"
"Sorry Calrissian, but you'll have to get off now. Ghent just hacked into Bombei's security system and I want to watch." Lando snickered evilly at that.
"What is it Calrissian?" Karrde asked.
"I wonder if they realize that Bombei's is a lingerie store?" Calrissian asked. (Why do you own 45 percent of a lingerie store Lando?) Karrde's eyebrows shot up. At that exact moment, he saw the trio come rushing out of the store. (I guess they didn't know Lando.) He had a strong suspicion that Skywalker had the reddest face of all. Karrde threw back his head and laughed hysterically. Solo was currently shaking his fist at Skywalker. Skywalker in turn was holding his hands up in defense.
"What happened?" Lando asked.
"Sorry Calrissian, but I'm not at liberty to tell you unless you pay. And you haven't paid."
"Dammit Karrde! What is it, your usual price?"
"I might offer you a discount if..."
"If what?" Lando asked suspiciously.
"If you give me a bottle of one of your fine wines." (Note to the Readers: Lando purchased a vinyard last year)
Pause.
"I'm coming over to the Wild Karrde, where are you docked?" Lando asked. Karrde had H'sishi transmit the information to him.
"You'd better hurry Calrissian, or you'll miss it," Karrde said, but there was no answer.
Calrissian was already on his way. Karrde sat back with a smirk. The day just kept getting better.
For Han, Luke, and Jaina, the day just kept getting worse.
