Sorry for the delay, I have a lot going on. But I'm gonna try to have at least one more chapter up by the end of the weekend.

If this chapter depresses you, good. That's kinda what I was going for. It's all about Harry, and how bad his life sucks, so it's going to be pretty depressing. But that doesn't mean the whole story is!

Chapter Four

Deliver me out of the sadness

Deliver me from all of the madness

Harry didn't realize a person could have such conflicting emotions burning in him at the same time. He had been at the Dursleys for a weekend so far, and it was the longest three days of his life. Time passed sluggishly, hours bled together. Usually Harry didn't know when it was night or day, nor did he care. He spent his life lying on his bed, blinds shut, eyes boring into the white ceiling but not seeing it. Instead he saw Sirius' sad eyes, Voldemort's smirk, Dumbledore's sympathetic stare.

And again with the tangled knot of emotions. Harry was hot with anger and shivering with fear at the same time. He was consumed with guilt and burning with a fiery vengeance: against Bellatrix for killing Sirius, against Voldemort for existing, and against himself. He hated himself for being weak, for not being man enough to listen to his friends, for trying to do everything himself. "Playing the hero."

His thoughts often drifted to what would happen if he ended it. Would anyone miss him? He doubted it. They would miss his saving them all from their impending doom. And doom was inevitable. Not just in his black hole of life, where he couldn't run from the pressure that was sucking him into shadows of despair. Everyone, everything was doomed. Why don't we all just lie down and wait for it to come, because we can't fight it. Everyone expects him to fight it. He's the only one who can. They couldn't be more wrong.

At that point, when Harry would come to the thoughts of everyone's expectations, he felt a huge unpleasant leap in his middle, like he was going down a roller coaster. He was sure he would snap with the pressure he was under. It was so much! He felt trapped, in a desolate room, empty of domestic comforts but full of garbage, forgotten waste strewn across the floor, and no matter how hard he tried to clear it, the trash would just slide sneakily back into its place, threatening to take him under with its stagnant stench.

When he got to this overwhelming part of his mind's routine, he would usually stand up and kick something. Then he would drop to the floor and stare at the wall, trying to stem the flow of tears that threatened to push through like an unstoppable rebel force.

This distraught routine had been going on since he had arrived at the Dursleys, and it might have continued, if his stomach would have allowed it. But after three days of not eating, it demanded attention. So Harry finally lifted himself up off the floor and trudged downstairs in search of something to keep himself from starving. When he walked back up the stairs with a banana and some chips, he paused at a sound outside the door to the guestroom. It was a strange sounding music. A choir of some sort was singing, and the music was very fast paced. Harry then heard a girl's voice passionately singing along.

Harry returned to his room and forced himself to eat. He thought about the girl staying in the guest room. As the Dursleys were probably happy to acknowledge, Kat was a normal girl. And yet...she wasn't normal. Harry couldn't put his finger on it, but there was definitely something different about her. He hadn't been around her too much, but what he did see was that she was not like any muggle he had ever encountered. For one thing, she gave him the time of day, and without knowing he was the hero of the wizarding world. She always took the time to ask him how he was, or talk about Hedwig. And she seemed...happy. Really, genuinely happy. Harry didn't think he had ever been truly happy. It was something he envied of her. His thoughts distracted him from his despair for a few minutes, and all he saw was her blue eyes shining with a light he couldn't decipher.

But then the distraction was over. He was fed; his stomach was content for the time being. He lay down on his bed and resumed his "routine."


Yeah, I just depressed myself! Oh wow. Well, there you go. It's ISTEP week, but since I'm a Junior, I get to do a whole lot of nothing for four hours. So, I'll try to get sleep at night so I can work on this during ISTEP, and hopefully I'll have my time well managed so I don't freak out. Thanks for reading!