Hey Dad...

Chpt. 16: Watching and Waiting

At this point in our story, I suppose you are wondering what has become of Vosha Varida, the emotionally crazed Twi'lek saleswoman, Mara Jade, and of course, Borsk Fey'lya.

As far as Fey'yla goes:

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I WAS WEARING HUMAN FEMININE ARTICLES?"

Oh dear, he has finally regained his memory. However, it seems that the events that took place in the clothing store have mysteriously disappeared from his mind. Since it obviously couldn't be Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, who could it...

Oh dear Anakin, how could you?

"It was Owen's idea," Anakin protested.

So you're going to blame your step brother? Shouldn't your son and son-in-law, I don't know, take responsibility for what they did to Fey'yla?

"It was NOT my idea you infernal Jedi!" Owen barked back. "It was that senile old pervert!"

Senile old pervert? Do you mean...

"I'm not a pervert!" Obi-wan yelled. "It's not my fault! She shouldn't have been wearing that kind of clothing!"

Oh dear, well readers, I believe we should leave this trio for a short while. I think they need to sort some things out.

"ANAKIN! FOR THE LAST TIME! I WASN'T..."

Ahem, now that we have left the plane of transperant existence, let's check on the Twi'lek.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Crash.

Oh dear...

It looks as though Vosha Varida has just met her demise in a freak cooking accident. (Gosh those flying pans are deadly.) Hmm...Anakin?

"It wasn't me!" he protested. "I had nothing to do with it!"

Oh dear, well at any rate the realm of the dead shall be receiving a new resident shortly. I wonder what Obi-wan will think? Hmm...what else? Oh yes, Mara Jade.

Mara Jade's green eyes flickered as she silently watched the footage. Her battle of wills with Owen Lars had left her with a sour taste in her mouth. She would have her revenge, oh yes she would.

That farmer and his nephew had better watch out.

Of course, she had to figure out a plan of sweet cold revenge first. Getting back at a dead person made it a little more complicated. She had no idea how she was...wait.

The Lightbulb of Doom has flashed it's light of twisted brilliance.

Mara Jade smirked in satisfaction. That plan just might work.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Han and Luke fidgeted nervously as Leia sat silently in front of the recording. She had not said a word for the last hour. They paced warily in the kitchen as she and a guffawing Chewbacca sat in the living room and, wait a minute, where's Wedge?

Rewind.

"BEAT IT ANTILLES!" Han bellowed.

A laughing Wedge Antilles staggered out into the hallway just in time to escape Han Solo's wrath. After he rounded a corner, he managed to control himself long enough to call Talon Karrde and tell him that he wanted a copy.

Just as he was on his way to the Wild Karrde to pick up his reserved copy, a sudden thought occurred to him. Such important footage such as this must of course be shared among friends.

He brought back out the Comlink of Doom as he contacted the first of several aquaintances.

"Hey Corrin, you busy?"

Fast Forward.

Han and Luke paced warily in the kitchen as Chewbacca let out a great Wookiee roar of laughter. They peered quietly around the corner in the now thong and bra free room. They had silently picked up the living room in the hopes that it would alleviate some of her wrath.

Did it work?

Uh, we'll have to wait a few hours. Oh wait, what the...what is Leia doing? She's pausing the recording and she's...WATCH OUT GUYS! SHE'S TURNING AROUND! SHE'S...SHE'S...

She's calling Winter? And Mon Montha? And...they're coming here?

You two are screwed.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Bel Iblis paused the recording so that he could retrieve yet another bottle of alcoholic substance. Karrde had been true to his word and sent the footage of Solo and Skywalker to him. He glanced back into his living room to see if his visitor wanted anything.

Admiral Ackbar simply shook his great head no.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

One hour later:

Han and Luke are still hiding in the kitchen. Peals of feminine laughter from Mon Montha and Winter (mixed with Wookiee chuckles) floated out from the living room.

Leia was still silent.

"Luke," Han whispered. "I'm going to kill Wedge. Then I'm going to skin Karrde and Lando alive and hang their corpses from..."

Han! Young eyes might be reading!

"...then I'll string their intestines around the..." (The following has been edited by the Coruscant Safety Commission due to its extreme graphic content.)

Two hours later:

Han and Luke are still in the kitchen. Only this time, they have cleaned it until it now sparkles with radiant cleanness. Perhaps this will alleviate some of her wrath. (Somehow I doubt this guys.)

Oh, by the way, the children are still out with Threepio. They're hanging around with the Noghri guards until Leia figures out what to do with Han and Luke.

Another peal of feminine laughter reached their cringing ears. There was suddenly a brief pause in the recording and our duo tensed. But it was only Mon Montha commanding them to prepare some tea.

Leia was still silent.

An undeterminable time later:

Han and Leia's bedroom is tidy and the children's bedrooms are neat and clean. The kitchen received yet another dose of cleaning and dinner has been prepared. (These two are really pulling at straws here.)

A tired Han and Luke sulk at the table. The combination of stress and gasp, housework has really worn them out.

The recording has finally finished. They watched warily as a smirking Mon Montha and Winter filed out of the room. Wait, no. They've paused at the entrance. The two females appear to be waiting for something, or are they perhaps...oh dear.

Leia walked silently in with a certain amused Wookiee trailing behind her. Chewbacca paused in the middle of the only other escape entrance. Our two heroes pale visibly and gulp as they realize that they have been effectively blockaded inside the kitchen.

Our unfortunate duo quailed visibly as a certain, stern faced silent woman stopped directly across the table from them.

Then she smirked.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Author's Note: As we are nearing to the end (only a chapter or two remains, depending on how it develops), I thought I'd give you a heads up on some future SW fics churning around in my brain. After Hey Dad is finished, I'm going to take about a month long siesta so I can concentrate on two other fics I'm working on. But never fear, I shall return. Anyways, here's some possible upcoming fics I may do:

Hey Mom: I've had several requests to do a version of Hey Dad with Leia and Jacen. I don't really know anything about jockstraps, but I'll...er...do some brief research on the subject. I'm willing to give it a shot if there's interest. But before you decide, look at my other ideas first.

Hey Palpatine: A Mara Jade version of Hey Dad.

Unnamed: I had a request to do something with Luke and Mara's wedding.

What Women Want: A spoof of the Mel Gibson movie of the same name. Wedge mysteriously gains the ability to read women's minds.

Unnamed: The dead Jedi crew (plus Padme and Co.) return to battle another crazy adventure. What it is, I'm not sure yet. Perhaps it will involve a young Ben Skywalker.

Unnamed: Beru Lars is away when a sandstorm hits and Owen is trapped alone in the house with a very young Luke and Biggs. The Battle of Wills has begun.

Unnamed: The tribbles from Star Trek make an appearance in the SW universe. Not sure of the timeline yet, but perhaps our dead Jedi crew would make another appearance.

I'm not sure about this one, but can you seriously see them dealing with tribbles?

Han: Must. Use. Blaster.
Dead Anakin: Force Lightning! Force Lightning!
Leia: Awww, they're cute!
Mara: Kill them! Burn! Destroy!
Luke: (He has chosen not to place a comment.)

Anyway, those are some of my ideas. Tell me what you think and if you have any more requests or ideas for me. I'll see what I can do.