One night, Dandy Boy Webber, Andrew Lloyd Webber’s less successful older brother, invited his friend Bob over to dinner to show him a great new idea for a musical.

“This steak is great,” Bob says, through a mouthful of food.

“Thanks. Now, Bob, I had a different motive for inviting you over than just to share this steak,” Dandy Boy Webber says.

“What?” Bob swallows his food and puts down his fork. “Don’t tell me--another musical?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, man! You’re not going to read me the entire libretto...” Bob groans.

“No no no! Well, yes, I did plan on reading you the libretto but this musical isn’t like the rest of those wadded-up trash can papers. It’s going to be the next Phantom of the Opera, I’m telling you.”

Bob laughs. “Right. Well, get it over with. I’d like to get back to my apartment before six a.m.”

Dandy Boy Webber ignores the comment and clears his throat. He picks up an enormous stack of papers sitting on the end of the table and begins at the title page.

“Okay. My new musical is called ‘The Jellicle Cats of the Opera.’ “

“Oh, Lord,” Bob says. “You’ve been trying to write the sequel to Cats for three years, and I keep telling you...everyone keeps telling you...it’s not going to work!”

“It is this time,” Dandy Boy Webber says, confidently. “Just listen. The plot is about this ugly cat, Catstine, who learns to sing, and then this Phantom Cat of the Opera Feline appears out of nowhere...”

Bob snorts. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“No, I’m not! But here’s this one song--Meow, that Catstine sings. Let me read the lyrics to you.”

Bob nods his head and sighs. “Go ahead.”

Dandy Boy Webber says, “Remember, it’s to the tune of Angel of Music, but I don’t have the greatest singing voice so you’re just going to have to picture the music in your head.” Then, he begins to read the libretto aloud:

Meow

(sung to the tune of Angel of Music)

MEG

Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow

Meow meow meow meow meow meow

Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow

Meow meow meow meow meow meow?

CATSTINE

Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow

Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow

Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow

Meow meow meow meow meow

Meow meow meow meow meow

Meow meow meow meow

Meow meow meow meow meow meow

Meow meow meow meow meow

Meow meow meow moew

Meow meow meow meow meow meow

By the end of the song, Bob’s head is ringing with the word, “Meow.” Dandy Boy Webber continues reading the libretto until four a.m., when he finally gets to the end of the Grand Finale song.

“So? What did you think?” Dandy Boy Webber asks Bob.

Bob’s ears are numb. “Huh?”

“What did you think?”

Bob shakes his head to rid his eardrums of the meowing.

“It’s a work in progress,” Shrugs Dandy Boy Webber.

“You can meow that again meow.”

“What?”

“I said, ‘Meow meow meow again.”

“Bob,” Dandy Boy Webber says, giving Bob a look that makes Bob feel like an idiot, “You need some sleep. Go home and meow.”

Epilogue

Dandy Boy Webber’s five-hour play, The Jellicle Cats of the Opera, never made it farther than the Woodchuck High School Play in Woodchuck, Idaho. After the play was performed in Woodchuck none of the people who attended ever wanted to hear the word Meow again.

Dandy Boy Webber went right home and began to write a new play, entitled Jesus Christ, Evita!