Hey Dad...

Chpt. 11: Step 7, Run Very Fast

"Are we done yet?" Anakin whined. Padme glared at him for the umpteenth time. (She's already lost count.)

"Anakin," she warned. Anakin wisely shut up. He paced around impatiently as Jaina tried on yet another bra.

"Padme, can I..."

"No," she answered firmly. "You can't go see what Obi-wan and Qui-Gon are doing."

Damn. She was good.

Anakin continued his pacing until Jaina finally immerged from the dressing room. The young girl held up a single bra in front of her.

"I think this one fits Grandma," she said. Anakin pushed down the impulse to jump for joy. They were done! Now it was time to get out of this hell hole.

"Very good Jaina," Padme said. "Now pick out a few more of the same size and we'll go find your father and uncle."

"Okay!"

Anakin paused in his elation. Tracking down Han and Luke might prove to be a bit more difficult. Damn.

What the hell were those boys doing?

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"Luke! Tell him to go away!"

"YOU tell him to go away!"

"I'M not the one who mind wiped him!"

"It was YOUR idea to use a Jedi Mind trick!"

"Yeah? Who was the one who screwed it up?"

A very confused Borsk Fey'yla watched the arguing duo as they debated how to get rid of him. He couldn't remember anything. The Bothan didn't even know where he was or who these humans were. And so, not knowing what else to do, he had followed them.

"Leia's going to kill me!" Luke wailed.

"Why? She hates Fey'yla."

"Hate is for the Dar..."

"Okay, Fine! She really really dislikes Fey'yla!"

The Bothan scratched his head. Who was Fey'yla?

"Luke, can't you, you know, replace some of his memories?" Han asked.

"How the hell do you expect me to do that?"

"Well, uh...you're the Jedi Master! You tell me!" he yelled. Luke and Han stared at each other for a long moment before looking back at the Bothan. Fey'yla was now examining a woman's purse he'd found on a nearby rack. Han leaned over to whisper in Luke's ear.

"You know, this might be good for us that you wiped Fey'yla's memories."

"It was an accident!" Luke yelled. Han smothered Luke's mouth with his hand.

"Listen," Han whispered. "Maybe we can convince Fey'yla to be Leia's ally now."

"Convince? You mean by using the Force?"

"Well, yeah..."

"Han! That's unethical! That's what a Sith would do!"

"You just wiped his memories Kid!"

"It was an accident!" Luke protested. (Accident or not, you still did it.)

"Well, anyway, maybe we should..." Han started to say. We shall never know what his next idea was because...

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING?" Mara yelled. Han and Luke jumped as the red head came charging up to them. But before she reached them, she spotted the Bothan out of the corner of her eye.

She stared at him.

An oblivious Fey'yla slung a pink purse over his shoulder.

"Is...that Fey'yla?" she asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, Luke mind wiped him," Han said. Mara stared at Luke in astonishment before looking back at the amnesiac Bothan. Then she stared back at Luke.

"SKYWALKER DID WHAT?"

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"This is getting interesting," Karrde remarked.

"Oh yes," Lando agreed. "Leia is the least of Luke's worries right now. The whole Bothan population is either going to want to thank him or kill him."

"Probably kill him," Karrde said. "Even the ones who hate Fey'yla would still side with him since he's a Bothan."

"Yeah, they would...HAHAHAHA!" Lando burst out laughing at the same time as Karrde. Mara was waving her hand in front of the very confused Bothan. They clearly heard her over the screen.

"You mean I can torment Fey'yla and he won't know who I am?" Mara grinned. Luke waved his hands in dismay.

"Mara! No! You can't!"

Mara ignored him as she flopped a woman's sun hat on the Bothan's head. Then she proceed to tell the bewildered Bothan that it was the latest male fashion on his world.

"Calrissian?" Karrde asked.

"What?"

"That woman is evil."

"Yes, I know."

"Are we still recording Ghent?" Karrde asked. Ghent gave an irritated sigh. How many times was he going to get asked that?

"Yes sir," he said.

"Good," the two other men replied.

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Owen and Obi-wan continued to glare at each other. The Jedi Master and the moisture farmer each refused to give up.

