Sweet, two chaps. in one day, must be a record for me...

note: italics are thoughts


Chapter 1: The $$60 Billion Man?

A lone woman wearing a long red coat sat at the nearly deserted bar. She wore her long blonde hair in a loose ponytail at the base of her skull, her hair reaching down to the middle of her back. She sat at the bar, slowly sipping her glass of beer. Her drink was interrupted by the old barkeep asking how long she intended to stay in town. "Ya' know Vash the Stampede is terrorizing this here town every day 'round noon. You're lucky in that you just missed 'im. I'd suggest leaving as soon as possible if I were you, in that I'd hate to see such a pretty flower such as yourself trampled by the likes 'o him."

The woman at the bar had stopped sipping her drink at the sound of the name. She raised her head from her glass and gave the barkeep a small smile. "Oh, don't you worry about me Tedd. I'll just get the bounty for him and be on my way," she smiled sweetly, as if it were an everyday occurrence to be going after a wanted criminal.

The barkeep looked both amazed and perplexed at this statement. Amazed in that this small woman, 5'4" by the look of her, he thought, was going after a bounty, much less the one for Vash the Stampede. Perplexed because she seemed to know him, but he had never seen her before in his life. "How do you know my name, eh, missy?"

She pointed at his apron, "It says Tedd on your tag."

"Oh, so it does," old Tedd conceded; looking at his apron. "Anyway, why go after Vash the Stampede, anyway, hm? Women such as yerself shouldn't be messing with the likes o' him. He'll shoot ya as soon as look at ya," said Tedd worriedly.

"I have my reasons," the woman said mysteriously. This merely confused Tedd all the more. This confusion only increased with her next request. "Oh, before I leave, could you heat me up some water, please?" her voice dripping with honey as she spoke. "I know it's an odd request, but, pwetty please?" she said as she pulled the one tactic that no man in his right mind could resist if done properly: the infamous puppy dog pout.

Whatever defiance old Tedd had left instantly evaporated at the puppy dog ploy. He merely grabbed an ancient thermos from beneath the counter and went into the back to heat some water. When he came back he placed it on the counter in front of her and stared at her as she gave her thanks and left after putting on a pair of yellow sunglasses. He only noticed the $$60 on the counter a couple of minutes after she had left…

An hour passed after the departure of the mysterious blonde woman. Old Tedd the barkeep was cleaning some glasses while the rowdy patrons drank to their liking. As one of them, a small man known as Dan the Squirrel, asked for a root beer, two more women entered the bar. One was short and had short jet-black hair and wore a light gray cloak with a large black bow over a light gray suit jacket, skirt, and wore black hose. The other was a giant, about 6'3" with long blonde hair falling past her shoulders. She wore a simple brown suit/cloak with a tie. They approached the bar, "What can I do ya for?" Tedd asked.

"A banana sundae," the short one said, slamming her fist onto the table.

"A mille feuille cake and Ceylon tea for me, please," her companion added. The entire bar face faulted and fell out of their chairs, they were laughing so hard. One man righted himself and began, "Y'know girls, that gag's s'posed t' be with milk."

"Yeah," another guy with sunglasses piped up, "then it's 'I got somethin' thick and warm for ya'. Then it's like, 'Mix me a lot of it. It'd quench my thirst and be so delicious!'…right?" he sniggered to his companion.

"GEEZ! I can't believe you!" the tall one screamed.

"Just let it go, Millie," her companion said patiently.

"But, sempei…." At this, a large gun fell from underneath the blonde's cloak and tipped forward onto nearby table edge, flipping the other end directly into the jaw of its occupant, knocking him out. As the one called Millie fervently began apologizing to the man, the two guys at the bar were left thinking: What kinda' gun is that? What happened? We were only joking. Once Millie was sure that the guy from the table was all right, she easily picked up the fallen gun. She then preceded to konk the guys from earlier in the head, "Please don't say such vulgar things in front of a delicate woman."

