Kara woke up half naked and extremely cold. The only thing that kept her from freaking out again was the presence of Lee hovering over her. He appeared to be rather interested in her body at the moment, and she couldn't help but laugh to herself. "Decide to get fresh while I was knocked out, Captain?" she said, quirking her eyebrow up at him.
He looked up to meet her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank gods you're awake. This was too damn embarrassing without you teasing me. Not exactly how I imagined this moment to be."
"Do you often dream of violating me in my sleep, Captain?"
He gave her a smile and shrug. "I need you to help me get you dressed, Kara."
She looked down at where his hands were desperately trying to pull a pair of pants up over her hips. "Is that what you're doing?"
"You think I would honestly be trying to put more clothes on you once I had finally gotten you half-naked?" he said with a laugh.
"Funny," she said, reaching down to yank the pants up. She ignored the gentle nag of pain as they rested on her stomach. She suddenly took notice of the fact that being half-naked meant that she was also half-dressed. "How did I get a sports bra on?"
"I put it on you a few minutes ago," Lee said as he gently raised her to a sitting position.
"Enjoy the show?"
"Immensely. I hope to catch one like it again as soon as possible." He slipped an arm under hers and gently lifted her off the bed. When he felt her knees buckle, he simply placed his other arm underneath her knees and scooped her off the ground.
"What's the rush, Captain?" she said. "I should be fine enough to walk in a few minutes."
"We don't have a few minutes. We have a ship, and we need to get off Caprica before the Cylons attack."
"You got a ship without me?" she asked as Lee carried her through the door and out into the hallway. The disappointment was clear in her voice.
"I would never cheat you out of fun like that," he replied, mocking horror at her accusation. After she let out a little laugh and he had basked in it for a few moments, he switched back to a serious tone. "Actually, Helo's girlfriend showed up with it."
Kara's grip on Lee tightened almost by reflex. "Boomer's here?"
"Seems she really loves the father of her child. Enough to defy all her programming and give him a way off of Caprica. She wants to come back to Galactica with us."
"That makes no sense," Kara said. She squinted as they stepped out into the sunlight. Her eyes quickly recovered in time to leave her staring in awe at the piece of machinery before her. It was too impressive for words. "Do I get to drive?" she asked in wonder.
"No. You can't even walk. I'm not letting you drive," Lee said with a laugh.
Kara looked back at all the people standing around the outside of the hospital. "What about all those people? They can't fit in that ship."
"No, they can't. We're taking as many people as we can, but we're going to have to leave some behind." When he saw Kara's eyes widen in horror at the idea, he gave his look of intense resolve. "I will convince President Roslin we have to return for them. Don't worry. And you and I can come back for them personally if you want."
"Together?"
"Together."
Kara nodded and looked around at the people again. Her eyes rested on where Anders stood. It was obvious he hadn't slept since the attacks. His face was gaunt, and he looked like he was about to pass out from exhaustion. So much had changed in the hours that she had been out of the action.
It suddenly clicked in her head what seeing the Captain of the C-Bucks standing outside really meant. "Isn't Anders coming with us?"
"No. I offered him the first seat, but he said he couldn't. Sue-Shaun, his teammate…" Lee's voice trailed off, and he cleared his throat before beginning again. "She disappeared in the chaos of the Cylon attack. Anders said he can't leave until he's found her."
"War can build some intense bonds," Kara said, still staring sadly at Anders, the ex-pyramid player who had been nothing but helpful to them this whole time. After a moment, she shifted to look up at the man carrying her in his arms. "Even among people who already have a connection."
Lee tightened his hold on her as they passed Anders. He gave him a small nod before looking down to respond to her words. "War can also make people realize how stupid they've been."
She looked up at him in confusion. "What are you talking about, Lee? Because I swear to the gods, if you're calling me stupid now, when I obviously am too weak to defend myself, I will kill you with my bare hands once my body heals."
"I wasn't talking about you," he said as he walked up the ramp onto Heavy Raider. "I was talking about myself."
Kara waited for him to continue with what he was saying, but he didn't. Her mind just filed that away as a conversation for another, more appropriate day. The conversation effectively dropped, she turned her attention to looking at the lucky handful of people who had been elected to leave Caprica. Her eyes met with the doctor who had scared the frak out of her earlier. "Why does he get to come?" she whispered in Lee's ear.
"Because having Dr. Chetnam on board Galactica means we'll have two competent doctors. And if we do it this way, he'll be around in case something goes wrong with you on the flight home."
