Pan
DISCALIMER: I am not J.M.Barrie, I am not the guy who wrote the movie, and guess what – I'm not Peter Pan either!
SUMMARY: After she left, Pan hated Wendy Darling most of all. The girl who had enchanted him, who had insulted him: the girl who had killed him. (Metaphorically of course!)
Chapter 5.
"Reality is never injured, cannot
Imagine isolation: joy can be shared,
And anger and the idea of love." – W.H. Auden.
Peter Pan, now Captain Hook, once proud friend to a feisty fairy, father and brother to the lost boys, accomplice of the Indians, acquaintance of the mermaids and the only person to ever have taught Wendy Darling to fly now felt small and alone.
As he remembered the streams of faces, the wealth of feelings he had suffered, the childish joys and emotions he had felt when he was with them Pan experienced self-pity. For the first time he consciously considered that staying in Neverland may not have been the right decision.
Was that the first chance he had had to turn from Neverland? To get off the inevitable path that was leading him to nowhere? He did not know. Maybe if he had never brought Wendy, if he had never befriended Tink, if he had never let the Lost Boys leave. His life had become a 'what if' and Peter Pan needed it to end.
Further away from London than even he knew, not having returned since the fateful day when he had discovered that he had been forgotten, Pan did not know that some still remembered him how he was. One still thought of his gleaming golden hair and mischievous smile, and Pan still thought of her, more now than ever before.
Drawing out his 'kiss' which he still wore round his neck after these long years, he clasped it in his long fingers, still calloused from sword fighting yet less free than before. These were no longer the hands of a little boy who used flourishing fingers to express himself, but then not much of Pan was like the little boy he used to be. At least not much he would admit to.
Finding himself unable to rest, unable to stand still, Pan strode from the deck of the Jolly Roger, ignoring Smee as he asked where he was going. He walked quietly through the woods, trying to think; with one revelation he had been cut down from the most important person in his world to a pre-packaged life. Already lived.
He strode through the undergrowth on paths which had not developed as was usual with the wanderings of purposeful feet. He drew to a halt in front of a large clearing, sitting quietly in the trees he looked on as the fairies danced. Suddenly surrounded by the elegant creatures Pan looked on as two figures from his past danced across the clearing, lifting into the air with happiness: Wendy and him.
The dreamlike images smiled at each other, nervous embarrassment not stopping the sense of contentment, the peaceful rightness in each others' young arms.
Pan sat on the edge of the clearing with his eyes closed, he saw once again Wendy's eyes so bright and beautiful in the twinkling stars and remembered the sudden drop to reality, Wendy's unhappy face
"This is just pretend?"
Pan felt a glistening tear slide down his face as their feet hit the ground.
"What do you feel?"
Once again Pan heard a childlike voice. Her angel voice rising in hopeless rage – Peter Pan would not, could not change, the victim of Neverland as much as she. Would Wendy ever know that she was the one who changed Pan?
Feel? He had felt so little and so much for so long. He knew that what he was feeling was not what Wendy had meant.
"Hate?"
"Hook."
Yes, Hook was hate. He was hate. Pan did not want to hate anymore, but he did not know what else was left, what else there was.
"Jealousy?"
"Tink."
He was jealous now. Tink had abandoned him, his friends had abandoned him, Wendy had abandoned him.
Or had he let himself be abandoned?
"Love?"
Pan shuddered at the word. He did not understand it. Had never seen it. Love was not something Pan had ever thought of, ever expressed. Yet when he thought of Wendy, her pale face and hopefully eyes, he felt a strong need to understand love: to know what it meant.
It was something to do with the kiss, the thimble, the anger in her eyes,
"The very sound of it offends me!"
But with the word love Peter heard his escape, and though he did not understand how, he knew that to make this life for himself, to live how he wanted and not as Neverland dictated, he needed Wendy Darling – the girl who had joined the pirates, the girl who told stories, the girl who understood love.
A/N: My other story The Trials and Tribulations of Harry J. Potter was deleted last week, apparently because it was not my story. BOLLOCKS. I am not going to bash policy but I wanted to warn you all that you must be very careful with what you put up if you don't want it deleted too. Anyway on a lighter note I now know where this going. Go me!
REVIEW – I have had a bad day. :)
