Pan
DISCALIMER: I am not J.M.Barrie, I am not the guy who wrote the movie, and guess what – I'm not Peter Pan either!
SUMMARY: After she left Pan hated Wendy Darling most of all. The girl who had enchanted him, who had insulted him, the girl who had killed him. (Metaphorically of course!)
Chapter 4.
Indeed the Lost Boys were replaced. The originals did not know, and if they had known it is impossible to tell if they would have minded. But Pan did know and Pan did mind. He hated the new Slightly, the new Twins, the new Nibbs. He hated the new tree house. Not that he knew where it was, his old one remained abandoned. However, he could imagine the wrongly identical entrance, the misleadingly childish interior.
Pan did not know how to deal with the new Peter and the new Lost Boys and the well, newness. So he fell into the ways of the only one to ever correspondingly hate the children. New Peter was fulfilling his old role, so Pan now fulfilled Hook's. Except this time, this time, the ending would not be the same.
Pan did not consider now that perhaps Captain Hook had once been a mischievous boy called Peter. If he had, he may have paused to wonder about who the original Peter Pan and the original James Hook had been, about what had made them who they were. Perhaps he would have thought if that meant that he too had once been viewed as a usurper, his friends as replacements? But Pan did not pause to consider the mysterious methods of Never Neverland. The island would have seemed far too sinister if such things had crossed his mind.
Time passed in Neverland, in the strange and elusive way it always had. And slowly the new Peter started to leave Neverland for a time, leaving it once again under the influence of its old leader who demanded that the weather – as the new Peter did – reflected his mood. Bleak cold wintry days passed until Peter returned.
One day Pan strut the desk of the Jolly Roger, as content as his twisted soul could let him be. He had a foolproof plan to catch that damn Peter Pan.
He got out his spyglass to search the skies for sign of an irritating grinning face. Frowning as already the ice started to melt and the birds to sing, symbolising the immortal child's return.
There, among the pink candy floss clouds, there was Peter Pan. And there next to him…
No. It wasn't possible.
The boy was taunting him, it was an illusion, he had snapped.
Next to him was Wendy Darling, and those two boys who had called her mother and sister, boys who she called brothers. Her beautiful lips forming their names with something Pan still did not recognise: Love.
John and Michael and Wendy.
They passed the spyglass between them as he had himself so long ago, and watching them, their easy, excited smiles and quick chatter Pan felt more anger than he had in a long time. He also felt lost, Wendy was the same as ever – but he was not. How could he have changed and Wendy, Wendy who'd left him, how could she have stayed the same? Was everything he knew wrong?
He suddenly was possessed with the absolute certainty that this was not his Wendy; this was not the Darling that had killed everything he stood for and made him changed. He wanted to kill her, to get rid of her. He wanted to stop her from impersonating his Wendy – the only one who'd been able to make him change, and the only one who could change him back to who he had been. She had ruined it, but she was the mother, she could make it right again. Not this impersonation of Wendy, not this caricature of the only person to co-rule over his Neverland.
In Neverland Peter Pan had been the only capable of breaking the rules. Wendy had made him and what he felt for Wendy was the only thing that had made it possible for the place where even flowers did not die to let him grow up.
What was it he felt for Wendy that made this possible? He wasn't so sure it was hate anymore.
Not certain what to do, Pan let himself be taken over by the need to get rid of the impersonator, the not-quite Wendy. So he directed the pirates in their plan of attack, the one Pan now knew would fail. He remembered the mast falling and the boy escaping. Wendy did not die and Michael and John were rescued after their capture.
Pan felt as if he was on an unstoppable loop, one only he knew existed. He wondered briefly if the pirates remembered that they had done the same thing before. He wondered how many times and was seized with a terrible fear. Neverland. Always the same, unable to cope with change; the only variables being Peter becoming Hook and a new Peter arriving. Pan wondered how many Peters there had been. How many Hooks? He gasped. How many Wendys?
Pan was on an inescapable path, he felt a sense of fear and inevitability. This was Wendy's fault and deep down he wondered if it would ever change? If evil Hook would ever win? If the same events would occur over and over again in never-ending continuation, a true Neverland.
For the first time, Pan learnt true unimportance. True fear.
A/N: I would like to apologise for the long wait. This chapter just wasn't really working for me but I really like where it has gone. This week I have given up fan fiction – I have given this to my friend Siriusprotege to update because I felt bad holding this back any longer – if you want to monitor my progress then go to my homepage www . deeperdarkness . blogspot. Com (without the gaps obviously) also soon a explanation of where I'm going with this will appear, so if you're interested in seeing that keep checking back to my blog.
Thanks for your support – I was going to claim that I was waiting for 20 reviews before updating, but that would be a lie. So review – I want to aim for 30 reviews only 11 more. You guys can do it!
Thanks Tweeny-weeny.
