Hey Dad...
Chpt. 9: Step 5, Chasing Jedi
Mara pushed down the impulse to force lift all of the lingerie items off the racks and dump them on Skywalker. That would childish. Funny, but childish.
But still, the idea had merit...
"Ahhhh!" Luke yelled.
So sue her for being childish.
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"You can uncover your eyes now Anakin," Qui-Gon said.
"He's not my son," Anakin moaned.
"I can't wait to tell your wife about this," Obi-wan laughed. Anakin covered his eyes again and shook his head. Qui-Gon arched an eyebrow in barely contained amusement as Luke untangled himself from the clothing...items and shot out of the lingerie section.
That kid could really run fast when he wanted to.
Qui-Gon shook his head at the chaotic mess in Luke's wake. The Jedi Council was going to have a fit when they found out about her stunt. Master Yoda was already of the belief that Mara Jade needed a good whack to the rear end. As he imagined an irate Yoda swinging his staff at the red head, the dead Jedi Master's thoughts were interrupted suddenly by the arrival of a stunned Han Solo.
"What the hell...LUKE! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?"
Han gaped around him as the Twi'lek saleswoman screamed in horror at the heaps of strewn lingerie items. (I wonder what Leia will say when she finds out about all of this.)
"Anakin, I think it's time we bring Padme here," Obi-wan suggested. Anakin closed his eyes and moaned. He was going to catch hell for this.
"Obi-wan," Qui-Gon said.
"Yes Master?" Obi-wan asked.
"Isn't it impolite to stare at a woman's..er...PADAWAN! CLOSE YOUR EYES!"
"Yes Master," he said meekly.
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Jaina stared dejectedly down at the pile of bras at her feet. All of them were too big, and some felt weird. She picked up one marked 'The Miracle Push-Up.' Sigh.
The young Solo tossed the push-up bra behind her. Apparently the Force and the infamous Solo luck were against her today. She made a mental note to be extra nice to her mother when she returned.
She vowed that someday there would be a day of reckoning for her father and uncle. Oh yes, someday...
On second thought, telling her mother every detail might...oh wait, damn. Uncle Luke and Dad had promised her ice cream if she kept her mouth shut.
Decisions decisions. (Oh come on Jaina, it's not like your mom won't find out anyway!)
Jaina tossed another bra behind her before venturing out off the dressing room. She didn't care about the ice cream anymore. She just wanted to GO HOME!
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"LUKE WHAT?" Owen Lars yelled. Anakin winced. Luke's incident with the lingerie seemed to have struck a nerve with his dead step-brother, because his next words were:
"I'M GOING TO BELT MARA JADE!" he bellowed. (Oh boy Mara, you'd better watch out. Owen seems a tad upset.)
"Hush dear," Beru tried to calm her irate husband. But Owen was still threatening to turn the red head over his knee and belt her. (Umm, Owen? You're dead.)
"Anakin! I told you to keep things from getting out of hand!" Padme yelled as she glared at her husband. "Who's with Jaina?"
"Um...she's by herself," Anakin answered meekly.
"ANAKIN!"
Anakin gulped as he took a step back. He refrained from telling her that there wasn't much he could have done, as she wasn't in the mood. (Yes, making fun of Obi-wan sure cuts into the day, doesn't it Ani?).
"Anakin," Shmi admonished as she crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at her son. Anakin knew he was in trouble. He only got that look when he did something stupid.
"It wasn't my fault Mom! I couldn't do anything!" he protested. (Again, making fun of Obi-wan.)
"Ani..."
The three dead women (aka, Beru, Padme, and Shmi) crossed their arms and gave Anakin an identical glare. Anakin moaned inwardly. Why had he used death commandos as Darth Vader when he could have just hired an army of angry estrogen charged females?
"Anakin, take us there," Padme commanded. She looked around at the whole group. "Take all of us."
Gulp.
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"KID! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?" Han yelled. A red faced Luke waved his hands in front of him.
"I DIDN'T DO IT! MARA DID!"
"KID! YOU TWO TRASHED THE LINGERIE SECTION! THE EMPLOYEES ARE GOING NUTS!"
"I DIDN'T DO IT!"
"DAMMIT LUKE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING ME!"
"CAN I HELP IT IF I WAS BEING CHASED BY A RED HAIRED DESPOT?"
"SKYWALKER!" (Oops, Mara heard you Luke.)
Luke jumped at the sound of her voice and tried to escape yet again. Unfortunately for him, Han had his Jedi cloak in a vice like grip.
"HAN! LET GO!"
"NO! WE'VE GOT TO FIND JAINA!"
"HAN..."
"IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I'LL TELL MARA ABOUT..." Han didn't have to finish his threat. What ever this new blackmail was going to be, we shall never find out. Luke hastily ran in the direction of Jaina's presence.
"Jaina's over here!" Luke shouted. He and Han took off toward the ladies dressing rooms as Mara laughed evilly. (Palpatine would be proud.)
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Obi-wan forced himself to look at an advertisement for acne cream. This behavior of his was so irrational. The Jedi Master didn't understand why...
NO! He won't look.
He watched as Qui-Gon shook his head at the devasted lingerie section. Vosha Varida was busy squawking at the mess of discarded clothing items. The Twi-lek was shaking her fists angrily in the direction of Han and Luke and...
NO! HE WILL NOT LOOK!
Where was Anakin and Padme? They should be here by now. Let's see...
Peek.
"Obi-wan!" Qui-Gon yelled.
Damn. He looked.
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"Hey Calrissian, add red thongs to your list," Karrde said.
"It's already on there," Lando answered. Ghent shook his head as he pretended not to hear. Karrde and Calrissian had decided to make a list of items to buy for Master Skywalker.
"Wait, I've got it!" Karrde yelled. (Oh dear.)
"What?" Lando asked.
"You remember that red haired mannequin? The one that looked like Mara?"
"Yeah..."
"I'm going to buy it!" he yelled triumphantly. (I think you guys need to lay off the alcohol.)
"Luke's going to kill us," Lando smirked.
"Yes, well, onto our next list."
"Next list?"
"Of course!" Karrde exclaimed. "We still have to shop for Solo!"
To quote our favorite ex-smuggler, I have a very bad feeling about this.
