Hey Dad...
Chpt. 5: Step 1, Finding a Store.
"A LINGERIE STORE! YOU TOOK US INTO A LINGERIE STORE?"
"THAT WAS YOUR IDEA, NOT MINE!"
Ah, poor poor Jaina. All the Force in the galaxy won't help her with this.
"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IT WAS A LINGERIE STORE?"
"YOU'RE THE JEDI MASTER, YOU TELL ME!"
Apparently it won't help Han and Luke either.
Jaina covered her face and wished she could just disappear. This would be embarrassing enough if she had just been an average girl. But no...she was Jaina Solo. Even if no one recognized her face, someone would surely recognize her father and uncle. They were still standing outside Lady Bombei's Fashion Express.
Luke took a deep breath and called on the Force for calm. This was hardly the behavior of a Jedi Master. Calm. Calm. Calm...
"I AM NOT ALL KNOWING!" He yelled at Han.
"WELL YOU SHOULD BE!" Han yelled back. (This is getting you guys no where.)
Jaina groaned softly as several people began to gather and stare at the arguing duo. This day couldn't end fast enough.
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"Are they still standing there?" Ghent asked in surprise. "It's been what, three minutes" Karrde chuckled to himself.
"You know," Karrde said outloud, "I've never seen Solo and Skywalker this unhinged before. Calrissian had better hurry if he wants to watch any of it."
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"AND WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT, WHY THE HELL DID YOU KICK ME BACK THERE KID?"
"BECAUSE YOU WERE BEING A NERFHERDER!"
"WHAT?"
"YOU HEARD ME!"
Jaina was getting dangerously close to turning to the Dark Side and committing patricide.
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"Four minutes," Karrde said.
"Too bad we can't hear what they're saying," Ghent added. "Those two are really going at it."
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"AHHHHHHH!" Jaina couldn't take it anymore. "YOU TWO ARE SO EMBARRASSING!" She yelled before running off down the street.
Han and Luke immediately shut up and ran after her.
As our heroes ran after the emotionally distraught twelve-year old, a pair of invisible figures looked on.
"Master, I've just realized that turning to the Dark Side had one positive benefit," said one figure. The other one turned to him with a raised eyebrow.
"And what is that?" Obi-wan Kenobi asked.
"I never had to go through this with Leia," Anakin Skywalker answered solemnly.
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"Four minutes and thirteen seconds," Karrde said.
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"How could you do that to me?" Jaina sobbed. Han and Luke looked guiltily down at the girl, who was hiding inside their transport. (Nice job guys. Poor kid's probably scarred for life.)
"I'm sorry Jaina," Han and Luke muttered.
"I wish Mom or Winter was here," she complained. (Your dad and uncle wish that they were here too. But unfortunetely...)
Han wrung his hands in chagrin as Luke reached deep into the Force for calm. Both he and Han now felt very embarrassed over how they had acted.
"Umm...uh...um..." Han stuttered.
"..." Luke had a very sheepish look on his face.
"Uh...um...well...let's go finish shopping, okay?" Han tried to sound cheerful. Jaina glared up at her father. (Well, you can't really blame her.)
"Are you and Uncle Luke going to fight again?" she asked suspiciously.
"No!" They both answered.
"In fact," Luke said, "Maybe we'll go get ice cream when we get done!" (Are you trying to bribe your niece Luke?)
"Let's just not tell your Mom about this, okay?" Han asked. (Bad Han! Bad Luke!)
Jaina gave them another suspicious look before asking.
"Chocolate ice cream with lots of chocolate syrup and sprinkles?" she asked. (Luke the chocolate freak has had a negative influence on his niece.)
"Yes!" The two men shouted. Jaina wiped her tears and grinned.
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"I'm impressed Calrissian, it took you only thirteen minutes to get here," Karrde said in surprise. The other man smile dazzingly at him.
"Trade secret," Lando grinned.
"Bribery?"
"What else?" Lando asked. "So what'd I miss?"
"I'm not at liberty to say," Karrde answered. Lando pulled two of his best wines out of his briefcase.
"Solo and Skywalker just tried to kill each other," he answered.
"Really?"
"Almost."
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Our three heroes stood silently in front of the clothing store. It looked respectable enough. Han and Luke looked back up at the sign.
Jabba's Fashion Mart.
"Well that's a name turn off if I know one," Han quipped.
"Uh Han...I think we should skip this one," Luke said.
"Good idea," the older man agreed.
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"Jabba's Fashion Mart?" Lando asked.
"Must be one of those plus-sized clothing stores," Karrde said.
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"What the hell is this?" Luke asked. (Language Luke, language.) Han threw back his head and laughed hysterically. Jedi Master Skywalker glared indignantly at the lingerie store in front of them. (Just how many lingerie stores are there?)
The Sexy Knights
Luke glared at the printed pink and purple lightsabers that decorated the sign.
"CENSORE CENSORE CENSORE!" he yelled in outrage. (Censored again by the Coruscant Safety Commission.)
"Leia needs to shop here!" Han snickered. Jaina groaned as Luke glared at her father. The invisible forms of Obi-wan and Anakin also glared at the store.
"Blasphemy!" Obi-wan shouted. (No one except Anakin can hear you Obi-wan.)
"Padme should shop here," Anakin added thoughtfully. (Wishful thinking Ani.)
"Maybe we should move on," Han said quickly. (Good thinking Han, Luke looks ready to burn the place down.)
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"I'll bet you a drink that Luke tries to burn it later,"
"Two drinks says that Mara will burn it first," Karrde smirked back.
"Mara?" Lando asked warily. He looked at Karrde for a moment before understanding dawned on him.
"Ah hell..." he muttered. Karrde grinned at him before taking a swig of some blue wine.
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Mara Jade glared at the lingerie store in front of her.
The Sexy Knights.
Note to self, she thought, I must torch this place before the night is over.
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Our three heroes (and their two invisible companions) stared up at the next store. It appeared to be harmless.
"Old Republic Fashions," Han said. "This looks harmless enough. You want to try it Kid" Luke sighed to himself.
"Do I have a choice?"
"Nope."
"I think the Force is against me today," he groaned. (Just wait Luke, just wait.)