"I'M NOT SENILE!" Obi-wan raged. Owen shook his fists at the older man.

"SURE LOOKS THAT WAY TO ME YOU PERVERTED OLD MAN!" he yelled. Obi-wan's face darkened.

"Oh dear," Shmi murmured. This was getting out of hand.

"Yes, this is hardly the behavior of a Jedi Master," Qui-Gon said.

"Can you break them up?" Beru asked worriedly. The Jedi Master sighed heavily as he swooped in on the arguing pair.

BAM! BAM!

"OOWWW!" the two younger men yelped. Shmi shook her head before raising a wry eyebrow at Qui-Gon.

"Tell me Master Qui-Gon," she asked dryly, "Is the physical pounding of one's Padawan and a moisture farmer the typical behavior of a Jedi Master?"

Qui-Gon glared at Obi-wan and Owen before answering just as dryly.

"It is when one has to deal with Obi-wan and Owen," he answered. The two men in question glared at him behind his back. Qui-Gon turned and raised an eyebrow at them.

"Perhaps you two should go check on Mr. Solo and Anakin's son."

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Jaina looked around her in dismay.

"Where's Dad and Uncle Luke?" she asked worriedly. She could feel them with the Force, but they always seemed to disappear once she arrived.

Padme glared at Anakin.

"What?" he asked. "This time it's not my fault!" The poor woman sighed as she looked down at the girl.

"This time he's YOUR son Ani."

"Don't look at me! Owen raised him!"

Speaking of Owen...

"LUKE! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Owen bellowed. (He can't hear you Owen.)

Luke was trying to stand between Fey'yla and a smirking Mara. The poor Bothan was currently wearing the woman's sunhat, a pink purse, and had a green scarf wrapped around his neck.

Mara had never played dress up as a child. She'd suddenly come to the conclusion that now was a good time to make up for it.

"No!" Luke protested. Unfortunately for him, Han had also become interested in the game.

"Hey!" Han exclaimed. The Corellian held up a blond wig. "Let's put this on him!"

"HAN!" Luke yelled.

"Skywalker is correct Solo. The red wig is really more his color."

"MARA!"

"Kenobi, what the hell is going on?" Owen asked. Obi-wan stared at the scene in disbelief.

"It would appear that Luke accidentally wiped this Bothan's memories," he said.

"Gah! This is what happens when you mess with your so called mystical Force!" Owen yelled sarcastically. "I knew he should have stayed a moisture farmer!"

"Oh yes," Obi-wan shot back, "Then Anakin could have stayed Darth Vader, Han Solo would still be a smuggler, Leia would be dead, and the three Solo children would never have been born!" Owen considered that for a moment before stubbornly crossing his arms.

"Then Luke should have come back to Tatooine after the war!" he yelled. Obi-wan threw up his hands in exasperation.

"You're impossible Lars!"

"Yes, well...LUKE! YOU IDIOT!" Owen bellowed. Obi-wan looked sharply over at the scene before smacking his head.

Luke, in desperation to stop Mara's Bothan dress up game, had resorted to a foolish solution.

He'd kissed her on the lips.

And now because of that very rash action, Jedi Master Luke Skywalker was running for his life.

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Lando had spit out his drink when Luke planted the kiss. For once, he and Karrde were briefly struck speechless.

However, it didn't last long.

"DID YOU SEE THAT?" Lando yelled.

"I KNOW! I CAN'T WAIT TO SHOW THIS TO LEIA!"

Leia? Oh no.

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"Kenobi! Stop him!" Owen yelled.

"I can't!" Obi-wan yelled. "I told him that I'd never appear to him again!"

"Then let me talk to him!"

Obi-wan stared at the moisture farmer. This should be interesting.

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"SKYWALKER!"

Oh shit oh shit oh shit...

Luke wondered if perhaps he'd lost a few braincells when Palpatine had electrocuted him.

"GET BACK HERE!"

Just how many stupid things could he do in one day?

The Jedi Master made a beeline for the men's restroom. Maybe he could hide in there. (And that's going to stop Mara because...)

Unfortunately our hero didn't make it there. No, you see, he met with an unexpected distraction along the way.

"LUKE!"

Oh shit oh shit oh shit...

It was Uncle Owen.