Hey Dad...
Chpt. 15: The Third Advocate Strikes
Wedge glared hard at Lando and Karrde.
"You want me to WHAT?" he asked. Actually, he had no idea what they wanted from him, but he was reasonably sure that it was something incredibly stupid and insane. Karrde turned to Lando.
"Did you tell him anything?"
"Nope, you?"
Oh yes, incredibly stupid and insane it would be.
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"Leia!" Han yelled gratefully. He rushed up to his wife and enveloped her in a great bear hug. Chewbacca (still a little wary of Han) gently hugged Anakin as Luke, Jaina, and Jacen waited their turns.
"Did anything interesting happen while I was gone?" Leia asked. Luke, Han, and Jaina instantly shook their heads no. Jacen held back a snicker.
You see, both Jacen and Chewbacca felt the incredible urge to laugh. Unfortunately for them however, both Han and Luke had managed to threaten them into silence.
Leia raised an eyebrow.
She was a politician. She was a mother. She was a Jedi. She didn't buy it.
Han and Luke fidgeted under her stern gaze. The Jedi Master called on all the guidances of the Force for strength as Han prayed to whatever celestial beings that might be nearby. Leia decided to not say anything. For now.
She'd pull it out of them later.
Fortunately for Leia Organa Solo, Operation Third Advocate was about to begin.
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Wedge seriously wondered if he had brain damage. Why else would he go along with one of Lando's schemes? No, correction. Lando AND Karrde. It was a joint effort.
If there were ever three words that spelled doom, that was it.
Lando and Karrde hadn't told him what was in the box, due to Luke's Jedi abilities. They'd also explained that on account of Wedge's friendship, Luke probably wouldn't pry too deeply into his mind.
They had also assured him that he would immensly enjoy this.
Though to be on the safe side, they had also blackmailed him into doing their dirty work.
Did he have brain damage?
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It was Anakin who answered the door. Wedge paused there for a moment before greeting the young Solo and walking in. He was greeted by a chorus of hellos.
"What's up Wedge?" Luke asked. Wedge looked behind him to eye the large box sitting outside the door.
"I need to talk to you guys in private. But I'm afraid that the kids are going to need to leave, at least for the moment." Lando had been very specific on that.
The four adults eyed each other, as if to say, 'Here we go again.' Han finally yelled behind him.
"Hey Golden Rod! Take the kids out for ice cream!" He was immediately met by a chorus of protests. The three Solo children didn't want to miss a word of what was obviously of top secret importance. Han glared at them and they rushed out with C-3PO.
See, he CAN be the authoritive father figure. Sometimes.
Wedge waited until the kids left before placing a datacard into Leia's hands.
"I'm not sure what's in there," he said. "But Ghent's the one that recorded it. I'm also told that Bel Iblis has seen some of what is in there." At least, that's all Lando would tell him.
Leia turned to put the datacard in the computer, but Wedge stopped her. Lando and Karrde had been adamant that the box be opened first.
"Uh...Lando said..." Oh shit, he said Lando! "Umm, Lando said that the box needed to be opened first. The recording's an explanation for it." Luke, Han, and Leia looked at each other before nodding their heads. Luke and Han walked up to the box, which was now standing vertically in the living room. Chewbacca stayed by Leia.
Wedge stepped back. (Another of Lando's suggestions.)
Luke and Han eyed each other for a tense moment before they opened the box.
Bras and thongs exploded all over the room as the sides of the box dropped down.
"WEDGE! WHAT THE HELL..." Han started to bellow, until something else caught his eye. A red haired mannequin stood in the center of the box. Luke's face reddened in recognition.
It was the same mannequin that he'd seen in the clothing store. The one that had looked like Mara.
And as if that wasn't enough, a holo recording popped out of her belly button.
A holographic Karrde and Lando grinned up at the stunned adults in the now bra and panty infested living room.
"Leia! I'm sure you're probably getting angry by this point, but there's a legitimate reason for the mess. You see, Han and Luke, well, we weren't sure what their bra sizes were..." Lando said as Karrde finished for him.
"So we got them different sizes!"
"Anyway," Lando continued, "You might be interested in what your husband and brother did while you were gone. Here's a sample."
Their holo images faded into the image of Han shooting up the clothing store. It played for a few seconds before jumping to Luke and Mara's chase scene through the lingerie section. The images faded back to Karrde and Lando.
"Leia," Karrde smirked. "That recording contains every detail of Luke and Han's...experience two days ago. Oh, and Wedge. I told you you'd enjoy this. I'd give you a free copy too, but, you know, business is business. I can't give everything away for free. However, I WILL offer it to you at half price in reward for your services."
"Oh, and Luke," Lando added craftily. "I hope you like the mannequin. It's the same model as the one you were admiring in Old Republic Fashions. Mara destroyed the first one, so we ordered you one that looked the same. See? It's even got the same lingerie on." Luke's face reddened into a purplish red.
"Oh, and Leia," Karrde added just before the recording ended. "Just wait until you see what they did to Fey'yla."
Click.
A stunned Han and Luke very slowly turned to eye the chesnut haired woman besides them.
Leia smiled evilly as she walked over to a nearby computer console.
"NOOOOOOO!" they yelled.
Too late guys. And this time, Padme CAN'T save you.