"You shouldn't let him come just because you're scared for me," she scolded.
"I'll do what I think is best," he said. Her eyes fell to the small cylinder leaning against the wall of the Raider. The Arrow. He hadn't forgotten. She smiled at the sudden pride of having accomplished what they set out to do. She could feel Lee thinking the same thing as his face broke out into a grin. He gently set her down on the makeshift chairs they had fashioned into the ship. She couldn't help but notice that the touch of his hands lingered on her stomach for a moment longer than necessary. He really was worried about her. It was endearing. "I'll be right back, Kara."
She watched him jog away, presumably to tell Helo that she was on board. Or maybe he was telling Boomer. Were they letting the Cylon pilot this thing back? She started to think over all the things that there hadn't been time to explain to her yet.
By the time Lee returned to her side, Kara was really starting to get pissed at the prospect of a Cylon piloting them home. "Why aren't you flying?" she demanded.
"Because a certain pilot requested that I not leave her side," he said with a laugh as he settled down in the seat next to her.
"I didn't mean on the flight home."
"All the same, I'm not flying."
"Who is?"
"Boomer. She is the expert on Cylon technology. But don't you worry. When it comes time to talk on the comms to Galactica, she won't be doing it. I don't fancy making it all the way back to Kobol only to be shot down immediately."
Kara bit her lip as her mind shifted to what would be waiting for her when she returned home. The Old Man was going to be furious with her.
"Don't get that way," Lee said, pulling her chin up so that she looked at him. "I don't like it when you frown."
She gave him as big of a fake smile as she could manage. "Better?"
"No."
They sat in silence as the Heavy Raider rumbled to life and took off into the air moments later. Kara immediately felt the gentle weightlessness of space pour into her every fiber. It already felt like she was home. Beside her, she could feel Lee having the same reaction. Almost on cue, he reached out to grasp her hand.
They stayed joined like that until they were well above the planet. It would be a few minutes before they could risk engaging the FTL drive to make the jump back to Kobol. They had a little time to kill, and something Lee had said before but never explained was nagging at Kara. She decided she couldn't put it off for a more appropriate time. She had to ask him now.
"Lee?" He turned to look at her, and the way his eyes look all open wide and innocent made her hesitate a second before asking, "What did you mean when you said that you were being stupid?"
She could see him pause before he slide out of his seat to crouch before her and finally spoke. "I've learned to push my feelings to the side for so long, Kara. If they weren't convenient or weren't what people expected me to feel, I shoved them away and did my best to forget. It's worked well for me throughout the years. Helped me do my job better. Hell, it was probably the thing that got me on the fast track to being an officer during school. But in the end, I don't know how much good it's done me. It was stupid to put off the way I felt, I guess. Because I never really knew what was real."
Lee stared at her a moment. That little bit had been the easy part. The next bit was going to be a lot harder. Especially if she kept looking at him with the naively innocent face that didn't fit with the life he knew she had lived. "You see, when I start feeling something I know I shouldn't, I try to rationalize it. To figure out where it's coming from and why. When it can't be rationalized, I just ignore it until it goes away. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Kind of," Kara said. She tightened the hand still held in his in a show of support.
He turned his head so that he was staring over her shoulder at the wall. Keeping from looking her in the eyes should make this last part a little less rough. "I'm tired of doing it, Kara. I'm tired of pretending that there's nothing there when in reality, I've never felt something like this. I just want to be able to sit here and talk with you without worrying what other people will think. I don't want to worry about repercussions and what the Fleet would do if they knew."
As they turned to meet hers, his eyes flickered for a second with so much emotion it scared her.
"I just want to be able to tell you how I feel, Kara."
Her heart skipped a beat as she realized that this was actually happening. In the most ridiculous place at the most ridiculous moment, this was finally happening. And it scared her to death.
They couldn't do this. It was the worst time possible for them to be doing this. The world as they knew it was in complete upheaval. They could not start doing the things they never imagined they could do. There wasn't time.
"Kara?" Lee said hesitantly. He crouched down slightly to force her down-turned eyes to meet his. "Say something."
"You can't say what I think you are about to. It's the wrong damn time to be doing this." She shrugged her shoulders a little. "Plus, I've always found that the fantasy is usually a lot better than the reality. We should just stick to that and keep things as uncomplicated as possible."
Lee stared at her a moment before standing up straight. He paced a few feet back and forth before he crouched down once more in front of her and took her hands back in both of his. "Answer me this. Don't you every get tired of sleeping with men who don't really care about you? Who you don't even care about?"