"More like a monster," someone muttered under their breath. Millie ignored the comment, either by choice or by and inability to hear it; no one knew for sure. "Anything else I can do for ya?" asked Tedd, their orders forgotten in the confusion.

"As a matter of fact," replied the black-haired female, "there is. Could you tell us where we can find Vash the Stampede?"

Tedd looked bewildered by this. "Now don't tell me you two innocent looking things are going after him too! I just had another woman only an hour ago askin' the same thing!"

"Oh, not at all," said the woman.

"We're just passing through on business," added Millie.

"I'm still not sure why you need to know where to find 'im, but he's about a half hour from here by thomas. As for a description, he's tall, with spiked blonde hair, and wears a red coat. He also has a lot of henchman and holds no distinction between men, women, and children; he just shoots you if you annoy him. Just promise me you'll be careful out there."

"Don't worry. We will be," the small one assured him. "C'mon, Millie. We have a job to do."

"But sempei," Millie whined as they left the building, "I really wanted my Ceylon Tea…"

A tall man in a red coat sat atop a tower overlooking the town. He had been terrorizing it for the past few months, raising hell by throwing the town into utter confusion ever day. He sighed, "What is it now Elliot?" he asked the man that had appeared beside him, "It had better be good."

"It is, boss. Scouts along the ridge said they saw a tall, blonde man in a red coat nearly the same as yours coming this way. They also say that he's wearing yellow sunglasses and appears to be unarmed. According to our last report, he should be here in about ten minutes."

"Interesting. Let's give him a warm welcome, shall we?" he said, breaking into a sadistic grin…

A tall man in a red coat, his long blonde hair tied back in a loose ponytail at the base of his skull, slowly walked to the center of a large crater. He quickly surveyed his surroundings while he pushed up his yellow sunglasses. It was flat for the most part, save a few large rocks and boulders scattered about the area. Suddenly, a shot rang through the air, barely missing the man's face. "You'd better leave now, 'fore we let loose the Humanoid Typhoon, the $$60 billon man, Vash the Stampede!" a voice rang out from behind one of the rocks.

"Ya' know," our friend among the craters stated simply, "I was under the impression that that was my name."

"Hey boss," Elliot whispered to the spiky blonde in red next to him, "I thought the Vash deal was yours. This guy could be a problem."

"You think I don't know that, you dolt?" the spiked blonde spat at his subordinate, "Time to show this guy who's boss," he muttered to himself as he made his way out from behind the rock. "Hello there, friend," he called as he came out from behind the rock. "Now I seriously doubt that you don't know exactly who you're dealin' with here. My name is Vash the Stampede, the man with the $$60 billion on his head. Now if you're after the bounty…."

His monologue was cut short by a woman with short, jet-black hair and her companion riding a pair of thomases. "You're out of luck," the woman's voice carried from a megaphone down into the valley. "The bounty was canceled as of yesterday because we of the Bernardelli Insurance Society believe that the one known as Vash the Stampede is a localized disaster area and one cannot place bounties on disasters."

The two men claiming to be Vash the Stampede couldn't have had more different reactions. The longhaired version seemed to dance a small jig whilst repeatedly singing "I'm free!" The broom-head looked somewhat bewildered but quickly regained his composure. "Well, that's nice to hear and all, but you and your friend back there are interrupting some important business of mine. So," he pointed his gun at the megaphone wielder, "I'm gonna' show you how I deal with those who intrude in my business."

Our dancing friend stopped abruptly as he caught sight of where the gun was pointed. The broom-head spoke again, "I'll give you 'till the count of three to run 'fore I shoot your head off, missy. One. Two…"

"Don't you dare do anything to them!" the tailed one shouted as he pulled his gun from a concealed pocket inside his jacket. It was silver with a long barrel. "This doesn't concern them; it's just between you and me!"

The spiky one pulled a second gun from inside his red coat and pointed it at silver gun-wielder. "Drop the gun," he said evenly, "or I shoot all three of you now."

