Hey Dad...

Chpt. 13: Step 9, Use a Blaster

When last we left our heroes, Luke (and Mara) had been reunited with Jaina (along with a small army of dead people) and Han had been, well...

"LEIA!"

"GET HIM!"

Han's having his own problems right now.

"I DON'T WANT TO MARRY YOUR NEPHEW YOU DIRTY SON OF A CENSORE CENSORE!"

Luke's got his own problems too.

"I WANT TO GO HOME!"

Apparently so does Jaina.

"HE'S GOT A BLASTER!" The twi'lek shrieked. Han had finally pulled his blaster out of hiding. "CALL THE POLICE!"

Smooth move Han.

"JAINA! WE'RE LEAVING! NOW! JAAIINAA!"

(The narrator shall now take a brief moment to ponder the true intellectual IQ of the characters in our story.)

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Mara screamed.

"I'M ALREADY DEAD!" Owen bellowed back.

(How the hell did these people defeat an empire?)

The sound of blaster fire abruptly shut up Mara Jade and Owen Lars. They, Luke, and the others slowly turned their heads to stare at the now gaping hole in the ceiling.

"Your son-in-law I presume?" Qui-Gon asked Anakin. The dead Skywalker muttered something before both he and Owen snapped at Luke.

"Go get Han!" they yelled. Luke jumped at the double onslaught and raced fearfully into Han's direction. As the Skywalker raced on, Mara slipped away in the other direction. She would plot her revenge. (How do you get revenge on dead people Mara?)

Meanwhile, Padme pointed in the direction of her escaping son as she knelt next to Jaina.

"Jaina," she ordered. "Follow your uncle. You're in charge now. All the three of you have to do is pay and leave." (You make it sound so simple Padme.)

The young girl nodded as she gave chase to her father and uncle. When she caught up to them, Han and Luke were both being cornered by a certain Twi'lek and her brood.

"Kid! Give me back my blaster!" Han yelled. Luke glared at him in response. The Jedi Master had whisked away the weapon and hidden it under his cloak.

"YOU...YOU..." Vosha Varida sputtered. Her blue face turned a deep shade of purple. Han, of course, couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"I didn't think Twi'leks could turn that color," he remarked.

"Well now you know," Luke answered sarcastically.

"Dad! Uncle Luke!" Jaina yelled. Several pairs of eyes turned to stare at her. The girl gulped as she hid slightly behind her small pile of bras.

"Jaina! We're leaving!" Han yelled.

"Han, in case you haven't noticed, we're kind of surrounded," Luke pointed out.

"Luke," Han said craftily. Luke gave him a wary look.

"What?" he asked carefully.

"Jedi Mind Trick."

"NO!"

"WELL DO SOMETHING THEN!"

"Uh...umm...Fey'yla! Look! He's shoplifting!" Luke pointed wildly in the direction of the poor Bothan. The still amnesiac Fey'yla was walking out of the store, still wearing his feminine accessories. The alarms began to go off as the scanners detected the unbought items on the Bothan senator. Vosha Varida squawked as she raced after him.

"STOP HIM! HE'S STEALING!"

The mini-troupe of saleswomen followed faithfully after their angry blue leader. Luke and Han looked at each other a split second before they each grabbed one of Jaina's arms and hustled her to the exit. Luke suddenly balked as they neared the Force blessed exit of freedom.

"Han! We have to pay!"

"Kid! We're leaving!"

"HAN! We mind wiped a Senator and destroyed a clothing store! I'm not going to steal a handful of bras!" Han grumbled mightily at that before he sulked over to a checkout scanner.

"FINE! Keep them distracted!" he yelled. Luke complied by sending a phantom image of himself and Han running in the other direction. Several of Vosha Varida's saleswomen gave chase.

"THERE, FINE! LET'S GO!" Han yelled. He shoved the bras into a shopping bag and our three heroes bolted into freedom.

The end...or is it?

"Why don't we get that one?" Lando asked. He pointed to a picture on the HoloNet.

"No! We have to get the mannequin that looked like Mara!" Karrde protested.

"But Mara already killed it!"

"Not that one, another one! Ghent's tracing the serial numbers of the model, right Ghent?" Karrde asked. Ghent sighed.

"Yes sir," he replied. Bel Iblis is going to kill me.

Oops, no. That part comes later. (The narrator apologizes for this grievious error.)

Karrde had ordered Ghent to erase the copies in the store's security system so that only he would have a copy of the events that have taken place today. But enough of that, I suppose you're wondering what happens next.

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz..."

Well, we'll have to wait on Karrde and Lando. They've finally passed out from all the alcohol.

"Thank the Force," Ghent muttered.

Just wait until they wake up Ghent.

What else, hmm...

"ANAKIN! I REPEAT, I WAS NOT STARING DOWN HER SHIRT!"

"Obi-wan's in denial," Anakin mused. Qui-Gon nodded his head in agreement.

"Yes, he has a habit of doing that."

"MASTER!"

Oh yes, our heroes' harrowing experience is far from over yet.