Thanks toooooo: Sabine Strohem-Moss (thank you for the lovely compliments blushes), black triforce (of course you count for something! I'm trying to guilt-trip my non-reviewers hehehe…), Weirdlyyours AKA Jenny, Me Gusta books (Twice! Thankyouthankyouthankyou! It's a pretty stretched goal, but I can always hope haha!), Abbs, Gemma, CookieJunkie, and AnonymousReaderWhoReviewsSoOften (which is GOOD!),

Thank you to The Anonymous One for reviewing SS (some of those chapters were written on Wordpad—meaning no spell check—and during last fall and winter—meaning no FFF check as FFF was too busy with her goddamn procrastination. So the grammar wasn't the best, harhar) and Gemma.

And big, big, BIG ups to the pure rose for reviewing sooooo many freaking times, her good thinking skills, and her opinions! Thank you! My eyes widened impossibly seeing that many reviews in my inbox hahaha. This chapter's for you! (Hey, dedicating chapters as a new reward for reviewing? I think I may be onto something here…)

Disclaimer: Don't own anything you recognize, duh. Thomas the Tank Engine and Reese's Puffs and Wizard of Oz stuff belongs to…well…someone other than me. Now without further a due (could this get any longer!) here's…

Chapter Nine: The Joy of Squidditch

It was once again time for everyone's favorite game, Squidditch! Harry, being the Finder, woke up bright and early to get to the pitch in time, having completely forgotten about Petrifying his best friend the night before. Once the game was started, however, he wished he'd hid in his bed. "Owwwwwwwwwwww …Oliver, this broom hurts my—"

"Harry, shut up and play the game!" Team Captain and Unibrow Practitioner Oliver Wood used his huge unibrow to knock any Pursuers trying to score goals out of the air. Fangirls, for some reason, swooned at this disgusting display.

Harry floated around lazily, occasionally blowing bubbles and painting his nails. You'd think he'd try harder, what with Malfoy being the new Finder for Slytherin and a total prat besides. But no, that's our Harry.

But something was wrong. Now that he thought about it, something was poking his head repeatedly. He turned to see what it was and immediately got his face smashed in by the offending Bonker.

"ARRRRRRRRGH!" Harry screamed bloody murder, not noticing that Blobby the House Elf was running a bit suspiciously across the grounds. And the arena darkened. Because suddenly, there, floating in the sky, was Thomas the Tank Engine, presumed dead but obviously not.

"I'm going to kill you, Harry," Thomas stated in that monotone voice.

"Shit!" Harry cried, zooming away on his broom. The Bonker and the Tank Engine followed closely. "Damn damnit damndy damn damn!" Harry cried. "This looks like a job for—SUPER-MOTORIZED-CART!"

Harry flicked the cart out of his pocket and enlarged it. Once he was inside, he felt much much better, especially in his—

"Potter, behind you!" Wood cried. And there was Malfoy, throwing hard objects like wrenches and knives at poor Harry, closely followed by the Bonker and Thomas. This really was not his day.

But then, there it was—the Golden Squid, like a beacon in the darkness, a meatball in the spaghetti, a—OK, just those two. Harry reached out—he was about to win the game! And, unfortunately, that was the precise moment that Malfoy, Thomas, and the Bonker smashed into him.

"YEEEEOOOOOOOOW!" Harry howled. "OH MY GOD, YOU CANNOT BELIEVE THE HORRENDOUS PAIN!"

"Harry!" Ron cried from the stands. "Use the force!" Harry gasped—the wizard in Oz had told him to do that as well. Use the force…And suddenly it came to him, like a coconut in the lime, like a—better not start this again…Harry switched on his lasers and whirled the cart around.

"Prepare to die, assholes!" Harry yelled triumphantly. "FOR SCOTLAND! RAHHHH!" The lasers shot Malfoy out of the air, and everyone cheered as he lay dying on the ground, for all Slytherins are hated and prejudiced against. It is the way of the good guy.

ZAP. BOOM. ZAMMO. Strange words used to describe sounds floated around so much that it was THIS close to becoming an old Batman movie. Harry shot down the Bonker, the train, and even some random team members. The crowd cheered—at least, the part of the crowd not crushed by the body of Thomas. Harry grabbed the Squid and yelled "I won the game! Go me!"

He made a spectacular dive back to his broomstick, where he shrunk the cart, put it in his pocket, and headed for the ground.

Ron threw him a box of Reese's Puffs in celebration, which, unfortunately, hit out hero on the head rather than in the mouth, and Harry fell to the ground and broke eight bones.

His stay in the hospital wing for the next month was not an enjoyable one. Nurse Pomfrey was a sadist who believed in pulling teeth and other wicked Muggle practices, and Harry was happier than you can imagine upon his release. Ron decided to take him on a detour to the kitchens for a celebration feast.

But instead of house-elves running around like the script said, there were short little round men wearing funny clothes who looked an awful lot like…

"Merry little Munchkins?" Harry exclaimed, recognizing the once-jovial folk as the ones he'd met following the yellow brick road to Oz. "What the fu—"

"What's a Munchkin, Harry?" asked Ron, who was peculiar in the fact that he'd never seen television before and yet knew about Thomas the Tank Engine.

"More importantly, why the hell are there Munchkins here?" Harry queried. The Munchkins looked around in fear and one replied in a fearful whisper, "When the last house-elf died, Dum—Nancy—stole and enslaved us to make food for him! You've got to tell the people!" Harry gaped, not knowing what to say.

"Harryyyyyy!" Ron whined, breaking the silence. "What's a Munchkin?" he repeated.

Fortunately, poor Harry was saved from having to tell Ron about Munchkins, as there came a huge crash from the other side of the room and Nancy pranced by. "Squiggick, boys!" he cried merrily to Ron and Harry, whipping the Munchkins back to work as he passed. Moments later, the Wizard Harry'd met in Oz ran by yelling, "Stop that man! He stole my minions of Hades—er, Munchkins!" Harry blinked again, then shrugged and looked for patries.

Yes, he and Ron had many a good time, including setting Girlyboy's pants on fire and such.

But then Snape came and ruined all the fun, telling Harry to stop burning professors and get his Communist ass in Nancy's office. Harry gulped. And sweated. And shivered.

"Well, don't just stand there being nervous, you lackwit!" Snape cried. "Get on with it! And I hope you fall down the stairs and get what's coming to you!" He turned into a bat again and flew into the sunset.

Harry stood and made his way to Nancy's place. It wasn't easy, mind you. He had to run up a never ending staircase until it…well…ended. Then he had to battle a giant gargoyle armed with a rubber chicken. And then he had to spend five weeks living with complete strangers on a deserted island in order to win some prize money. Finally, he made it. Harry put his hand on the doorknob and slowly opened the door…

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Just a bit of randomness before I get on with that whole thing…what was it called? Ah yes, the plot. I'll come back to that next chapter.

REVIEWWWWWWWWWWW! I swear I'm not updating till I get up to 90 reviews total…I've got the next chapter written out and everything. So c'mon, or I'll keep you waiting.