The silver gun began to fall from its owner's hand, "See now, was that so…YOWCH!" The tailed man had grabbed his gun right before it had hit the ground and fired three quick shots, two disarming the broom, whilst the other was fired into his leg, forcing the broom-head down to the ground and clutching his injured leg.

"Don't worry, that wasn't a fatal shot," the man with the silver gun told the broom as he kneeled next to his head and looked him in the face. "Now just promise me one thing. Drop the Vash gag and stop terrorizing this town, or I just might hear about it and come back, comprende?"

The man nodded, not willing to see what else this mysterious man could do. "Just tell me one thing," he pleaded, "who are you?"

"I already told you," the tailed one said as he knocked the broom-head out with a quick strike to the head, "I'm Vash the Stampede."

He stood up and surveyed his surroundings. The henchmen had fled as soon as their leader had fallen, "Such are the bonds of loyalty," he sighed. The two women on thomases were coming towards him, the smaller one leaping nimbly off as her mount passed in front of him. "Who the hell do you think you are?" she asked exhasperatly as her companion tried to extricate herself from her thomas' saddle. "You could have been killed, running all gung-ho like that and shooting Vash the Stampede! Where did you leave your brain today! If you had died, the townsfolk would probably have tried to find a way to make us liable for your death!"

"Sempei," Millie said quietly.

"Yes, Millie?" her friend replied, her tirade apparently over as she was breathing heavily.

"There's really no need to get angry with him, Meryl. He was only trying to help the people in the town," Millie said sagely.

"I know, I know…," Meryl said trying to calm her nerves, "It's just that whenever Vash the Stampede is involved people expect us to pay for the damages. That's why we were assigned to tail him in the first place. NOW WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP POKING ME!" she screamed at our blonde, long-haired friend who had been trying to get her attention for the past 30 seconds.

"I just thought you should know that it looks like someone's coming," he said as he pointed out into the distance.

"It's probably just the marshal coming to drag this guy," she jerked her thumb at the broom-head, who was still unconscious on the ground, "up to the jail for questioning."

"The m-m-marshal?" he repeated, a slight note of panic in his voice. "Quick, could you please hit me as hard as you can?" he asked.

"What?" Meryl said, looking confused. Millie simply obliged and knocked him square on the noggin'. "Will that do Mr. Man?" she asked simply.

"Yeah, thanks," a voice answered from behind Millie and Meryl as their attention was now occupied by the marshal. Meryl did all the talking and explained to him what had happened from her vantage point. Millie looked behind her a few times, confused. Meryl continued with her explanation.

"Thank you ladies," the marshal said as he collected the broom-head and placed him between two of his deputies. "Please give my thanks to the guy who caught this hooligan when you see him."

"What do you mean 'When we see him'? He's right behind us," Meryl replied, jerking her thumb over her shoulder and the red-clad person behind her.

"You mean to tell me that blonde girl did all this? Well, thank ya kindly ma'am, you did this town a great service today," and with that, he and his posse turned and left.

"No problem!" a short, long-haired, blonde woman in a red coat called back to them, waving.

After a slight moment of shock, Meryl quickly regained her composure. "Now," she asked the woman in red, "who are you, exactly?"

"Sempei," Millie interjected before the blonde woman could reply, "that's the same Mr. Man from before."

"What do you mean, Millie?"

"A second or two after I hit him, he was her."

"Whaaa…?" Meryl asked, still confused.

"I think I might be able to explain things a little better," the blonde woman finally said. "But before I do, I might as well introduce myself." She pulled a thermos out of her jacket and promptly poured it over her head, the steam slowly rose above her. Meryl and Millie merely watched in shock as the woman began to shimmer, grow, and expand to reveal the man from before. "Name's Vash the Stampede; pleased to meet the both of you," he said, extending his hand to them. Meryl, unable to process the information in front of her, promptly fainted.

"Wonder what got into her?" Vash asked, looking at Millie. Millie simply shrugged.


Well, I hope you liked it. Please R&R, I love knowing how people like my stuff.