Hey Dad...

Chpt. 10: Step 6, Jedi Mind Trick!

Jaina had the oddest feeling that she wasn't alone. Everytime that she reached for a bra, it felt like she received a slap to the hand. This was certainly strange.

Oh well.

She reached for another one and this time she actually heard a voice.

"No!"

Huh?

Jaina looked around and jumped when she saw the barely visible form of Padme and a very embarrassed Anakin standing next to her.

"Uh, who are you?" Jaina asked.

"I'm your grandmother," Padme answered. As Jaina continued to give her a blank look, Anakin tried to sneak away. Unfortunately for him, his wife grabbed a hold of his Jedi cloak and pulled him back.

"And this is your grandfather," the ex-Queen finished with obvious delight. Anakin flushed. Damn, he wanted to escape. (Sorry Ani.)

Jaina continued to give them a blank look.

"Uh...why are you here?" she asked in disbelief.

"I...we're here to help you of course!" Padme said firmly. "Right Ani?" She cast a glare to the red faced Skywalker. At another glare from his wife, Anakin nodded meekly.

Jaina pinched herself to see if she was hallucinating. Nope. Damn, this was definitely on top of her 'Strangest Things to Happen to Me' list.

She also doubted that anyone would believe her.

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The last time we had left Luke and Han, they were on their way to 'rescue' the bewildered Jaina. However, our two heroes met with an unexpected delay:

"HEY! YOU!"

And no, it wasn't Mara.

"STOP THEM!"

It was Vosha Varida, the blue Twi'lek saleswoman from the deepest depths of the five Corellian hells.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Luke and Han took off in the opposite direction. The two would be heroes hid behind a Bothan mannequin. (Somehow they ended up in the Bothan clothing section.) Unknown to them, a very familiar but unwelcome face just happened to be shopping in the men's sections.

Borsk Fey'lya.

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"You hormonally crazed Old Man!" Owen yelled.

"Owen, please," Beru pleaded. Undeterred, the dead Owen Lars shook his fist at Obi-wan Kenobi. Obi-wan schooled his face in what he hoped was his 'I'm a Jedi Master' face. Qui-Gon stood nonchalantly off to the side with Shmi as Obi-wan and Owen continued to face off.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Obi-wan said calmly. Owen shook a fist at him before pointing an accusing finger in the direction of a certain blue-skinned woman.

"No idea! NO IDEA? YOU'VE BEEN GAWKING AT THAT WOMAN LIKE..."

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT!" Obi-wan finally exploded. "THERE SEEMS TO BE SOME KINETIC ATTRACTION BEYOND MY CONTROL!" (Kinetic attraction?)

"Yes, it's called hormones," Qui-Gon muttered.

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT!" Obi-wan persisted. (Someone's having a breakdown.)

"How is it possible to have hormones if he's dead?" Shmi wondered.

"With Obi-wan, only the Force can tell," Qui-Gon answered sagely.

"MASTER!" his former Padawan yelled.

"And yet," the dead Jedi master continued, "Sometimes even the Force can not tell."

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A stunned Han and Luke gaped at the Bothan.

An equally stunned Borsk Fey'lya stared back.

Luke and Han considered their options:

1. Run like Hell.
2. Bribe him.
3. Run like Hell.
4. They drew a mind blank here.
5. Use a Jedi Mind trick.
6. Run like Hell.

Which one did they try first? Well...

"Luke! Use a Jedi Mind trick!"

"On a Senator?" Luke asked in disbelief.

The Bothan had recovered enough by this time to smirk evilly at the pair of dismayed humans.

"Ah, such a surprise gentlemen. What brings you to this...establishment?" he asked smoothly.

"Luke!" Han yelled. "Jedi Mind trick! Now!"

"Do you know how hard it is to do one on a Bothan?" Luke yelled back.

"LUKE!"

Luke waved his hand in front of the amused Bothan.

"You will forget," he intoned.

"No I won't," Borsk said. (Uh oh.)

Luke waved his hand again.

"You WILL forget!"

Borsk Fey'yla arched an eyebrow at the pair. This might be good blackmail. Luke waved his hand again, only this time a drop of sweat fell down his face. Luke opened his mouth calmly.

"Forget dammit! Forget!" he yelled. (Luke!)

Fortunately for our heroes, this somehow worked. Sort of.

"Who am I?" Borsk Fey'yla asked in a daze. Luke and Han gave each other an 'Ah hell!' look and dashed off in the other direction.

The temporarily amnesiac Bothan scratched his head in confusion and followed after the escaping pair.

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"Karrde?" Lando asked.

"Eh?"

"Did Luke just mind wipe a Senator?"

"It would appear so," Karrde answered.

"Just checking."

"The price of this recording just keeps going up," Karrde cackled gleefully. He rubbed his hands together in anticipation. Then he stopped as a thought occurred to him.

"Calrissian, where's Mara?"

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Mara Jade glared up at the red-haired mannequin in the lingerie section. (The one that Luke admired.)

It looked like her.

IT LOOKED LIKE HER!

Snap. Hiss.

The red-haired mannequin met a cruel fate at the hands of a lightsaber wielding Mara Jade.

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"Hey Mom, Dad's sure going to be surprised that we're home early!" Anakin exclaimed.

"Yes," Leia agreed. The negotations had ended faster than anticipated. They should be home in a matter of days. Only one thing was faintly disturbing her.

She felt a disturbance in the Force.

And that disturbance was Luke and Han.

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"Hey Grandma, are you sure these are the right ones?" Jaina asked. She held up a pair of bras in front of her. A crimson faced Anakin was staring in the opposite direction. Bra shopping with his twelve-year old granddaughter was not the profound experience he had been looking for.

"Are we done yet?" Anakin asked impatiently. Padme glared at him and he shrunk back. Apparently the answer was no. The dead ex-Queen then smiled encouragingly back down at her grandchild.

"Yes dear, now go try it on," Padme said. Jaina gave her a doubtful look before walking back into the dressing room.

"Okay, if you say so," she grumbled. After she had trudged into the tiny cubicle and closed the door, Padme cast a glare at her husband.

"She's as bad as you when it comes to shopping!" she accused. Anakin held up his hands defensively.

"It's not my fault!" he protested. "She gets it from her father!"

"And her grandfather!" she yelled. Anakin smiled innocently at her.

"Perhaps dear, but remember, everything I know I learned from Obi-wan." (Oh, now THAT'S reassuring!)

Padme sighed and rubbed her forehead. Damn it, but he did have a point. But still...

"Anakin..."

Anakin gulped.

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"Calrissian?"

"What now?"

"Is Jaina talking to herself?" Karrde asked.

"Yes," Lando answered.

"I think the kid's gone nuts."

"She's half Solo and half Skywalker. It was bound to happen," Lando said.

"True," Karrde agreed. "Poor kid. Never had a chance."

"It actually could be worse," Lando suddenly said.

"Oh yeah? And how is that?"

"We could have little force-sensitive Karrde juniors running around."

"The universe will be doomed if that ever happens," Karrde said. Lando laughed as he pulled their lists back out.

"Karrde?" he asked.

"Eh?"

"I have an idea. Han and Luke don't stand a chance."

Oh dear, I believe I feel a disturbance in the Force.

"HAHAHAHAAA! CALRISSIAN, YOU ARE A GENIUS!"

Note to self, Karrde and Lando should never be allowed to combine alcohol with too much free time.

It can lead to bad things.