His words cut her to the core, and she whipped her hands away from him. "You have no idea what the frak you're talking about."
"Don't I?"
"No," she growled, all signs of innocence and naiveté erased from her face.
"Kara, I know about Anders."
The words hung heavy between them. Kara found herself wondering what he meant. He knew about Anders. Does that mean Lee knew she was attracted to Anders? That he knew she had allowed Anders to have his way with her body? That she allowed Anders to touch her and then pretended it was Lee?
"Kara, don't you understand? I don't care. You can frak all the guys you want, but it always ends the same. You always end up coming back to me." He reached up and brushed a stray hair out of her eyes. "Why can't you just admit that a casual little fling isn't really what you want?"
"And I suppose you think that what I really want is you," she said, the normal flavor of sarcasm tinting her words.
Lee's mind immediately fell back to the kisses he had placed on the small scar on her stomach. She had shivered under the gentle touch of his lips. That had to have meant something. "I know that at the very least your body wants me."
"You're an attractive man. Something would have to be wrong with me if I didn't respond to you if you chose to show me affection."
"That's a very safe answer," he said, shifting so that his knees touched the ground and he was now resting his body between her thighs. His hands held tight to the slightly ticklish area about her knees, but she really didn't feel like laughing at the moment.
"What do you want from me, Lee?"
"I want you to admit that it's not just your body that I have. Because as much as I want that, there's something I want a lot more." He took one hand off her leg to tap lightly on her chest. "So stop being stupid."
"I'm not stupid," she said, lifting her hand up to attempt to push away the tears that were beginning to form at the corners of eyes.
Lee's hand caught hers before she could, and he placed her palm gently against the seat by her side. When he was sure she wouldn't move it again, he reached up and used his thumbs to rub gently below her eyes. They came away moist with her tears, and it was all he could do to hold back the urge to take her into his arms. For such an emotionally distanced woman, she was incredibly vulnerable most of the time.
"Tell me you love me, Kara."
"I can't," she choked. "I can't."
"Tell me you love me."
"It's… I… why are you doing this to me, Lee?"
He pushed another round of tears away and smiled. "Because I love you."
His words made her choke slightly, and her mouth fell open just a little bit. Lee took the opportunity to lean in and place his lips softly on hers. When she didn't move, he reached his hand up to cup the back of her neck and pushed her lips against his, establishing a firm pressure between them. When she still didn't respond, he pulled back until he no longer kneeled in front of her. He pushed himself to his feet and gave her one last look before turning away. It was all he could do to ignore the pain that was currently making itself at home deep inside his chest.
He had tried. That was really all he could do.
Kara watched his face turn to one of total dejection before he turned and began to walk away. And suddenly she knew what he had meant about war making people realize how stupid they were being. "Lee?" she called out hesitantly. She knew her voice betrayed the emotion she was feeling, but at the moment, she didn't care if anyone overheard her. All she cared about was that one man. She had to know that he had heard her.
Lee paused in his steps, and she could see him debating whether to turn around a moment. Eventually, he did take a few steps in order to face her. He didn't say a word, and they just both stayed where they were, staring at one another.
"I love you," she whispered finally.
His eyes lit up as her words registered with him, and the pain inside his heart took on a more gentle tug. He was about to walk back over to her side when Helo stuck his head out of the cockpit area. "We need you up here. Boomer said the Raider's ready to jump so you have to be prepared to make that comm broadcast the second we enter the Kobol system."
"Understood, Lieutenant," Lee said to him. He turned back to look at Kara before preparing to do his job. "We're not done with this, Kara."
She shook her head in understanding and gave him a little smile. "Say hi to Dee for me."
"She's going to kill you for giving her that heart attack before we left."
"Don't I know it," Kara said with a laugh.
Lee's gaze settled on her for a moment more before he turned to follow Helo back into the controls.
Kara let out the breath she had realized she had been holding. "Well, that turned out to be a lot easier than I expected."
Feeling the first signs of exhaustion tugging at her insides, she shut her eyes. The corners of her mouth raised up a little in the beginnings of a smile. Had she actually just told Lee Adama that she had loved him?
As sleep took hold, she realized for the first time that she was glad that she had gone through that in reality rather than in her dreams. It may have been messier and full of a lot more pain than anything she could have cooked up in her head. But there was a gentle voice in her head that kept reminding her of the one thing her dreams could never have had.
When she woke up, her love for Lee would still be there. But this time, he would know.
